


Cast Away: A Star Wars Story

by KiKi37



Series: Cast Away Universe [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: All The Tropes, Alternate Universe, Desert Island, F/M, Slow Burn, Ultra Slow Burn Seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 97,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23284732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiKi37/pseuds/KiKi37
Summary: Rey Niima is an aspiring fantasy writer, attending a dream-come-true, week-long writer's retreat at the exclusive Skywalker Resort.  Kylo Ren is an acclaimed and respected author, with 7 dystopian thriller best-sellers under his belt.Stunning purple sunsets and cool ocean breezes.  All-Rey-can-eat buffets, white sand beaches and clear, starry nights.Aberrant and volatile tropical storms.  Unstable and capricious ocean currents.What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Cast Away Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853116
Comments: 114
Kudos: 149





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note:
> 
> Welcome to my Alternate Universe! You will find that some elements of my story are lifted right out of the Star Wars universe, others are from our universe, and others have just been made up from my own brain. Hopefully you can roll with this, and it won’t cause confusion or distress for you, dear reader. 
> 
> I have chosen not to tag most plot points, and will not be including trigger warnings, because I don’t like spoilers. If you are easily triggered, this may not be the fic for you. It will touch on some mature themes.
> 
> Comments are appreciated. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I do hope you enjoy! May the Force be with you, always!

Rey returned to consciousness slowly and painfully.

The strangest mix of sensations: her head pounding, skin itching, cold, wet, heavy and hot; she felt like a frozen channelfish, being simultaneously thawed and seared with a crisping heat lamp from above.

Her eyes and nose burned, and the wet sand under her cheek made a soft hissing noise, of waves and tide receding.

She mentally took a head to toe inventory, and determined that while she felt awful, she wasn’t damaged. The soggy weight on her back, her trusty rucksack, pressed her down uncomfortably, so she rolled to her side and released her arm from the strap, and sat up.

Raising her arm to shield her eyes from the blazing sun, she looked out…..and could only see blue waves, moving toward her in endless, rolling succession. A wave of dizziness and nausea washed over her, and she rested her forehead on her knees for a few moments.

After a few deep breaths, she rolled over to her hands and knees, and dragging her rucksack, moved up the beach, to dry sand.

This could not be happening. She stood awkwardly on wobbly legs and slowly turned, surveying her surroundings. Half a klick down the beach, a rocky outcropping and what appeared to be remnants of her mini-skimmer. Behind her, thick vegetation, trees and brush, and who knew what creatures could be lurking. Her skin prickled, and she shivered.

To the other side the beach curved away; and before her, the ocean, extending to the horizon as far as she could see. She braced her feet in a wider stance. No. This could not be happening.

From a parched throat, she croaked. “Poodoo.”

  



	2. 4 Days Before

“I don’t know, Peanut, do you really think this is such a good idea?”

Rey finished plugging in her printer, and scooched out from under the folding table, brushing off her hands.

“Finn, we’ve talked about this endlessly. I am going to the writer’s retreat. I already paid in full, for my plane ticket and the resort. Everything’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fun! Maker knows, I could use some fun in my life…” Rey dropped down unhappily onto the shabby green velvet couch, and turned away from her friend.

“But quitting your job, letting your lease go?” Finn’s forehead crinkled with concern. “Burning all your bridges like that?”

“Finn. I didn’t burn bridges to anything that matters. You know I hated that job, and my boss? There is nowhere to go but up, from working for Plutt.” Rey hesitated, not sure if she should ask… “What is this really about? Have you and Rose had second thoughts about letting me store my things here? About letting me stay a while?”

Finn huffed, “no, of course not, Rey. You know you’re always welcome here, and for however long you need. We’ll make room. It’s just this retreat. You don’t know any of the other attendees, and it’s so expensive. Is this really necessary? Are you having some kind of mid-life crisis?”

Rey laughed, shaking her head, “Finn! Mid-life crisis! I’m only 21, you nerf herder!” She giggled, then took a deep breath. “This writer’s retreat is a great opportunity for me. I’ll be able to network with other writers, and the sponsors might be a good resource for me as well. You know all this.” She rolled her eyes and then turned toward him excitedly. “ _Organa Publishing_ is one of the most respected publishing houses in the business, and they have an impressive lineup of speakers scheduled for the week. Not to mention that amazing resort and all the activities and entertainment?! And the food! I showed you the Skywalker Resort website right?”

Finn shook his head and laughed.

“The only thing that would make this week any better is if you and Rose would come with me!”

Finn smiled and sighed. “’Impressive lineup’, huh? I’m sure that had nothing at all to do with your decision to spend your entire life savings on this retreat?”

Rey grabbed his arm and shook it. “Some of the best writers who’ve published through _Organa_ will be there! Amilyn Holdo! Lando Calrissian! Come on! People wait hours just to have them sign one of their books, and I have the chance to listen to them talk about their writing process?! Even Leia Organa will be there, in person!”

“Amilyn Holdo writes romance novels, Rey.”

“Romance novels are a perfectly legitimate literary genre.”

“There is only one name in that ‘impressive lineup’ that matters to you.” He looked at her with a pitying gleam in his eye. “Do you really think Ren is going to remember you?”

Rey took a deep breath. “Probably not,” she admitted. “Kylo Ren was only vaguely aware of what was going on in that fan club.” Rey shook her head. “But that doesn’t matter; either way, he isn’t the reason I signed up. It’s the chance of a lifetime! I’d never forgive myself if I let this one pass me by. You’ll see! When I get back, I’ll be ready to start writing full time!” She motioned toward her little set up in the corner. “I’ll get a new job, a better job. I might even be able to get on with _Organa_ , editing, or, answering phones, or, I don’t even care, washing windows! And who knows, it might just be a stepping stone to get one of my manuscripts published!”

Finn eyed her reluctantly. “I just hope you’re not leaving yourself vulnerable, Rey. Deny it all you want, we both know you were crushing on him pretty hard and spent way too much time poring over his website. That fan club basically consumed your life for well over a year…”

“Finn, will you stop? The fan site has been shut down for a while now. I let that go. Now I’m ready to build my career and move ahead with my life. I admire Ren’s writing and I’ve learned a lot from his work. That’s all.”

Finn patted Rey’s hand, “alright, I’ll stop giving you such a hard time about it. I worry about you. Are you all packed? You’ve got all your… essentials?” Finn waggled his eyebrows at her knowingly.

Rey grinned, “you know I’m always prepared! I’m all packed and ready to go!”

“Well, we’d better get going then.”

“Thank you, Finn!” Rey leaned to give him a quick peck on the cheek, then sprang from the couch to grab her duffel and rucksack. “You’re the best!”

“Anything for you, Peanut.”


	3. 3 Days Before

Rey collapsed into the bench seat of the resort shuttle. The last 18 hours had been a traveler’s nightmare. One thing after another: flight delays, extended layovers, and “enhanced” check-in screening had lengthened her travel time by more than six hours. Still. She had finally arrived. The shuttle driver had told her the trip from the airport to the resort would take about 20 minutes, so she settled into her seat on the otherwise empty bus, and closed her eyes. She thought of texting Finn, but he and Rose would be asleep now… it could wait.

Just as she was nodding off, the driver barked, “Miss? Here we are! Do you need help with your bag?”

“Oh.” She looked up, flustered. “No, thank you, I can get it.” She shouldered her rucksack, grabbed onto a vertical pole to steady herself, and swung her duffel over her shoulder. “Thanks for the ride!”

“Enjoy your stay, Miss!”

She smiled and waved, and hopped out the side doors, down and out of the shuttle, onto the cobblestoned entry of the Skywalker Resort. She took it all in: the potted palms; the somehow casual yet formal landscaping surrounding the front doors; the brightly colored tropical flowers; the white washed stucco; the Old World brass lamps; the delicate filigree wrought iron doors. The website hadn’t done it justice. It was…amazing. Even more so because Rey knew she would be _staying here_ for a week!

The heat and pressing humidity, even at 2 am, combined with fatigue and low blood sugar, made the whole experience more than a little surreal.

She was startled out of her reverie by a sharp horn blast of a large, black SUV. Rey stumbled backwards, just as the shuttle doors snapped closed and the shuttle started to pull away from the curb.

“Hey!” The strap of her duffle was caught in the shuttle doors! Rey’s rucksack went flying onto the pavement, as she swung around and tugged, careening off the curb after the moving bus. “Oi!” Suddenly the strap snapped free, and she staggered backwards, her heels catching on the curb and… “blast!” Those cobblestones did not make for a soft landing. 

Rey pushed her duffel off of her belly, where it had uncomfortably and unceremoniously come to rest, and struggled to stand, and catch her breath. She lurched to retrieve her rucksack. She was definitely going to be feeling this for a couple of days.

A group, very noisy, very expensively dressed, and probably very drunk, was moving from the black SUV at the curb, to the front doors. She moved to follow them, to find the check-in desk, but the doors slammed in her face. Rey huffed her annoyance, looking up as one of the party, a tall, beautiful and elegant woman with long black hair and black lips, caught her eye through the glass of the door, with a smirk and a shrug. Rey waited until she could see the group had moved down a hall, then balanced her bags on her left hip, and pulled the door open.

The lobby gleamed; gold leaf, white and black marble, enormous ferns in alabaster pots, and over her head, a vast crystal chandelier. Momentarily overcome with the opulence of it all, Rey snapped her jaw shut and moved toward the colossal mahogany desk, where one tired and washed-out looking clerk greeted her with a pleasant smile.

“Hello Miss! And welcome to the Skywalker Resort! You have a reservation?” he peered at her through round, gold-rimmed bifocals.

“Yes, thank you. Rey Niima. I’m with the writing retreat group, for the week?”

“Ah, yes, here it is! Everything is in order; we have your room ready. Here is your key, it is room number 324.” He set a key card, as well as a small facility map, on the desk in front of her. Then, indicating to her right, “you will take this elevator to the third floor, then take two left turns. Your room will be at the end of the hall.” Rey smiled, nodding. “If you are hungry, the buffet is open 24 hours. Any of the packaged foods can be taken to your room, or you can eat at any of the tables. Breakfast is served from 6 to 9, luncheon is noon to 3, and dinner is served 6 to 10. You will find information about the on-site spa, our evening shows, and beach recreation, in a binder in your room.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Miss.” He smiled stiffly at her and nodded, the bright light from the chandelier reflecting faintly through his thinning pale hair. 

“Do you by chance have an event schedule for the week? I think I lost mine somewhere between my first and second flights.”

“I am sorry Miss, I do not have a copy here. There is a brief welcome gathering, scheduled for later this morning, at 11, in the ballroom here on the ground level. You will see it on your map. Look for Artie, he is the activities director here, and he can get a schedule for you.”

“Artie. Alright, thank you.” Rey gathered the map and key card and stuffed them into the front pocket of her rucksack.

“I am Seymour, manager of guest relations. I will be leading a tour of the resort, this afternoon at 2. We will meet right here at the front desk, if you are interested, Miss.”

“Thank you, Seymour.” Rey grinned, “that sounds delightful, I’ll plan on it.”

“You might want to try to get some rest.”

“Thank you, yes… I think I’ll just check out the buffet, I’m starving.”

“It is just there, to your left.”

“Thanks again. Good night.”

“Good morning, Miss,” he said with a nod.

“Ah yes! Of course! It is morning!” Rey laughed, shaking her head and picking up her bags, and turned toward an archway to her left. “Good morning!”

“Miss,” Seymour gave her a final nod, and looked toward his computer screen.

Rey stepped over the threshold, glancing around. 30 or so round tables were each set with 8 place settings, ready for breakfast, or anyone who needed a midnight snack. Rey set her duffel against the wall, and hitching up her rucksack, walked over to a long table. 

There was a wide array of packaged snacks: kessinnamon bars, cracknut bars, blumfruit tarts. Rey ate a tart right there, then took one of each and stowed them in her rucksack. A jogan and two muja fruit, and a pouch of nerf jerky also went into the sack. She grabbed two bottled waters, and opening a packet of moof milk cheese and taking a big bite, turned to retrieve her duffel when…

The boisterous and beautiful group from before burst into the dining hall. 

“…it was a girl! She fell right on her sheb, just outside the front doors! You didn’t see her?”

“I was too busy trying not to trip over Hux’s coattails, Baz! Isn’t it a little hot for that overcoat, Hux?”

“Form over function, Mitaka, composition over comfort.”

The whole group burst out into rowdy laughter at that, except for the tall red-headed man, apparently Hux, who stiffened at their ribbing, and fastidiously brushed nonexistent lint from his lapel.

A tall, platinum-haired woman –why were they all so tall? giants must run together in packs– brushed her fingers through Hux’s hair, right behind his ear, “it’s alright, darling, pay them no mind.” Hux snorted, but his face softened as the woman continued to caress him, like a great burnished hound.

Rey pressed up against the wall, hoping to avoid their attention. She clutched her duffel and inched toward the entryway, when one of them turned, her movement catching his eye. Tall, _of course_ … pale skin dotted with moles… large nose… full lips, slightly parted… wavy dark hair that could only be described as “luxuriant”… all of which could only belong to… she met his dark gaze and… _oh no!_ Rey made her escape, dashing past a distracted Seymour at the desk, past the elevators, to a deep alcove where she could see a staircase.

She ran up to the first landing and paused to catch her breath. Stars! Was that woman, Baz? having a laugh at her expense? 

This was not exactly the way Rey envisioned the first day of her vacation playing out.

She trudged up 2 flights of stairs and down the hall to her room, mumbling and grousing the whole way. “Karking, stuck-up harpy…”

She fumbled for her key card and opened her door. 

The air conditioning hit her like a wall and she immediately calmed. She quickly bolted the door behind her, dropped her bags on a small luggage bench, and turned to investigate. The room was small, but looked comfortable, and even graceful, and refined. There was a small wardrobe, and an attached refresher. Altogether, it was smaller than her studio apartment had been, but that’s where the comparison ended. This was… the nicest bedroom she had ever been in, in her whole life. She could get used to this, definitely.

She snagged her ditty bag and stumbled to the ‘fresher, the last 18 hours suddenly catching up with her and leaving her absolutely drained. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, then removed her shoes, capris and breast band, tossing them into a careless heap. Rey turned out the light and stumbled to the bed, pulling back the duvet, and was asleep before her head hit the fluffy down pillow.

* * *

Rey slept deeply ‘til 9, then sent a quick text to Finn to let him know she had arrived safe and sound; and after a hot shower and a trip to the buffet for a late but hearty breakfast, Rey felt ready to face anything.

She made her way to the ballroom, at just a little before 11, to look for Artie and to see about getting a replacement schedule for the week.

She filled out a name tag at the door.

The ballroom was exquisite; light and airy with a handsome wood floor laid in intricate mosaic, tinkling crystal chandeliers, and gauzy curtains billowing over open windows, letting in a light breeze that smelled of tropical flowers, ocean water, and nocoberry sun protectant.

A tiny, silver-haired fellow with translucent blue-rimmed spectacles approached her with a crinkly grin, “hello, Miss, and welcome to the Skywalker Resort! Would you like to come in and have a snack? A drink perhaps?”

“Oh, thank you, yes I’d love to. I’m looking for Artie, do you know where I might find him?”

“Of course Miss, he’s me!” 

“Ah! Yes, Seymour told me to look for you. I’ve lost my schedule for the week, he told me you might be able to get a replacement for me?”

“Right away Miss, I’ll bring it to you momentarily!”

“Thank you!” 

Artie bustled away, then returned in a twinkling with a schedule printout. 

Rey looked around and saw several groups congregating and mingling. Smiling, and hoping she could make contact with someone she could befriend for the week, she moved farther into the room. She made her way toward a small group of younger people, they looked to be about her age, and seemed like they might be friendly. She caught the eye of a woman with beautiful deep skin and coiled hair.

“Hello!”

“Hello! I’m Rey.”

“I’m Jannah.” 

There was a pleasant looking, short fellow with light brown hair and a scruffy beard, “nice to meet you, I’m Beaumont.” 

And a graceful wisp of a girl with long brown hair and dark eye makeup, “and I’m Zorii. Are you here for the writer’s retreat?

“I am. Did you all come together?

“Nah,” said Zorii, “we all just met. Are you going to all the discussion forums? We were just talking about attending together. And some of the activities and entertainment too. You could stick with us, if you want.”

“Oh, that would be lovely, thank you! I don’t know anyone here,” Rey responded.

“There’s a facility tour at 2, was everyone planning on that?” Beaumont suggested. 

Everyone agreed, and they decided that even if they got split up during the meet and greet, they would meet again for lunch in the dining hall, and at 2 for the tour.

Rey and Jannah moved to the refreshment table, chatting as they went. Jannah explained she wrote young adult fiction, “Lor San Tekka is just amazing! I’ve read all his books! I even got to meet him once, at a book signing! When I saw his name on the presenter list, I just had to sign up! I’m really hoping I get a chance to talk with him, while we’re here!”

“I’ve only read one or two of his books,” Rey admitted. “I think I’m most excited to attend Maz Kanata’s presentation, I loved her books growing up! And of course Amilyn Holdo! I mean, everyone has read her time-traveling romance series, right?”

“Oh, of course! MacTavish is dreamy!”

“Absolutely dreamy!” Rey giggled. “And…” Rey hesitated. “I’m also very interested in Kylo Ren’s forum.”

“Oh, yes, I love _Bound for Sorrow_! That series is so compelling!”

“Really?! That is my absolute favorite of his! I also love _The Way of the Dark_ , and really the whole _Son of Darkness_ series. I hope he talks about how he develops his characters! Whenever I read one of his books, I feel like I really know the characters, you know what I mean? And his world building is just… life changing!” Rey caught her breath. “I’m a big fan!”

“I can tell.” Jannah shook her head with a warm grin, but then something, or someone, behind Rey caught her eye and she looked back at Rey, startled.

“Hello, ladies. Did I hear someone mention _Son of Darkness_?”

Rey turned around and; it was Kylo Ren.

“Um. Yes,” she squeaked, then cleared her throat. “Yes. The _Son of Darkness_ trilogy is one of my all-time favorites!”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’m Kylo Ren,” he said, extending his hand.

Rey looked down, in disbelief, choking just a little. “Oh, I know,” she replied, with a broad grin. “It’s lovely to meet you! I’m Rey.” She took his hand.

He smiled, a dimply, toothy, crooked smile. “The pleasure is mine.”

Just then, the red-headed man Rey had seen the night before approached them. “Ren. Bazine is looking for you.”

“Well. I mustn’t keep her waiting. Gods forbid.” He squared his shoulders. “Ladies, you’ll excuse me?”

Rey nodded, mute. And the two men walked briskly away.

Rey turned to Jannah excitedly. “Oh! Oh, I didn’t drool, or spit, did I? Do I have anything in my teeth? Oh, I’m sweating!” Rey tugged at the front of her shirt. She felt dizzy.

Jannah chuckled and rubbed Rey’s arm. “Girl, you’re fine! Let’s go find Zorii and Beaumont; and let’s get another drink!”

* * *

“Ladies and gentlemen, this way, please. Our chef has prepared a local delicacy for each of you to enjoy: porthomer eel caviar, with spiced dianoga cream.” Seymour gestured stiffly toward several platters, laden with miniature flatbread crisps, each with a dollop of lumpy, shiny green roe and a creamy, spice-flecked drizzle. The group of 30 or so pressed closer to the metal counter to take a look.

Zorii made a face, but Rey eagerly tried a sample.

“How can you eat that? It looks awful,” Beaumont asked. 

“Oh, I’ve never tried a food I didn’t like,” replied Rey, “it’s really very good! You should try it!”

Jannah and Beaumont each took courage from her example.

“Ugh! I’m not a fan!” cried Jannah.

Beaumont agreed, “one was definitely enough for me.”

Zorii declined her portion, and offered it to Rey, who popped the morsel into her mouth with a grin.

“Our tour is almost complete. Follow me outside, please. I will show you the paddle boats, coracles, hydrobikes, and motorized mini-skimmers that are available for your use.” Seymour led the group out of the kitchen and then through a large door at the rear of the main resort building.

“I cannot get used to this heat,” Beaumont grumbled.

“The humidity is really doing a number on my hair,” Jannah chimed in.

“Will you two cool it? Here you are in paradise, complaining about the heat and humidity!” Zorii chuckled and everyone joined in. “Maybe we could come down to the beach later this afternoon, before dinner?”

Rey was a little nervous about the bathing suit she had brought, and wasn’t a strong swimmer, but when everyone else replied in the affirmative, she nodded. 

“I think I’d like to try a paddle boat,” Beaumont offered.

“I hope they have the newer model mini-skimmers,” Jannah said, “the C-28’s had engine problems.”

Their friendly conversation continued as they moved away from the resort, off the boardwalk and into the powdery white sand.

“We have paddle boats that accommodate 2 or 4 people. The hydrobikes have two gears; the operation should be self-explanatory. You see the coracles tied up there, in the small lagoon, they are ideal for exploring along the shore, as long the sea is calm.” Seymour indicated the various recreational implements, then motioned out to sea.

“Please note the red buoys and do not swim or take any of the conveyances beyond them. We also request that you stay out of the water in inclement weather, and always have at least one person with you at all times in the water, for safety.

“You can bring chairs and loungers down from the resort if you wish; there are porters available to help you, they wear orange swim trunks. Please follow me underneath the pier, where the mini-skimmers are moored.”

“Those look like C-28’s,” Jannah whispered.

“They are indeed, Miss,” Seymour replied. Despite his advancing years, his hearing was apparently as sharp as ever. “Our maintenance crew is first-rate, I assure you. Any who are interested can stay, and Bebe will demonstrate the operational controls.

“I wish to remind everyone, please respect the three rules of the sea here at Skywalker Resort; stay within the buoy line, return to land in the case of stormy weather or turbulent waves, and do not venture into the water unaccompanied.

“This completes our tour. I will be returning to the main building. If anyone has questions you may accompany me now, or I can usually be found at the front desk.”

Jannah moved closer to the small machines, “I’d like to take a closer look at these.”

The group began to disperse. Zorii and Beaumont decided they would head back to the resort, to change into their swim gear.

Rey eyed the mini-skimmers nervously, “I’ve never ridden one, are they hard to control? I’m not a good swimmer.”

Jannah looked up from poking around the nearest skimmer, “oh, they’re a blast! We could ride one later, I’ll help you! These look well-maintained.”

Suddenly, an adorable girl with a million freckles and frizzled, coppery hair twisted into a careless topknot, zipped up to them. “Hi! I’m Bebe, I’m part of the maintenance and water safety crew. Do you know how to operate a mini-skimmer?”

Jannah and Rey’s conversation with Bebe lasted just a few moments, because Bebe spoke at incredible speed, and with extreme thrift.

“We’ll be back in about half an hour, and we’d like to take one of these skimmers out for a spin. We’ll just go back to our rooms to change.”

“And to grab a snack,” Rey interjected hopefully.


	4. 2 Days Before

“Finn, I’m telling you, this place is ah-may-zing! I have to keep pinching myself, I can’t believe I’m really here! – ” Rey paused to listen to Finn’s response.

“Oh, it is so much better than the website! – ”

“I know! If I die here, you’ll know I died happy! – ” She laughed out loud and jumped up to pace around her room.

“It will be from overeating! Definitely! The meals have been so lovely! Five courses, Finn, five courses! – ” 

“I’ll have to tell you all the details when I get home. I could talk about _just the food_ for hours! You know how I am…” She groaned. “The buffet is always open, Finn. _Always_. They have snacks available _all the time_ , and that’s _in addition_ to the regular meals... – ” 

“I know! But that’s not even the best part! I got to meet _her_ last night, Finn! Leia Organa! – ” Rey flopped down on her bed.

“She is just amazing…and personable…and just…… _amazing_! – ” 

“I don’t know. I think there might be potential there. I can’t even think about it right now! – ”

“As soon as I get back, I’m going to apply. I just had such a lovely chat with her! I have such a good feeling about this! – ”

Rey listened to Finn, closing her eyes, and then inhaled, “yes, I did meet him… – ”

“No, I don’t think he recognized me, or anything like that… – ”

“I’m fine, Finn, really! – ” Rey sighed and listened to Finn for a moment, perking up.

“Yeah! I’ve been hanging out with a couple girls and a guy: Jannah, Zorii and Beaumont. They’re great! Yesterday Jannah showed me how to operate a mini-skimmer! It was…..amazing!” She giggled. “I was so scared at first; you know I don’t really like the water……but Jannah’s a great teacher! – ”

“Yes! I drove one all by myself! – ” 

“No, I _did not_ crash, you nerf herder! – ” Rey snickered, then took a deep breath.

“Oh! I found the most amazing gift for you, Finn, you’re going to love it! – ”

“Yes, it will fit in perfectly with your collection! I don’t think they’ll allow it on the plane, I’ll have to mail it, but I wanted to keep it with me for a day or two before sending it; it’s just so beautiful! – ”

“Yes, I found that too, I was able to find the exact one you saw on the website! I got one for Rose, and one for the baby… – ”

“I know, she’s going to love them! How is Rose feeling? – ”

“It sounds like she could go any day. I’m so excited Finn! And how are _you_ holding up? – ”

“You’ll be fine! You’re going to be the best dad! – ” Rey paused, not wanting to cut off her conversation with her friend, but…

“I’m sorry Finn, I have to go, I’m meeting the group for breakfast, then we’re going to Sheev Palpatine’s presentation on historical non-fiction... – ”

“I know. He’s skeevy. But I feel like I should attend all the workshops, I have to get my money’s worth! – ”

“Ok. Give Rose a big hug from me! Lovies!”

Rey hung up with Finn and stashed her phone into her rucksack. Now...time for breakfast!

* * *

“Palpatine is just… _awful!_ ” Zorii lamented. “Did he really say _, ‘it is your duty, as a writer of history, to lead the reader to the correct conclusions…_ ’ I can’t believe I didn’t laugh out loud, right in front of him!”

“You’re so beautiful when you’re all fired up, Zorii,” Beaumont reached over and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her shoulder, and gently pressed his knuckles against her neck, just under her ear. “I think I left something up in my room, do you want to come with me to go fetch it?”

Zorii and Beaumont strolled away, hand in hand.

“Oh I think I know just what Beaumont could have forgotten in his room, don’t you Rey?!”

“I simply can’t imagine what it could be, Jannah? Do share your thoughts with me!”

They burst out in a fit of giggles.

“They’re cute together!”

“Oh, I think so too!” Jannah paused, “they do live on opposite sides of the country though, so I think it’s just a fling.” She sighed and shook her head. “One couldn’t really expect a long-term relationship from meeting someone at, something like this…”

Rey brushed tears of glee from her cheeks, “of course not. But as long as they both know what they’re doing…”

“Of course…well, Zorii doesn’t seem to be confused about what this is. Maybe I’ll have a chat with Beaumont, later, just to make sure he’s ok.” Jannah pushed her lunch plate back. “Did you get enough to eat? I don’t know how you’re so thin, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone eat as much as you do!” She winked.

Rey rolled her eyes, “Just making up for lost time, I guess. What do you want to do before Amilyn Holdo’s forum?”

“Let’s explore a little. I saw on my facility map that there’s a _Hall of History_ ; I wanted to see if they had anything interesting. This place apparently has a bit of a checkered past…”

“Really? How do you know about that?”

“Last night after you went to your room, I stayed up chatting with Ms. Organa’s assistant, Poe Dameron.”

Rey sat back in surprise, her eyes popping wide. “Really?! Who was he….no, wait: brown eyes; curly, dark brown hair?!” 

Jannah nodded, gloating. 

“You brat! You’re only telling me now?!” Rey leaned forward and grasped Jannah by the wrist and waggling her eyebrows, “do tell! Just…chatting?!”

“Let’s go, I’ll tell you on the way!”

Rey grabbed her rucksack from under the table.

“That looks heavy. What are you lugging around in there?”

Rey looked away and cleared her throat. “Oh…nothing. Just some things I like to keep with me.” She looked slyly back at Jannah, “but don’t think I’m going to let you divert the conversation away from ‘ _Mr. Look Into My Eyes_.’”

Jannah chuckled, as Rey stood up from her chair and slung her bag onto her shoulder. They linked arms and went in search of the _Hall of History_.

* * *

“Rey, come look at this.” 

Rey came to inspect the portrait of a finely featured, ethereal, elegant-looking young woman with dark hair. “Who is she?”

“This is Padmé Amidala. The wife of Anakin _Skywalker_.”

“You mean, the founder of the resort?”

“Yes! The founder of the resort, and the father of Luke Skywalker and _Leia Organa_!”

“Wait, what?!” Rey backed up and looked at Jannah, not able to connect the dots.

“Luke and Leia are twins! Padmé died in childbirth, apparently. Something happened that no one will talk about, no one really knows what it was; and after that she became pregnant. Anakin was so distressed when she died that some people say he went crazy! The babies were sent to live with relatives, and Leia was eventually adopted by the Organas. That’s why they don’t have the same family name.”

Rey had never heard any of this before. “She died in childbirth? I didn’t think women died in childbirth any more.”

“Rey. Of course women sometimes die in childbirth. But there was something tragic, something terrible, that happened to her; something that weakened her, and ruined her health. Poe didn’t know what it was. But it was something to do with these islands. That’s why the resort is here; Anakin bought this whole island chain, and spent the last years of his life raging about not being able to save the ones he loved. He hated himself because she died, giving birth to his children!”

“Oh, that’s awful!”

“After he inherited, Luke Skywalker converted the main residence and connected the outbuildings, to create the resort. And that’s why the _Organa_ Writer’s Retreat is here, every year. But there’s something else Poe told me, and you are not going to believe it!” Jannah leaned in, and paused for dramatic effect, “Kylo Ren is Leia’s son!”

“What??!!”

“Shhhhh…..be quiet Rey, there’s such an echo in here!”

“How can Kylo Ren be Leia’s son?!”

“Kylo Ren is a _nom de plume_. Poe said his real name is Ben Solo.”

“Solo?”

“His father is Han Solo. Leia kept her maiden name for professional reasons.”

“Wait.” Rey fell backwards into a small, red velvet chair in the corner. “ _The_ Han Solo? Author of _Binary Moon_ , _Son of the Galaxy_ , and _Millennium Chaos_?!”

Jannah chuckled. “Among many, many others, yes. That’s how they met. Han was one of the first to be published through _Organa_ , back when Leia’s father was in charge. And he didn’t take too kindly to his treasured daughter eloping with a good-for-nothing author, 10 years her senior.”

Rey looked up at Jannah, more than a little dazed. “I don’t even want to know what you had to do to Mr. Dameron, to get him to tell you all that.”

“Oh, I have my ways.”

Rey coughed. “Yes, I’ll bet you do.”

Jannah looked around, to see that no one was near, and continued, “Poe said that Leia is trying to convince her son to jump ship over at _First Order Publishing_ , and sign a contract with _Organa_. She sweetened the deal by offering him a presenter’s slot here at the retreat, even though he doesn’t yet publish through _Organa_. They paid a pretty penny to let him bring his girlfriend,” Jannah flipped her hands, “a whole mob of friends.”

“Oh. Right. Yes, I’ve seen them. Delightful people.”

Jannah pressed on Rey’s shoulder. “Let’s get going! I don’t want to be late for Ms. Holdo’s presentation. Maybe if she’s there early, we’ll have a chance to talk to her!” 

“Of course.” Rey shook her head. A little dose of reality never hurt anyone. She looked up at Jannah and tried to keep her tone light and unaffected, “I wonder if Zorii and Beaumont will be early too?”

“Yes, I wonder that as well,” Jannah replied impishly.


	5. 1 Day Before

Rey tapped her fingers on the table impatiently. None of the others had arrived yet, and it was already half an hour past their time to meet. She didn’t want to be rude, but she was starving. Where were they?

Suddenly Jannah burst into the dining hall and looked around until Rey caught her eye. She rushed over to the table.

“I am so sorry I’m late! I didn’t get much sleep last night…” Jannah’s face split into a devious smile, and then she yawned broadly. 

Rey shook her head, smiling. “You have a tale to tell! But tell me while we get breakfast. Have you spoken to Zorii and Beaumont this morning?”

“I haven’t, but I think they got even less sleep than I did. Ms. Holdo’s presentation yesterday seems to have inspired everyone to romantic transports!” Jannah waggled her eyebrows.

“It was so good!” Rey gushed, “that was my favorite forum so far, for sure! Now, tell me what happened to you last night!”

The two moved to the buffet table and Rey loaded her plate. She grabbed a couple packaged bars as well, to stow in her rucksack, for later.

They chatted as they ate, about the upcoming day. 

“Today’s presentations are going to be good, I’m sure!” Rey enthused, “I’ve only read a couple of Larma D’Acy’s books, but she has so many!”

Jannah hesitated. She seemed embarrassed. “Well…I promised Poe I’d meet him this morning. I think we’ll be back in time for D’Acy’s presentation, but I’m not sure.”

“Oh. Alright. No problem.”

“I’m sure Zorii and Beaumont will be there.”

“Sure. No problem.”

Jannah pushed back from the table. “I’m sorry, I’m supposed to meet him in just a few minutes.”

Rey put on her biggest smile, “no worries! I’m sure I’ll see you there!”

Jannah smiled apologetically, and with an “I’ll see you later!” she was gone.

Rey watched her go and sighed. She should be used to it by now, but no matter how many times her friends left her behind… no! She would not go down this thought path. How many years of therapy had she endured? Jannah didn’t owe her anything, and neither did Zorii or Beaumont. She tapped the table again and looked around the dining hall. D’Acy’s presentation would be starting soon, but there were a few stragglers in the room still, sitting around, talking and eating. She took a deep breath. Better go stake out her place in the conference room.

  


* * *

  


Jannah did not in fact make it to D’Acy’s presentation, and Rey hadn’t seen Zorii or Beaumont all morning. The forum had been very interesting and engaging, but sitting by herself, Rey couldn’t enjoy it as much as she had hoped. She had to keep mentally repeating her mantras. 

_“I am enough. I am worthy of friendship and love.”_

_“My value is not diminished by my imperfections or the perceptions of others.”_

_“I am deserving of good things.”_

Rey forced herself to focus back on the discussion. 

“If there are no further questions or comments, we will adjourn for now.” D’Acy paused, looking around. “I would be happy to speak with any of you one-on-one. Thank you for coming!” She suddenly ticked her head and picked up a paper from the podium. “Oh, I almost forgot! I was asked to announce that the sightseeing tour planned for this afternoon will begin at 5, instead of 4 as previously scheduled. There was apparently a timing conflict with the bus tour company. Please spread the word to any who may not have heard about this change!”

Rey gathered up her things and sighed softly. There was always lunch to cheer her up, even if she ate alone. She made her way toward the dining hall. Food always made things better. Just thinking about eating made her perk up. And, she was very excited about the afternoon forum; Maz Kanata was sure to be an interesting presenter. She was almost 90 years old! Everything was going to be alright. Surely her friends wouldn’t miss another forum? She was quite shocked they had missed D’Acy’s presentation; it just wasn’t sound judgement, given the cost of the retreat.

Rey continued her musings as she loaded up her plate. The food here really was outstanding. She went to their usual table and placed herself so she could see the entryway, as she dug in. She hoped her friends would still join her for lunch. She wasn’t one to go to a restaurant alone, generally; fast food had always been more her style. She didn’t like the sensation of being alone, while being surrounded by people. 

Rey finished her meal. They weren’t coming. She liked Jannah, Zorii and Beaumont very much, but they were turning out to be poor choices for companions, as they apparently prioritized romantic attachments over good sense. It was too late in the week now to find new people to hang out with. People had already paired off or found other groups to join. 

Rey scanned the dining hall. No one else was eating alone. She forced herself to breathe slowly through her nose. She closed her eyes and silently repeated her mantras again.

Suddenly she sensed that someone had approached her table, and opened her eyes. A scruffy, dark-haired guy, and his slight companion, were standing behind two of the chairs at her table. She smiled.

“Is th-th-this chair t-taken?”

“Why, no, you’re welcome…”

“Th-th-thank you!” he stuttered. But instead of sitting down, he turned away from her, dragging the chair over to a neighboring table, where a raucous group seemed to be discussing the virtues of literary erotica. Holdo’s presentation yesterday really had made quite an impression on everyone.

Rey closed her mouth with a snap, and looked over to the other individual, who was still staring at her with bulging eyes. The first man called to him, “C-c-come on, T-teedo!” Teedo laughed, a tittering, breathy and high-pitched noise that wasn’t at all pleasant, then yanked another chair from her table and turned away to join the uproarious conversation in progress.

Rey gathered her pack. Perhaps some fresh air and sunshine would do her good.

  


* * *

  


Rey had spent a good half hour basking in the sun, in a lounger just off the boardwalk in the beautiful white sand, and it really had done her a world of good. 

Maz Kanata’s presentation had been excellent, and now Rey was waiting with a large group, for the chance to talk with Maz. She at least wanted to tell her how much she had enjoyed the discussion, and if there was time, she had some questions for her as well. She sent Finn a quick text, to immortalize the moment, then stowed her phone in her back pocket. 

As she was thinking about what she might say to one of her most favorite authors, someone whose stories had helped her get through and sometimes escape her difficult childhood, someone bumped into her from behind. She turned.

“So sorry!” Her assailant turned and looked down at her. “Oh, hello, I believe we met the other day?”

She looked up, and up, and smiled. “Yes, Mr. Ren, we did. I’m Rey.” She put out her hand, which he took.

“I remember you. Did you enjoy the discussion?” he released her and motioned to the room, and Maz.

“Yes, I did! Maz Kanata is one of my favorite authors, of all time! I was hoping to talk with her!”

“It looks like you might have to wait quite a while.” He looked over to his friends, “allow me to introduce you. This is Hux.” Hux nodded, grim-faced. “And this is Gwendoline, but we all call her Phasma.”

“Oh…alright? It’s nice to meet you,” Rey beamed up at her.

“Thank you, dear.”

“This is Dopheld.”

“Hello,” Rey nodded.

“Please, call me Mitaka.”

“And this is Bazine.” 

Rey turned to Bazine to continue the pleasantries, and was shocked into momentary silence by the look of pure malice on the woman’s face. She started back, “um, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Rey. That’s so masculine-sounding, I’ve never heard of a woman with that name,” Baz sneered.

“Be nice, Bazine! Goodness, Rey will think we’re monsters!” Phasma bumped Baz with her elbow. “I think Rey is a lovely name, like a ray of sunshine!”

“Indeed, Phas, and I’m sure she is.” Bazine took control of the conversation again. “So, Rey. You seem to be all alone. Haven’t you made any friends here?” she asked with obviously false concern.

“Well, my friends seem to have formed, um, romantic attachments, and have been preoccupied…”

Bazine pressed her shoulder into Kylo’s arm, “yes, well, romantic attachments can be quite distracting.”

“Have you been enjoying the retreat so far?” Kylo interjected, obviously unnerved by Bazine’s rude behavior and trying to change the subject.

“Oh yes! It’s been wonderful! Of course the resort is just so lovely! And it’s been phenomenal to meet so many of my favorite authors!”

“Yes, I think Kylo was telling us something about that,” sniped Bazine. Kylo gave her a warning look and a tiny shake of his head but she continued, “why, he told us that he was quite sure you were the girl who started a fan club in his honor, is that right?”

Rey could feel her face heating. “Yes…that’s true…” too mortified to look up at Kylo’s expression, she cleared her throat, “I recently archived the group.”

“My goodness dear, who has the time for such things! I can’t even imagine it! Didn’t you have a job? You’d think a grown woman would have better things to do than sit in her parents' basement, mooning over celebrities!”

Through clenched teeth Kylo growled, “I’m hardly a celebrity, Bazine.”

Rey shook her head, opening and closing her mouth. “Of course. Right. My parents' basement.” Her eyes were burning and she knew if she didn’t get out of there right away, tears were going to spill over, embarrassing her further. She began to back away, slinging her rucksack up onto her shoulder, her phone dislodging from her pocket and falling unheeded to the floor. “Please excuse me.” She spun away and pitched toward the exit.

Kylo watched her go, agitated and becoming more furious by the second. He reached down to pick up the phone, the screen now cracked. “Why did you talk to her that way, Bazine? What is wrong with you?”

“Well, I can hardly be blamed! A ‘fan club’ indeed! How silly!”

He straightened slowly, and turned to her, his face now blank. “Thank you, Bazine. My career is truly very silly.” He pressed his lips together. A muscle under his left eye twitched. “Tell me Bazine, which of my novels have you found the most compelling? Which one is your favorite?”

“I…that is, I…”

“That’s what I thought.” He nodded to his friends, “you’ll all excuse me.” Gripping Rey’s phone, he followed in the direction she had fled, but she was gone. 

  


* * *

  


Rey burst into the lobby. Maybe Finn had been right all along! This was a disaster! She had to get away, if only for a moment! 

She spun through the back hall, and out the rear doors. Without making a conscious decision, she found herself flying toward the pier, and the moored mini-skimmers. 

She had extra time until the bus tour; it would feel so good to get out on the water and feel the rush of speed! She wasn’t dressed for it, didn’t even have her bathing suit with her. And keeping her rucksack with her probably wasn’t the best idea. But last time only her feet had gotten wet, and a little water wouldn’t hurt her hybrid sandals. She hopped onto the nearest skimmer and cuffed up her capris. As long as she didn’t capsize, she’d be fine. 

The motor roared to life and she moved carefully out of the shallow water. The wind and ocean spray were simply exhilarating! She picked up speed and put the resort behind her.

Bazine’s words kept rattling around in her head. Why would a stranger feel the need to humiliate her? Surely Baz had no reason to dislike her, or wish to hurt her? They’d only just met.

The events of the day came crashing down on her, and she pushed the machine to go faster still. What was it about her? Why did everyone she ever met take pleasure in demeaning her, making her feel small? Was she inherently unlovable?

No! “You’re not 5 any more Rey! It’s not you. It’s them.” She was so intensely focused on her internal pep talk, she didn’t even see the red buoys as she blew past them, and into the open sea. And over the shriek of her mini-skimmer, she certainly didn’t hear the distant rumblings of thunder, from just over the horizon. 

  


* * *

  


By the time Rey focused her attention on her surroundings, she could no longer see the resort, though she could see land, far in the distance. She turned and started back in what she was sure was the right direction, pushing the mini-skimmer to top speed. She was already soaked through, but surely she would be able to get back, shower and change, and still make the tour.

No matter how she pushed the machine, however, she didn’t seem to close the distance. And in fact, her eyes might be deceiving her, but she would swear the shore was farther away now than it had been only a few minutes ago.

Suddenly she heard a booming thunder clap. Rey wasn’t a seasoned sea-farer, by any stretch of the imagination, but she thought she remembered that salt water and lightning were a very unhealthy combination. 

“Don’t panic, Rey. You’ve been in tight spots before.” She tried to calm herself, and kept moving toward the land she could still see. It was definitely farther away now. She must be caught in an ocean current. She slowed the engine and tried to puzzle out what to do, when suddenly the darkening heavens opened and simply dumped buckets of rain water onto her head. The winds began to pick up, and waves began buffeting her in earnest. 

How long had she been out here? Time was suddenly very confusing and the sky seemed darker than it should have been. Surely she couldn’t have been out here for hours already? 

Perhaps if she tried a different course? More parallel to her desired destination, rather than straight for it?

After a few minutes, she believed she was making progress, but the torrential storm was not letting up, and not making it any easier. The only thing to do was to keep moving; the storm couldn’t last forever. But the waves crashed higher and she could no longer be certain she was moving in the right direction; she could barely see 10 feet ahead. Her chances of capsizing were very high. This was certainly not the way she envisioned her day going.

Without warning, her mini-skimmer smashed into, up and over, a huge rock. She must be getting closer to land, somehow. Rey turned about and, in the fading light, could see an island off toward her right, surely closer than Skywalker Island now. Fine. She changed course; if only she could avoid hitting any more rocks, any dry land would be better than drowning.

The waves still crashed upon her, but she believed she was getting closer! Then suddenly the mini-skimmer’s engine sputtered and conked out. Damn it! Either that rock had done some serious damage, or she was out of fuel. Either way, her speed was quickly diminishing.

Without the engine, she was at the mercy of the ocean, and the island was still far off! She tried to think quickly, should she abandon the skimmer and try to swim? Before she could decide, a terrible wave loomed in front of her. She blinked up at the wall of water rising before her and knew. 

There was nothing more she could do.

  



	6. Day Two

Rey had spent the whole previous day waiting on the beach. She was sure that, at any moment, someone would come looking for her. She wasn’t really that far from Skywalker Island, right? They weren’t just going to allow their guests to go missing.

So. She had brushed the dried sand off her clothing and skin, and then dug into her rucksack for a water bottle, and cleaned her face and hands as best she could. 

There was a large, weather-pocked boulder with a flattened top, on her beach near the brush line, which she used to dump out the contents of her pack, and assess the water damage. Everything had stayed surprisingly dry, given the circumstances. She had felt a little pang of pride at that, at least. She had re-waxed her canvas pack herself, just a week or so before her trip, and the treatment had waterproofed and cleaned it up nicely.

Her emergency supplies were undamaged and still sealed, so they went back into the bottom of the pack and into the laptop compartment that she had never used for a laptop. The notebook she had used to take notes at the forums, with the schedule tucked inside, had been a little damp around the edges, but in the sun it dried quickly, as well as her well-worn and dog-eared omnibus of Maz Kanata's _Dragon's Claw_ trilogy, and her wallet. Her birthstone bracelet and a small doll, mementos from childhood, were undamaged and went back into their pocket. She propped her sunglasses on her head. The gifts she had purchased for Rose and the baby had been protected by their packaging, so they went back in too. Finn’s gift seemed none the worse for wear, but she left it to heat in the sun, to make sure it was completely dry; she didn’t want to risk it rusting. 

Her phone was missing. It wouldn’t have worked anyway, but she couldn’t remember when she had used it last and feared it was at the bottom of the ocean.

And then there was the matter of food. She hadn’t realized, until they were amassed before her, just how many packaged bars, tarts, packs of jerky, cookies, crisps, crackers and dried fruit she had swiped from the dining hall. It was a habit she had picked up over the years; squirrelling away food whenever she had the chance. She also had a muja and a bruised jogan, and ate both of them for her breakfast; they wouldn’t last anyway. 6 bottles of water, one of which she had already opened. She’d be alright for a bit.

All her belongings repacked, she sat on the boulder and determined to wait. And watch the horizon. 

And watch. 

And wait.

And eat a pack of nerf jerky. And drink a bottle of water. 

And scan the horizon for boats or mini-skimmers. 

And pace the length of the beach, back and forth. And back and forth. 

And breathe. 

Another bottle of water. A cracknut bar and a blumfruit tart. 

And listen for hovercraft. 

And back and forth. 

“Breathe, Rey; breathe.” 

And sit on the ground, her head resting against the boulder. And squint out into the dusk. And just rest her eyes.

* * *

On the second day, Rey woke with a terrible crick in her neck and a sick feeling in her stomach as she realized: not only had she missed the sight-seeing tour, but she had also now missed two author’s presentations. She hadn’t really been that enthused about Babu Frik’s seminar, but Lando Calrissian’s discussion had probably been amazing. 

She shook her head and determined to abandon her lookout and see what she could see of her environs. After a breakfast of dried fruit and a meal bar of course.

After her repast she reluctantly dug back into the bottom of her pack and retrieved her emergency hygiene kit. This was exactly the kind of situation she had it for in the first place (well, not this _exact_ situation, but, general emergencies); but it made her very anxious to actually rip open the seal in the silver pouch. Now she had no backup and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. But; no sense letting her teeth rot out of her head. She brushed her teeth using a miniscule dab of toothpaste. Now she was ready to set out.

Walking along the shoreline, she found a straight piece of driftwood, slightly longer than herself, and used it to deeply etch the word “HELP” into the sand; then taking this walking staff in hand, and shouldering her pack, she set out north, toward the rocky outcropping she had noted the day before. 

On her way, she traversed a small trickle of a stream. It seemed very promising, as she would soon need fresh water. But first she wanted to make a circuit of the island, or discover if it was an island. Maybe a peninsula? Or, she didn’t know, but wanted to find out. She continued on until she reached a series of huge boulders along the beach.

Here among the rocks were small tide pools, and she could see creatures of varying sizes scuttle out of sight when her shadow fell over the water. She climbed onto one of the largest boulders and looked inland. From this vantage point she could see there was a small…well, it was too small to be called a “mountain,” but there was a jagged landmass jutting up above the treeline, perhaps an old volcano. She would have to investigate later, but for now she wanted to continue along the coast.

There was a large section of duraplast hull, all that was left of her mini-skimmer, wedged between two large boulders. She wrenched it free and laid it down in the sand; then dropped her rucksack inside, and looping one of the long straps of her pack through a slot in what was once the front of the skimmer, dragged the whole contrivance through the sand behind her like a sled.

She continued on, and soon the coastline began to curve to the east. She came to a small, circular-shaped cove, with the beach bending like pincers almost all the way around, and another boulder jutting up out of the water. Another small stream wound its way from the interior, emptying into the cove. She made her way around the small bay, taking a moment to etch “HELP” in the sand again, and then continued east. Inland to her right were dense palms, ferns and other assorted bracken. She was beginning to think that her initial worry, that there would be wild animals or creatures to harass her, seemed unfounded; she hadn’t yet seen any signs of anything, beyond a few crabs or seabirds. 

So far, it did appear to be an island, in a rough circle; and as she continued to trudge along the beach she picked up a few interesting shells and two fragments of sea glass, along with chunks of driftwood she thought might be put to some use. One item she was quite excited to find, was a long-abandoned, leathery shell of some sea creature she couldn’t name; polished to a beautiful sheen by ocean waves and sand, and very large, about 40 centimeters in diameter. It looked sturdy, and could come in very handy for cooking or food preparation.

As the coast curved to the south, she noticed a strange smell, like rot. The ground became marshy and the decaying plants and mud sucked at the rubber soles of her sandals. She moved closer to the ocean waves, to avoid the whole mess. Here was another small trickle of a stream, overgrown with moss and flowing into the ocean, but this water seemed to radiate heat. There must be a hot spring nearby. Just past this marshy area she paused to leave a message in the sand again.

Following the bending shore, Rey slowly turned west, and then north west. And soon she found herself back at the beach where she had first washed up. She estimated the whole island to be only 5 or 6 klicks in total circumference. 

She plumped down on her boulder and fished out a protein bar and a water bottle from her pack. 

She felt quite certain that Skywalker Island was north-west of her location, so she decided she would try to stay primarily on the west side of the island, to facilitate her surveillance for a rescue party. She also decided she would periodically walk the perimeter to make sure her messages in the sand hadn’t been washed away.

Her most pressing need would be fresh water. After her luncheon, she would investigate the three streams she had observed, in her trek around the island.

* * *

Rey elected to make her second circuit of the island counter-clockwise, to give herself a different perspective than her first foray. Her “HELP” in the sand near the marshy spot looked undisturbed.

She left her scavenged gear on the border between marshes and sand, taking only her pack with her, when she reached the warm stream; to discover the water’s source, she carefully picked her way inland, staying as close as she could to the stream without losing her sandals in the sucking mud. 

As she moved farther inland, the rotting smell diminished, but the heat increased. Sand gave way to gravel, and then large stones and flat rocks. Between the thick plant growth and the heavy, humid air, she was breathing hard when she pushed through one particularly dense patch of undergrowth into an open area. 

There was a large pool, carved out of a wide expanse of solid, black lava rock by eons of persistent water flow. Behind this basin, the side of the small volcano that was the foundation of the island rose abruptly and provided backdrop. She skirted around to the right and looked up. About 2 meters above her head, steaming water poured off of a small cliff, and into the pool.

She peered into the crystalline water and could see a floor of black sand. There was a series of carved out stone ledges of varying sizes, all around the basin, and extending into the piping liquid. 

Squatting close to the edge, Rey carefully stretched out her hand to get a sense of the water’s temperature, then taking heart, dipped her fingers. Hot, but not scalding. Nature’s perfect hot tub, really! 

She rubbed her hands together in the water, then brought her cupped hand up to her nose and inhaled. It smelled like…water. Wouldn’t it be ironic if a rescue party showed up just as she succumbed to some horrible stomach parasite, from drinking tainted water? She swirled her hands again in the pool. She only had one full bottle of water left. Tentatively she raised her extended finger and let one drop fall to her tongue. Heavy with minerals, but it tasted clean, and not the least bit salty or brackish. She would only know for sure in a few days, if she became violently ill. She sighed and considered. She vaguely remembered reading one author’s theory that the body can directly absorb water, the skin acting as a filter.

After only a moment’s hesitation, she stepped down onto the first ledge, submerging her sandaled feet. Another step down and the water came up to just above her knees. She sat down, the water now up to her neck, and carefully removed her sandals and leaned over to set them near her pack at the water’s edge to dry. She wiggled her toes in bliss, leaned back and closed her eyes.

After a few moments, and keeping tight hold of the lip where she had been seated, she pushed off the ledge and tried to touch the bottom of the pool with her toes. She couldn’t reach without her head going under the water. 

She paused to consider, then moved up and out of the water. She unrolled the sleeves and then stripped off her button-down shirt, and after wringing as much water as she could from it, shook it out and lay it over a small bramble. She did the same with her tank, cargo capris and underthings, then moved back into the sultry cistern. 

Holding on again and facing the rock ledge, she held her breath and dunked her head under the water, but still couldn’t touch the bottom. She broke the surface and pushed her hair back, gasping for air. She forced herself to calm, and slowed her breathing. This wasn’t swimming lessons! She didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to!

She held her breath again and this time leveraged her descent by pushing against the ledge. Her arms fully extended above her, pressing against the bottom of the rock rim, her toes finally brushed the sandy bottom. She came back up to the surface, this time leaning her head back so her hair would stay out of her face. By quick mental calculation, she estimated the pool’s depth to be about 3 meters.

She turned and sat back down on the ledge, then lay back, parallel to the perimeter, leaving only her face out of the water, for a soak. Becoming drowsy after several minutes, she sat up instead, her feet and legs floating in the water, her neck and head leaning on the top rim of the pool, and dozed off.

* * *

Rey wasn’t sure how long she had slept, it was probably mid-afternoon now. But she dunked her shoulder-length hair back into the water once more and then, pressing the water out of it, reluctantly withdrew from the hot spring with pruny fingers, palms and toes. Her clothing was now only slightly damp. She dressed and returned to her makeshift sled, and feeling quite refreshed, continued her course around the island, munching on some cracknuts and a pack of sweet-sand cookies as she went.

She arrived back at the north cove and inspected the small stream that emptied into the bay. The undergrowth and trees were very thick here, so she decided not to trace the source. She had had enough of forcing her way through brush for one day. She peered along the small cut as far as she could. She imagined the source was near the volcano, toward the center of the island, as had been the case with the hot spring, but she would leave it a mystery for now. Her message had been partially washed away here, so she dragged the letters into the sand again, this time a little farther inland.

She looked out at the cove, and the boulder jutting up out of the water a few meters away from the beach. That might be a good spot to try some fishing. But as she had just cleaned the saltwater off of her skin and hair, and out of her clothes, she was loath to venture into the water at the moment.

She gathered her things and moved on, peering again into the tide pools as she passed. She might have some luck catching fish or other edibles here, but without a way to cook anything, the question was moot.

She continued on until she reached the third small stream, adjacent to her beach. There wasn’t as much growth here, so it was fairly easy to follow the little rill, dragging her pack and findings. In no time at all the stark face of the volcano appeared before her. Here was a small pool of water, maybe 60 centimeters deep; but this spring seemed to bubble up out of the sand. She knelt down and dipped her cupped hand into the water, and brought a bit up to her nose; no smell. She took a sip. This water didn’t have the same heavy, mineral taste as the water in the hot spring; it was cool, crisp and refreshing, a little sweet. Perhaps she could refill her water bottles here. She pulled an empty one from her pack and dipped it into the liquid, but the spring was so shallow, grains of sand bubbled into the bottle along with the water. She dumped it out and sat back, considering. 

She stood to retrieve the large shell from her scavenging sled, and returned to the small pool. Perhaps she could dredge out the bottom. Removing her sandals, she stepped into the soft sand, and started scraping, piling sand up into a new lip, to make a narrower but deeper basin. The water didn’t flow very fast; it would take several hours to refill with water, and for the sediment to settle.

She could check on it in the morning. She could always refill at the hot spring if the sand here didn’t cooperate. For now, she cracked open her last water bottle and drank deeply. 

She reckoned she only had another hour, two at the most, of useable daylight. She had better figure out where to camp for the night. Leaning against the boulder the night before hadn’t provided a restful night’s sleep.

Her options seemed limited, and poor. She walked slowly, the base of the volcano at her left. Up ahead, she started to think…yes, she was certain there was an opening in the side of the rock. It was a cave!

The mouth was maybe 6 meters wide, and the roof was well above her head, at least 3 meters high, she guessed. The floor inside was covered with sand. It appeared that the cave had been carved out by ocean waves at two differing levels, as if some violent geological event had pushed the volcano up from the ocean floor; and forming a well-defined ledge, uniformly just below waist-height, all around the back wall and sides of the cave, a hand’s-span deep.

There was no musky smell of animal, no guano or scat. There was some dry leaf matter, blown in around the edges between floor and wall, and scattered on the ledge.

This spot would afford her some protection in case of any storms or wind. Rey brushed her teeth again, then pressed her hygiene kit closed and set it on the back ledge. She sighed resolutely, digging into the laptop compartment of her pack, and pulled out another silver pouch. She had had these sealed kits for years, and to open two in one day?! She closed her eyes and reminded herself, this is what they’re for: emergencies. She ripped open the seal and pulled out a thin poncho. Shaking it out, she revealed a gridwork of deeply pressed folds, but upon inspection she observed that the fabric was sound. She spread it over the sand, toward the back of the left wall, as a tarp. She had not been cold the night before, so she believed she should be fine to sleep again without any additional covering. 

She removed her sandals, and set them to the side of her pack at the cave’s back wall, then stretched out on the fabric-covered sand. Everything was going to be fine. Someone would come for her. Tomorrow. They would take her directly to the med center for treatment of her stomach parasite and she would be fine.

Propping her arms under her head, she looked out into the night. She listened to the rolling waves and the breeze, shushing through the palms and ferns just outside. A shooting star blazed across her visible piece of sky. She stared at the constellations’ lazy spin, and her eyes fluttered closed.


	7. Day Three

Rey woke feeling invigorated, and optimistic that today would be her last day on the island. 

As she stared up at the cave’s ceiling, she noticed that around one side of the mouth of the cave there appeared to be a darkened, smeared streak up the stone. She put on her sandals and walked over to inspect. 

It was only slightly noticeable against the dark stone, but it looked like there had been a fire, just at the mouth of the cave, leaving soot behind. She looked down. There were several melon-sized rocks scattered here that, with just a little rearranging, could make a fire pit. Crouching down, Rey observed that these rocks each showed a blackening on one side. She repositioned several of them into place to create a semi-circle against the opening of the volcano.

Rey came back inside and walked slowly along the walls of the cave, removing dried leaves and a few cobwebs from the small ledge. Her fingers brushed against several hard, loose pieces of something, and she paused to separate them from bits of leaf litter. Here were four long and narrow chunks of white coral, each about the size of her pinkie finger. She took them in hand. Someone had been in this cave. Someone had been on this island.

She looked up at the wall of the cave, above where she had found the coral, and from close up she could see hundreds and hundreds of small white scratches, in groupings of five. She counted twice. 1,530. Mentally she calculated; if those marks represented days, that was over four standard years!

She scuffed over to her rucksack and dug out a package of crisps and a kessinnamon bar, then dropped down onto her tarp, munching and contemplating, and draining her last bottle of water. What did it all mean? At least one person had been here previously. She hadn’t seen any animals on the island, nor had she seen any bones, animal or human. If someone had died here, in the cave anyway, their bones would likely still be present. 

Was it possible there were other people here on the island? She didn’t think so; the island was so small, that if anyone was here they would have seen traces she had left, her tracks and messages in the sand. They would have to be avoiding her deliberately, and covering their own traces. She must be the only person here now.

If these conclusions were correct, it also meant that someone had been able to survive on the island, for a long time. This was reassuring. Rey was quite confident in her ability to survive. Gods knew she had done it before.

  


* * *

  


Rey decided she would leave some of her belongings in the cave. Along the ledge on the back wall, she placed her bracelet and doll next to the sea glass and small shells she had found. Her hygiene kit could stay here. The ombré killisilk sarongs she had purchased for Rose and the baby. Maz’s novels, and her wallet. Three mylar pouches. She stuffed all the empty food wrappers she had been carrying into the silver pouch her poncho had been in, and leaned that on the floor against the back wall. She would keep her sunglasses with her.

Rey sat down again on her poncho, Finn’s gift in hand. It was a large, beautiful pocketknife, inlaid with iridescent mother of pearl. There were two blades, the largest of which was just longer than her pointer finger. There was a mini pair of scissors, a can opener, a screw driver, a small saw, a tiny set of pliers, a reamer, a blade sharpener, and a nail file. On one end there was a small, cross-hatched knob protruding out from the casing. Rey couldn’t pull it out or twist it open, so perhaps it was just decorative. 

She stowed the knife in her cargo pocket. Remaining in her pack were 13 packages of assorted bars, crisps and cookies. All the empty water bottles. Her notebook, two mechanical pencils and a ball-point pen.

Her top priorities for the day were to refill her water bottles, and see what food stuffs could be procured. And see about starting a fire. Maybe dig a latrine.

Rey folded up her poncho and stuffed it in the front pocket of her rucksack, stepped out into the morning sunshine and, dragging her sled and pack behind her, walked over to the cold spring. She was able to refill four of her water bottles. She could refill again this afternoon, after the spring had filled once more.

She continued along the shoreline, re-etching her message at Arrival Beach, and continuing on up to the tide pools. She grabbed her staff from her sled and started stirring around. One of the pools had a fairly large fish trapped inside. Rey knew, in theory, how to clean a fish, but she wasn’t sure she was hungry enough yet to go through with it. At least it was good to know this was one option for finding food.

She worked her way east along the tree line, not sure where to start in her explorations. Leaving her sled at the mouth, she decided to trace the source of the third stream. It was slow going because of all the undergrowth, but she soon arrived at a cold spring much like the one closer to her cave. She had left her digging shell with her sled, but if she needed to she could dredge this spring to facilitate refilling her water bottles.

Rather than follow the spring back, she started walking in the general direction of the beach, winding through the palms and ferns, looking for any edible plants. There were several different varieties of palms. She could see that some of them bore fruit but they were too high for her to climb and there were no branches to cling to. She gave a few of them a hearty shake, and on her fifth attempt, two large nocoberries fell down, almost braining her. She had no idea how to remove the outer husk, but she tucked them in her pack and continued on.

She came across one short and squatty palm with long, fine, hairy fibers shredding and peeling from its trunk. She pulled off several large handfuls, thinking she could try using the fibers for both lashing and fire starting. Hanging down from the top of this tree, just within her reach, was a large bunch of light brown, wrinkly, thumb-sized fruits. She reached up and grasped the bunch and pulled them down. She had never seen anything like them before, but it wouldn’t hurt to see if they were edible.

Her arms full, she headed back to her sled, and, distracted by her contemplation of the fruit she had just picked, almost missed the jogan tree, loaded with fruit, off to her right. She marked the location of the tree, then continued making her way out onto the beach. She had to backtrack a little, but soon reached her sled and dumped the trunk fibers and nocoberries inside. She took a tentative nibble of one of the wrinkled fruits. It had a tough outer skin, but past that the flesh was sweet and fibrous, and there was a large pit in the center. The rest of the bunch went into her sled.

She continued east and, dragging her sled to the jogan tree, picked seven ripe fruits. She ate an eighth right there. She had never tasted anything so sweet and refreshing! The juice dripped down her chin and all over her fingers. She cleaned up using water from one of her bottles, and continued on.

She developed a sort of system as she moved along the curving beach. She would walk a few meters, then leave her sled and press into the trees and undergrowth, then back out, grab her sled, move on, and repeat. There were hundreds of nocoberry palms on this side of the island alone, and she started piling up the fallen fruit close to the tree line so she could collect them later. She found 2 more jogan trees and, just as she was turning south, her foray into the thick undergrowth revealed several muja bushes! It looked like she would have plenty of fruit to eat!

She placed several muja in her sled and moved south, toward the hot spring. She abandoned her gear at the edge of the marsh and went for a quick soak, taking a lunch of muja and her last pack of nerf jerky while she relaxed in the hot water. She scrubbed her hair and skin as best she could, then dressed, collected her sled and continued on.

Here on the south side of the island she used the same system as before, and this time found a large patch of blumfruit bushes. She ate several handfuls, and noting the spot, decided she would return when she could devise some container to hold the berries.

  


* * *

  


Soon she reached her beach, sat down on her boulder, and gnawed on a hangnail. A good day’s work so far. She felt quite relieved to know that there was so much fruit available on the island, though she also knew that too much fruit might disagree with her digestive system. 

Perhaps tomorrow she could look along the north stream bed for wild onions or tubers. She had dug wild onions with the Mothmas, one summer on holiday. The marsh might be a good place to look for cresses or even fuzzy lothtails. Mon Mothma had cooked lothtail root and it was quite tasty, though Rey doubted she could replicate the method, given her lack of cooking implements. Ah well, she would leave that for another day.

Now for the last two items on her to-do list: dig a latrine, and figure out if she could start a fire. She decided to work on the latrine first. At her second home, the Bonteris had signed her up for Adventurer Girls every summer she had lived with them, and she had certified several times in both knot-tying and lashing. That was a long time ago, however, so her skills were sure to be rusty.

She dragged her sled and gear back up to the cave. All the trappings she had left inside were untouched and unmoved. She set her gleaned food items along one side of the cave, on the ledge. She dragged her sled, loaded with the stringy palm fibers, along with her digging shell and the driftwood she had collected the day before, south and east of the cave opening. The key was to dig close enough to the cave to be convenient, especially at night, but not so close that the smell would be bothersome. She chose a small clearing within easy walking distance and surrounded thickly by ferns. This should do nicely. She dug out a narrow hole in the sand, as deep as she could reach, then dropped down in the sand by her sled, to consider how to lash together a small stool using the palm fibers and the driftwood.

After much swearing and several hours of trial and error, she had fabricated a little five-legged stool that she thought would hold her weight. She sat down carefully, and it creaked only slightly. She hoped the driftwood wouldn’t leave splinters in her backside. She considered her creation with a critical eye, then double-lashed all the joinings, set it over the hole she had dug, and decided it would serve.

  


* * *

  


Back at her cave, Rey ate some fruit, a pack of crisps and her last protein bar. The food she had collected at the resort would only last her another two, maybe three days at most, eked out with the fruit. She glanced over at her last three sealed mylar pouches. Those would buy her a few more days. Someone had to come. She looked up at the marks scratched into the opposite cave wall, barely visible from the floor where she sat, and felt her anxiety rising at the sheer number of them. Someone would come.

  


* * *

  


Rey estimated she should still have several hours of daylight left, so she took her remaining driftwood and the rest of the shredded palm fibers over to the rocks she had set up earlier, at the mouth of the cave. She looked through her driftwood until she found a piece with an indented knot and set that in the bottom of the pit. She took a small handful of the palm fibers and placed them on the wood, near the knot, then chose a small, straight and smooth stick, placed one end in the knot and, pressing down, rubbed it back and forth, twisting it between her palms.

After many minutes, a teeny little bit of smoke floated up, attended by a burning smell. She rubbed and blew, blew and rubbed, but neither the wood nor the palm fibers would catch fire. She persisted until the light was almost gone and her hands blistered and bled.

“Kark it!” Frustrated tears ran down her cheeks and dripped into the pit, steaming when they hit the lower branch. She stood and threw the small branch away from her. 

She paced away, stretching her legs and back, and tentatively pressing fingers into her palms. She had better stop for now.

Rey retrieved her water bottle and rinsed her hands carefully, then let them air dry. Readying herself for sleep, she dug in her hygiene kit and found a tiny tube of antibacterial ointment, and rubbed a dab into the broken skin.

She spread out her poncho and lay down, sleep claiming her the moment she closed her eyes.

  



	8. Day Four

_Rey’s alarm clock wouldn’t stop screeching! She reached over tiredly and pounded on the snooze button over and over but it wouldn’t stop!_

She jerked to wakefulness, but immediately regretted it. Her head was pounding and her palms felt hot and swollen. The shrill noise that had inspired her dream was, in reality, a bird squawking loudly outside the mouth of the cave.

Ugh. “Shut up!”

The bird paused for just a moment, then continued with renewed vigor.

She threw her arm over her eyes and considered trying to get back to sleep, but between the bird and her bladder, the chances were slim.

Rey dragged herself to the latrine, exchanging sharp words with the bird as she passed. He was a pretty thing, iridescent green with a shimmering white breast, a wicked hooked bill, and curling black tail feathers. 

Mornings like this, she would love a tall caf, with three sugars and just a splash of cream. 

She perked up slightly when the little stool she had fashioned the day before neither crushed under her weight, nor left slivers in her bottom. But these positives were completely negated by the fact that her period was starting. More than a week early! Fragging perfect.

“What next?!”

She reminded herself that things could be much worse, and made her way back to the cave. She dug into the bottom of her hygiene kit and pulled out a small package. It was a moisture-proof fabric shield that fit into her underclothes, with several washable liners to be inserted into the shield. She never dreamed she would have need of it, especially since her menses hadn’t even started yet when she put the kit together at the age of 13. But she was very glad to have it now.

She picked up one of the remaining sealed pouches and ripped off the top, then pulled out a spare set of briefs. They would be a little too small, but she could use them during her period and could launder her regular pair. The pouch also contained a breast band and a pair of white socks, and a basic short-sleeved knit top and knit leggings. All too small. But they might come in handy, so she rolled everything but the briefs into a bundle and set it all on the ledge.

She could use the pouch to collect some blumfruit berries.

After cleaning up and having a bite to eat, Rey rubbed a little more bacta ointment into her hands. They were just a little tender so she decided not to go digging in the mud today looking for tubers, as she had originally planned. She didn’t want to risk infection. 

Instead she quickly made her usual round of the island, re-etching her messages in the beaches and gathering more palm fibers and several pieces of driftwood, which she brought back… Rey reluctantly realized she was thinking of the cave as “home.” She needed to get off this island as soon as possible. 

She lashed a simple A-frame rack that could be used to dry her bits of laundry and set that in the rear corner of the cave.

It was only mid-morning. There was one last major area of the island she hadn’t explored, and she decided that since she couldn’t dig for onions or other foods, she would try to climb to the top of the volcano.

She put some of the wrinkled fruits in her pack, along with her remaining bars, cookies and crisps; checked she had her notebook and pencils, as well as 4 water bottles, (leaving 2 in the cave); and set out, this time staying close to the rock sides of the volcano rather than walk along the beaches. 

She picked her way slowly around until she got to the northeast face. Here the going looked rocky but not too steep, and she thought she could climb up to the top without too much difficulty. She paused a few moments for luncheon, then started her ascent.

* * *

When Rey finally reached the summit, she was huffing hard and sweating profusely. The stiff breeze had her shivering and she reached into her pack for her poncho. Blast! She had left it in the cave! She tucked herself away from the wind behind a large chunk of rock and looked around. The volcano had formed a long curving ridge of rock, extending crossways through the center of the island.

From this new height, she could see for many kilometers in every direction. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to see.

She scanned the horizon to the northwest, hoping for a glimpse of Skywalker Island; but in vain. Only water and waves, in every direction. She really was out in the middle of nowhere. Her heart sank. How had she gotten so far from the resort? How was anyone going to find her? 

And what had happened to the rest of the wreckage of her mini-skimmer? What if the missing debris had drifted to some other island? What if they had found the wreckage and assumed she had drowned? 

What if no one was looking for her?!

She began to pace along the ridge, consumed by these bleak thoughts.

Finn! Finn would insist on a full search effort. 

But Rose would be having the baby any day now, Finn would be distracted! 

No! He was her oldest and dearest friend; more like a brother, really. There was no way he would stand for anything less than a thorough search.

She just had to make it through until Finn came.

* * *

Rey continued her exploration of the rocky ridge, and came to a small crater, only 15 meters wide or so, filled to the brim with clear water. She peered inside but couldn’t see the bottom. She shivered.

The wind had died down and now, with the sun blazing overhead, she felt like she was baking against the dark rock. It made her think she could try dehydrating some of the fruit or berries. It was a good thing she wasn’t prone to sunburn!

She found a convenient boulder to use as a table, and took out her notebook and a pencil, and tried her hand at sketching the island. 

Blech! She really should have taken that online class Finn kept teasing her about, _Map Drawing for Fantasy Authors._ But she persisted until she had a fair representation of the island. She might almost call it an atoll; the way the little pincers of the cove curved around, nearly touching, reminded her of… “Crab Claw Cove!” she laughed and scribbled the improvised title on her map. 

She supposed she ought to be grateful; this experience would surely become the basis for an award-winning book series! Few authors would ever have such an adventure to draw upon!

* * *

So intent was she upon her map drafting efforts, that she didn’t notice the dark clouds rolling in. The rumbling thunder shook her concentration, and she tucked her notebook into her pack just as the first raindrops hit her head.

By the time she returned to her cave, she was soaked to the skin.

She peeled off her wet clothing, wrung each item, and placed them over the little rack she had formed earlier. She eyed the bundle of clothing on the ledge. 

She changed into the dry clothing. She must have lost a considerable amount of weight over the last few days, because the outfit was only a little snug.

She sat on her poncho and looked out, enjoying watching the sheets of water pour down off the rock entry. It was quite beautiful, really. 

When the rain slowed to a soft sprinkle, she darted out to a small palm tree nearby, and yanked down a handful of fronds, each with several long leaves extending from a central stalk. She briskly shook the water from them, and returned inside. 

After two or three hours of effort, she had crafted several woven mats. She spread these, overlapping in layers, on her sleeping area, then folded the poncho, and stuffed it into the front pocket of her rucksack.

The rain had picked up again and it was starting to get dark. She paced back and forth at the mouth of the cave, munching on a handful of cracknuts and some cookie balls. She finished her dinner with two jogan for dessert.

She took out her notebook and, sitting close to the cave opening, wrote her first journal entry.

She stowed her notebook and readied herself for sleep, then removed her sandals and lay down on her mats; they were only a little lumpy. She closed her eyes but couldn’t sleep.

She rose. She stepped slowly across the sandy floor and felt around in the fading light for the pieces of coral, then returned to her side of the cave. She turned to the rock wall. And hesitated.

She scratched four small marks into the wall, side by side, and returned to her bed.


	9. Day Six

Rey’s fifth day on the island had been spent pacing the cave, like a caged nexu. 

The rain had poured down relentlessly from first light ‘til dark. She had only ventured out, in her poncho, to use the latrine.

Managing her menstruation under these circumstances was quite a challenge, and her flow was scary heavy. She took special care not to stain her clothing though. It wouldn’t do to have blood stains on her bum when help finally arrived.

She tried to read, but had trouble focusing. It was the first time ever that Maz’s words had failed to soothe her.

She wove two more sleeping mats. 

She tried writing but her anxious thoughts wouldn’t let her concentrate on much of anything.

Previously she had determined to try to make her packaged food, pinched from the resort, last as long as possible; at least a day or two longer, but a day pent up with nothing else to do found her finishing off the last of the bars, crisps and cookies, along with the last of the fruit she had with her in the cave.

Rey had formulated a vague idea about how to open a nocoberry so she picked up one from the small pile at the back of the cave. She spent some time first sharpening Finn’s knife, then prying the pulpy, leathery husk away from the rough inner pod. The knife was useless against the hard pod itself, however. She would have to try to smash it open with a rock. She set it aside for later.

When night finally came, she prepared for sleep and scratched her fifth mark on the cave wall. The cave had gotten chilly as night fell, so she wrapped up in her poncho and tried to sleep. After shivering for more than an hour, she fumbled in the dark for the two sarongs. They were large and the thin silk was tightly woven. 

Finally warm, she had been able to drift off to sleep.

* * *

The morning of the sixth day shone bright and cheery, however Rey felt anything but.

At first light, that damned obnoxious bird was back, squawking loudly outside!

She felt around for anything she could throw at him, and found some fruit pits that she ineffectually hurled his way.

“Go away!”

This only motivated him to continue his shrieking, louder than before.

She stumbled outside for the latrine, flinging a handful of pits at him as she passed.

“Leave off, you windbag!”

He paid her no mind.

* * *

Rey gathered her sled and made a quick circuit around the island, re-etching “HELP” in the drying sand of the beaches. She topped off her water bottles, checked the tide pools, scavenged for driftwood, and picked fresh fruit to store back in the cave.

Stowing everything in its place upon her return, she picked up her two remaining, sealed silver pouches and dropped down on her sleeping mats.

She turned the packages over and over in her hands, turning the problem over and over in her mind. 

Placing the pouches back on the ledge, she packed her rucksack with three muja, two jogan and some blumfruit she had picked into the pouch her backup clothes had been in, along with some water.

Shouldering her pack, she walked down to Arrival Beach. She leaned her pack against the boulder, and settled herself on the rock, sitting legs crossed, and looking out to the ocean.

Some new mantras were in order. After much thought and many mental rewrites, she settled upon the following:

_“I am a survivor.”_

_“I have everything I need to triumph over adversity.”_

_“I am stronger than I ever imagined.”_

_“I quash all negative thoughts. I will not fail.”_

She repeated these over and over in her mind. She paced the beach, speaking them out loud.

She spent the day meditating; repeating her new maxims, again and again; looking out to sea, watching the horizon.

Waiting. Always waiting.

* * *

At dusk she returned to the cave. Picked up one of the silver packages.

**“Imperial Industries ~ Emergency Rations. 12 bars, individually wrapped. 2000 calories each.”**

Damn things had cost her a fortune. And with a 25-year shelf life, she had never really planned on eating them. They were supposed to be her permanent emergency food reserve.

With an ill will, she ripped the package open.


	10. Day Sixteen

Rey’s days fell into a pattern and she found comfort in the routine, in exercising some control over her circumstances.

The green bird roused her every morning with excited, noisy squawking; and he often accompanied her on her rounds, swooping noisily from palm to palm, trilling and whistling at her as she completed her tasks. He was partial to blumfruit berries and would perch on her wrist for a few seconds to pluck one from her outstretched hand. “You’re Damned Obnoxious, you know that, right?” she grumbled every morning, when he woke her at the crack of dawn. “As long as we’re clear on that. Henceforth I shall call you D-O, for the sake of brevity.”

Each morning she made her rounds of the island, checking her beach messages, picking fruit, gathering any driftwood she could find. She had expanded her shell and sea glass collection, and had come across all kinds of other items, washed up. Most of it was trash: fireworks casings, smelly carcasses, plastic packaging and crushed bottles, fishing bobbers, a child’s plastic sand shovel. But she also found an orange traffic pylon, an old green and yellow cone-shaped buoy, and a large metal keg that, while now empty, smelled like it had once stored a pungent beer.

She took time every morning to sit at Arrival Beach and meditate, repeating her mantras. She found that this was invaluable in keeping herself grounded and her anxiety at bay. At least one thing she had learned in therapy was actually helpful.

Her sleeping mats would dry out after a few days and make crunching noises, disrupting her sleep; so she made two or three new ones every day, and had gotten pretty fast at it. The whole cave floor was littered with them, the newest, greenest ones being used for her bed.

She had started the huge project of trying to fashion a hammock, crafting a knotted mesh out of the stringy palm fibers. It was slow going but she would add a row or two of knots every day. The whole undertaking might prove futile if the completed item wouldn’t hold her weight. Only time would tell.

She had dredged out both cold springs several times to facilitate refilling her water bottles. She cleaned out the bottles regularly in the hot spring in an effort to avoid making herself sick.

Luckily so far she hadn’t become ill from bad water or her gleaned food stores. She had found some wild onions along the north stream, but in their raw form the flavor was too strong for her tastes, so she catalogued them mentally for future use. The same went for the large stand of lothtails she had found in the marshy south side of the island. Alas, with no way to cook anything…

She had scraped and whittled one end of her staff into a sharp point, and on a handful of occasions, had stood over a tide pool, arm poised to strike at a fat fish below. Sashimi wasn’t her favorite dish, however, and she knew if improperly prepared it was another potential source of stomach parasites. She decided not to push her luck.

She had become quite an expert at cracking open a nocoberry pod between two flat rocks, and the thick white flesh inside went a long way in supplementing her diet.

The emergency ration bars weren’t very filling, but they were nutrient dense so she ate a half portion every day. Combined with fruit and as much nocoberry as she cared to eat, she never went hungry.

On the hottest days she had experimented with drying blumfruit berries, and slices of jogan and muja. She would set the pieces of fruit out on a dark rock, and after about 3 days in the sun it was dry but still pliable. She stashed the results in the empty ration bar pouch and checked it frequently for spoilage or mold, but it looked acceptable. She saved it in case of any storms that might keep her confined in the cave for more than a day or two.

She took a soak in her hot tub every afternoon and washed out her clothes periodically. She would smell quite ripe at such time as help arrived, but there was nothing for it. Her 13-year-old self apparently hadn’t thought deodorant was an important item to include in her hygiene kit, and that was that. Her nose had grown accustomed to her own smell after the first few days on the island and there was no use dwelling on things she couldn’t change.

Every day she made a journal entry, noting the weather and any interesting occurrences, and every night she scratched another little mark into the cave wall, in groups of five.

And every day she tried to start a fire.

She tried rubbing one stick against a larger piece, back and forth. After her hands had healed completely, she tried her original method of twisting a small stick between her hands. She used the spare socks to protect her skin and always took special care not to injure herself. She even experimented delicately with the smaller knife blade and a smooth, flat rock, trying to throw sparks. But she had never seen or been taught the proper technique and didn’t want to risk damaging her knife, so she gave that up after only a couple of attempts.

But no matter how many times she tried, or how long she worked at it, all she got for her efforts was a thin ribbon of smoke, cramped muscles and a stiff back, and a discouraging notion of her own incompetence.

  


* * *

  


Rey became convinced she could subsist, indefinitely. Once her ration bars ran out, she would be at greater risk of malnutrition so she persisted in her attempts to get a fire going. How exactly to clean a fish without retching was a bridge she would cross when she came to it.

And as the days turned into weeks, she simply refused to entertain gloomy or pessimistic thoughts. 

Someone would come for her. All she had to do was stay alive, and wait.

  



	11. Day Seventeen

After her usual morning circuit of the island, Rey sat on the upended keg at the mouth of the cave, kicked off her sandals, and worked two new rows of knots into her hammock. It was coming along nicely; she was maybe half-way done. Another week or so, and she would be ready to try it out.

Out of nowhere, D-O swept in, landed on the nearest palm tree, and regarded her. This was new.

“Begging for berries, little buddy?”

He seized the palm frond tightly with his sharp claws, pumped his wings furiously, and let out a piercing shriek that left her ears ringing.

“What…?”

He repeated his posturing and screeching until Rey covered her ears and stood, backing away from him.

Without warning, he flew at her, straight for her face, and she tripped over, flat onto her back.

He swooped around and around the cave, diving at her with each pass until she waved her arms and hollered, “what are you doing? Stop it!”

He settled again in his palm tree, and eyed her peacefully as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

Rey stood and walked toward him cautiously. “What’s gotten into you, D-O?! What’s the matter?”

He flew away from her and alighted on a fern. She took a few steps in his direction. Again he moved a few meters away and waited for her to catch him up, leading her in the direction of Arrival Beach. What was he doing?

In the distance, she could hear something… She could hear someone shouting!

“Hellooo?” 

Definitely coming from the beach!

Her eyes popped wide and she screamed, “hello! I’m here!” then leaped forward into a sprint. “I’M HERE!”

She pushed through fern bracts and whipping stalks, and burst out of the bracken, onto the beach. “I’m here!” 

Quickly she scanned the scene that opened up before her and drew up sharply, her heels digging into the sand, and then stumbling back, arms wheeling to keep her from toppling backwards. 

It was…Kylo Ren. Not 25 meters away. Standing casually by a mini-skimmer, run aground just at the shoreline. He observed her wild entrance almost nonchalantly, then raised one arm in greeting. “Rey! I’m glad I found you!” 

But then he bent toward the mini-skimmer, and grasping the handlebars, started hauling the machine out of the waves, up the beach to dry sand.

She stared at him, bewildered. She shook her head and whispered to herself, “what the…”

Could she still be asleep? This whole day had felt wrong, from the get-go.

Bemusedly she watched Kylo’s lunging progress. She pinched her arm, hard.

This couldn’t be right. This couldn’t be real. Why would _Kylo Ren_ show up here, by himself? Shouldn’t there be a boat? A coast guard patrol, or some local authority? She scanned the horizon; there was no one else, no other vessels.

She must be hallucinating. Maybe she had gotten a stomach parasite after all and it had burrowed into her brain at last. 

Or maybe…maybe this whole thing was a dream! That made more sense than anything. Any second she would wake up in her gorgeous fluffy bed, enjoy a delicious breakfast, then head over to Babu Frik’s presentation!

Kylo was walking slowly toward her, taking in her frazzled appearance and the crazed look in her eye. 

He was so handsome, his dark hair whipping in the breeze, with his black board shorts, long-sleeved rash guard, and lug-soled water shoes. Coming up toward her, he ran his fingers back through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes.

As he approached more and more warily, she started to chuckle. Her chuckling turned to giggles, and her giggles to wheezing hoots. “Oh, this is really good! This is amazing!” She slapped her hands together and doubled over in fits.

“Rey? Are you alright?”

She chortled, pressing her palms against her thighs, “am I alright?! No, I am absolutely _not_ alright! But this is, hands down, the best dream I’ve ever had!” Finally she stood tall and wiped away tears, hiccupping and gasping.

He raised his hands in a palliative gesture and continued to edge toward her. “Rey?”

She shook her head and took a deep, convulsing breath.

He reached out to her, his eyes widening.

He grasped her upper arms and her mouth dropped open in shock.

“You’re real.”

And everything went black.

* * *

As she came to, she became aware of several incongruent and impossible realities. She had been set down, upon her boulder; she could feel the abrasive texture beneath her. Her cheek was pressed up against damp spandex, over what felt like a very firm, muscular chest. An arm was thrown around her shoulders, holding her up against said chest. She felt a warm hand smooth along her brow, brushing hair back from her temple.

“Rey?”

Her eyes shot open and she leaned back slightly. It was definitely Kylo Ren. And he was definitely real.

He smiled tentatively, “are you okay?”

“Not really, but I’m a little better now.” She paused. “I don’t understand. Why are _you_ here?”

“The resort was working with the locals to send out search parties, this morning. But I know these islands inside and out, so I started early, while they were still organizing.”

“They’ve only started looking for me this morning?”

“Well, your friends were pretty upset last night when you didn’t show up for dinner. And Bebe from the water crew reported that one of the mini-skimmers was missing. They would have started looking last night, but the storm made it impossible. It seems the storm caused you some trouble, too.” He smiled down at her expectantly, as if everything was completely clear now.

But her confusion only grew. “Last night?”

“Right. Well, I really must apologize for all the things Bazine said. You were upset, and I don’t blame you. She’s…”

“Your girlfriend?”

“Bazine isn’t my girlfriend. She’s… well, she’s…”

“A stuck-up harpy?”

He squinted at her wryly. “I was going to say ‘petulant opportunist,’ but yes, ‘stuck-up harpy’ will do.”

Rey pushed back from his hold, leaving unpleasant thoughts of Bazine alone for a moment and returning to the more crucial point at hand. “But I don’t understand how it has taken _seventeen days_ for them to start looking for me? How is that even possible?!”

It was Kylo’s turn to stare, fascinated. “Seventeen days?”

“Yes, _seventeen days_! Seventeen long, horrendous, frightening and dreadful days where I couldn’t understand why no one came to find me!” Rey’s chest heaved. “I will certainly be filing a complaint about this!”

“Rey, I saw you yesterday. Yesterday afternoon, after Maz Kanata’s forum. Don’t you remember?”

She started back, appalled. “Why would you say that?! I’ve been on this island for more than two weeks, scared out of my mind that I was going to die here! Afraid no one was even searching for me! If this is your idea of some kind of prank, or sick joke, I’ll have you know it’s not funny at all!” Tears were streaming down her cheeks, unchecked.

“Rey. I’m not sure what is going on, but this is no prank, I promise. We’ll figure it out, okay? Please.” He held out his hand to her solemnly.

After a couple of steadying breaths, she contemplated his outstretched palm, wiped her cheeks, and took his hand.

“Okay.”

* * *

“Tell me everything that happened, starting with when you left the conference room, after we last spoke.”

Rey animatedly told her whole tale, exchanging places with Kylo: she, gesticulating wildly and pacing back and forth; he, sitting on the boulder, watching her intently and occasionally posing questions.

“…and he came flying right at me! Trying to get my attention! And that’s when I heard you calling, and I ran down here.”

Kylo considered her carefully. Thinking.

“What have you been doing for fresh water?”

“There are three freshwater springs. I have some water bottles from the hotel, that I’ve been refilling.”

“How have you had enough food to eat?”

“Well, I, um…I had some snacks, bars and dried fruit and things, that I had picked up at the resort.” His confused expression told her that this explanation wasn’t sufficient, so she continued, “it’s kind of a habit of mine. Whenever I have occasion to gather food and keep it with me, I do. It helps me feel…safe.”

This seemed to satisfy him. She went on, “and then there’s lots of fruit here on the island, so I’ve been eating that too. And I figured out how to crack open nocoberries, and there are more of those here than I could eat in 50 years! I could fish too, but so far I haven’t been able to start a fire. That has been very frustrating! But I know it’s possible somehow, because I could tell that whoever was here before was able to do it.”

“Wait. Someone was here?”

“Not now. Before. I could tell that someone else had been on the island.”

“Really?”

“Yes. They had a fire pit, and there’s still soot on the rocks, and the wall of the cave.”

“Cave?!”

“Yeah, I’ve been living in a cave. Wild, right?!”

“Will you show me?”

Together they walked up to the cave. Rey entered and slipped on her sandals, then swung back to face him, and spread her arms. “This is home.”

He stood at the entry, taking it all in. He noticed the overturned keg, and tapped at it with the toe of his shoe. 

“I’ve found all kinds of strange things, washed up.” 

And then he reached down and picked up the knotted mesh she had dropped earlier. She walked over and took it from him, “I’ve been trying to make a hammock, but I don’t know if it will work.”

He moved farther in, and stooping down inquired, “what are these?”

“Oh, they’re mats I’ve been making. They’re better than sleeping on the sand, but they dry out after a couple days and make crunchy noises that make it hard to sleep.”

“You mentioned there had been a fire?”

Excitedly, she motioned toward her fire pit, hopping over and crouching down.

“See? These rocks were here already! Some of them had fallen over a bit, I had to rearrange them, just a little. And you can see how they all have this black residue on one side. And then look here.” She motioned to the entrance of the cave, with the sooty streaks. “See that?”

Kylo pursed his lips and inspected each element as she spoke. 

“But I haven’t had any luck getting a fire going, myself.” 

He walked slowly back and forth, pensive. “Anything else?”

“Well, yes.” She led him back inside, to pick up the small pieces of coral, and placed them in his hand. “I found these inside the cave, set on the ledge over there.” She motioned to the spot where they had been, then gestured to the marks she had made. “I’ve been using them to keep track of the days.” Kylo moved closer to observe, and to count. 

“I think that’s what they were here for. The other person was keeping track too.”

His eyes snapped up to hers, from the coral in his hand. “They did?”

“Oh, yes! Over there, on the other side.”

Seeing the marks, he eagerly stepped closer, to scrutinize them up close. He scanned the cave wall, taking in the vast span of little scratches. He reached up a reverent finger and almost touched them. Then…

He spun abruptly toward Rey.

“Rey! Do you know how many there are?” and added in a rush, “don’t say the number!”

“Yes, I’ve counted them several times.”

His eyes were open wide, his lips twitching with excitement. “I know the number.”

She laughed. “You couldn’t possibly have counted them that quickly!”

“Is it one-thousand, five-hundred, thirty?”

She gaped at him. “How could you know that?”

He faced the cave wall again, this time gently sweeping his fingers over the scratches.

“Because I know who made them.”

* * *

Kylo positively vibrated with repressed emotion. “This is…” he strode back and forth. “This is extraordinary!”

“Kylo, will you tell me what’s going on?” Rey righted the keg and sat down, watching Kylo’s movements warily.

He turned toward her, his eyes focusing on her face, and the present situation.

“How much do you know about me?”

Rey snorted, “well, I did create a fan club dedicated to you and your novels, so I think it’s safe to say I know a lot about you.”

He smiled. “Alright. But what about…personally?”

“Well, Jannah did tell me some things about you, but I wasn’t sure if they were true.”

“Jannah?”

“Yes, a friend I met at the resort.”

“Oh, yes, Jannah. I met her. Right.” He walked back and forth. “What did she tell you?”

“She said that…well. She said that Leia Organa and Han Solo are your parents.” She studied him. “Extraordinary, because I didn’t even know they were married!”

He raised his eyebrow, “sometimes they act like they don’t know it, either. What else?”

“She said Luke Skywalker and Leia are twins, but that they didn’t grow up together. She told me their mother died when they were born.”

“That’s all true.” He pressed his fingers to his lips. “But how did Jannah know that?”

“Oh. Um. She had been talking with Leia’s assistant…”

“Poe Dameron.”

“You know him?”

Kylo huffed humorlessly. “You could say that.” He glanced away and murmured to himself, “kriffing weasel.” He regarded her again. “Anything else?”

“She also told me Leia was trying to convince you to break your contract with _First Order Publishing_ and sign with _Organa_.”

“Dameron always loved to gossip.” He rolled his eyes. “Well. Everything Jannah told you about my family is true. My grandparents were Padmé and Anakin Skywalker, and she did die when Luke and Leia were born.” He hesitated, “it’s a long story.”

Rey nodded her head eagerly, indicating he should continue.

“Soon after their marriage, Padmé and Anakin were visiting friends. Cordé Panaka was a childhood friend of Padmé’s, and she and her husband owned the home that is now Skywalker Resort.

“Cordé and Padmé went out sailing, but a sudden squall drove them away from the main island, and capsized the boat. Cordé drowned. But Padmé made it to a desert island where she was stranded for more than 3 months. Somehow she was able to survive.

“Anakin refused to give up the search, even when the wreck was found and both women were presumed lost.

“When Anakin finally found her, she was severely malnourished and he took her directly to the med center. After she recovered, however, it became clear that Padmé’s story didn’t match up with the circumstances. She claimed she had been on the island for over 4 years. 1,530 days, to be exact.” Kylo stared at Rey pointedly, and she sat up straighter.

“But no one could find the island again. They never found any island that corresponded with her narrative. She described a small island with an abundance of fruit and nocoberry. She said there were three freshwater springs, and that she had lived in a cave. She had a pendant that she used to make fire, by striking the metal against a stone.

“Everyone tried to humor her, but they never found the place. Not even after she died. Anakin bought the Panaka residence, and eventually all these islands, and became obsessed with the search. 23 years later he was lost at sea, and his ship was never found.”

“Wow.” Rey sat back on the keg and contemplated the scratches.

“Anakin willed everything to Luke and my mother. Later, Luke bought my mother’s share, and expanded the resort. We would visit every summer, when I was a kid.”

He sat down on a dry mat, leaning up against the cave wall.

“My parents didn’t want me to know, any of it. But some of the resort staff actually knew Padmé and Anakin. They had worked for the Panakas, before. Once I learned that, I befriended them and slowly got them to confide what they knew.

“Then one day I was snooping around in Uncle Luke’s library and found a box, full of news clippings and notes, including an account written by Padmé herself. Luke had interviewed everyone who knew anything about it. He had extensive maps of the ocean currents in this area, and all the islands. He even had notes made by my grandfather, about his searches.” 

Kylo pressed his lips together, swallowing. “That wasn’t easy to read.

“Luke and my mother were furious when they found out I knew everything. I never understood why it was such a big secret.

“Anyway, after that, every year when we visited, I continued searching, using the C-28’s. I almost got myself killed, on several occasions. 

“My mother, and Luke, kept telling me it was all absurd. That Padmé must have been insane, and Anakin too. Maybe they were afraid it ran in the family, I don’t know.”

He smirked. “To be fair, my mother and Luke _are_ nuts. So it probably is a legitimate concern.”

Rey snickered, then shook her head, dumbfounded. “That’s. That’s. Wow.”

“I know.”

* * *

“Don’t you think it’s more likely that one of us has a concussion?”

“Probably.” He smiled at her. “All I know is, I saw you yesterday at the resort. But I can tell, just from observation, that you’ve been here longer than a day. I can’t explain it.” He paused. “And there is no denying that these marks, and everything I’ve seen here, match up with Padmé’s story, exactly.” 

He stood and started pacing again. “There are hundreds of tiny islands in this region, and I thought I had visited them all.” He stopped and frowned at her. “It’s quite a blow to my ego.”

She grinned.

“The one thing that we will have, that Padmé didn’t, is corroboration.” He motioned between them. “We may not be able to confirm it now, but when we get off this island, we’ll be able to verify how much time has passed.”

His eyebrows knit together. “I think that was part of what weakened her so much, afterwards. No one believed her.” His eyes met hers. “But she never wavered from her story. She was amazing.” His gaze rose to the cave wall again. “I always wished I could have met her.”

* * *

They walked back down to the beach, to examine Kylo’s mini-skimmer.

“The engine was giving me fits. Then I seemed to get caught in a strong ocean current, and couldn’t go in the direction I wanted.”

“The same thing happened to me, with the currents!”

Kylo gave the ignition a quarter turn, to activate the electronics. He grimaced apologetically. “It’s out of fuel. This is some rescue, huh?”

“I didn’t think my situation here could get any weirder. And yet here you are…”

He chuckled. 

“What do we do now?”

He deactivated the mini-skimmer’s controls. “Wait, I suppose.”

Rey gazed out to the ocean, scanning the horizon, and murmured, “my specialty.”

* * *

Rey took Kylo on a tour of the island, dragging her sled along with them, gathering a few nocoberries, and pointing out the little tidbits of information she had learned. Where to find the different fruits. Which tide pools usually had fish in them. They refilled the water bottles and she showed him how she dredged out the cold springs.

When they arrived at the small cove, Kylo’s jaw dropped. “Padmé described this very spot. This is just…” He took a few fumbling steps forward. “The way the beach curves around like that, and the rock, there in the water!” He turned back to her, his jaw working, his eyes full of emotion. 

She reached out her hand, and he took it.

* * *

When they reached the hot spring, Kylo paused for several moments, captivated; then motioned toward the natural basin.

“Padmé recounted all of this, too, in great detail!” His eyebrows quirked. “She claimed the hot spring had special healing properties.”

Rey looked at him askance. “Well, I don’t know about healing properties. But I have found it to be quite relaxing.”

“Could we get in now?”

“Oh. I don’t have a bathing suit.”

“We could come back later, after you change.”

“No. I don’t have a bathing suit with me here, at all.”

“Ah. I see.” It was his turn to look at her askance. 

* * *

As they rounded the south side of the island, Rey said, “Jannah told me that ‘Kylo Ren’ is a _nom de plume_ , and that your real name is Ben Solo.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“So do you just go by Kylo now?”

“My friends and business associates call me Kylo, but my parents and Uncle Luke, they still call me Ben.”

“And which do you prefer?”

“I’ve never thought about it either way.”

“What should I call you, then?”

“Which do you think suits me better?”

Rey thought about this for several minutes. “I don’t think I know you well enough yet to say.”

* * *

“There’s a small clearing over there, where I’ve set up a latrine.” She eyed him, up and down. “I don’t think you’ll break it, but be careful anyway. You’re quite a bit bigger than me.”

When they returned to the cave, she asked, “Are you hungry? I’ve got these.”

She picked up her open package of ration bars, took out one and handed it to him. While he read the label attentively, she surreptitiously plucked her little doll from the ledge and tucked it back into a pocket of her rucksack.

“Emergency rations? You brought these with you?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t that a strange thing to bring with you on vacation?”

“I just always kept them in my pack.”

“Why?”

“I just did, okay? Do you want one, or not? Here, I’ve just been eating half. We can share.”

She snatched the bar from him, ripped open the package, broke the bar into two portions, and held out the larger of the two to him. When he took it, she stalked out, into the ferns.

* * *

He found her sitting on her boulder, staring out to the ocean. He walked up next to her.

“I’m sorry, Rey, it’s none of my…”

“I swore I’d never go hungry again. When I was 15, I saved my first seven paychecks, and ordered the bars from a specialty survival shop. I always kept them with me, after that. Never planned to actually eat them.”

She sniffed, and dashed the tears from her cheeks.

* * *

“Do you want to sleep on this side? Here, you can use the newest mats, I’ll make more tomorrow.”

Rey picked up several of her woven mats and together with Kylo spread them on the opposite side of the cave, just below Padmé’s marks.

She handed him three full water bottles. “You can use these ones.”

He set them on the ledge, near his designated sleeping spot.

Then, she dug in her silver hygiene pouch, and pulled out a travel toothbrush, with a head that folded back into its handle.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been using the good one, but this one is brand new.”

He took the toothbrush and turned it over in his hand, his eyes darting toward the mylar pouch it had come from. “Why do I feel like there must be a story behind this as well?”

She grinned up at him.

“One time, at FFY, this lady brought a machine to show us. It would seal these mylar pouches. They had told us that we were going to put together some hygiene kits, and we could keep one. And they told us we could seal two more packs, of anything we wanted to put in them, for safekeeping. 

“There were donated items for the hygiene kits. Toothpaste, a comb, a little first aid kit, and some stuff for the girls.” She glanced up at him, and he nodded. “There were full-sized toothbrushes, and these little travel ones that I thought were so cute. The lady said I could have one of each.”

“What did you seal in your other packs?”

“Most of the other kids had brought toys. One kid brought some candy. 

“But I brought some clothes. And a brand new rain poncho that I’d never even worn.”

“What ever happened to them?”

“Oh, they’re here with me! They’ve come in handy. Waste not, want not, and all that.”

* * *

Later, they were both settling in for sleep. Rey had offered him one of the sarongs, but he assured her that he always slept hot.

She stared up at the roof of the cave, listening to Kylo’s breathing. It was going to take a little getting used to, having someone else here with her. Hopefully it wouldn’t be for long.

Suddenly he asked, “what was the name of the place?”

“Hmm?”

“The name of the place where you sealed the packs? Did you say ‘F-F-I’?”

“Oh. It’s not a place, it’s FFY. _Foundations for Younglings_.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s an after-school and summer program, for…” She cleared her throat. “For disadvantaged youth.”

“Were you a volunteer?”

She rolled to her side to peer over at him, in the waning light. “No. I wasn’t a volunteer.” 

He inclined his head thoughtfully, then tilted his face toward her. 

“Good night, Rey.”

“Good night.”


	12. Day Eighteen

Rey woke before dawn and cracked one eye open to inspect the other side of the cave, more than half expecting it to be empty; her memories of the day before proving to have been the product of her imagination. But there he was. Kylo Ren. Sleeping on the sandy ground.

She got up quietly and after a quick trip to the latrine, rummaged around in her food stores to find some blumfruit berries, and sat down upon the keg, to watch for D-O. 

He arrived just after the sun’s first rays hit the sand outside the cave. Rey offered him the berries in an outstretched palm, and he swooped down, settled on her wrist, and plucked up a berry in his taloned claw. He eyed her suspiciously before scarfing down the morsel, juice dripping from his beak.

She stroked his breast with her finger, whispering, “who’s such a pretty boy? Who’s a nice, quiet boy?”

She heard a stirring behind her, then a rumbly, “good morning.”

She twisted her torso around, “good morning!”

“This must be the bird you were telling me about?”

“Yes! Kylo, this is D-O. D-O, Kylo.”

“Did you know, parrots can live over 100 years?”

“Is that so?”

“It was about 56 years ago, that my grandmother was here.” He stood up and approached Rey and the bird slowly, then gingerly reached out a finger. D-O spread his wings and opened his beak threateningly; Kylo lowered his finger and took a step back.

“Why do you call him ‘D-O’?”

She grinned. “It’s short for ‘damned obnoxious’.”

Kylo barked a laugh. “Really?”

“You’ll see.”

* * *

After a shared breakfast of muja and nocoberry, Kylo and Rey sat on their respective sides of the cave and eyed each other guardedly.

Rey broke the silence, “I was sorry to think I had missed your presentation. But I guess you actually haven’t even done it yet?”

“No, it’s today. Or. Well, this is confusing. It’s difficult to know how to talk about… the discrepancies in the time lines.” He paused, “I did some math, last night, and it’s consistent with Padmé’s experience, that 1 day equates to 17 days here on the island. In whatever this is. A time vortex, or a rift in the space time continuum, or whatever we call it.”

“You’re a _Star Trek_ fan?!”

His lips quirked. “Yes. Also, Einstein.”

“Right, Einstein.” Suddenly she started, “oh! I forgot to make the notch on the wall, last night. Do you want to do the honors?” She leaped up and grabbed the coral, and held it out for him.

He came over and took it, then hesitated. “Should we keep the marks in groupings of 17? Would it make sense to do that?”

“Yes, I think so!”

He nodded, then carefully scratched the 17th mark into the wall, next to Rey’s scratches. He bowed slightly toward her. “We may have to wait a long time, for anyone to come. Padmé was here more than 4 years, but for everyone else it was just over 3 months. They might not be able to find us immediately, and judging from our experiences, the ocean currents might not cooperate; in addition to whatever other forces are at work.”

Rey studied him. “If it’s going to be a long time, then I’m glad I’m not alone. But I don’t really know what to do with myself, with you here.”

He smiled down at her, “what did you normally do?”

“I made rounds of the island, to leave my messages in the sand and to gather food, and anything interesting that washed up, and driftwood. I soaked every day in the hot spring.” She bit her lip, embarrassed. “I hope I don’t smell bad!”

He chuckled, “don’t worry!”

“I would refill my water bottles and dredge out the springs if they needed it, and a couple days when it was really hot I dried some fruit. I was meditating every day, because… well, it helped me. And I made a journal entry every day too.” She pivoted on her heel and thought. “I made two or three new mats every day, and worked on my hammock. I had tried several different methods of fire starting; I worked on that every day, but it was so annoying! 

“I’d really like to try cooking some fish, and I also found some lothtails and wild onions. I thought maybe a thin slab of rock, placed over the fire, might get hot enough to cook on.” She tapped her jaw. “I’ve never cleaned a fish; have you?”

“I have. But I’m not sure how I’d do it without a knife.”

“I have a knife!” She reached into her pocket and handed him Finn’s knife.

He examined it closely. “This came from the gift shop?”

“Yes, it was supposed to be a gift for my friend, Finn. It will still be a gift for Finn, when I… when we get back home.”

He met her eyes, startled, “Finn!”

“Yes, he’s a dear friend…”

“I forgot to tell you! Finn messaged you, to say… Rose?... had gone into labor.”

“He did?”

“Yes. You dropped your phone, in the conference room.”

“Oh! I thought I had lost it in the ocean! At least that’s one good thing!”

“The screen cracked when it hit the floor…”

“Oh.”

“I held on to it, expecting to see you later. But then when you went missing… I hope you won’t mind this, but I switched it on, and you had a message from someone. I tried a few security patterns.” He scowled at her disapprovingly. “I got it right on the third try. You really should have better security on your phone.”

She laughed. “Oh really?”

“Yes, you should. Anyway, I do apologize, but I saw that message. I gave the phone to Luke, and he was going to contact Finn to let him know what had happened.”

“He’ll be very worried about me, so I’m glad someone contacted him. But with the baby coming, I don’t know what he’ll be able to do.”

“And this is for him?” He gestured, with the knife in hand.

“Yes, Finn has a pocket knife collection! I thought this one was so beautiful! Luckily it’s not just beautiful, but utilitarian, as well!”

“The best things always are.”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “Indeed.”

He started pulling out the various tools. “The gift shop’s supplier provides high quality knives.” He pulled out the largest blade and tested the edge gently with his thumb. “I have one at home that I got from the resort, oh, 7 years ago. I haven’t seen this model before.” He snapped the blade back in, pulled out the can opener and brandished it. “We won’t have much use for this, I’m afraid.” When his inspection brought him to the little cross-hatched knob on the end, he pulled and twisted at it.

“I thought that must be decorative, because I couldn’t figure out how to…”

He pushed the knob in, releasing a catch, and it ejected slightly from the casing. He pinched the textured sphere and pulled out a small metal wand, just a bit bigger than a toothpick, with a bud of what resembled cotton wool on the end. It burst into flame when it met the air.

Rey’s eyes and mouth popped wide. She blinked and shook her head. “I. That’s. I didn’t…”

She watched, stunned, as he gently pushed the wand back inside the casing, extinguishing the flame, then twisted the knob to catch in place. He watched for her reaction, apprehensively.

She pointed to the knife, tears beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes. “The guy in the gift shop offered to give me a demonstration. I said ‘no,’ because who needs a demonstration for a pocket knife?!” She turned away, exhaling forcefully and pressing her fingers to her eyes. “That’s funny.” 

* * *

Kylo accompanied Rey on her rounds and it went much faster with two people.

When they returned to the cave, she showed him how she made the mats and he tried his hand at it. To her chagrin, his results were much neater, and completed much more quickly, than her own.

“Well, we know who will be doing this job from now on!” While he swiftly and deftly made 4 more mats, she worked on her hammock. “Do you think this will work?” He took the twined mesh from her and tested the strength of it by first delicately, then forcefully, grasping different sections and pulling. 

“It seems to be of sturdy craftsmanship.”

* * *

After a luncheon of nocoberry, fruit and half a ration bar, Rey found that her work for the day was already complete. She thought about reading, or writing in her journal. Kylo interrupted her thoughts.

“I’d like to go for a soak in the hot spring.”

“You should, yes, that’s a good idea. I’ll take my turn when you come back.”

“Couldn’t we go together?”

“I already told you, I don’t have a bathing suit.”

“Alright.”

* * *

After Kylo left, Rey paced the cave. This was all so strange! 

“I’m stranded on a desert island with my celebrity crush!” If she couldn’t translate this experience into an award-winning fantasy novel series, she could always make a living by teaching emergency survival classes at the community college. 

She picked up her notebook and thumbed through her previous entries. She hadn’t written anything the day before. She sat down and considered what to write.

* * *

After Rey took her soak, she searched around the vicinity of the hot spring until she found a long, narrow rock slab, about 2 centimeters thick, cleaned it off in the spring, and brought it back with her to the cave. She leaned it up against the rock wall, next to the fire pit.

Kylo already had a good fire going, having been left in her absence, with the knife and fire-starter, to see to it. There would be some good coals ready in an hour or so.

“This looks great! Shall we try our luck in the tide pools?” She dropped the knife into her pocket, grabbed her sharpened staff, then indicated with her chin. Kylo stood up from his crouch at the fire pit and brushed off his hands.

“Yes, let’s.”

When they reached the tide pools, Rey hopped from boulder to boulder, peering down and poking around with her staff. 

Kylo called, “how about this one?” at which she bounded over to him, and squinted down into the water. 

“Yes, I think this one will do nicely!” and she raised her staff, ready to strike down with the sharp end. She hesitated. “I don’t know if I can…”

“Should I try?”

She handed him the staff and backed away, to give him room. He raised the pike and froze, only his eyes moving, following the movements of the fish. When his arm drove downward it was with such speed that Rey thought she must have blinked at just that moment and missed it after all. He gripped the staff firmly with both hands and lifted a fat, scaled fish up out of the water, wriggling on the end of her improvised spear. His eyes met hers and his mouth quirked minutely. 

She regarded him, enthralled. “How did you do that?! Well done!”

They stepped off of the boulders and onto the sand, at the water’s edge. Kylo seized the fish and yanked it from the spear.

Rey swung around and swallowed hard.

“You don’t have to stay, I can take care of it.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t usually have a weak stomach.”

“It’s alright. Why don’t you take this, and I’ll meet you back at the fire in a few minutes?”

She took the staff from his hold and dug the knife from her pocket. “Do you want the large blade, or the small one?”

“If it’s sharp, the small one might work best.”

“Yes, I sharpened them both.” She folded out the small blade and offered him the handle. “I really am sorry.”

“I don’t mind. You could look for some long sticks, in case we decide to cook the fish that way.”

She inclined her head toward him, carefully avoiding another glimpse of the dead fish balanced in his large hand, and returned to the cave, picking up 3 long, thin branches along the way, that she thought might serve their purposes. 

The fire had burned down and there were plenty of hot coals. She carefully placed the narrow stone slab across the fire pit, balancing it on the rocks on either side, and then used one of the sticks to push the coals under the slab, to heat.

She fetched her socks, in case they were needed as hot pads, and then hunted around for several large leaves they could use as trenchers. She brought the keg over to serve as chair, then the cone-shaped buoy was pressed into the sand, small end first; and she settled in to wait.

* * *

Rey licked her fingers with gusto, sighed contentedly, and sat up straight, leaning away from the small pile of sharp bones in her lap, to find Kylo watching her steadily. She froze. “Oh. I went a bit savage, didn’t I?”

His face was nearly expressionless, with only a small twitch under his left eye. “Your satisfaction is a pleasure to behold.”

“It was really very good! Where did you learn to cook like that?”

Kylo’s face broke at last, showing his dimples, and he shrugged his shoulders in a self-deprecating mien. “I think your opinion is strongly influenced by the circumstances, but thank you. My father used to take me camping.”

“I can’t imagine what it would have been like, growing up with Leia Organa and Han Solo as parents!”

He snorted. “Not so idyllic as one might imagine. I suppose all families are like that.”

She averted her gaze. “Mmm.”

Rey rolled up her leaf trencher and pushed it into the coals, then left her improvised chair, and stepped over to the rock wall, by the side of the fire pit, and sat down in the sand, her back pressed against the warm stone.

After a few moments Kylo joined her and together they watched the last of the orange and purple sunset fade away, through the palms.

She turned to him. “I am glad to have you here with me.”

“I’m glad to be here.”

“Thank you for dinner. I’m going to turn in.” She tucked her chin behind her shoulder. “Night.”

“Good night, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to see the clothes I imagine Rey and Kylo wearing, you can [click here for Rey](https://photos.app.goo.gl/ED4QY34ir9mHgFGw7)  
> or, [click here for Kylo](https://photos.app.goo.gl/xLj27ByA5mX9Ncva8).


	13. Day Nineteen

The shrieking wouldn’t stop! Rey threw her elbow over her eyes. “Ugh! No!”

Kylo grumbled from the other side of the cave, “can’t you hit snooze?!”

Rey sat up and squinted out into the morning sunshine. “D-O! Stop!” She dragged herself over to her fruit stores, picked up several of the wrinkly fruits and tossed some his way. “Shut up, you beast!”

“Give some here,” Kylo urged.

She glanced over, startled to notice his pale torso was bare. She blinked; then threw the remaining bunch to his sleeping mat. 

He took them in hand and stood, then moved, slow and menacing, toward the cave opening. “You only get one more warning! Stop right now!”

D-O continued his cheerful reveille, unaware of the doom about to befall him.

Kylo popped a single fruit from the cluster, retracted his arm, shoulder and back taut, then let it fly. It whizzed by D-O’s head, possibly even skimming his feathered cheek.

The squawking ceased, abruptly. D-O shook himself and fluffed his feathers, clearly incensed, and peered down at Rey, offended. Raising his beak in the air, he gave one final, wobbly trill, and departed in a flash of tail feathers.

“You’ve hurt his feelings,” Rey giggled.

“Little monster was aptly named,” Kylo rumbled.

Rey laughed until she cried, falling back on her sleeping mat. “Oh! What a throw! That was the best!”

Kylo chuckled, watching her. He sat cross-legged on the edge of his mat, then plucked another fruit, and nibbled at it. “I’ve never eaten these fresh.”

Rey breathed deeply, still giggling, and sat up. “Oh? What are they?”

“Dates.”

She tilted her head quizzically. 

“That’s what they’re called, ‘dates.’ I’ve only eaten them dried before.”

“Oh. I’ll have to try drying some, I dried some of the other fruits.”

“Yes, you mentioned.”

“I was stuck in here one day when it was raining, so I dried some fruit, just in case something like that happened again. They’re in this pouch.” She opened the packet and looked inside. They seemed fine. She sniffed. Smelled fine too. She passed it over for his perusal.

“That was a good idea. We could smoke some fish, if we could figure out a good set up. It never hurts to prepare for a rainy day.” He pressed his tongue into his cheek, as if he wasn’t sure she would appreciate his twist on the old adage.

She raised an eyebrow. “No, it doesn’t. Along those lines, I was thinking that it might be a good idea to save the ration bars. I know they don’t taste that great, but they do have a lot of calories, and they’ve got added nutrients.” She hesitated, “but it would mean you’d have to clean a lot more fish. Would you mind?”

“No, I don’t mind. Good thinking.” 

He reached over and grabbed his rash guard, which he must have used as a pillow. As he put it on, Rey observed that his whole upper body was riddled with scars, a couple of them quite gnarly. She averted her eyes quickly.

Suddenly he stood and pulled his sleeping mats to the side. He started digging around in the sand with his toes. “Something’s been jabbing into my back. While I’m thinking about it I’d better see what…” He dropped down and pulled something up out of the sand, brushing it clean and holding it up to the light. It was a narrow, broken shell fragment, just longer than Kylo’s hand, and slightly curved. He turned it carefully this way and that, inspecting. “It’s been sharpened. Just on this end.” Then, so softly Rey thought she wasn’t meant to hear, “she was amazing.”

  


* * *

  


As they walked their morning chore circuit, Rey offered timidly, “I feel I must apologize.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry you’re here.”

“Last night you said you were glad I’m here.”

“No. What I mean is, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Stranded here. This can’t be the way you want to spend your time, and it’s my fault! If I hadn’t been so childish, if I hadn’t been so careless, this never would have happened!”

Kylo stopped in his tracks. She took a few more steps, then slowly swiveled to face him, focusing on his feet. “I’m really sorry.”

“Rey. How could you think I don’t want to be here? I’ve been trying to find this place for 20 years! Anakin searched longer than that! If it wasn’t for you, I may never have found it! Don’t apologize, for any of this!”

“But this can’t be what you were hoping for! Stuck here with a stranger, for who knows how long?!”

“I couldn’t have dreamed up a better holiday if I’d tried.”

She raised her eyes to his, incredulous.

“Really. Here I am, in a tropical paradise. For every 17 days I’m here, lazing about, I only miss one day of work. I have everything I need: clean water, plenty of food to eat, shelter. A charming and resourceful companion.”

She snorted.

“Luke should sell exclusive vacation packages, just to this island. People would pay a fortune.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Rey. This is the greatest thrill of my life. Truly. I can never thank you enough, for being the catalyst.” He walked toward her, his lips pressed together. “Furthermore, it’s an idea goldmine for my next novel.”

Rey’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought the same thing!”

He reached for the strap of the sled and took it from her hand. “We’ll collaborate.”

She scoffed, “sure we will.”

  


* * *

  


“Four years is a long time.”

Kylo paused his mat weaving. “Yes, it is.”

“It’s a long time to be alone. But it’s also a long time to be with only one person, day in and day out.” She concentrated studiously on her hammock, refusing to meet his gaze.

“We don’t know how long we’ll be here.”

“That’s true. Someone could come tomorrow. Or. It could be longer. Than four years.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think we’ll get tired of each other?”

“First you say you don’t want me here, now you’re saying you’re sick of my company?”

Rey laughed, “you know what I’m saying! We don’t have to always be together. It’s a small island, but it’s not _that_ small. You don’t have to hang out with me all the time. If there are things you want to do.”

“The options are rather limited.” He tucked the last leaf tip around and back into the weave and set the mat aside. “But I would like to scout around some more.”

“I thought today I’d dig up some lothtail root. And collect some wild onions, to add to tonight’s dinner. I could do that, while you explore a bit.”

“I’ll take the staff, and see if I can’t spear a fish, on my way back. Have you climbed the… the…” He motioned upwards, to the roof of the cave.

“I think it’s a volcano.”

“Have you climbed it at all?”

“Yes, it forms a kind of ridge, crossways through the island. There’s a great view from up there.”

“Was it difficult to get to the top?”

“No, there’s a pretty good spot to start from, past the cove, but you have to go over by where the… oh, hold on.” Rey retrieved her notebook, flipping pages until she came to the map she had drawn. She knelt by his side and indicated, “see here? On this side, over by the muja bushes. It’s not too steep here.”

“May I?” He reached for the notebook and, taking it, stood up and moved toward the cave opening, where the light was better. He studied it carefully. “You sketched this?”

“Yes.”

“Why are there so many spiders?”

“Spiders? What are you…?” She grabbed the book, twisting away from him and stepping farther into the light, poring over her drawing. Her shoulders started shaking.

“Oh. No, Rey! I was teasing!”

She spun back to him, her eyes full of mirth, “you moof milker! They _do_ look like spiders!” She examined her map and chortled, “it’s even worse than I thought! Oh no!” She cackled with glee. “Well, you see here where the spiders aren’t quite as thick? That’s a good place to climb from!”

  


* * *

  


“Dinner was delicious, thank you.” Rey lay back on her mat and yawned.

“The lothtail and onions were a nice addition. When Luke expands the resort to include this island, he’ll have to hire an in-house chef.”

“Thinking about a new career, are you?”

Kylo deadpanned, “not yet. I’ll keep it in mind, though.”

Rey stifled a soft burp and folded her arms beneath her head, staring at the blue and purple flashes outside. “It might get a little cooler in here, when the storm hits.” She reached over and grabbed the two sarongs. “Do you want one of these?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

The lightning was getting closer; the storm could break upon them any moment. Rey tucked the sarongs around herself and settled back in. “How was your climb today?”

“Good. It was very windy, with the storm coming in.”

“It was windy the day I was up there, too.”

“That natural cistern was interesting. How deep do you think it is?”

“I don’t know. Maybe if we were up there on a sunny day we’d be able to see into the water better.”

“Mmm.”

“Wait, what did you do? You didn’t get into it, did you? Because that’s our drinking water, you know!”

He chuckled. “It’s well-filtered.”

“You did something, didn’t you?”

“Good night, Rey.”

“Mmm.”

  


* * *

  


Rey watched the lightning for what felt like hours; it was mesmerizing. The thunder was so close it rattled her teeth.

Suddenly the temperature dropped with the barometric pressure, and there was an eerie silence that dragged on for several seconds. Then, with a sizzling crack and a deafening boom, water crashed down, pouring in solid sheets over the cave mouth. Rey shivered and drew herself into a ball. She peeked over at Kylo, then whispered, “are you awake?”

He must be a very deep sleeper. She shivered again and rolled to her back. Closed her eyes, relaxed her shoulders, and tried to focus on the sound of rushing water.

Kylo took a deep, shuddering breath. Rey turned toward him. He still appeared to be sleeping, but fitfully now. He moaned as if in pain. 

She hissed, “Kylo?”

He moaned again.

Louder this time, “Kylo, wake up.”

He groaned, “nooo!”

Rey sat up. “Kylo.”

“Kriff… kriiiff!” 

She got up and stepped lightly to Kylo’s sleeping mat, knelt by his elbow, and whispered, “Kylo!”

His expression was distraught, and he groaned again. She placed her hand flat, between his shoulder and chest, and pushed gently. “Kylo!”

“No! NO!”

She pressed her palm to his cheek, her fingers lightly brushing his ear. “Ben? Ben, wake up.” She stroked gently with her thumb, between his eyebrows. “Ben.” She ran her fingertips down his cheek, and rubbed her knuckles back and forth along his scruffy jawline. “Ben, it’s alright. Everything’s alright.”

Gradually his face relaxed and the nightmare, whatever it had been, seemed to pass. She swept the hair back from his forehead, lingering just a moment longer.

She returned to her mat and lay down. Curling on her side, she watched his peaceful slumber and listened to the rain, until sleep claimed her as well.

  



	14. Day Twenty

Rey woke with a pounding headache. She threw her arm over her face to block out as much light as possible, and cracked one eye open to peek beneath her elbow. Ben was standing near the mouth of the cave, his back to her, legs braced, silhouetted against the pouring rain. Dripping slightly at the edges. She dropped her arm back down and wished she could get at least 2 more hours sleep. She sat up, and rested her forehead in her hands. She folded up her sarongs and set them in their place, then reached for her poncho and slipped it over her head.

She got up, slipped on her sandals, and went over to stand by him. “Hi.”

“Good morning. You slept late.”

She regarded him, sidelong. “The storm kept me up. It didn’t bother you?”

“I’m a deep sleeper.”

“Mmm.” She noted his wet hair. “You could borrow my poncho, next time you go out.”

He eyed her. “I don’t think it will fit.”

“Well it will be fun to see you try, anyway. I’ll be back shortly.”

When she returned, she grabbed the drying rack and draped the poncho over it.

“It appears you’re about to get a taste of how annoying it is to be cooped up with me for the day.” She grabbed a nocoberry and started removing the outer hull. 

“Let me try?” He took it from her and made quick work of it.

“You’re just better at everything, aren’t you?”

“My hands are bigger, that’s all.” He gave her a crooked smile. “This rain certainly puts a damper on our daily schedule, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. I drove myself nuts, last time I was shut in all day. I’ve got a book, if you want to read. Other than that… yeah, it’s going to be a long day.”

“What’s the book? Not one of mine?”

“Sorry, no! Actually, it’s Maz Kanata’s _Dragon Claw_ trilogy. Have you read it?"

“Isn’t that for children?”

“It’s categorized ‘Young Adult,’ yes. It’s one of my favorites.” Her eyes twinkled. “Are you too mature for Young Adult fiction?” 

“Are you saying I’m old?”

“Of course not! You’re the one calling my literary preferences into question! If you’ve never read it, you should. It’s very good!”

“Apparently I don’t have many other options.”

She turned away, kneading at her neck and shoulder.

“Here, may I?”

She glanced back at him, and he motioned to her shoulders. She stepped closer, offering him her back.

His hands were very warm, and he had a gentle but firm touch, working the kinks out of her neck, shoulders and upper back. It was heaven. “You can do that for as long as you like. Forever, please.” Her eyes drifted closed and she moaned softly. His fingers convulsed, the tiniest bit. “I’m not used to sleeping without a pillow. Or on the ground.” 

He chuckled and gave her shoulders a final squeeze, backing away. “It’s not the most comfortable, is it? I’ve thought of making some kind of pillow, or head rest. Maybe your hammock will be more comfortable.”

“I think I can finish it today. It won’t be much use on a night like last night was, though. But a pillow is a great idea! What were you thinking?”

“I’m not sure, what do we have to work with?”

She thought. “Well, we could always try weaving a casing from leaves, and then stuffing something into that; maybe some of this stringy bark? I don’t know, though, the leaves dry out so quickly.” She paced. “I do have these extra clothes, but I was kind of keeping them for… back up, you know?” She grabbed the bundle and weighed the alternatives. “They don’t fit very well; I mean I was 13 when I packed them. But I, uh…” She took a deep breath, then continued in a rush, “I was glad I had them, the leggings anyway, because I had my period, before you got here, and it was a little difficult to manage, in these conditions.”

“Ah.”

“It’s ok to talk about things like that, right? I mean, we’re living in close quarters, if we’re here for a while I won’t be able to hide anything from you.”

“Of course.”

She pulled out the top. “But maybe we could sacrifice the shirt?”

He took it from her and shook it out, appraising the size of it. “If you really don’t mind, I believe we could make two small pillows from this. We could try different fillings. If the palm fibers don’t work, maybe dried moss? Or the fluffy tops from the lothtails? We’ll figure it out. After everything dries out.”

“I like it!”

* * *

The rain pounded down all morning. Rey darted outside to gather a few leaves so Ben could make the day’s mats, then he removed the husks from all the nocoberries they had, and planned out a method to try fish smoking. Once it stopped raining he would see about putting that plan into motion.

Now he was sitting opposite her, back against the cave wall, engrossed in Maz’s book. 

Rey put the last few rows of knots into her hammock and watched him furtively. His dark hair in disarray about his face; the constellations of moles; the scruff around his jaw and mouth; his dark eyes, so soulful; his broad shoulders; the little crinkle between his eyebrows. Even his knees were well-formed. It really was unfair, how good-looking he was. Without even trying. She knew that not everyone appreciated his beauty. Most of the men in the fan group had let it be known, quite emphatically, that they didn’t understand the appeal. The ladies, on the other hand, had engaged in several long, spirited discussions on the topic. She remembered back to one particularly raucous exchange, instigated by an obsessed female group member; chock full of innuendo and interesting words like “knobstick,” “slagger,” and “kumbang,” with a healthy dollop of profanity on top. Several members had quit the group after that disaster. She snorted at the memory.

The sound broke his concentration, and he caught her staring at him. He smiled hesitatingly. “What?”

“Oh, nothing! I was just thinking about something... else.”

He glanced down at her hands. “Are you finished?”

“Yes, I think it’s big enough now! If you’ll help me get it set up later, we can both try it. After this rain stops.” She indicated the book with her chin. “How do you like that so far?”

He frowned, pondering. “Her descriptive language is excellent, and comprehensive without becoming tedious. The plot is appealing. Her characters are well-realized. She certainly knows her target audience.”

“What do you mean by that?

“It’s a bit formulaic. ‘Outcast but scrappy young person reluctantly goes on a quest and finds they have inherent, extraordinary powers that set them above their peers.’ Kids love that nonsense.”

Rey opened her mouth and glared at him for a moment. “Nonsense?!”

“Well, isn’t it? Real life isn’t like that.”

“But her books aren’t supposed to be anything like real life, at all! It’s fantasy! They’re meant to be inspiring, and uplifting! I certainly did find them so.” She stuck her nose up, miffed. “Anyway, if fiction is to be criticized because ‘real life isn’t like that,’ then _your_ novels are absolute poppycock!”

“At least my protagonists work for their successes, it isn’t handed to them on some genetic or prophetic silver platter!”

“Oh, please! Your _male_ protagonists are just as ridiculous as anything out there!”

“I thought you liked my books?”

“I do! But don’t pretend that your fiction isn’t ego-stroking escapism, just like everyone else’s!”

“Ego-stroking?!”

“Men like to think of themselves as heroes, or white knights. I guess you know your target audience just as well as Maz does!”

“If my books are such sexist drivel, then I don’t understand why you like them?”

“Women can relate to male characters.”

“So you think of _yourself_ as a white knight?”

“I like to think of myself as independent and capable. All I’m saying is that your criticisms of Maz’s novels could be used against yours, just as easily! You have to admit it!” She sniffed. “And anyway, you killed off your most interesting female character. Pairing Revan with the beautiful but dopey Nomi was just… lazy writing! Bastila was his equal in every way, and you dispatched her in three sentences!” She considered him. “It must say something about your opinions of women. At least with Maz’s books, when there is a romantic element, the partners are equally matched; a good balance for each other!”

“I’ve never heard this criticism of my work before.”

“Then your editors did you a disservice.”

He leaned back. “The editors at _First Order_ aren’t the greatest. I’ll grant you that.” He shook his head. “However I must protest one of your points; I hold womanhood in very high esteem. Surely you wouldn’t accuse me of being a male chauvinist?”

“You’ve been perfectly affable and gentlemanly, in person.” She thought. “And it’s clear you admire your grandmother, a great deal. Perhaps your work doesn’t adequately reflect your personal opinions.”

“Mr. Snoke has had very strong feelings about the creative choices, in both of my series. It has been stifling at times.”

“Why do you stay with them?”

“My current contract includes one more novel in the _Bound for Sorrow_ series, and another trilogy. That will take at least another 3 years.”

“Oh. But why did Poe Dameron tell Jannah that you were leaving _First Order_ and signing on with _Organa_? He made it sound like your being here was part of the deal.”

“That idiot doesn’t know his arse from a brula fruit. My mother knows I can’t get out of my contract now. And anyway, I’m not the only presenter at the conference that isn’t signed with _Organa_. Babu Frik is a freelancer.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“She was offering me… an olive branch, of sorts. By giving me the presenter’s slot.” His jaw tensed. “Our relationship has been… strained. For several years. We’ve only just started talking again.”

“Oh.”

“I will most likely sign with _Organa_ , eventually.”

“Oh.” She paused. “I hope I didn’t… by anything I said...”

“Of course not. I’ve developed a thick skin.”

“Okay. Good. Because I really do love your books! Revan is a well-written and impressive protagonist. Sexy, too. Gives a girl a standard to reach for, in a man.”

He laughed. “Thank you.”

* * *

“I’m going to step out for a few moments.”

“You really should see if this poncho could fit.”

She jumped up and grabbed the poncho, offering it to him. Reluctantly, he came nearer. 

“I don’t know. A little water never hurt anyone.”

“Oh, just try it!” And with that she reached up to drag it over his head. 

He bent down slightly, to facilitate her efforts. His head popped into the hood, his cheeks and chin squeezing through the opening. His expression was impassive.

She giggled. “See, what did I tell you? A perfect fit!”

He grumbled. “I’ll be back.”

* * *

“It’s starting to ease up.”

“Finally!”

Together they stood at the mouth of the cave and gazed out as the rain slowed to a determined drizzle, then a light sprinkle. It was almost dusk.

“I’m afraid it is too wet for you to try your hammock tonight.”

“I was just thinking the same thing. Is it too late to get a fire going?”

“We could try.”

They dragged some of the driftwood out to the fire pit. Ben grabbed the ends of one especially large branch and snapped it into several pieces. Rey detoured quickly, to stop herself from ogling. She brought some of the stringy palm fibers for kindling. Soon they had a merry, snapping fire.

Ben took the pike and the knife, and went to see what he could find, while Rey set up the area. With the heat from the fire, the sand soon dried a bit.

While she waited, she took the empty water bottles and the digging shell to check the condition of the cold spring. The water was murky, swirling with sand and mud. She dredged out the bottom. It would have to settle.

Ben wasn’t back yet. There wasn’t much time until nightfall, but she grabbed an empty pouch, walked over to the blumfruit patch, and heaped the packet full.

Back at the fire, Ben was sitting, sullenly poking at the coals with a long stick. “I couldn’t find anything.”

“That’s alright. I’ve got some blumfruit, and there’s plenty of nocoberry! Maybe we could try toasting some!”

* * *

“Careful! That’s going to burn!”

“Ow! It’s hot!” Rey laughed, much more loudly than the situation called for. She had spent too much of the day pent up in an enclosed space. She stretched. “I don’t feel like sleeping yet, do you?”

“No, let’s walk. Down to the beach?” He offered her a hand up.

“Alright. How far did you get, through the book?”

They chatted, this time calmly, about the plot and characters of Maz’s fictional world. Ben’s likes and dislikes, and Rey’s likes.

The moon was full, casting a shimmering, evanescent light on the tranquil waves. A gauzy mist swept over the beach in tiny gossamer whorls. She stopped in her tracks.

“Oh. It’s beautiful.”

Ben teased, “you’ve never seen the moon before?”

“You’re such a moof milker!” She huffed, good-naturedly. “I didn’t spend much time down here at night, before. It felt creepy when I was alone.” She balanced on her rock, drawing her knees up, with her chin resting on them; and wrapping her arms around her legs. Everything was so serene. It was easy to forget their dire situation, and just enjoy the gentle breeze, the mellow waves, the moon’s soft glow. She inhaled deeply. It all seemed like a dream.

Ben walked over to the mini-skimmer and dragged it farther from the waves. He turned the ignition, but it didn’t activate any of the little lights this time. The battery must be dead. He sat down backwards on the saddle, kicking his legs up, and lounged against the handlebars, enjoying the view.

After a long time, he stood and wandered along the shoreline; stopping occasionally to pick something up or skip a few stones out into the water. She smiled fondly.

He continued on, far down the shore, then made his way back, bringing something in his hand. He offered it to her.

She dropped her knees to sit up cross-legged, and put out her hand to receive it. It was a large, unbroken sand dollar, almost the size of her palm, and bright white. She observed it carefully in the moonlight, turning it this way and that, to see all the curved markings, and gently brushing her fingers along the hollow in the back. She tipped her head back to thank him and… her words caught in her throat. He was standing very close, studying her face attentively, unhurriedly taking in each feature, halting when his perusal reached her mouth. His expression was guarded but intense. He raised his eyes to meet hers. 

She blinked, and drew back just a fraction, as he continued to watch her. She cleared her throat softly and delicately wet her bottom lip, his eyes tracking the motion, his own lips parting slightly.

“Thank you!” Her voice squeaked and she cleared her throat again. “Thank you.” She smiled crookedly, forcing herself to keep eye contact. “I’m just going to… good night!” She slid away from him and off the boulder, his eyes following her silently the whole time. She forced herself to walk casually, despite her burning skin and racing heart, into the cover of the ferns. Only when she was sure she was out of Ben’s sight did she stop and press her hand up against a palm tree. She bent double, wheezing. “Frag it!” Panting as if she had just run a foot race, she put her hand over her mouth and whispered, “get it together, Niima! You always make things weird! Kark it!” She looked down at the shell in her hand. “Stop it, idiot!”

When she had calmed a bit, she hurried to the cave and readied for sleep. Lying down, she willed her heart rate to settle, breathing slowly and forcing her muscles to relax. When she finally dropped off, he still hadn’t come in.


	15. Day Twenty-One

Rey was more than a little nervous the next morning, to even open her eyes. What if he was upset, because of the night before? What if he hadn’t come back at all?

She opened one eye, just a sliver, just enough to see his form across the way. She let out a low breath of relief. Hopefully the damage wouldn’t be irreparable. How could it be? She would simply explain what had happened and he would understand. Everything would be fine.

As she wrestled with these uncomfortable thoughts, her eyes focused and she realized he was awake, and watching her too. Oh. She croaked out, “hi.”

“Hello.”

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Not really.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” She rolled onto her back. She wasn’t sure she could get out what she wanted to say, if she made eye contact with him while she said it. “I’m. Sorry. About last night.”

He didn’t reply. He must be really weirded out after all.

“I’m sorry. For acting weird.” She inhaled sharply. Better get this out quickly and get it over with. Like ripping off an adhesive bandage. “I just. There was a moment when… I mean…” Poodoo, what if he laughed at her? “There was a moment last night when I looked up at your face… and just for a second. I mean…” She cleared her throat. “Just for a second, it seemed like you might… kiss me.” Still he said nothing. Well it was out there, now. Best keep going. “And I know it’s ridiculous. I know you _wouldn’t_ do that but still… in that moment, that is what my brain gave me to work with. So I apologize if I acted strangely.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Exactly. I know. I know that. You don’t have to explain, I get it.” Why didn’t he laugh, so this whole thing could blow over? She twisted her face toward him, hopefully. But now he actually appeared angry. Not a good sign. “I promise. I understand! I mean it, truly!”

“You do.”

“Yes! I mean, look at you! You’re… you’re…” Now he seemed offended. This really wasn’t going well.

“Alright Rey, fine, there’s no call to…”

“Well, there’s no getting around it!”

“You can drop this now, Rey.”

“You’re _gorgeous_! Look at you! I know when I’m outclassed! I’m not completely oblivious!”

“What.”

“I’m a realist. I know how things work. I promise, I won’t get confused again! And anyway, I know you have a girlfriend! I know that! So we can just forget this ever happened and enjoy our exile in friendly fellowship!”

He leaned up on his elbow. “I do not have a girlfriend. I feel certain I’ve mentioned that before.”

“Oh. I reckoned you were just upset with her, or something. That you’d had a quarrel.”

“To whom are you referring?”

“Bazine. Your charming companion.”

“Bazine is _not_ my girlfriend.”

“But, Poe said…”

He leaped up in a fury and started stomping back and forth, yelling. “Will you STOP telling me what Poe said?! I hate that guy! He’s been ruining my life since I was 7!”

Rey sat up quickly, scooted over to the cave wall, and drew herself into a ball, her eyes wide. 

He rounded on her suddenly and held up a finger, pointing at her. “And _don’t you dare_ say you’re sorry!”

“Okay?”

“Anything that idiot said is his responsibility, and his alone!” He swiveled away from her, grabbed handfuls of his hair in both hands, and blew out a deep breath. Then took several more cleansing breaths. “Anyway, I’m the one who’s sorry. I usually have more success keeping my temper under control.” He smoothed his hair sheepishly and sat back down on his mat. “All that therapy, for nothing.”

“Oh, I know all about that!” She chortled heartily, and after a moment, he joined her. 

“So if Bazine isn’t your girlfriend, why was she there, hanging on your every word?”

“Right.” He rolled his eyes. “Hux is a friend, from college. I had been telling him about this place for years, so when he heard I was coming to the conference… it was kind of like dominoes, really. He and Gwen are practically engaged, so of course she was included. Then Gwen mentioned it to Bazine, and Bazine insisted on coming. And Mitaka is in love with Bazine, poor fellow, so he came along as well.”

“And I don’t guess _Organa Publishing_ paid for their trips?”

“They got a group discount on their rooms. That’s all.”

“Oh. Poe really did get most of it wrong, didn’t he?”

“He loves a juicy piece of gossip, even if he has to invent it first. He really should have gone into journalism. Missed his true calling.” He grinned.

He was adorable when he showed his dimples. Rey shook herself mentally. Stop it Niima! Idiot! Idiot! She jumped up. “Well then, I’m glad we cleared this all up!” She stepped closer and extended her hand, “Will you shake on ‘friendly fellowship?’”

Ben took her hand reluctantly. “Rey, I don’t…”

“Great! Good chat!” She cast about and reached for her sandals. “I really need to see a man about an akk, so if you’ll excuse me?” She fled into the sunshine.

She felt pretty good about that. She had come through essentially unscathed, her dignity mostly intact. She hadn’t _outright_ admitted to having a crush on Kylo Ren. Surely he would forget the whole thing ever happened. 

As she thought it over, though, she realized she had been thinking of him as “Ben” ever since the other night, when he’d had that nightmare. Interesting.

After visiting the latrine, she walked down to the beach and sat on her boulder. She really should start meditating again. She needed to stay grounded now, more than ever.

  


* * *

  


When she returned to the cave, Ben had a lovely breakfast laid out for her. 

“Thank you, this is so thoughtful! If I had a bed, I’d eat it there, but alas!”

He chuckled. Good. He was going to play along and pretend like nothing had happened. 

“I spent some time meditating. I think I need to start doing that again, every morning like I was before. If that wouldn’t inconvenience you.”

“Of course not. In fact, my therapist is always encouraging me to take up the practice. Perhaps I should join you.”

Rey was startled. Having him within 50 paces of her would not help her achieve inner peace. She smiled, only a little stiffly. “We can start tomorrow, first thing!”

“Wonderful. Today I wanted to set up a smoking station.”

“Why don’t you go ahead and start on that, and I’ll make the circuit. Do you need me to bring anything in particular?”

“We’ll need all the usual materials; palm fibers, leaves, any driftwood you can find, of course. And if you don’t mind scouting for large flat rocks?” He indicated the desired size, with his hands. “If you find some that are too heavy, I can retrieve them later.”

“Sounds great!” She gathered her sled, pack, and staff, checked that she had all the empty water bottles, and that the knife was in her cargo pocket. She popped the last berry into her mouth, and stuffed a large-ish piece of nocoberry into her pocket. “See you in a while!”

As she rounded the north beach, she started to whistle, a happy little morning ditty Mon Mothma had often sung while cooking breakfast. Suddenly D-O swooped in front of her and up into a tree.

“Well, hello sir! How are you this fine day?”

They carried on a lively conversation, around the whole island. But when she neared the cave, he perched in a squatty palm and glowered down upon her imperiously. She stopped to see what the fuss was. He squawked at her quite vigorously for more than a minute, then was gone in a flash. She giggled.

“Was that D-O?” Ben called from his pile of rocks.

“Yes! I think he was scolding me.”

“He doesn’t like me, I’m afraid.”

“Can’t say as I blame him!” She teased. “Here’s what I brought.” She surveyed his chosen spot. “This is a good place. We shouldn’t get smoke coming into the cave, from here.”

“Yes, that’s what I thought too.”

Together they unloaded the sled.

“These rocks should work well, thank you.”

“There were others like them, if you need more, or, there were some that were bigger.”

“We’ll see.”

“While you work on this, would you mind if I went and took a bath?” She corrected herself, “I mean, went for a soak?”

“Of course not. I’ll take a turn later.” 

  


* * *

  


Rey grabbed one of the sarongs and headed to the hot spring. She really needed to do her laundry, hopefully the sun was hot enough to dry her clothing without too much ado.

She undressed and scrubbed out her clothing with a will, then wrung it out and lay it over some convenient bushes. 

She really wished she had some shampoo, or soap. There were plants that could be used as cleaning agents; Rey kicked herself for not paying more attention to Mon Mothma’s anecdotes. Learning how to live off-grid had been a hobby of hers, and she had known more about herbal medicines than anyone. 

She washed, and lay her head back against the rim of the basin, to rest. She must have fallen into a doze, because next she knew, the shadows had shifted and she splashed awake at a sound, disoriented.

Ben was shouting from a distance. “Rey!”

She called back, “Oi! I must have fallen asleep! Give me a minute!”

She scrambled out of the water and grabbed the sarong, drying herself as best she could. She drew the square of silk behind her back, brought two corners under her arms, crossed them at her chest, and tied them securely behind her neck, making sure the front panels were overlapping adequately. Then she gathered up her damp clothing and slipped her sandals on. “Where are you?”

“Here.” He called through the brush, and she walked toward the sound of his voice.

“I’m all done, if you’re ready to take your turn!”

He emerged from the scrub like some fearsome mythical deity. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I dozed off, I guess. It’s all yours!” She scurried away and left him to it.

  


* * *

  


She draped her clothes over the drying rack and placed it in the sun outside the cave. She grabbed the other sarong and tied it securely around her waist, knotted at the side. She would have to replace these, for Rose and the baby; they would be ruined. Finn’s knife too.

She walked over to inspect Ben’s progress. It looked like his smoking oven was ready to try out, all they needed was some fish. 

She wandered back to the cave. Why was she so tired today? She ran her fingers through the snarls in her hair, then grabbed the comb to finish the job. 

She took her hammock and went out to seek a likely spot to set it up. She found two palms of adequate distance from each other and tied the support ropes as tightly as she could. She would ask Ben to help tighten them.

“Rey?”

“I’m over here!”

“Ah!” He approached her, smirking. “When I saw your clothes over there, I wasn’t sure what to think!” He inspected her work. “Are you ready to try this out?”

“I’ll have to change first, the knots would rip this silk, for sure. Do you think this placement is okay?”

“Yes, I think so. You won’t know until you try.”

“Will you tighten the fastenings for me, please?”

He tightened each juncture and stepped back. “You did good work.”

For some reason, at this simple praise, Rey felt tears prick her eyes and she blinked them away before he could notice. “Thank you! Do you want to try it first?”

“Absolutely not!”

She opened her mouth, insulted.

“I won’t chance breaking it! You have first rights, as it should be!”

“Oh, alright!” She gave one final tug on the line nearest her. “You’re finished with your project as well?”

“Yes, I think so. If I can spear a few fish tomorrow morning, we can give it a try.”

“How did you know how to put that together?”

“My father’s friend, Chewie, used to come camping with us sometimes…”

“Chewie...?”

“Hmm… now that’s a long story…”

They rambled back to the cave. 

“The only other thing I wanted to tackle today, was your pillow idea.” Rey grabbed her little t-shirt and offered it to him. 

He shook it out. “My plan is to split it up the sides, and cut both the front and the back into rectangles. Each one could fold back on itself to form the case.”

“Will we have to sew around the edges? The knife has a reamer, but I think it’s meant for leather.”

“You don’t have a sewing kit?”

Rey chuckled. “No! The one thing I don’t have socked away in my rucksack! I’ll know better for next time!”

Ben’s mouth twisted wryly. “At least you came prepared! I didn’t contribute anything at all.”

Rey clicked her tongue and shook her head but didn’t speak all his contributions aloud. His strong shoulders. His skilled hands. His pleasant companionship. She retrieved the knife and handed it to him. “Well, we’ll figure it out. Want to go ahead?”

He folded out the blade and slipped the sharp end into the side hem, his muscles tensed to slice up the side.

“Wait!”

He relaxed his grip. “Second thoughts?”

“Just a moment.” She peeped up at him, contrite. “I think we’re going about this the wrong way.” She reached out her hands for the shirt, and he gave it to her without hesitation. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of this, originally. How could we use the items we already have, without destroying them? I’ve got these leggings, this shirt, the two sarongs, the poncho. As long as it’s not cold, we could use all of those. See! If I roll up the leggings, then I can fold the waist around, like this! I can use that one! After I change, we can fold these sarongs and stuff them inside the shirt with the poncho, for you to use. I’ve got my other shirt, too!”

“I could add my rash guard, as well.”

“I just feel stupid for not thinking of it before!”

“’Stupid’ is not a word I’d use to describe you, Rey.”

She beamed up at him. “Now we’ve got that sorted, what’s for dinner? I’m starved!”

  


* * *

  


Rey spectated as Ben prepared their supper, over the fire. Deftly tending the fish fillets, chasing the wild onions and lothtail root slices around and around on the hot stone. 

He lamented, “if only we had some citrus!”

He was entrancing. She smiled. “I’ve decided.”

He inclined his head toward her, distracted. “Hmm?”

“Ben.”

He turned his face to her, questioningly. 

“Ben. It’s the name that suits you.”

Those dimples were going to be the death of her. 

  


* * *

  


“Yes, I’m sure! I’ll be fine! Besides, if it breaks or if I topple over sideways, I don’t need a witness!”

“Alright then. Good night.”

Rey walked out into the dusky night and stood face to face with her hammock. It was the moment of truth! But now the moment had come, she didn’t actually know how to get into it. She swung around and hitched her bottom up onto the edge. Put just a little of her weight on it and… the hammock flipped away and she landed on her derriere.

She tried coming at it front ways, grasping the knots with her hands and rolling in. She kept on rolling and landed in a heap. “Oof!”

She tried getting in sideways, backways, every way she could think of. She rolled in backwards and diagonally and…she was in! She breathed heavily. That was a workout! She wedged her little pillow under her head. Her feet were too high, so she shifted carefully to get properly placed. Her hair got stuck in the knots and she had to pull free. The buttons on her pockets got caught in the loops. The rough fibers irritated her skin so she had to be arranged just so. Finally!

She closed her eyes and… now she had to pee. Had she really forgotten to go, in her excitement? Ugh. She extricated herself and made a quick trip to the latrine, then started the whole process over again, this time without the hair pulling.

She gazed up at the stars and tried to wind down. Calmed her breathing. Closed her eyes. Listened to the gentle breeze. Felt the warmth leech out of her as the wind whistled and swirled around her. Tried to curl into a tighter ball. Started to shiver. Drew her hands up under her arms. Clenched her chattering teeth.

“Damm-mmit!” She rolled out and fell awkwardly to her knees in the sand, shaking. She grabbed the pillow and her sandals, and admitted defeat.

Quietly, she tiptoed in to her sleeping mat and lay down, trying desperately to control her ragged breathing.

Ben whispered, “Rey?”

“Ham-mmock n-needs-s work-k.”

“Are you okay?”

“F-f-fine.”

“Were you too cold?”

“N-no.”

She could hear some shuffling, from his side of the cave. He scooched over to her, with the sarongs in hand. “Here, you need these.”

“N-no. I’m f-fine. R-reall-ly.”

He spread them over her delicately. “Don’t be silly. You’re freezing. Here.”

“N-no. Y-you n-need-d th-them.”

“Do not. Here. I can tell you’re cold. Let me warm you up.”

And to her horror, he lay down next to her and grabbed her by the arms, pulling her into his chest. “You’re a human popsicle!” One arm went under her head and around to her opposite shoulder, while the other hand chafed her arm, back and hip, and brushed her hair back from her forehead. He tucked her feet between his calves.

She closed her eyes and tried to pretend this wasn’t the single most embarrassing experience of her life. Tried to pretend that she wouldn’t want to die when she had to look him in the eye, in the light of morning.

For now she snuzzled her face into his chest, and tried not to think of anything at all. He smelled of woodsmoke and wild onions. Her own arms were curled up between them, her hands pressed up under her chin. In short order he had her temperature back to normal, and then some. She sighed and whispered, “thank you.”

“Better now?”

“Yes. Thank you, Ben.”

He set her away from himself, knelt up and tucked her carefully into the sarongs. Then he picked up her pillow and gently slipped it under her ear, pushing her hair back from her neck and cheek. Suddenly she was weeping.

“Rey! Rey! What is it? Are you hurt? Talk to me!” He lay back down next to her and took her in his arms again.

She slithered one of her hands up out of her wrappings and pressed the border of the scarf to her eyes. Between sobs, she assured him, “no, no! I d-on’t know what’s wr-ong with m-e! I’m s-orry! I’m okay, r-eally!”

“Shh! Shh! Everything is alright. I’ve got you. Just sleep. You’re safe. Shh.”

His words only made her wail even more mournfully, completely powerless to stop. He rocked her gently, whispering into her hair and running his palm in soothing circles on her back, until her sobs turned to hiccups, her hiccups to soft snores.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Full disclosure, I don't know anything about anything. I just want to put it out there that I'm no expert in wilderness survival, and I don't guarantee I won't get stuff wrong.  
> Plus, some of the laws of nature and physics don't always apply in my fictional world, obviously.  
> So...enjoy!


	16. Day Twenty-Two

Rey opened her eyes to find Ben observing her from his sleeping mat, just like the previous morning. All the events of the night before came back to her in a humiliating rush, and she wanted to run away. But before she could say anything:

“Rey.”

She closed her eyes and wished she could disappear.

“Rey.”

“Yes?”

“Look at me.”

After a few moments and several shuddering breaths, she opened her eyes.

“The other day you said something very profound.”

She had no idea what he was getting at. She blinked. “I did?”

“Yes, you did. You said that because we’re living in close quarters, we can’t hide anything from each other.”

She closed her eyes again and a single tear dripped from her eyelashes to her mat with a little plinking noise. She nodded.

“Rey.”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t want you to apologize for what happened last night. I don’t want you to apologize for anything, ever again, as long as we are here. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“If we are going to make it through this, we have to work together. And that means there will be times when you will need my help. There will be times when I will need your help, too.”

She nodded, then pressed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets, and rolled onto her back. She blew out a long breath. “Okay.”

“I want you to promise. No more apologies.”

“Not even if I behave like a cantankerous shrew?”

“Not even then.”

“Okay.”

“Say it.”

She took a deep breath. “I promise not to apologize ever again, as long as we are on this island.” She studied him a moment. “You have to make the same promise.”

“Fine. I agree. I rarely apologize, under any circumstance.” 

She snorted. 

  


* * *

  


“…I like to use mantras, to help focus my thoughts. Some people just relax, and breathe, and let their mind wander. I’ll sit on my rock, over there.”

“Alright, I guess I’ll sit here.”

Ben settled on the mini-skimmer; Rey took up her usual spot, and thumbed through her notebook to review the mantras she had used previously. Some of them seemed like they might be counterproductive and not very helpful in her current situation. 

_“I am enough. I am worthy of friendship and love.”_

_“I am deserving of good things.”_

Best not to focus on “love” right now, or good things she wanted but couldn’t have. And these ones:

_“I am a survivor.”_

_“I have everything I need to triumph over adversity.”_

_“I am stronger than I ever imagined.”_

_“I quash all negative thoughts. I will not fail.”_

Now that Ben was here, she had no doubt someone would find them. It was only a matter of being patient. So these credos she had written, while she was trying to bolster her courage, now felt like hyperbole. What was the biggest challenge before her now? Where did she need to focus her emotional energy?

She knew she was in serious jeopardy of falling in love with Ben. The risk increased exponentially, every day she spent with him. She knew she had a tendency to be clingy and needy in relationships; and to fall too hard, too fast. And when the day came that they were rescued, he would go back to his exclusive, prestigious life, and she would be left alone and forgotten; again. Just like always. 

That was where she needed to focus. On being smart and keeping her heart securely locked away. On being a friend but nothing more. On protecting herself from what could only end in bitter disappointment and heartbreak.

She jotted down:

_“I am a level-headed and intelligent woman.”_

_“I choose not to repeat the mistakes of my past.”_

_“I value platonic friendship and cheery cooperation.”_

Repetition would be key. Heaps and oodles of repetition. 

  


* * *

  


“I’ve been racking my brain for everything I learned from Uncle Chewie, and I think we’ll need to dredge the fish with salt, before we dry it. It will be more like a jerky, but it will decrease the likelihood it will make us sick.”

“With salt water?”

“We’ll distill most of the water out first, and make a brine, if not a completely dry salt. We can use the smoking oven. If we can find some small shells, we can put salt water in them, and pack them into the upper level of the oven. We can add seawater and repeat until we have enough salt.”

“Okay, so we need to find a bunch of shells that would work?”

“Yes. That is the first step. We will have to filter the seawater, and the best option for that will be to use one of the silk scarves.” He frowned apologetically. “It might discolor the fabric.”

“Oh, I know they’re going to be ruined. I’m planning on replacing them for my friends anyway.”

“I mistrust that your friends will be concerned with souvenirs, when they see you again.”

She pressed her fingers to her lips. “You know, you’re right. I hadn’t thought of that, exactly.” She pondered. “Still, I always planned to bring gifts for them. Anyway, I can get new sarongs, at the gift shop.”

“I have no doubt the resort will be happy to provide replacements. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Oh, no worries, you don’t have to…”

“I’ll make sure of it. Now, have you ever gone clamming?”

  


* * *

  


“Here, can you hold the shell, and I’ll scrape into it?”

Rey held the large shell just under the lip of the cooking platform, where Ben had sautéed some finely chopped nocoberry with wild onions. They took this mixture over to the smoking oven, where he had already stoked a fire, which had now burned down. He placed some green shavings over the coals, and they loaded up the top section with the clams they had found that morning in the cove. Together they placed the flat rocks back over the top oven section, and waited.

After about 15 minutes, they removed the top again, and all of the clams had popped open. Ben pushed them out of the oven onto a large leaf to cool. Then, with the knife, he scraped the meat from each smaller shell into the large shell with the onion mixture. He set the clamshells aside, in a little pile.

“What we really need is some white wine, and butter.”

“It looks delicious! You won’t hear any complaints from me!”

“You haven’t turned up your nose at anything I’ve offered so far.”

Rey grinned. “When you make something awful, I’ll let you know. The only thing missing is…”

“Fresh herbs? Garlic?”

“A fork.”

  


* * *

  


“Mon Mothma would love it here. She knew all about finding edibles in the wild. I’m sure there are at least 10 additional plants we could harvest, in the south side marsh alone. If only I knew what they were. Problem is, if you make a mistake, it can kill you.”

“No pressure.” Ben chuckled. “Is she your aunt?”

She picked at a little thread, fraying from the hem of her capris.

He had tipped the mini-skimmer on its side, and they were settled in the sand, leaning against the padded saddle. Watching the sun set over the waves.

She fixed her gaze on the horizon. “She was almost my mother.”

“How does that work?”

“I was placed with her when I was 12. And her son, who was 18 at the time. I lived with them for about a year and a half.” Her face brightened. “She gave me the poncho, for my birthday! It was the first time I ever had my own birthday cake! I don’t know my real birthday, so Mon Mothma said she would share hers.” Her voice quavered. “She started adoption paperwork.”

“What happened?”

“She died. Brain aneurism. Her son tried to get guardianship, but child services wouldn’t allow it. They said he was too young; that it wasn’t ‘proper.’ When it didn’t work out, he went off to college. And I went back into the system. Until I was 18.”

Ben murmured a quiet sound of acknowledgement.

Rey leaned her head back against the skimmer and looked up as the first stars twinkled into view. “She would love it here.”

The silence stretched out comfortably between them. “She insisted on tucking me in, every night at bedtime. Even though I protested, and said I was too old for such things.” She smiled, wistfully. “She said no one is too old to be tucked in.”

  



	17. Day Twenty-Four

“You’ve been here a week, today.”

“So I have.”

Ben was perched on the keg, working at a nocoberry husk, while Rey finished her breakfast.

“Or, I guess it’s only been a half a day, depending on your point of view.”

Ben chuckled. “True. It’s been the most interesting half day of my life. Without question.”

Rey pondered his features, amazed at how evocative his face was. There was always some new expression to appreciate, some new quirk. She sighed, then offered, “I wish there was something we could do to celebrate, but I can’t really think of anything. There isn’t much to do for fun around here.” 

His jaw flexed, and he observed her pensively, a merry twinkle still in his eye. His scrutiny dropped to her mouth, and rested there for a moment too long. When he finally looked away, she licked her lips self-consciously, worried she had a smear of jogan juice, or dates stuck in her teeth.

“I think we dried enough salt yesterday. This morning I could stoke the fire, and while you do the rounds I could try to spear some fish. If we could get the smoker set up for a trial run, we could climb up to the cistern this afternoon. For a change of scenery.” Ben finished pulling off the shredded nocoberry hull, folded the blade back into the knife, sat up straighter, and stretched his back and arms, grimacing. “Ugh. I lifted too many rocks, the last couple of days.”

Rey stood and tentatively moved to his side. He squinted up at her quizzically. She brought her closed fist to his shoulder and started to knead at the muscles with her knuckles, in a circular motion. 

He breathed out an indiscriminate, quiet exhalation of contentment. She placed her other hand at his collarbone to steady him, and continued her ministrations to his shoulders, neck and upper back. Her fingers tingled with friction against his rash guard. He relaxed and leaned against her, wrapping his arm gently around her legs, just at her knees, and pressing his cheek against her hip. When she finished, she experimentally drew her fingers through his hair, back from his ear. He sighed, gave her legs a little squeeze, and tipped his face up to her. She pushed his hair back from his forehead. “Your hair is fabulous, you know that?”

“Really?” He appeared unconvinced.

She continued to run her fingers through his dark, wavy mane, as he didn’t seem to mind. Distractedly, she asserted “mmm… yes, we all agreed.”

“ _We_?”

Her eyes snapped to his. “Oh! Um… that is…” She bit her lip. “The ladies. In the group.”

He sniggered and drew back, releasing her. “I didn’t realize my hair was a topic of conversation.”

“Oh, yes! It was universally agreed upon!”

He raised one eyebrow. Her stomach rumbled loudly, and he reached for the nocoberry he had just shucked. “Are you still hungry?”

“Nope. Just trying to change the subject. Worked pretty well, I’ll have to keep the method in mind for future use!”

  


* * *

  


On their way to the tide pools, they took a detour to Rey’s hammock. 

“I don’t know. It wasn’t really cold that night, but with no protection from the wind, my core temperature just plummeted. I think I would need a thick blanket, to sleep in it at night.” She sized him up. “But maybe, since you sleep hot, it would work for you? Do you want to try it out?”

She held the edge steady while Ben rolled into it. It was just barely long enough to fit him. He pendulated for a few seconds, considering. “It feels plenty sturdy. Maybe I’ll try it some night. When it’s especially hot.”

“I don’t think it will work for me. So if you can’t use it to sleep in, maybe we could use it as a fishing net?”

He huffed and looked up at her affectionately. “Everything seems to come back to food, with you.”

She snorted, “it kind of does! It’s like you know me already!”

  


* * *

  


By early afternoon they had rigged up a drying frame above the smoker and suspended several thin fillets down into the smoke pouring out of the stone oven. “If it doesn’t work to cold smoke them in the open air, we can try to make a rough blanket of palm fibers or leaves, or bark, to wrap around the whole thing and contain the heat. We’ll try it this way today and see how we do.” Rey had collected a bundle of wild onions and attached that to the top of the frame as well, and Ben assured her that when those were dry they could pulverize them, to flavor their food in different ways.

After a quick lunch of fish and muja, they made their way around to the north east side of the island, and started climbing to the rocky top ridge. Ben insisted on carrying the pack, and attentively gave her a hand up over the largest boulders. It was a beautiful, clear day, the sun blazing down from overhead. Rey unrolled the sleeves of her button-down, removed it and tied it snugly around her waist. 

“Do you sunburn?”

He laughed. “Ah! You’ve guessed my secret. That’s why I always wear a rash guard.”

“Oh. I’ve always hated my freckles, but I don’t sunburn so that’s one good thing.” 

He mumbled something she couldn’t make out.

They traversed the craggy curved backbone of the island, against a breeze just strong enough to keep the temperature pleasant. When they reached the cistern, Rey leaned up against the rim and peered down into the water. Even with the bright sun, she couldn’t see more than two or three meters into the water. Below was only inky blackness. 

“Did you try to determine the depth, when you were up here before?”

He contemplated her wryly, leaning the pack up against a large boulder. “No. It wouldn’t be wise to tamper with our fresh water supply.”

“Is that so?! You had me convinced you’d been up here skinny dipping or something!” She slapped her hand down, throwing a spout of water up into his face.

“Why, you…” he retaliated in kind, and soon they were both whooping jovially, breathing hard, and sopping wet. They stepped back from each other, pausing to regroup and consider other strategies. He eyed her up and down then moved toward her like a loth cat stalking his prey. She remained motionless as he advanced, her eyes wide. Just as he reached out to grasp her biceps, she slapped her fist into the water again, propelling a tiny jet of water directly into his ear.

He yelped, and started back, giving her a moment to twist away and out of reach, hooting in triumph.

“You’ll pay for that!” 

“Not today!”

“That’s right, I’m a patient man.” He winked. “Believe me.”

Her heart stopped and restarted in a split second. Winking just wasn’t playing fair. She continued to back away from him, around the rocky curved basin.

He sat on the edge of the cistern and wiggled a finger at his ear, mumbling. “Little minx.” He gestured for her to come nearer. “Come here, sit by me.”

“No, thank you. I’m fine over here.”

He smiled sweetly. “Smart girl.”

  


* * *

  


They lounged about and enjoyed the view for another half hour or so, then decided to make their way back down to check on the fish. As she walked the path ahead of him, Rey caught a glimpse down her front and realized that her nipples were hard as pebbles, pressing firmly against her still damp breast band and white tank. Fan-fragging-tastic! The white fabrics had probably been completely sheer, or near enough, when they were soaked! She quickly put her button-down shirt back on, rolling the sleeves and knotting the front hems at her waist. She was utterly mortified, especially since she had been the one to start the water fight. She berated herself half the way back, for her stupidity. She tried to act normal and nonchalant. Maybe he hadn’t noticed. Maybe the situation hadn’t been as conspicuous as she feared.

She peeked back at him, over her shoulder. He appeared to be at ease. He caught her glance and smiled.

No. Maybe he hadn’t noticed at all.

If he seemed to hold her hand just a little longer than was strictly necessary, as he helped her back down over the rugged shale; well, that must only be her overactive imagination.

  


* * *

  


“These are a complete failure.” Ben took the little fillet in his hand and snapped it cleanly in two. It was charred, almost through to the core.

Rey choked back a giggle. 

“I cut them too thin. And left them too long.”

She held out her hand and he gave her half. She nibbled at it dubiously. “Maybe we could use them as… pencils? Darts?”

He smirked at her, as he untied the remaining fillets and tossed them into the coals. He brushed his hands together, then quickly swiped his thumb along her cheekbone, leaving an ashy streak. Her mouth popped open with surprise. “Stinker!” 

He chuckled, then brushed her cheek lightly with his knuckles. He reached up and untied the bunch of onions. “These seem alright, though.” He handed them to her.

She rubbed one of the long leaves between her fingers, analytically. It shattered easily into gritty, crumbly flakes. She smelled the bits, then took a tiny taste. They were… onions. 

“What will we do with them?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

  


* * *

  


Ben speared a large, pink-fleshed fish for their supper, and the salt and crushed onions really did add some lovely flavor.

She licked her fingers noisily. “Do you usually cook a lot?”

“Not really. It’s not very satisfying to cook just for myself. I usually keep it pretty simple. You?”

“Oh no! I’m a horrible cook! It’s a shame, because I do love to eat!” She considered, “I can cook pasta. And warm up sauce from a bottle. I’m quite good at that, if I do say so myself!” She beamed at him.

He studied her carefully. “I would love to cook for you, when we get back and I can get some really good ingredients.”

She froze. “Oh. Oh. You shouldn’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend we’re friends.”

“We’re not friends?”

“I mean, you don’t have to pretend that we’ll see each other, after this. You don’t have to say that.” She twisted away unhappily, blinking back tears.

“What do you mean, pretend? Why couldn’t we see each other?”

“Stop it! I know who you are, and I know who I am!”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“This situation is ridiculous!” She brushed tears from her cheeks. “Someone will come for us, eventually, and you’ll go back to your life, and I’ll go back to mine! I’m not stupid! I know how things work!”

“Rey, I…”

She burst up from her seat and dashed her leaf trencher into the fire, her chest heaving. “Thank you for dinner!” and she bolted for the beach.

  


* * *

  


He dropped down next to her in the sand and leaned up against the mini-skimmer.

“I don’t understand what just happened. I don’t understand why we can’t…”

“Please. I’m begging you. Stop.” She shook her head and pursed her lips.

“Rey…”

She whispered, “Ben, please.”

He heaved a sigh. “Alright.” He bent his knee and rested his arm upon it, his eye tracing the curve of her cheek and jaw. “Do you want to tell a story tonight?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay, I’ll take another turn.” He stared out to the waves for several minutes.

Their evening storytelling tradition had been solidified the night before, when Ben had told her the story of the first time he had met Chewie, and how he had given him his unusual nickname. Because wee 4-year-old Ben couldn’t pronounce his real name, ‘Chewbacca’. He’d had her in stitches before his tale was finished.

Tonight, Rey closed her eyes, listened to the wind and the waves, and tried to relax.

He snickered, and she turned toward him expectantly.

“Poe’s mother and my mother have known each other for years. When we were little, they used to get us together to play, and took turns minding us so the other could go for a night out. So one time; Poe was probably 6 and I was 7, Poe decided it would be a good idea for us to sneak out after dark, down to the canal near their home to salt snails...”

Rey shifted around and leaned on her elbow, against the skimmer. She settled in to watch as Ben lost himself in the humorous retelling.

“…and we’re shaking in our boots at this point, and we hear his father thundering, ‘POE DAMERON, HAVE YOU BEEN DOWN AT THAT DAMNED CANAL AGAIN?! And what did we do? We did the only thing we could do, of course; we came out from underneath the porch, and squelched out before his father, like men, and denied it, vehemently! With mud dripping down our faces and pooling on the floor all around us!”

Rey wheezed, “you didn’t!”

“We did! We weren’t allowed to leave our parent’s sight, for many weeks after that. I think his father actually took us out into the yard and sprayed us down with the garden hose!”

“Oh, no!! You naughty little scoundrels!” 

“That’s what my mother used call me, a ‘scoundrel’. Often, when I was young.” He chuckled softly at the memory.

“But that wasn’t really your fault! You were led astray by young Master Dameron!”

“Yes! Exactly! That’s what I tried to explain to my parents, but they wouldn’t have it. They said I had to set a better example, since I was older.”

Rey fizzed with mirth, giggling quietly and observing Ben. He ran his fingers through his hair, returning her attention, grinning and shaking his head. “He got me into trouble more times than I could count.”

She leaned her head back, contemplating the bright constellations, and breathed deeply. “The best friends always do. But then they are always there to help you get back out again.”

“Yes,” he conceded, “I suppose you’re right about that.”

  



	18. Day Twenty-Nine

Their days fell into a comfortable pattern. Ben quickly perfected the fish jerky and would make a new batch every other day or so, and they would usually have it with lunch. As long as they finished it within about three days, it didn’t seem to spoil or cause any ill-effects. 

Ben went to great lengths to present new flavor combinations for Rey to enjoy, and had created several different marinades, both savory and sweet. Her favorite so far had been a muja-onion combination, and the left-over compote was delicious fresh as well, eaten together with the flaky fish they had shared at dinner.

They experimented with roasting the nocoberry, which results Ben had pounded into a rough flour, and made a crispy coating for the fish fillets, baked in the smoking oven. Rey thought she would die, it was just that delicious.

They took time to meditate every morning at sunrise, and Rey focused on her mantras, and repeated them regularly throughout the day. She often had occasion to bring them to mind, because Ben was so considerate of her comfort, so kind in his treatment of her, that she frequently had to remind herself that one day soon, this experience would be only a lovely memory. Never before had she felt so thoroughly, genuinely, and completely cared for. Despite the many inconveniences and difficulties they experienced daily, Rey would have to admit that life on the island was an idyll she didn’t want to come to an end. And so the meditation was crucial in keeping her dispassionate and self-possessed. That’s what she told herself.

D-O escorted Rey on her rounds, most mornings. But he wouldn’t get within Ben’s striking distance, no matter how many blumfruit she offered.

Today she had spent several hours after lunch mucking about in the marsh, inspecting different plants and casting back in her memory to the summer with the Mothmas. It was messy, slimy, strenuous work, and her back was stiff and sore from hours spent bent over, yanking great clumps of vegetation out of the mud.

But for her efforts she had two excellent finds! Along the stream she had found a sizeable patch of watermint, that could be added to their compotes fresh or dried, and would make a delicious rub, or could even be mashed into a paste and mixed into that steamed clam dish, if Ben felt like making it again. She was bursting with ideas, and she knew Ben would have more. 

But even more exciting were the sagittaria tubers she had discovered. These were at least twice as big as the ones she had found with Mon Mothma, and her mouth watered just remembering the nutty, earthy flavor. She had memories of burying the tubers in the coals of their campfire. They had been so easy to prepare, and so tasty!

Rey was eager to show Ben, but first she had to get cleaned up. She made a beeline for the hot spring, crashing through the bracken and wrestling her bountiful, muddy harvest. She tripped out of the undergrowth and stumbled into the open expanse near the spring, and found herself at extremely close range with a very broad, very firm, very pale chest. She drew up sharply and skidded to a halt. “Oh my!”

“If you’d gotten here 10 seconds later, you would have caught me in a compromising position.”

“Oh, excuse me! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I mean, it wasn’t my intention to…”

“You promised you would stop apologizing.”

“Right! Yes I did! That’s right! I didn’t realize you were here, or I wouldn’t have, ah, I wouldn’t have come…”

Ben smiled down at her, then ran a finger through a smear of mud on her forehead. “Did you find anything interesting?”

“Oh, yes! This is watermint! And this one is sagittaria! We can cook these tubers in the oven, or even just in the coals, they are really good!” She tried to show him the items she had in her arms without looking at him directly. 

“Chewie called those arrowheads, yes I’ve seen them before.”

“Well, I’ll just… I’ll just take these back to the, um, I’ll take these back and come… back, after you’re… done. Bye!”

She barreled back into the ferns at top speed, and headed for the cave. 

Behind her she heard Ben’s deep, rich laughter, echoing through the green shadows.

  


* * *

  


“…but we had to sneak back in without being caught! I was little enough to squeeze through the broken door, but Finn didn’t fit, and I couldn’t reach the latch.” She swung her hand up, stretching. “So in the end I had to bribe one of the big boys to come open the door, and not tell on us!” She covered her face with her hands, groaning. “Finn shared his blossom bread portion with me. Since I had to trade mine. I’m still mad about that, to this day!”

Ben shook his head, chuckling.

“I just realized what a horrible story that is!” Rey covered her open mouth with her hand, a new perception hitting her full force.

“It kind of is.” Ben laughed, not unkindly.

She hesitated, pondering. “I’m afraid most of my stories will prove to be of a similar variety.” She sobered. “Maybe they would be funnier if we pretend they aren’t true.”

“How old were you?”

“I was 5 when I came to the group home. Finn was already there. We were there for a while, until we each were moved into our first placements.”

“What happened to your parents?”

She raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. “I don’t know. I only remember a woman telling me she would come back for me.”

They were both silent for a long time, watching as a storm slowly moved closer; the purple lightning illuminating the waves, the thunder rumbling in the distance.

Rey sighed. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

“Mmm?”

“Telling stories.” She drew her knee up and leaned her cheek against it, contemplating. “Maybe I don’t have any nice ones, when it comes down to it.”

“Stories don’t have to be nice, for me to be interested in them.”

She blew out a slow breath. “How did you know you wanted to become an author?”

He gazed out to the incoming storm and thought for several minutes. “I seemed to have an aptitude for it. And I could create any reality I wanted, the characters could be anything I wanted them to be. Anything I secretly wanted to be.”

“Did you feel forced into it? By your parents? Was it expected of you?”

“Mmm… it felt that way at the time, but looking back, no. They were not happy when I signed with _First Order_ , however.”

“Really? You’d think they would understand your wanting to make a name for yourself.”

“It isn’t that simple. I have… problems managing anger. Or, I used to.” He smirked wryly. “I still do. I work hard to keep it under control.”

“What do you get angry about?”

“I couldn’t even tell you. In the moment it always feels justified. But here, with you, right now; it doesn’t feel as if there’s anything to get angry about, in the whole world.”

“Mmm.”

He reached out slowly and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes sleepily as he trailed his fingertips gently down her jawline.

A fat raindrop splashed her cheek and her eyes popped open. “Oh!”

They jumped up, and dashed around the mini-skimmer. As the drops came down faster and heavier, Ben reached back and took her hand, dragging her blindly along. They reached the cave as lightning cracked above them, and rain poured down in earnest.

He swept her inside, gasping and drawing her close, “just in time!”

She laughed raggedly, shaking her wet hair back from her face, and catching her breath, her hands on his biceps to steady herself. She patted his shoulders and chest, “you don’t feel too soggy!” She pulled away from him to grab the comb, and after a brief hesitation he released her. After detangling her hair, she removed her button-down and placed it over the drying rack, then wrapped up in one of the scarves. “Will you need one?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

She brushed her teeth, then arranged her bed and propped her head on her elbow, as Ben did the same. “Good night, Ben.”

“Good night, Rey.”

  


* * *

  


She listened to the tempest for a long time, restless and unable to sleep. The storm waned, then with a sharp clap of thunder, intensified until she was deaf save for the roar of the water. She shivered.

“No! NO!”

“Ben!” She whispered, “Ben, wake up! You’re dreaming!”

He groaned bitterly. If she didn’t know for certain he was dreaming, she would check him carefully for injuries. He moaned again and started to toss about, fitfully.

She scuttled over to him, and knelt at his side. “Ben!” 

“NO! Kriff, no!”

She placed her hand over his heart. He calmed, but only marginally. She whispered, “Ben. Everything is alright.” With her other hand she brushed his hair back from his forehead and drew her fingers down to his ear. Without warning, his eyes flew open, and he stared at her, bewildered. She thumbed at the crease between his brows. “Shh. You’re alright.”

“Rey?”

“You’re dreaming.” She rubbed her knuckles against his jaw, and held her hand to his cheek.

Leaning in to her touch, he turned to press a gentle kiss to her palm, then exhaled softly, his eyes closing.

“You’re dreaming.” She gave his hair a final, fleeting touch, then returned silently to her mat, curling protectively around her closed fist, and watching over his untroubled rest.

  



	19. Day Thirty-Five

His hand soothed up her rib cage, trailing fire, stroking urgently against her fevered skin, and stalling just below her breast. Her fingers tangled in his hair, drawing him closer. She moaned with longing, and tipped her head back, baring her throat to his mouth. He worked his way from the hollow at her collarbone, up to her jaw, licking, nipping, and sucking sweet bruises. His thigh pressed between her legs, and she ground against him, the heat swelling, near bursting. “Uunnnngghhh….”

Rey shuddered awake and gasped. She lay on her mat panting, praying she hadn’t been moaning aloud. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply, wishing she could go back into that dream, for just a few more seconds. She exhaled slowly and stared at the stone ceiling. She threw her arm over her face and imagined what it would be like, to have him… calm down, Niima! The man’s not 4 meters away! 

She rolled to her side and peeked at him in the pale glow of dawn. He appeared to still be asleep. Hopefully, if she had cried out, he hadn’t been awake to hear it.

She got up quietly and stepped out into the clear morning; stretching, and running her fingers through her hair. She must be having hormonal issues, that must be why she was so… agitated. She did some quick mental calculations. Her period was two or three days late. While she wasn’t looking forward to managing her menstruation again in these conditions, and certainly not while Ben was here to play witness to whatever disaster might unfold… still. If her period didn’t start as expected, it could potentially take her by surprise, and the humiliating prospects were plentiful. 

Absorbed by these irksome thoughts on her way back to the cave, she nearly collided with Ben, who was standing near the fire pit, observing her approach, his arms folded across his chest. 

She drew up, “oh! Good morning!”

“Hello. You seem distracted.” He craned his neck to bring his eyes on a level with hers. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Yes. I slept fine. You?”

“Mmm. Tolerably.”

“Good. That’s good.” She sidestepped and let him go on his way. He was acting strangely this morning.

She waited on the keg, for him to return so they could start their meditation. After further deliberation, she decided she had better tell him her worries. They were both adults. Better give him a heads-up, just in case any… troublesome circumstances should come to his attention.

He returned to find her, chin resting in hand. “Ready?”

She stood. “Yeah. Um. There was something I wanted to mention to you.”

“Okay.”

“I just wanted to tell you that my period is a few days late.”

He stared at her blankly. “Okay? Is that a… bad thing?”

“Normally I wouldn’t mention it, at all. I mean, you don’t care, right? But I’m only telling you because, well… since I don’t know when it will start, it could cause a… messy problem. And there would be a chance you would notice, before I did, and I just… if that should happen, it would be okay for you to tell me. I would want you to say something.” She shifted nervously. “I hope it wasn’t weird of me to bring it up?”

“Of course not.” He chuckled. “I’ve never had a woman tell me her period is late before.”

She took a quick step back and her hand flew up to her mouth. “I didn’t even…” she inhaled sharply, “I wasn’t even thinking!”

“I take it _that_ isn’t a possibility?”

“Oh, no, no!” She cracked up, “no, that would be a miracle, indeed!” They started walking toward the beach. “I’m usually pretty regular, but this is such a stressful situation, I guess it’s normal to be late. Or I won’t complain if I skip a month or two. It’s a hassle, even at the best of times.”

“I vaguely remember that Padmé wrote that she wasn’t having normal periods. She didn’t think she was capable of conceiving. It went over my head a bit, when I read it as a teenager.”

“Stress or trauma can mess up a woman’s cycles. And poor diet.”

“I think she said she only had 3 periods, in 4 years.”

“Hmm… I wouldn’t complain about that, at all.”

  


* * *

  


“This is so good! How are you such a good cook?! I’ll hire you to be my personal chef, someday when I have money.”

He waved his carved serving fork with a flourish. “It’s gratifying to cook for someone who appreciates my efforts.”

“Someday when I have money…” She sighed. “I was hoping to do some networking, at the conference. Things didn’t work out quite like I planned.” She studied the twin moles over his left eyebrow, then sighed again. “Was it difficult, to get your first writing contract?”

“Not really. I submitted some manuscripts, and received an offer. I was a little naïve in negotiations, but for the most part it was a straightforward process.”

“Mmm. Did _First Order_ treat you unfairly?”

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but yes, they did take advantage of my amateur status, and my enthusiasm to sign with any company that wasn’t _Organa_. My current contract is much more advantageous. I engaged an agent the second time around, to manage the process and bypass any pitfalls or traps. Gial Ackbar. I’ll put you in contact.”

“You make it sound so easy! But I don’t know if my writing is good enough, to get a contract, just like that.”

“It’s good enough, don’t worry. Your _Forest Shadow_ story could be expanded… What?”

Rey was staring at him, slack-jawed. “When did you… how did you… You read my story?”

“Oh. Yes.”

“I posted those links in the…” She pointed at him, accusingly. “You were in the fan group!”

“Right. Yes I was.”

“All this time, and you didn’t tell me! You were lurking in there!” She cackled. “You knew we were all in love with your hair!”

He had the decency to blush. “No actually, I missed the hair conversation. Pity.”

She snorted, “you must have used some alias, because I approved every new member… who were you?” She tapped at her cheek, “don’t tell me. Let me think.”

Ben wiped his hand down his face and rolled his eyes. “I hadn’t meant to tell you.”

“Oh, this was going to come out sooner or later!” She jumped up, and paced back and forth. “Let’s see.” Suddenly her mouth popped wide, and she swung around to face him. “Benjamin Seul! You’re… You’re Benjamin Seul!”

“Yes. Are you angry?”

“We. You. We messaged. Two or three times.” She collapsed down on her buoy, dazed. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize. This is a little awkward.”

“I should have told you, I guess, but there didn’t seem to be a good way to segue into telling you I’d been using a fake identity to stalk my own fan club. I hope you’re not angry.”

“Angry?” She looked at him, as if she had never seen him before that moment, her eyebrows crinkling together. “I only feel…” She pondered, inhaling tremulously. “‘Embarrassed’ isn’t the right word. It feels like you’ve had me at a disadvantage, all this time.”

“Rey, I’m sorry, I never meant to lie to you…”

“Did you just apologize to me?” She laughed, shakily. “Did the mighty _Benjamin Seul_ , he who seldom apologizes under any circumstance, just apologize?!”

“Will you forgive me?”

“You’re going to have to fillet many more fish, to my exacting preferences and specifications, to make this up to me.”

“Everything really does come back to food, with you.” He raised his eyes to her penitently.

“Lucky for you, Benjamin.”

  


* * *

  


Rey lay at ease on her mat, arms behind her head, ankles crossed, in the waning light of evening. “You know, of course, that I will still require you to give me your presentation. That you were planning for the retreat. And I expect a full Q and A session.”

“I don’t know if I can do it here.”

“Why not? Did you have a slide presentation, or something?”

“I get very nervous when I talk about my work.”

“We could keep it very informal. And break it up into several sessions, if that is better for you.” She turned to him with a hopeful expression.

“If I have to do it here, the only place I’ll feel relaxed is in the hot spring.”

“What?!”

“That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”

“But I already told you, I…”

“I know, you don’t have a bathing suit.”

Rey sat up. “Mr. Seul. Are you suggesting skinny dipping?!”

“Have you ever?”

“What, have I ever gone skinny dipping, or have I ever gone skinny dipping with a famous person I barely know?”

“Yes.”

“No! To both!”

“If I’m going to discuss my creative process in-depth, _and_ field questions, then the only place I can feel at ease is in the hot spring.”

She clicked her tongue dismissively and lay back down. “We’ll see.”

“Anyway, I’m not ‘famous’.”

“Oh! That changes everything!”

“Of course it does!” He chuckled. “And really? You barely know me?”

“Hmm… I might have exaggerated a bit, for dramatic effect.”

“How much time do you have to spend with someone, continuously and unceasingly, before you really know them?”

“Mmm…”

“All this time we’ve been together, I haven’t done anything too alarming, have I? I haven’t, I don’t know, howled at the moon, or made fun of the way you eat, or…”

“OH!”

“It’s adorable.” He assured her, grinning. “And you haven’t woken to find me hovering over you as you sleep, or anything creepy like that, right?”

She quailed at that. “What?”

“I only mean, I haven’t done anything that would cause you to distrust me. Besides the ‘Benjamin Seul’ thing. Have I?”

“No. Of course not. You’ve been… wonderful.”

“It just seems like a communal activity.”

“Taking a bath?!”

“No! Hot tubbing! It seems like an experience that should be shared. If you did have your bathing suit, we would have gone together.”

“Hmmm, you make a convincing argument.”

“I’m not trying to bully you. You shouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He thought for a few moments. “Why _don’t_ you have a bathing suit?”

She laughed. “That day I left, I was upset. I wasn’t thinking clearly; I just wanted to get away for a few minutes. When I had gone out on the mini-skimmer before, I didn’t get that wet, so it seemed reasonable to just hop on and, I don’t know, blow off some steam.”

They both fell silent. After a while Ben rolled over and settled in to sleep.

Rey sat up and reached for her sandals.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

  


* * *

  


There was a dim ringing in her ears, and Rey’s brain felt muzzy, walking through the filtered moonbeams on the sandy path to the hot spring. The shadows danced with the breeze, making her feel giddy and light-headed. When she stumbled over her own feet for the second time, Ben reached over and took her hand. “Are you alright? We don’t have to.”

“I’m fine. I’m just disoriented in the moonlight.”

They reached the edge of the wide, smooth rock expanse, with the steaming stone basin at its heart. Rey dropped Ben’s hand and wavered in her resolve. Going for a midnight dip had seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do, just a few minutes ago.

“If you’re uncomfortable, just say so. We can go back.”

“No, I want to. I just don’t know how, exactly.”

He shrugged sheepishly. “I don’t either. Um. I’ll go ahead…” He toed off his shoes. Then pulled off his rash guard, his muscles flexing. Then suddenly, “would you rather wear my shirt?” He held it out to her.

“Maybe?” She took it. “Actually, yes, I think that would be better. You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not. I’ll go ahead and get in, you come over when you’re ready.” He padded over to the basin and stepped down into the water, situating himself to one side, and keeping his back to her.

She hesitated only a moment, then slipped off her sandals and nudged them side by side with his shoes. She lay his shirt over a fern and vacillated. Was this a bad idea?

He called, “it’s okay to change your mind.”

“No. Just a minute.” She quickly stripped down to her underthings then paused again, her heart pounding. She peeled off the last scraps of doubt and rolled up all her clothes in a bundle, and set it next to her sandals. She took up his rash guard and pressed it to her nose. It smelled of woodsmoke, wild mint, and Ben. She twisted it about and pulled it over her head, then pushed her arms through the interminable sleeves, pulling the excess up past her elbows. The hem fell to mid-thigh. This would be okay. 

She grasped the hem in two great handfuls to keep it in place, then tiptoed warily to the water’s edge. Ben angled himself away from her. She stepped carefully down into the water, and sat, immersed up to her neck. She tipped her head back to wet her hair, running her fingers through and shaking it back from her face. She rocked side to side and tucked the rash guard under her hips. “I’m in.”

He turned toward her cautiously and smiled shyly. “Is this okay?”

She rolled the sleeves in giant dripping cuffs. “Yes, I think so.”

He pushed off the ledge, and immersed himself completely in the center of the spring, bobbing back up and pressing his hair back; then in two strokes, he moved to the other side, reseating himself opposite her. He stretched his long arms along the rock edge and leaned back, his molded chest gleaming in the wan light. “Don’t ever let me pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.”

“No. It was a good idea, I just wasn’t sure of the logistics.”

He peered up at the blazing stars directly above them, the dark leafy canopy framing the edges. He sighed, lost in his thoughts. “This is perfect.”

She observed him covertly, poised to redirect her gaze at the first inkling of being caught in her ogling. She let out a slow, shaky breath. This would be an exceptional location for an amorous getaway. She allowed herself to entertain the thought, for just a few moments. How thrilling it would be, to be here with someone who was in love with her, someone who wanted her.

Instead, in some awful, sick twist of fate, she was marooned in paradise, for who knew how long, with a beautiful, kind and chivalrous man, who was her ideal partner in every imaginable way; but who felt no particular attraction to her whatsoever. She considered it a deep metaphor for her life as a whole.

She heaved a heavy sigh.

“Everything alright?”

She smiled crookedly. “I was just thinking, what a tragic waste of romantic ambiance this is. It’s…” She waved her hand, to indicate the locale, the moonlight, the entire milieu. “Transcendent.”

“Is it? A waste?” He studied her intently, his fists clenching tight, and then relaxing, slowly.

She didn’t know how to respond, so she settled lower in the water, her chin skimming the surface. “I’m ready.”

“You are?”

“Yes. How were you going to start?”

“Start…?”

“Your presentation. What did you have planned?”

Understanding lit his face as he caught her meaning at last. “My presentation! Of course.” He smirked, pressing his hands to the shelf where he sat, near his knees, and leaning forward. “Let’s see, where to begin…”

  


* * *

  


Rey yawned, her jaw cracking. She held up her hands for Ben to see her wrinkled skin. “I think it’s time to recess for the night. Look at my fingers!”

He smiled placidly. “You’re probably right.”

“How should we… should I… or should you?” She gestured, encompassing the spring, her clothes and their shoes. “Do you just want to meet me at the cave?”

“I’ll walk up the path, and wait for you.” He glided back to her side of the spring, then climbed out, pushed on his shoes, and walked up the path, dripping.

She lay her head against the stone lip and closed her eyes contentedly. She splashed out of the water, wobbling like jelly. She pulled off Ben’s rash guard, wrung it out as best she could, and set it aside. She rubbed her hands energetically along her arms, legs and torso, to dry herself a bit, then put her clothing and sandals on. She plucked up his wet shirt and made her way up the path. He was leaning against the volcano wall, waiting.

“I didn’t think about the fact that your clothes would be sopping wet, for you to sleep in.” She handed him his rash guard meekly.

“It’s a small price to pay. They’ll dry quickly.” He looked her up and down. “All set?” 

They started walking back. “That was lovely. Thank you for making the suggestion.”

“I’m glad you finally gave in.”

She huffed. “You’re very persistent.”

“Yes I am.”

  



	20. Day Fifty-Two

“This is driving me crazy!” Ben scrubbed at his mustache. “I need to shave!” He pressed his lips together repeatedly, feeling the prickles against his lower lip. 

“I know how you feel!” She smirked. “Well, not exactly. But I understand your longing for a sharp razor.”

“I’ve never grown my beard this long.” He rubbed against his chin, pursing his lips.

“Could you shave with the knife?”

“I don’t think it’s sharp enough, unfortunately.” 

Rey pulled the knife out of her pocket and started rotating through the various tools. “What about the scissors?”

“I couldn’t see what I’m doing, to use them.”

“Let me see if I could give you a trim, come sit here.”

Ben sat on the keg at the mouth of the cave, in the bright morning light. Rey came and stood by him hesitantly. She brought the little tool up to his mouth. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

“I’m used to it by now.”

She clicked her tongue. “Stay still.” She found she could clip a few hairs at a time, if she went slow. “I can at least trim your mustache.” 

Ben tilted his head, to improve her angle, and blew the little clippings away when they landed on his lips. She concentrated on her work and tried to avoid making eye contact at such close range. She awkwardly brushed a few stray hairs away, with her knuckle, trying to touch his skin as little as possible.

“Better?”

He felt his upper lip with his fingertips, then pressed his lips together as he had done before. “Yes, I think so, thank you.”

She tugged at a lock of hair just behind his ear. “We’re both going to be in dire need of a trip to the salon, when we leave this place.”

He met her eyes. “Your natural beauty shines through, no matter the style of your hair.”

She took a step back in surprise and averted her gaze, carefully and attentively stowing the knife in her pocket, and checking twice that the button was fastened. “You’ve been away from civilization far too long, obviously.”

“I’ve always had excellent taste. A few weeks away from civilized society won’t have changed that.”

“Let’s go meditate.” Rey all but ran from the cave.

Ben chuckled and followed after her, at his customary pace.

  


* * *

  


Rey tightened the knots at her waist and neck, tucking and arranging the scarves. She pushed her laundry drying rack firmly into the sand and straightened her damp shirt on its rung. She sighed. It was a miracle neither her shirt nor capris had ripped nor worn through. The situation with Ben would get very interesting, very fast when their clothes started wearing out.

She grabbed her journal and sat just inside the cave, in the shade, to make an entry. She tapped her pencil against her lip, thinking what to write. She had been on the island over 7 weeks, Ben for 5. But if their suppositions were correct, it had only been 3 days that she had been missing. She glanced at the cave wall, where they had been making their series of tally marks. It was so incredible to think that she had spent well over 30 days living with _Kylo Ren_ , someone she once hadn’t even been certain she could ever meet in person. She felt she had done an adequate job so far of keeping her emotions in check. It was an endless battle to keep her wits about her. 

She wrapped her arms around her middle. Being around him constantly was difficult. He was so physically attractive, so witty, so intelligent, strong and kind. She sighed again, closed her eyes and leaned her forehead in her hand. It couldn’t last. 

She became aware of the sound of his approach, as he scuffed through the sand toward her.

“Rey.”

“Mmm?” She roused herself. He was holding a large white flower, creamy yellow at the center, with waxy, rounded petals. Her lips made a little ‘o’. She could smell its delicate perfume, and she sat up straighter, breathing it in. “That’s lovely.”

He stepped toward her and tucked the blossom behind her ear, winking. Without a word, he turned and walked back toward his smoking oven where he’d been working on his latest batch of jerky.

She watched him, as he swung the staff up across his shoulders and carelessly sauntered out of view. She bent, crossing her arms over her knees, and resting her forehead against them. She might be a hopeless case.

  


* * *

  


Rey broke open a nocoberry and cracked the flesh free from the hard inner shell. She cut up two jogan and fetched two full water bottles. Ben didn’t usually take this long to make his appearance for lunch. She popped a large chunk of the fruit into her mouth and walked toward the stone oven. As she neared, she became sensible of a pained groaning and hissing, and ran the last few meters to the clearing. The oven had collapsed on one side, and Ben was hunched over, his back to her; a low, miserable howl erupting from his throat.

“Ben?!”

He turned to her, his face contorted in pain, cradling his right hand.

“Oh no! Ben, show me what’s happened!”

She reached for him, and he straightened, drawing away from her and affecting a stoic posture.

“Show me.” She closed the distance and gently motioned for him to extend his hand for her inspection.

He unbent his arm and, grimacing, extended his fingers slightly for her to see.

“Oh no.” She cupped his hand.

The entire inside of his hand was raw and oozing, broken blisters peeling, scorched and blackened around the edges.

“Let’s get you to the cold spring.”

He nodded and allowed her to guide him. When they reached the spring, he collapsed at the side and immersed his hand in the water, droning wretchedly. 

Rey moved to kneel behind him, supporting his back and head with her shoulder and arm.

“Is that helping at all?”

“No.”

“Ben, it looks very bad.”

“I know.” He took a deep shuddering breath. “I bumped into the drying rack and one side of the oven came down. I tried to stop it, without thinking.” He hissed through his teeth.

“I don’t know what we can do for it. I have a small tube of bacta, but there isn’t enough to treat that much surface area more than once or twice.”

He sat up and pulled out of the water, screwing up his face in pain. He breathed deeply and stared at his ruined hand. “There is a great risk for infection, until it closes over.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either.” He exhaled, closing his eyes. “Should we eat?”

Rey jumped up and assisted him to stand. “You go sit down, and go ahead, I’ll see if anything can be salvaged from the oven.”

She knew he must be in a lot of pain, because he didn’t argue, but only nodded and walked toward the cave.

At the oven, she retrieved 3 pieces of fish, and brought them along. Ben was sitting cross-legged on his mat, with his convulsing, curled fist resting on his knee, half-heartedly picking at a piece of nocoberry. She set everything within his reach and sat at his side. 

“It must be very painful.”

He only nodded again, chewing a mouthful of jogan. He swallowed heavily. “There is something I could try.”

“What is it?”

“Padmé claimed the hot spring had healing properties.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. She suffered a deep abrasion on her foot. She maintained that it healed at miraculous speed, when immersed in the spring.”

“It will be excruciating, to subject a burn to that hot water.”

“I know.” His shoulders drooped, resigned. “I think I will try, though. I have no reason to distrust her account.”

“Okay. Let me change, and I’ll go with you.”

“Fine.” He fell back on his mat and threw his arm over his eyes. Breathing deeply, reserving strength for the ordeal to come.

  


* * *

  


Rey changed back into her usual clothes. The blossom Ben had given her earlier fell to the ground, when she put on her tank. She set it carefully on the ledge, next to her other treasures.

“Ready?”

He stood, bleakly. Rey took his other hand and they walked together, in silence, to the hot spring. Ben hesitated at the edge of the clearing and toed off his shoes, then moved reluctantly to the water, and stepped in. Rey kicked off her sandals and followed him. He stepped down, farther in, and sat, keeping his burned hand out of the water. Rey cuffed up her capris, stepped into the water directly behind him, leaned over and tugged the sleeve of his rash guard up past his wrist, then placed her hands on his shoulders, in solidarity.

“This heat is unbearable,” he gritted out.

“Should we leave?”

“No.” He took a great, quaking breath, paused, then plunged his hand into the scalding water. She felt his back tense, then he threw his head against her thighs, and screamed – a horrible, dreadful scream that went on and on until she wanted to die.

She held his forehead, her other hand still pressing into his shoulder. “Gods, Ben!”

He shivered, and Rey released him. He leaned forward and took several harsh breaths, then leaned against her again, tipping his head back and marveling up at her. She gently grasped his cheek and chin, her breathing almost as labored as his, tears coursing down her face.

He whispered, “the pain has stopped.”

“Really?” She sniffed.

He slowly brought his hand up out of the water. The skin from the burst blisters clung sodden at the edges. The skin of his palm and fingers was bright pink and fragile, like a baby’s. He gingerly stretched out his left index finger and pressed it against the injured palm. He sucked in a breath.

“Does it hurt?”

“It feels a little oversensitive, but no. There is no pain at all.” He brushed lightly against the ruined skin with his thumb, and it fell away in several ragged clumps.

She laughed shakily. “Gross.”

He gathered up the pieces and tossed them into the outlet stream.

He stood slowly, and she grasped his forearm and elbow, helping him out of the water. 

He gaped at her, wonderingly, then back at his hand. He flexed his fingers experimentally. “Amazing.” 

  


* * *

  


“Does that hurt at all?”

“No. There is a strange tingling, prickling sensation. That’s it.”

They had decided another late night soak couldn’t hurt, and Rey was wearing his rash guard as she had done previously. She had insisted that he not do anything that might reinjure his hand, so they had brought out the ration bars for supper. Rey had found there was no element of nostalgia associated with this style of cold meal, and had realized the depth of her appreciation for Ben’s culinary endeavors; and had told him as much. He had grinned and blushed. Or maybe he had just still been overheated from the day’s events.

Rey leaned her head against the edge of the basin, and gazed up to the stars. “Things really could have gone very poorly today.”

“Yes.”

“Are you tired? I feel wide awake.”

“It’s all the excitement, perhaps.”

“No more of that kind of excitement, please.” 

“What kind of excitement would you prefer?”

She snorted. “Oh, Benjamin!” She sat up, as something resurfaced in her memory. “I just remembered something! When we messaged, through the group, didn’t you claim to be Kylo Ren’s number 1 fan?!” She giggled. “Cheeky!”

“I can neither confirm nor deny ever saying any such thing.”

“Now I think of it, I do remember you were encouraging me to submit a manuscript for publishing. That meant a lot to me, even though I didn’t know who you were.”

“I was impressed by your writing. I read all three stories, more than once.”

“You did?”

“Yes. _Forest Shadow_ was my favorite, but the others are very good as well.”

“You didn’t mind that I stole your characters?”

“They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Snoke hates fanfiction. He says it’s a flagrant copyright violation.”

“It is a bit of a cheat, using characters created and established by someone else. But I just love your Revan and Bastila so much, and I really did think they should have ended up together. So I wanted to create an ‘HEA’ for them.”

“H-E-A?”

“Happily Ever After.”

He chuckled. “Ah! It certainly was that, or at least a happy ending.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Your writing is considerably more, ah – racy – than my novels have been.”

She chortled. “I would never have dared, if I had ever dreamed you would read those stories. Anyway, an author must know their target audience, isn’t that right?”

“Indeed. Do you hope to publish erotica and romance, then?”

“No, no! Those were just for fun! I have always planned to stick with fantasy, and a young adult audience, like Maz Kanata. I have several other stories I’ve been working on, at various stages of completion.” She snickered. “Believe it or not, I am capable of creating my own characters! I’ve had lots of great ideas for them actually, since I’ve been here. I only hope I can remember them all, when I’m reunited with my computer.”

“I would love to read them.”

“Oh.” For a moment she had almost forgotten to whom she was speaking. “Sure. Maybe some time.” She breathed out and leaned back, contemplating the bright stars. 

The moon drifted into view, shining a pale beam down on Ben like a spotlight. He brought his hand out of the water and peered at it, shaking his head in disbelief.

A whimsical thought occurred to her, and she spoke without thinking, “do you suppose Padmé is looking down on you right now?”

His grinned lopsidedly. “Maybe she is.”

“She would be proud of you.”

This thought seemed startle him. “You think so?”

“Yes. You’re very good.”

He pondered this somberly. “Am I?”

She paddled over to his side and arranged herself next to him. He watched her, extending his left arm to draw her in closer. She declared, “you’re very good to me.” 

She reached for his hand and brought it up out of the water to inspect closely. She traced his fingers and the fine creases in his palm and murmured, “Padmé _was_ looking over you today.” She lay her head gently against his shoulder and he gave her a light squeeze.

“I had wanted to meet you.”

She raised her head, and shifted around so she could see his expression. “What?”

“I had decided to back out of the conference, so I asked my mother to meet for lunch. But before I had a chance, she told me she had gotten several messages from people, saying they had signed up specifically to see me. She had brought some printed emails she had received, and I read through them.” He smiled crookedly. “There was one from you.”

“Oh.”

“I recognized your name right away, and I thought if you were going to be here, then I should be too.”

“Are you kidding right now?”

“Not at all. It was the deciding factor.” He brought his arm around from the edge of the basin, and clasped his hands together. 

Rey was completely dumbstruck. “I don’t even… I don’t even know what to say.” She turned away and laughed, a bit hysterically. “Am I everything you expected?”

“And so much more.”

  



	21. Day Eighty

The temperature over the last month or so had gotten progressively hotter, until it was almost beyond endurance. Ben generally cooked only once a day now, and they would eat their cold meal of jerky at night. Rey would jump up and do her rounds at first light, and they had chosen a shady spot on the southwest side of the island for their morning meditation.

She often wore her sarongs, with her breast band and briefs, instead of her capris. The killisilk had proven to be surprisingly resilient to use, and was significantly more comfortable in the heat. She had devised several different styles, sometimes incorporating only the scarves and sometimes wearing her tank, in configurations that allowed her freedom of movement while still comfortably protecting her modesty. She wouldn’t admit it, even to herself, but she enjoyed having different outfits to wear. She had never thought of herself as a particularly vain person, but wearing the same clothes day after day had made her realize that she preferred some variety. It also mattered to her how she appeared to Ben, but she kept that thought quashed down in a deep, dark corner of her mind, where she didn’t have to analyze it too carefully.

Ben’s hand had healed up without any difficulty, and he had slowly built up callouses again through his everyday activities. The skin was still softer and smoother than that of his left hand. She occasionally came upon him as he examined it in awe, or saw him surreptitiously rub the skin, as if testing for flaws or deformity. He assured her he had experienced absolutely no new pain or discomfort associated with the injury.

Near the north cold spring, they had excavated a pit, just over a meter deep and almost twice that wide. They lined the floor of it with large flat rock slabs brought over from the south side, and braced the gently sloped sides with stacked stones. Ben fashioned a step at one end, out of two boulders so large, she still didn’t understand how he’d wrestled them into place. They dredged out a short trench to the cold spring, lining that with pebbles as well, and diverted the flow of water into the pool, then dug a shallow outlet leading back to the stream. The engineering and labor required 5 days, and then it took another 4 days to fill. But afterwards it provided a location for bathing that perhaps couldn’t be described as “cold,” but still felt like a pleasant, “cool” extravagance.

Ben had taken to swimming occasionally in the cove. Rey would sometimes dig for clams or recline in the sand and watch him dive from the rock in the center of the lagoon. He encouraged her to join him, but besides the difficulty of not having a bathing suit, she admitted she wasn’t a keen swimmer. He could even procure their dinner from the cove, on occasion, standing atop the boulder and launching the spear in a powerful burst, like Neptune hurling his trident. After witnessing this feat the second time, she decided she shouldn’t torture herself further, and avoided additional viewing of this spectacle of male prowess.

  


* * *

  


Rey finished cutting up three muja and perched on her buoy in the shade, to oversee Ben’s work, as he finished hanging up the day’s jerky to smoke. 

He had rebuilt the smoking oven in a new, sturdier design that didn’t have a removable top, but had a deeper oven section that was easier to access than before. He had also fashioned several tools and trays that slid easily in and out, to facilitate the whole cooking process at a safer distance.

She watched him, fascinated, as he pulled their lunch out of the heat and tested for doneness, with his large carved serving forks.

“I don’t understand how you’re single.” She immediately clamped her mouth shut, embarrassed she had actually spoken her thoughts aloud.

Ben glanced over at her, “I could say the same to you.”

Rey dismissed his comeback with a huff and a wave of her hand. “Please. I’m a mess. But you. You’re.” She stopped talking and observed him closely as he placed the fillets onto the leaves she had prepared for the purpose.

He moved away from the oven and handed her her portion, then settled on the keg. “You’re speechless. That is usually a very bad sign.”

“You don’t need me to tell you.” She picked up the two-tined fork Ben had whittled for her, and raised a bite to her lips. “You’re…” She pushed it into her mouth.

“I’m what? You’re making me nervous, Rey.”

She swallowed. “I mean. Look at you! You’re handsome. Obviously. You’re highly intelligent. You’re a great story-teller. You’re funny. Gentlemanly; considerate; generous; patient.” She studied him, thinking. “Unflappable.” He grunted at that. “You’re perfect. I don’t understand why some woman hasn’t snapped you up.”

He stared at her, stunned, then glanced down at his lap, and broke off a bite of his fish. “I can certainly be ‘flapped’.” He chewed. “You may have a point when it comes to ‘patient’, I’ll allow that.” He smiled to himself and took another bite.

“Is it only that you’ve never cooked for any of the women you’ve dated? Because I’ll tell you, for future reference: use that. No woman will be able to resist.”

“Is that so?”

“Definitely.” She grinned. “This is so good!” She stuffed a large bite into her mouth and hummed as she chewed, closing her eyes in ecstasy.

“Food might be a particular weakness of yours, that not all women share.”

She swallowed, and looked over at him, puzzled. “No.” She shook her head, emphatically. “Believe me, this would work on anyone you want.”

His mouth curled up on one side. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Have you ever been married?”

He choked, and coughed. “No, no.”

She waved her fork, “It’s none of my business.”

“I don’t mind talking about it. No, I’ve never been married. I’ve never really been in a long-term relationship.” He winked. “You may be the only woman to fully appreciate my many charms.”

“Well, that’s ridiculous.”

He took another bite and contemplated, as he chewed. “I’ve consistently received several grievances, from multiple sources, so I trust that they are reliable criticisms.”

“You have?”

“Oh, yes. I’ve been told I’m overbearing. Unreasonably intense. Authoritarian. Controlling. Cocky. Aloof.” He paused to ponder. 

Rey stared at him, confounded.

“One woman swore I could benefit from a long commitment in a psychiatric hospital.”

Rey’s jaw remained slack for several seconds, her eyebrows knit in confusion. She remembered herself suddenly and snapped her mouth shut. “She was an idiot. Clearly.”

Ben laughed, heartily. “Some people mistake passion for insanity.”

“Yes! Exactly!” She recalled her food and took another bite, scrutinizing him as she chewed. “Well. None of that makes any sense to me. They were manifestly undeserving.” She declared assuredly, “you’ll find someone who appreciates you, I’m sure of it.” She popped the last bite of her fish into her mouth, and nodded forcefully, as if the matter had been settled.

“What about you?”

Her eyes flew up to his. “Oh. I don’t know.” She looked away, nervously. “I guess I just haven’t found my Revan yet.”

“You’ve never been married, either?”

“Oh, no! That’s about the only thing I ever did right, to avoid shackling myself with any of the losers I’ve dated!” She snickered, humorlessly. “Platonic friendships have been a better choice for me.” She rolled up her leaf with great attention. “At least when they walk away, it doesn’t hurt as much.”

“What about your friend, Finn?”

“We’ve been through so much together, he couldn’t get rid of me if he tried.” She thought. “He’s more like a brother. But he’s married now, with a baby of his own. Things won’t be the same.” Her chin quivered. She placed her elbow on her knee, and rested her cheek in her palm. “You’d think by now I’d be resigned to being alone.” 

He simply looked at her and waited until she met his gaze. “You’re not alone.”

  


* * *

  


It was so hot! Rey walked from the cave to the smoking oven, searching for Ben. Where had he gone? The jerky seemed like it was almost done. She stood in the clearing, turning slowly in every direction. “Ben?” He would have to be returning soon. It shouldn’t be a problem to go for a cool bath.

She grabbed the other sarong and the too-small breast band. The one she was wearing and her tank were both soaked. She could rinse them out and they’d be dry in an hour, in this heat. She felt revolting and sticky, with sweat dripping down her back. 

She made her way to the north spring and untied the sarong from around her waist, draping it over a fern to dry out. Her tank clung to her skin, and rolled up from the hem, completely drenched. It got stuck around her shoulder blades, and she reached behind herself, stretching and trying to get a good grip. “Sod it!”

It had bunched up and become entangled with the bottom elastic of her breast band. She contorted and strained and clutched and fought, but the more she did, the more the whole mess stuck to her back and caught under her arms. “Damn it!”

“Gggrrrrrrr!” She yanked at her arm, trying to release one side, but now her hair was snarled between the straps. “Crinking hell!”

She tugged, twisted and wrenched, grasping at the hems and finally ripping them both up and past her shoulder joint. “Aaaauuugh!” 

Her hair tore out as she finally pulled free, and emerged from the knotted roll of fabric, just as an extremely distressed Ben Solo burst into the clearing. The tangle of fabrics flipped from her fingertips and landed with a sodden ‘plop’ into the pool.

He skidded to a stop and goggled at her, then stood straight and threw his hands out, using the momentum to rotate and quickly turn his back to her. “Sithspit!”

She took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest, and sputtered a raspy laugh.

“I heard you yelling! It sounded like you were…” He braced his hands on his knees and took several deep breaths. “I thought you needed help.”

“I, uh… I had an unpleasant run-in with a recalcitrant breast band; it was a near thing, but I’m alright now.”

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” He stepped into the ferns and out of her sight almost as quickly as he had appeared.

She stared after him, flabbergasted, then a croaking fit of laughter overtook her, and she hooted and wheezed until she cried.

  


* * *

  


Ben refused to make eye contact all evening. Their conversation was stilted and awkward.

After several hours of this, Rey had had enough. “Are you upset because you saw my breasts, or because you want to apologize and you can’t?”

He relaxed and chuckled unsteadily. And he did meet her eyes, finally.

“How can our friendship survive this devastating blow?”

He smirked, “you’re right, I’ll just take my things and move to the other side of the island.”

She snickered and reached for her toothbrush, but as she turned away, she saw his expression become serious, almost angry, even. She had never claimed to understand men, so she wasn’t sure what the problem was, exactly, but she did know Ben, at least a little, and she thought he would get over his embarrassment, or whatever it was, if given enough time.

She still wore a sarong, skirt style, and had changed back into her tank, before supper. She grabbed a water bottle, sat down on her mat, and poured a little water into her hand. She rubbed it up and down her legs and arms. This had helped her cool off enough to sleep, on previous nights. She lay down and exhaled heavily. 

Why was it so hot?

Ben had removed his rash guard and now tossed back and forth, just as uncomfortable as she was.

Soon it was almost pitch black in the cave, so she untied the sarong and softly set it aside. That helped a little. She pulled the tank up under her breasts, then dribbled some water onto her belly, and patting her fingers into it, splashed and dragged the liquid onto her face, neck and arms.

Shortly after moonrise, she turned her head slightly, to see if Ben was asleep; he had been silent for quite some time. He lay facing her, his eyes gleaming in the faint moonlight. She could see his ribcage heaving raggedly, up and down with his rough breathing.

He arose in slow motion and hesitated, shuddering as if with some emotion, or indecision. Abruptly, he stretched down and seized his shirt and pillow, and muttering something she couldn’t make out but which included the word “hammock,” he stormed out barefoot, into the night.

  



	22. Day 120

Rey crouched down by the thorny bramble and thrust her arm into the tangle, up to her shoulder. She felt around inside, carefully, to avoid the wicked thorns. Her fingers closed on one of the little globes that had been her aim, “a ha!” She tugged at it cautiously, and painstakingly began to withdraw her hand. “Oi!” A thorn caught in her hair, ripping a sizeable hank from the roots, and she jolted back. She squeezed her eyes shut, then finished delicately pulling her arm out. She had a nasty, stinging scratch all along the length of her forearm. 

She grimaced at her uprooted hairs, caught in the briars and fluttering in the gentle breeze. “Karking…”

She blew a puff of air toward the surviving, ragged wisps hanging in front of her eyes, and inspected the spoils of her foray. It was a smooth globe, half the size of her palm, sickly yellow in color, with zigzagging, irregular green, longitudinal streaks. It was firm, yielding slightly to pressure. 

D-O trilled at her, and she turned to him. “Do you eat these?” She sat, cross-legged, and held the pome out to him with her undamaged arm, and he swooped down to her wrist to investigate. He grasped the little ball in his talons and experimentally cracked through the skin with his beak, dabbling at the broken flesh with his tongue. He screeched, squeezing the fruit in his talons and bursting the globe, spattering a viscous liquid down onto her calf. “Yuck! You’re a lot of help!”

He fluffed his feathers, affronted, and dropped the smashed fruit with a ‘splat’ on her leg; then, after shaking his foot with distaste, he took wing.

She looked down at the mess and gritted her teeth. 

She had been exploring in the north east region this morning, and when she spied the little yellow fruits she had been delighted, hoping they would be edible. She eyeballed the gelatinous goop. She wasn’t that far from the beach, she could go clean off there. She sighed and pushed the squashy remains off of her, and onto the ground, then studied the spot more closely. The skin she had just uncovered was now smooth and hairless. She craned her neck, propped her ankle up slightly, and rubbed the wet spot, easily wiping all the little hairs away and leaving only smooth skin. She gawped at her leg. Well, this was very favorable, indeed! As she considered how best to utilize this commodity, she noticed a mild burning sensation, where the glop had landed on her. “Oh!” She walked quickly to the beach, and kicking off her sandals, took a few steps into the ocean, rinsing her leg. 

She pulled up the leg of her capris, up past her knee, and stepped onto the dry sand. She bent down and inspected the affected area. It wasn’t red or irritated, and now that she had rinsed the residue off, the burning sensation had ceased. She turned toward the briar patch. 

She knew what she had to do.

* * *

“What happened to you?!” Ben sat up and took in her frazzled appearance with concern.

“What?” She stopped in her tracks, belatedly remembering her disheveled hair and scraped up skin.

He noticed the scabbed laceration and reached out to her. “What did you do?! Come here!” 

She took the final few steps to the keg where he was seated and held out her arm. 

“This looks awful! What happened?”

“Oh. It’s just a scratch. It’s nothing.” She took a deep breath and continued excitedly, “but look at these, look what I found!” She presented three of the yellow fruits to him, “have you ever seen these before?”

“Rey, you need to soak your arm in the hot spring. This looks very bad.”

“I will. But look at these!”

He took the little globes from her, barely registering them. “Rey, you need to…”

“Will you listen to me? I’m fine!” She shook her head dismissively. “Look at what I found!”

“I _am_ listening to you! And I’m telling you the most important thing right now is for you to go and…”

She swung her leg up onto his lap. “Look!”

He sputtered. “Uh…”

“Look at my leg!”

He peered down. “Okay…”

She rolled her eyes and huffed. “You don’t notice anything different about my leg?”

“It doesn’t seem injured… is it hurt?”

She sighed, exasperated. “Feel my leg!”

He dropped the yellow fruits to the ground, and tentatively squeezed at her ankle, feeling for damage. 

“Oh! You moof milker! Feel the skin!”

He brushed his fingers lightly up and down her shin. “What should I be noticing here?”

“My skin!”

“Yes… it’s very… nice…”

She snatched her leg away from him and hopped back. “There is no hair on my leg, dizi!”

His eyes snapped down to her legs. “Oh!”

She clicked her tongue and stomped over to the fruits, where they had landed in the sand at his side, muttering, “unobservant…! oblivious…!” She plucked them up, eagerly. “I found these, over by the muja patch! D-O wouldn’t eat them, but he squished one, and the liquid from the inside got on my skin! See! The hairs rubbed right off! I thought we could try it on you, if you wanted to!” He looked confused. “On your face, I mean.”

“Ah. Okay.” He scratched at his scruffy chin. “Very considerate of you, to think of me.”

“It burned a little, if I left in on too long, so maybe we should just try a dab, on your arm or something, to make sure it doesn’t sting, or that you’re not allergic, before we put it on your face.” She dropped the fruits into her pocket, and pulled out the knife. “Do you want to?”

He extended his fist, pulling up his sleeve and baring the delicate skin on the inside of his wrist to her. “Okay.”

She pulled out the small blade, and retrieving one of the fruits, cut away the yellow skin and pulpy flesh, exposing the slimy, seedy interior. “Do you have a water bottle here?” At his nod, she pressed the cut surface to his skin and rubbed it around, to make contact, then pulled it away.

He hissed. “That really does burn!”

“Oh! It’s burning already?!” She dropped the fruit and grabbed up his water bottle, dousing the spot to rinse the juice from his skin. The patch was discolored, with little raised blisters starting to form. “Oh no! Ben! I’m so s…”

“It’s alright. We can heal our injuries together.”

* * *

Rey yanked at the palm fiber she had used to tie her hair back, and picked up the comb. Once she had worked out all the snarls, she tied it up again; mumbling all the while about hair cuts and decent elastics and smoothing brushes. She swung around, to find Ben observing her, thoroughly entertained.

She huffed, “it’s too long to stay out of my face, and too short to stay tied back!”

“I understand you’ve added to your list of things you miss.” He chuckled. “Lunch is ready.”

“It’s a surprisingly short list, when you think about it.” She considered, as they walked. “Towels; the big, fluffy kind. Soap. Hair elastics. A really good cracknut butter and brula jelly sandwich; made with white bread, not brown.”

Ben teased. “Do you have to cut off the crust?”

“Maybe. Don’t knock it until you try it! I make a killer sandwich!”

They walked in silence for a few moments. “I miss Finn. And Rose.”

“That’s not a long list of people.”

She shrugged. “Most people just aren’t dependable. They let you down. They leave. It’s best not to get too dependent.”

He slid the crusted fish fillets from the stone oven and handed Rey her portion. 

“I can always depend on you, to make something really delicious! This is one of my favorites!” She sat down and dug in, moaning around a large bite. “Mmmmm! So good!”

He snickered. 

They ate in companionable silence for some minutes. 

“I miss music. I almost always have music on.”

Ben finished his last bite, and after a swig of water, started to sing, in a deep, rich baritone.

_Ma sareen, nio rella ri eeta._

_Tabaialo, ya kumay na._

_Kumay na._

_Ma sareen. Ma sareen._

Rey stared at him, open-mouthed. “You’ve. You. That’s.” She blinked. “You’ve been able to sing like that, this whole time?!”

He chuckled. 

“Was that Twi'leki?”

“My father used to play the _Cham Syndulla_ album, over and over, until I wanted to throw myself from a tall building.”

“Then that means you know all the songs by heart, and can sing them to me!”

He grinned. “Only if you ask very nicely.”

She laughed. “What about you? What do you miss?”

“I agree with you, when it comes to towels. And soap. Other than that? I find I am quite content.”

“There must be something!”

“I could do with a mug of Whyren’s Reserve. On the rocks.”

She knit her eyebrows at him.

“Corellian whiskey.”

“Ah.”

“You don’t drink?”

“Finn took me out for drinks on my birthday. And I had a couple of cocktails, at the resort. But not really, no. I never understood the appeal.”

“Corellian whiskey is my father’s drink. I suppose for me the draw is more nostalgia, than anything.”

“It’s good you have a positive association.”

“You don’t?”

“After Mon Mothma… after. I was placed with the Ameddas. Mylla used to forget to buy food sometimes. Usually. But there was always sunberry wine.” She wrinkled her nose, disgusted. “I’ll never forget that smell.”

* * *

They unloaded the fourth stack of dry mats from the poncho onto the wet sand, and Ben arranged them into a tall heap. Rey spread the poncho in their usual spot in front of the mini-skimmer, and settled in. He unraveled one of the mats, and walked around the pile, lighting the single leaves and thrusting them deep into the mass. Finally satisfied, he backed away from the growing blaze and sat down by her, throwing his arm around her shoulders and drawing her back to lean against his chest.

The sweltering weather had cooled significantly over the last weeks, to be replaced by almost nightly rainstorms. Luckily, most of the days had been clear and they hadn’t been confined to the cave waiting out daytime storms. Rey snuggled under Ben’s solid arm. Something about the shift in barometric pressure, or the rapid change in temperature, seemed to trigger Ben’s nightmares. Most nights he only hollered or thrashed about for a few moments and then settled; but sometimes the violence of his night terrors shook her deeply. It seemed to be the same dream, night after night, and he always seemed to be in physical pain. He never remembered the incidents the next morning, and she never figured out how to bring it up.

She usually found herself kneeling at his elbow, speaking soothingly and caressing his cheek or running her fingers through his hair, as this seemed to help the episodes pass more quickly. It fostered a one-sided sense of intimacy on her part, that she knew was dangerous, but didn’t know how to avoid.

Ben had never initiated anything sexual, never made a pass at her or tried to seduce her; never acted in any way that would lead her to believe he was interested in her as anything more than a friend. This was both relieving, and annoying. It struck a serious blow to her feminine ego, but at the same time she knew she wouldn’t be capable of resisting any advances he might make. She reminded herself frequently that it was all for the best, and would save her pain in the long-run.

She stared at the purple lightning advancing slowly toward their bonfire, breathing deeply and steeling herself for another troubling occurrence, later. 

“This one time, the engine at the crash scene I was working burst into flames.”

Ben flinched, shaken from his own thoughts. “This was working for Plutt?”

“Yeah. He would give us a bonus for valuable salvage, and he didn’t ask where it had come from. I used to hang around at certain intersections where accidents were common, and wait for all the people to clear out. Before the tow truck arrived, sometimes I could make quite the haul.”

He squeezed her shoulder fondly. “Little scavenger.”

“I didn’t think much about the ethics of it. Well, Finn tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. But then one of the older boys got arrested, doing the same thing, and I realized I had better stick to just working the junkyard, if I wanted to avoid a similar fate. Especially after I turned 18, I didn’t want that on my permanent record.”

“You never got in trouble for it?”

“Luckily. The Ameddas didn’t care what I did or where I went. Except when it came to…” She caught herself and cleared her throat. “Anyway. That plunder financed the ration bars.”

Rey glanced down at Ben’s clenched fist, resting on his thigh, and noticed his knuckles were white, and his hand quivered. She looked over her shoulder at him, quizzically. He met her gaze, his jaw working; then took a deep breath. “How long did you work there?”

“Off and on, from when I was 15, up until just a few weeks before the retreat, actually. I’d work there sometimes between other jobs.”

“So how many years was that?”

She snorted. “Are you trying to ask how old I am?”

“Yes.”

“I’m 21. And how old are you?”

“31.”

She nodded. “You really _are_ too mature for young adult fiction.”

He burst out with indignant laughter, poking her in the ribs.

She squirmed away, giggling. “No tickling!”

They laughed together and settled back to watch the flames and sparks, spitting and crackling into the flashing electric night.

* * *

Rey lay on her side, watching and waiting. The uncanny silence dragged on and on, then her ears popped and the rain poured down, cascading over the cave mouth.

Like clockwork, Ben became agitated, tossing side to side and grunting agonizingly. 

It tore at her heart to hear him cry out so plaintively, night after night; even though she knew he wasn’t in any real danger or pain. He was haunted, and even though she didn’t understand the cause, it grieved her, nonetheless.

She crept to his side, leaned over him, pushing on his chest, and sighed, “Ben.”

“No! NO!”

“Ben.” She caressed his face and let her hand rest on his cheek. “You’re dreaming. Shhh. Everything is alright.”

He gasped and twitched, and opened his eyes. “Rey?”

“You’re dreaming. Go back to sleep, Ben.”

He raised his hand and covered hers. “Rey?”

“Shhh. Go to sleep.”

He grasped her hand firmly and slowly pulled it up, past his ear and above his head, until she was half lying on his chest. She tried to push away with her other hand, but he wrapped his other arm behind her and held tight at the small of her back, drawing her closer. She relaxed and lay her cheek against his shoulder.

“Ben. You’re dreaming.”

His grip loosened slightly and she raised her head to look down at him. He let go of her hand, but as she tried to move away, he palmed her nape, preventing her escape. “Rey. Please.” He raised his head slightly and started nipping at her throat, with little licks and kisses. 

Her eyes popped wide and she squeaked quietly, “Ben!”

With one final, forceful grazing of his lips, he released her and relaxed, his eyes closing tranquilly. 

Rey sat up quickly, wheezing and winded, and pressing gingerly on a tingling spot on her neck. Carefully, to avoid jostling him, she scrambled back to her mat, panting. Stunned, she peered over at him, sleeping peacefully, and whispered.

“Sithspit!”


	23. Day 121

Rey dragged herself back from the latrine, and flopped down on her stomach, burying her face in her little pillow. “Ugh.”

Ben paused in his nocoberry husking, “are you okay?”

“I didn’t sleep well last night. I don’t know how you sleep through those storms.”

“I’ve slept remarkably well here, all things considered. Better than usual.”

“Really?” She rolled over and squinted up at him. 

“I’m better rested than I have been in years.”

“I’m glad. Wish I could say the same.” She spread-eagled, closed her eyes, and sighed deeply. 

He pushed a leaf toward her, heaped with blumfruit. “I’ll walk the circuit this morning, you rest. Do you still want to meditate?”

“Are you sure? I can go.”

“No, I’ll do it. I wasn’t going to make jerky today.”

She popped a berry in her mouth and relaxed. “Thank you. We could meditate when you get back.”

“See you shortly.” He chuckled. “See you, shorty.” Then taking hold of the staff and swinging it before him like a sword, he wandered out into the morning sunshine.

She lay quietly for a half hour or more, but when it became clear that additional sleep would not be happening, she sat up unenthusiastically, and rested her forehead in her palm. “Ugh.” 

Ben had placed a water bottle at her side, along with several chunks of nocoberry and the blumfruit. Popping another berry in her mouth, she got up and fetched the comb and a few fiber strands. As she ate, she worked the knots out of her hair. The previous night’s proceedings returned to her in a rush. She closed her eyes and indulged the memory. It would never have happened, if he had been awake. Maybe he would be angry if he knew, or feel that she had somehow provoked him. Anything one did or said while one was asleep didn’t count, surely. Her thoughts lingered on the feeling of his large hands on her head and spine, the feeling of his mouth on her. A pleasant warmth spread through her, a smile touching her lips.

“Feeling better?”

She started, embarrassed to be caught in her musings. “Oh! Yes. Thank you. And thanks for breakfast.” She ate another berry and dragged the comb through her hair, then picking up one of the lacings, prepared to tie her hair up.

Ben grappled with the keg and set it just inside the cave opening, then tipped up the buoy and placed it in the sand right next to the keg. “Would you indulge me?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you come sit here?” He sat on the keg and pointed to the buoy.

“Okay?” She stood.

“Bring the comb. And the strings.”

She blinked at him, mystified, but bent to snatch up the requested items from her mat. She stepped lightly to his side, and placed them in his outstretched hand.

“Will you sit?” He indicated the buoy, in the sand between his spread knees. “With your back to me.”

“Are you offering to do my hair?”

“If you think it’s weird, no.” He peered up at her, his expression a confounding mix of boyish hopefulness and reserved indifference, his lips twitching.

“Okay.” She whirled around and sat. “Just a little off the top!”

She heard him take a deep breath, and then felt his fingers grazing her neck, sweeping her hair behind her shoulders. She shivered, closed her eyes, and settled in to savor the experience.

She couldn’t really tell, from feel, what he was doing, but his hands were firm and gentle, and adept at this task, just like everything else he undertook.

Finally, after just a little more smoothing with his fingers and tightening of knots, he sat back. “Done.”

She turned sideways and peeked at him askance. Slowly, she raised her hands and delicately patted at the intricate coiffure he had created. It was a series of small knots, three little buns, down the back of her head. 

He offered shyly, “I thought it would stay in better than a single twist.” 

She stroked at it lightly, her astonishment growing. “Ben! Thank you!” She faced him, her jaw open in awe. “But you know, any job you do better than me, becomes yours permanently. That’s how we do things.”

He chuckled, clearly pleased. “We’ll negotiate later, if it stays in place to your satisfaction.”

She continued to explore the style with her fingertips. “This is just…”

Suddenly, he exclaimed, “what is that?!” and seizing her elbow, bent toward her.

“What?”

He was leaning toward her, examining her neck. Oh no.

“You have… You have something on your neck.”

“I do?”

“Yes.” He brushed her neck, just below her ear, softly with the pad of his thumb. “Does it hurt?”

His touch sent tingles down her spine, but nothing that could be called painful. “No. What does it look like?”

“It looks like.” He deliberated, inspecting further. “It’s a… it looks like a… Well, it looks like a bruise.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He pressed at it, hesitantly. “It doesn’t hurt?”

“No, not at all. Hmm.” She pretended to have no idea what he was talking about.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d assume you’ve been stepping out on me.”

She turned to him, surprised.

“Because it looks like… it looks like a love bite.”

  


* * *

  


It started when Ben bounced a tiny shell off of the top of Rey’s head. She retaliated by lobbing it back, and it ricocheted off his shoulder and lodged in his hair.

In the end, their meditation deteriorated into a therapeutic debacle, because neither of them could concentrate, and they both made it their personal mission to make the other lose focus and burst out laughing. They ended up spending the rest of the morning crowing together about a ridiculous account of Rey’s attempts at selling Adventurer Girl cookies, by sneaking into another girl’s prime “territory.” 

“She hated me so much! Every family she went to, had already bought 10 boxes from me! But the Bonteris told me that there were no district assignments, and if she was too slow, that was on her. I could never prove she had done it, but there were rocks in my sleeping bag every night at camp, for the next three years!”

They walked to the cave, to pick up the staff and some sagittaria tubers, then continued to the stone oven. 

“My parents subjected me to summer camp a grand total of one time, and I absolutely refused after that. It would have been bearable if Poe hadn’t been there too. There was an affiliated girl’s camp nearby, and we had weekly combined activities.” Ben rolled his eyes. “Girls always liked Poe right away, and he adored finding new ways to humiliate me. He convinced the girls my name was ‘Ben Sears,’ which he slurred into ‘Ben’s ears,’ and then proceeded to call me this name, all summer long.”

Rey stared at him, baffled. “Why was that funny?”

He grinned and bumped her with his arm. “Thank you!”

“No, really. I don’t get it.”

In reply, he simply held his hair up and away from his ear.

She observed, then met his gaze and chuffed. “Everyone has ears. That was dumb.”

He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “When I was 11, for some reason it mattered. After that I convinced my mother to let me grow my hair out.”

“You still grow your hair out.”

He only pursed his lips.

With three quick steps, Rey rounded on him and raised her hands to indicate he should stop. “Show me again.”

He scrutinized her for a moment, then ran his fingers through his hair, tucking it behind his ears, and waited for her reaction.

She mirrored his action, stretching up and running her fingers through the hair at his temples and sideburns, then dragging her thumbs down the shells of his ears and tugging gently on his earlobes. She met his eyes and his lips parted, with a soft inhalation. She shrugged. “Yeah. I don’t get it.”

  


* * *

  


Ben left her to tend the fire while he went to bring lunch. 

She arranged the large rocks they had set up as table and chairs, and gathered leaves, then laid out the salt, Ben’s cooking implements, and their forks.

She sat down and waited, thinking. She stroked at the tender spot on her neck and sighed. She closed her eyes. She thought about how different this whole experience would be, if she and Ben were lovers. She could be half way through a pregnancy, and how would they explain that, if they were rescued today? Or what if it took years? What would Finn think, if she showed up with 2 or 3 children? She snickered to herself. 

“What’s funny?”

“Oi! You need to stop sneaking up on me!”

“Hmm?”

“I was just… thinking.” 

He held his hand inside the oven niche, then slid in the little green wicker tray with the fillets. He sat down with her to wait. “I’ve been remembering all the trips I took with my parents, when I was a kid. Being here really awakens the memories, you know?”

“Where did you go?”

“When I was young, lots of different places. We would visit the resort every summer. They took me skiing, several times. We would visit the Organas. As I got older, though, I became resistant to too much family time, and they were busy with work, so…”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“What?”

Rey grimaced inwardly, for speaking without thinking. “You’ve said things that made me think you had a difficult childhood.” She brushed at the table with her knuckles. “It doesn’t sound so awful to me.”

Ben had no reply for this and looked away.

“Of course, it’s not my place to say. I wasn’t there.”

“No. You’re right.” He studied her. “Perspective is everything.” He got up and pulled out the fillets, and poked at them with his serving fork, then pushed them back in. Tested the tubers.

Rey asked, “why did your relationship with them break down?” She quickly added, “you don’t have to tell me.”

He peered at her sidelong then sat, and spread his hand on the table, inspecting his fingers. He slowly drew his hand to his lap. “I hurt them. Said things I can never take back. There were things that happened. I…” He bit his lip, chewing on his thoughts. “I couldn’t control my anger.” He turned to her and whispered, “I caused damage that can never be repaired.” He worked his jaw, clenching and grinding, his lips pressed together tightly.

“You told me your mother reached out to you. By inviting you to the conference.”

“Yes.”

“Then maybe whatever is wrong can be made right.”

He inclined toward her. “Maybe.”

  


* * *

  


Rey cocked her hip and folded her arms, studying, visually following the intricate and complex motions, and unraveling what exactly she was seeing. 

This warranted further investigation, but dinner would be ready soon; she had better return later. It might be safer anyway.

She stepped closer, slowly, and extended her finger, very slowly drawing it through the dripping, syrupy liquid. She backed away, three steps, four, then brought her finger to her mouth and took a little taste. “Mmm!” She eagerly licked her finger, pulling it from her mouth with a ‘pop.’

Further investigation was definitely in order! She stepped back carefully, several more steps, then twirled around and jogged to the beach, and headed south and west, past the warm stream and on to the stone oven where she knew Ben would be waiting for her. 

She arrived, out of breath, little wisps of hair stuck to her forehead. “Sorry to keep you waiting!”

He looked up, startled. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah! I found something, is all. But I didn’t want to be too late, so I’ll have to go back to collect it later.”

Ben pushed her portion to her side of the table. “What is it?”

“I was over on the east side, up by the volcano wall, past the hot spring.” She took several deep breaths, to calm her heart rate from her brisk run. “Have you ever wondered why we haven’t been bothered by any bugs, or biting insects, no bees or stinging hornets?”

“I hadn’t thought of it. But now you mention it, that is strange, isn’t it?”

“Well, I figured out why.”

“Really?”

“Yup. But I think I’d rather show you, than tell you about it. So you’ll just have to wait.” She picked up her fork and finally looked down at her food. “You decided to cook? This looks great!” 

“It wasn’t as hot today.” He shrugged.

She talked around a mouthful, “after we’re done, I’m going to go back, if you don’t mind, and I’ll bring some for you to try. I’ll need to take a couple of the water bottles.”

“Okay. It doesn’t look like it’s going to rain tonight, so I wondered if you would want to get in the hot spring?”

“Sure! I’ll just plan to meet you there.”

“I’ll leave my rash guard in the usual spot. Unless you want to skinny dip instead?”

She choked and coughed, until he pounded her on the back. “No.” She coughed again. “I don’t think so.”

  


* * *

  


She had stopped by the hot spring to thoroughly clean out the two water bottles, and now stood in the fragrant clearing, wondering how to start.

Originally, it had been the buzzing that had drawn her attention. But now, at dusk, the buzzing had ceased and all the little buzzers she had seen before appeared to have gone to bed for the night. 

There were twelve vines or so, some spread on the ground, some twining up tall palm trees in a mutually beneficial relationship; the palms were heavy with their various fruits, and the ground was littered with the excess. 

But it was the vines themselves that had caught her attention. They were covered with thousands of trumpet-shaped flowers, in every shade from yellow to orange to red, each one about the size of two of her fingers, and dripping with a clear, sweet nectar. 

She stepped into the clearing cautiously, wanting to avoid any angry insects protecting their territory. As she got closer, she _could_ hear a distant buzzing and squinted up at the tops of the palms, where she now noticed several enormous nests of different kinds and colors, from a papery gray to a dull yellow to a waxy, almost phosphorescent white. She wouldn’t want to disturb any of the inhabitants.

She set one of the water bottles down on the ground, then opened the other, tucking the lid into her pocket. She positioned it carefully, then gently tipped a flower to empty its contents into the bottle. After doing the same with six more flowers, the bottle was about a quarter full. She brought the bottle to her lips and took a sip. The draught seemed to burst in her mouth, with a surprisingly complex combination of flavors. It was sweet and floral, which she expected, but with a fruity tang: primarily muja, but she could taste jogan and blumfruit too. But most surprising was the fizzy pop on her tongue. She licked her lips, reveling in the lingering bouquet. She hadn’t had anything sweet to drink in a very long time. She drank the rest of the liquid from the bottle, then started again.

After about an hour, she had filled both bottles, taking many sips in between of course, as is the harvester’s due. She took another sip, then topped off again with three more flowers. One more sip, and one more top off.

She turned and walked out of the clearing, the two capped bottles in hand. Ferns caught at her feet and she stumbled out onto the beach. “Ooh!” Better not drop the bottles!

The moon had risen, giving her a clear view, and she moved along the beach to find the warm stream, and then inland to the spring. As she worked her way through the thick bracken, she had a difficult time keeping her balance in the dim light, so she stowed the bottles in her two cargo pockets and continued on. The bottles kept bumping into her knees in a very amusing fashion and she giggled and puffed, crashing forward until she came to the spot where she would ordinarily undress. She rummaged around until she found Ben’s rash guard, draped over a fern as always. 

She extricated the two bottles and set them on the ground, then toed off her sandals. She took several steps sideways and bumped up against a palm. “Oof!” This was amusing too and she giggled. She kept her hand on the trunk for support, and quickly stripped off her clothes, dropping each item carelessly.

She started to walk toward the spring and remembered! She spun around and retraced her steps to retrieve the bottles. She stood, wavering. There was something else. Oh! Ben’s shirt! She cackled at her own confusion.

Ben called to her, “Rey?”

“Coming!” This was funny too and she snorted. “Coming!”

Ben’s shirt seemed to have too many neck and arm holes, too many conflicting possibilities, but she finally got her arms and head where they belonged and pulled the sleeves up past her elbows. She clutched the bottles and walked out to the spring. 

Ben sat with his back to her, as usual, but tipped his face up to ask, “everything alright?”

“Mmm hmm.” She stood at the rim of the spring, rocking slightly from her heels to the balls of her feet, not sure how to get in with her hands full. She set the bottles at the edge and splashed in to the first step. She toppled just a little to one side but caught herself, giggling. 

Keeping his back turned, Ben put up his arm, “need a hand?” She clasped it and took another step down. 

“Oh, thank you sir!” She sat down, releasing him, and splashed around, trying to get the hem of the shirt tucked under her hips. It just… wouldn’t… cooperate. She wheezed. “Stupid thing!” She leaned against the edge and sighed, finally satisfied.

Ben turned to her cautiously. “You all set?”

“Mmm…” she tipped over against his shoulder, and he twisted around, swinging his arm around her.

“Were you able to get what you were looking for?”

“Mmm…?”

“You didn’t tell me what it was.

“Oh!” She snorted. “Yes! It’s here!” she reached around and grabbed one of the bottles, twirling it and offering it to him. He took the bottle and shook it gently.

“What is it?”

“I found this huge…” she flung her arms wide, almost hitting him in the nose, “…it was a huge… well, there were these vines! Growing up in some trees!” She turned to him and smiled, nodding her head.

“Yes…”

“And that’s where all the bugs are! They don’t have to bother us because there’s this… this… liquid…” 

“Nectar?”

“Yes!” She giggled, “nectar! Nectar, that’s right!” She sniffed, leaning up against him again and nudging into the juncture between his shoulder and neck. “Mmm… you smell good…” She swung her legs over his lap, throwing her arm around him and clutching his far shoulder, pressing her nose into his throat, inhaling deeply. He set the bottle up on the rim of the spring and hesitantly placed his hand on her knee.

“Rey?”

“Mmm…?”

“Did you drink a lot of this nectar?”

“Of course not! I only had a few sips.” She threaded her fingers up into his hair, brushing his ear. “Mmm. I’ve told you how great your hair is, haven’t I?”

“Yes. Rey?”

“Yes. Ben?” This was hilarious and she snickered quietly to herself for a full minute. She gawked up at him and ran her fingers through his hair on both sides. “So beautiful!”

He seized one of her hands and brought it to his chest. “Rey.”

She leaned her cheek against his collarbone and scratched lightly at his pectoral. He pushed his fingers over hers to still the motion.

“Rey.”

“Yes, Benjamin?”

“I think you’re drunk.”

She heckled, “no, you’re drunk!” She laughed, “you’re so funny!”

He released her hand to reach for the bottle, and she scratched a little circle around his nipple. He gripped her hand and moved it to her lap. “Behave!” He palmed the bottle and, bringing it behind her shoulder to meet his other hand, removed the lid. He took a small sip and smacked his lips.

“It’s good, right?” She peeped up at him eagerly, then swiped at the bottle. “Let me have a taste.”

He stretched out his arm, moving the bottle out of her reach. “I think you’ve already had enough tastes.” He took another sip and rolled the liquid around over his tongue, licking his lips and swallowing. “It is good.” 

She made a grab for the bottle again but he quickly recapped and set it aside.

“Why won’t you share?” she asked sulkily. “I shared with you!”

He replaced his hand carefully on her knee and closed his eyes, inhaling. “You did, and it was very nice of you. But I think we’ve both had enough now.”

She huffed and leaned against his shoulder, then leaned back and brought her hands up to his hair again, dragging her wet fingers against his scalp and running her thumbs up against his ears. She kneaded her fingers against his neck and jaw, drawing his head toward her and licking lightly at his earlobe, drawing just the bottom curve past her lips and scraping delicately with her teeth. 

“Kriff!” His eyes flew open and he set his palm at her shoulder, pushing her gently away from him and sitting up straight. “Rey!”

She stuck out her bottom lip petulantly. “You don’t like me?”

“I do like you, Rey, very much.” He gripped her shoulder and heaved several deep breaths, franticly searching her face, leaning toward her fractionally, lips parted, his fingers at her shoulder tightening and quivering. “Kriff!” He sat up straight and turned his face away, drawing his bottom lip in between his teeth.

She arched her back and neck against his arm and stretched backwards, striking out for the other bottle. “Aha!” She snatched it up in triumph and sat up, working at the cap.

Ben pulled the bottle away from her and set it next to the other one, out of her reach. 

She leaned and strained for it but he held her firm. “Meanie!” Foiled, she drew her hand up and scraped her fingernails against his ear, and tugged on his earlobe. She tried to bring her mouth to his neck.

“Rey! Stop! You’re drunk!” He grasped her hand and dragged it into the water at her hip.

She collapsed against his shoulder and whispered dejectedly, “you don’t want me?”

“We’re not going to discuss what anybody wants right now. I won’t… not now. You’re intoxicated.”

“Am not.”

“Let’s get you to bed.”

She perked up at this, “ooh, bed!”

“Rey…” he clenched his jaw and whispered, “kriff!” He glanced down at her and mumbled, “how am I going to…?” He sucked in between his gritted teeth. “Let’s get you out of here.” He pushed gently at her knees, rotating her off of his lap, shifting and tugging surreptitiously at the front of his swim trunks. He arranged her firmly in her spot, then hopped quickly out of the water and moved the bottles of nectar over by the rock wall. He stood and regarded her, perplexed.

Rey leaned over the rim of the spring, holding out her arms to him and wiggling her fingers. “Come back!”

He swiped up one of the bottles and took a healthy swig, swishing it around in his mouth and swallowing, licking his lips. “Come on.” He walked toward her slowly, “time to get out.”

“No! I want you to get back in!”

“Give me your hand. Time for sleep.”

She clicked her tongue, “fine,” and got up on her knees, reaching for him.

He came closer and bent down to take her hands, but she brought her palms to rest on his thighs, leaning against him and dragging her hands up, bunching up the wet fabric of his trunks with the motion. He grabbed her wrists, muttering, “kriff, Rey.” He pulled her up firmly, lifting her solidly out of the water and setting her upright, dripping, on the ground before him. “Let’s find your clothes.”

She huffed and stumbled around him toward her things, kicking around in the undergrowth. She stood up proudly, unrolling her briefs, then shimmying and struggling into them as Ben looked away awkwardly. “I’m so wet!” she hooted and dug around some more, “aha!” She produced her tank, but twisted it around and around in her hands, unable to determine how it worked. Ben took it from her to unroll the fabric, as Rey tugged at the hem of the rash guard and dragged it up and over her head, flinging it away with a ‘splatch.’ Ben turned sideways and thrust the tank at her, then snared her sandals and set them in front of her. 

“Put those on!”

Rey pulled the tank down and smoothed it over her belly and paused. “Are you angry? You sound angry.”

He sighed. “I’m not angry, Rey. Please put on your sandals.”

She lifted her foot and tried to get her toes into the leather collar of the sandal, but lurched over to the side, almost falling. Ben looked over at her cautiously, then bent down in front of her.

“Put your hand on my shoulder, and lift your foot.”

She did as instructed and Ben helped her into her sandals. His hand lingered for just a moment on her calf. He bowed his head and with his other hand pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed out, “shhh” as she teetered from side to side. She bent slightly and buried her fingers in his hair, rubbing at his scalp. He stood up quickly and she crushed up against him, her hands still clasped around his neck.

He closed his eyes and brought his arms around her, lowering his head and resting his lips against her shoulder, one hand in the middle, the other at the small of her back; his fingertips trembling and nervously holding her to him. 

She went up on her tiptoes and licked at his ear again. He stood up straight, then firmly caught her at the hips and held her away from himself, breaking her grip around his neck.

“You don’t love me!” She dropped her arms down to her sides and took two faltering steps toward the sandy pathway to the cave. Ben caught up with her and put his right arm around her back and held her firmly at the ribcage, then took her left hand with his, interlacing their fingers.

“Time for sleep. I’ll come back and get everything else.”

She stumbled and his grip tightened, to keep her from falling. Soon they reached the cave, and Rey dropped down on her mat, lying on her side. Ben knelt down next to her and pulled off her sandals, setting them aside; then rose and returned with the sarongs, floating them down over her and tucking the edges firmly around her shoulders. He worked at the back of her head and quickly unfastened the knots, releasing her hair. He gently brushed a few stray wisps from her temple and off of her neck, pressing tenderly at her nape and whispering, “good night, Rey.”

She grinned broadly, her eyes staying open just long enough to see him stand and walk briskly out into the moonlight.

  



	24. Day 122

  


Rey opened her eyes a sliver, and even that let in too much light. Her head was pounding and her mouth felt like it was lined with cotton wool. She dragged herself over to a water bottle and chugged it down, water dripping down her chin. She shaded her eyes and peeked down at herself. Why was she only wearing her tank and briefs? She croaked, “crinking hell...”

She flopped down and wrapped herself in the sarongs. No, she had to pee. She wrapped one of the scarves around herself and tied it behind her neck, and holding the front flap closed, started to walk toward the entry… Ben was nowhere to be seen. She held her hand to her forehead. She could only concentrate on one thing at a time. Sandals. She circled about… there they were. There was no way she could slip them on while standing, so she plumped down on her mat and shoved her feet in. She rested her head against her knees, swallowing forcefully. Surely there wasn’t anything in her stomach to vomit, was there? Right, a full bottle of water. She pinched her nose and willed her stomach to settle, breathing shallowly. 

Suddenly Ben stumbled in, carrying his rash guard, her capris and shirt, and her breast band. And two empty water bottles.

She squinted up at him. His hair was plastered down on one side, with lines and indents imprinted on his cheek, his lips cracked and dry, his eyes red-rimmed; he dumped everything in a heap and collapsed onto his mat. She grated out, “you look as bad as I feel.” She lugged herself to her feet and staggered out, barely making it to the latrine in time.

As she trudged back, dragging her fingers along the volcano wall to steady herself, she drew up sharply as fuzzy memories flooded her addled mind. Poodoo! No! How could she face him? She rested her forehead against the cool stone. No, no, no! Had she actually done all the things she remembered?

“We need to talk."

She peeked over, to find him observing her, swaying and extending his hand to the stone wall just in case. He pivoted and lurched into the cave. She followed him reluctantly.

She rounded the corner, and he was facing her, holding out a water bottle. “Drink this.”

“I already had one.”

“Drink another.”

She took it and scuffed to her mat and sat down, uncapping the bottle and drinking down half, then replacing the cap. He sat across the way from her.

“Ben, I…”

“You can’t apologize.”

“I know.” She paused to gather her thoughts. “I would never have… if I had known it was fermented, I would never have…” She took another sip of her water. “I’ve never been drunk before.” She thought of something suddenly. “Did you dump the rest?”

“No. I drank it. Last night.”

“Oh. Well, I’d probably better not collect any more.”

“I think that would be for the best.” He bent and rubbed at his forehead.

“I would never have done those things, or said those things, if I hadn’t been… I hope you believe me!”

He stared at her, startled. “You wouldn’t.”

“Of course not! You’ve made it very clear that you don’t want to… that you aren’t… you know.”

“No. I don’t know.”

“That I’m not your… type. I understand.” She hiccupped. “I just wouldn’t want you to think that I was trying to… provoke you.”

“Of course not, no.” He paused. “But Rey, why would you think that?”

“That I was being provocative? Oh.” She cleared her throat and fixed her gaze on a spot above his head. “If last night didn’t bother you, then it’s all fine and good.” She swiveled away and squinted at the bright sand outside the cave mouth. “All for the best.”

“No, no! Why would you think you’re not my type?”

“Look, Ben.” She heaved several breaths, trying to keep control. “I get it, okay? I’ll make a promise not to get drunk again, and everything will be fine. Fine and good.” She blinked rapidly and pursed her lips. “‘Friendly fellowship,’ that’s what I promised you, and that’s what you’ll get, from here on out.”

“But I don’t know why you think that! I never said that!”

She snapped her eyes around to him. “You don’t have to tell me! Any idiot who’s thinking clearly can see we’re not in the same league! It’s only I wasn’t thinking clearly last night.” She swiped at her cheeks. “Can this talk be over now?”

“No! Rey, I don’t feel that you’re listening to what I’m saying!”

She turned away and blinked, fat tears rolling down her face. 

“Please, don’t cry, Rey! I don’t think you’re understanding me.”

She jumped up, in a flurry of arms and clenched fists and flapping silk. “I understand just fine! I understand that no matter how many times I repeat a mantra, over and over, it doesn’t change reality! Nothing will change the fact that I’m a nobody! I’ll always be a nobody!”

“Not to me.”

“Ben, I can’t. Please. I can’t talk about this any more. I want us to be friends again, if you can forget about last night.”

He worked his jaw, “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I want to do that.”

She shook her head. “You don’t want to be friends? How can that even work?!”

“No, damn it! That isn’t what I said at all!” He leaped up and stalked toward her. “Rey, listen to me!”

She backed away, a few steps, then froze. “NO! YOU listen to ME, you moof milker!” She advanced on him, pointing at him threateningly. “You don’t get to push me around, just because you’re Kylo Ren! And not because you’re Ben Solo, either! You GET to be my friend, at least while we’re here! And you’re going to fillet fish for me, and you’re going to make me that clam dish again! And you’re going to forget everything that happened while I was drunk, because apparently you ended up getting drunk too!” She was toe to toe with him now, digging her finger into his bare chest. “And you’re going to do my hair when I ask you to, maybe every day, because it stayed out of my face yesterday, and I hate it when my hair blows in my face!” She tore at her hair and flung her arm up and out.

He was shocked into silence.

“And you are going to rub my shoulders sometimes!” She paced back and forth, thinking. “In return, I will continue to be my charming and humorous self. And I can rub your shoulders too. Do you have a problem with any of that?!”

He twitched, in a way she understood to mean, no, he didn’t have a problem with any of that.

“Good. Okay.” She huffed. “Good talk.” She picked up her pile of clothes. Then scanned for the bottles that had held the nectar, and grabbed them too. “I’m going to go soak in the hot spring and do my laundry. I might also throw up, I’m not sure yet. Maybe we resume meditation tomorrow?”

He nodded.

“Fine. Will you do my hair when I get back?”

He nodded.

“Fine.”

And she marched out.

  


* * *

  


Rey returned to the cave after a very long soak in the hot water, and felt almost restored to her usual self. She arranged her clothes on the drying rack, tightened the knots of her sarong, and tied the second one around her waist. She stretched, raised her face to the sun, and sighed.

Ben walked up and stood in front of her. 

She sized him up. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Are we good?”

“Yes. Are you ready to have your hair done?”

“Yes. Just let me comb through one time to get out all the knots.”

Ben set up the same seating configuration as before and waited for her. “Any special requests?”

“What you did yesterday worked. Or you can do whatever you want.”

“Can I?”

“Mmm.” She closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift.

When he had finished her hair, he moved so seamlessly into a neck and shoulder rub, that it took her a few moments to realize what had happened. She sighed and moaned softly, putty in his hands.

He grasped her shoulders and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her middle and resting his chin on her shoulder. “All done.”

“Mmm. Okay.” She relaxed against him. “Thank you, Ben. You must feel very secure, knowing you have so many career options open to you.”

He chuckled and squeezed her softly. “You okay? Do you need to lie down?”

She shook herself and sat up, blinking. “No. No, I’m good. You should go soak in the hot spring, it helped me feel a lot better.”

“I will, later. I need to check on the jerky.” He squeezed again and released her. “See you in a few minutes, for lunch?”

She propped her elbow on her knee, leaning forward and resting her cheek in her hand. “Okay. Soon.”

  


* * *

  


Her clothes weren’t quite dry, so after puttering around and tidying a bit in the cave, and filling the water bottles, she wandered over to the stone oven to see if Ben needed any help.

As soon as she appeared, he pulled the nocoberry-crusted fish from the oven and set her portion on a leaf, with some muja-onion compote. 

“My favorite! Ben!” As they dug in, she glanced over and saw the leathery shell, heaped full of clams. “You’ve been busy!” She took another bite. “I’m so out of it today. You didn’t walk the circuit, did you?”

“No, not yet.”

“After we eat, I’ll do that, and then I’ll dig up some lothtails.”

“I used the last of the onions to make lunch.”

“Okay, I’ll dig some onions too. I found a new patch the other day, so there are plenty. I’ll avoid the hot spring if you’ll be there. And we can meet up later?”

Ben studied her. “Okay.”

  


* * *

  


Rey suppressed a burp, as they meandered in the dusk, from the stone oven to the beach. Ben reached back and took her hand, twining his fingers with hers. She looked up at him quizzically.

“What? Friends can hold hands.”

“Mmm.” She burped again. “You improved that recipe. What did you do differently?”

“I used some of the watermint, as you suggested. And I was able to serve it at a higher temperature this time, which helped, I think.” He paused. “I might have also added a secret ingredient.”

She snorted dubiously. “I thought we agreed secrets aren’t possible?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Chef’s privilege.” He pulled her over to the mini-skimmer and sat. 

She let go of his hand and wandered over to investigate the remains of their bonfire. She circled the black patch of ashes, and kicked at a few singed fronds.

Ben pushed the skimmer over to its side and sat in the sand, one knee bent, his arm resting on it. “Do you want me to untie your hair?”

“Okay.” She dropped down close at his side and angled to give him access. 

After few soft tugs, her hair swung to her shoulders. He ran his fingers up her scalp, from her nape to her crown, teasing the strands apart.

“Ungh…” Her eyes rolled back and her stomach flipped.

He pressed at her shoulder to encourage her to lean back against his chest, and she yielded.

She sat up in a rush and twisted toward him, “all those things I said! You don’t have to do all of that, every day!”

He chuckled, “I know, Rey.” He tapped against the crook of her elbow, and she leaned back again.

She scooched and snoozled comfortably into his side, and sighed. She adjusted her leg, bumping against him, and a crunching, dull popping noise emanated from her cargo pocket.

“What the…? What have you got?”

Rey laughed. “I forgot to show you! I found these earlier!” She unbuttoned and dug into her pocket, bringing out a handful of colorful, plastic cubes. “There were a whole bunch of them, up on the north east beach.”

“Gōlēs!”

“What are they?”

“They’re gōlēs!” He plucked up two from her hand and snapped them together. “They’re building bricks! You can build all sorts of things with them! I used to love these!” He connected them into one solid, flat mass, one at a time from the pile in her palm. 

She giggled, patting her pocket and bringing out a few more. “There were lots more, washed up on the beach; next time you’re bored you know where to find them!”

He started breaking them apart and arranging them by size, in lines on his thigh. “You’ve really never seen any before?”

“Not that I recall.”

“They are a ubiquitous construction toy for kids.” He formed them into a pyramid, then broke them apart again. “You want to try?”

She set to work, snapping several together, to form a tiny table and chair.

“You’re a natural!” He wedged her creations in the sand in front of them, and together they made two more chairs and stuck the few remaining pieces to the little table, a feast fit for any action figure of note.

She twisted around to tease him, “we finally see the unflappable Benjamin Seul, derailed from important intellectual pursuits, by a mere child’s toy!”

He chuckled, then leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back to rest against him. She snuggled into his side and he picked up her hand, wrapping his fingers around hers and settling them in his lap.

“Gōlēs are an important element of every child’s development. They’re great for eye-hand coordination, three-dimensional visualization, and spatial planning.”

“I never had any.”

“You’re never too old to play with gōlēs, and we seem to have an abundance.”

“Mmm…” She gazed out to the horizon. As she watched, some fluffy, faraway clouds parted, and golden beams shot down through the purple and orange sky, reflecting off of the calm waves and casting a gilt luster over the entire landscape. She gasped, overcome, her hand twitching in his.

He rubbed at her shoulder, then reached between them and tucked her hair behind her ear; looking down at her, he whispered, “beautiful.”

She turned to him, marveling, then blinked and goggled out again at the multihued spectacle, overwhelmed.

Together they stared in silence, until the last colors had faded from the sky and the stars burst into existence, little pinpricks of brilliance.

“Maybe that alcoholic beverage affected my brain more than I originally appreciated; but I don’t remember ever seeing anything… like… that…” she dragged in a heavy breath and cried out, “Ben!”

He jolted, tightening his arms around her. “What is it?! Talk to me!”

She wailed, “Ben! How are we… how can we ever…” she broke down, weeping.

He rubbed at her arms and back, pressing her head into his shoulder and rocking her back and forth. “Rey, talk to me!”

“Will we ever leave this place, Ben?! How can we endure it?”

“We can get through anything together, Rey. I believe that.”

She brought up the corner of her shirt and swabbed at her eyes, sniffling and quavering. “You do?”

“Absolutely. There isn’t anything we can’t overcome. Someone will come for us, I have no doubt.”

She leaned against him, utterly exhausted and gasping convulsively. “What would I do without you, Ben? What if you hadn’t found me?” Fresh tears flowed down, dripping off her chin and splashing on his wrist. 

He reached up and stroked her cheeks, softly brushing the tears away. “I’m here, Rey. We’re together. I’m with you. I won’t leave.”

She buried her face in his chest and sobbed, shuddering and grasping at his neck.

He rocked her, rubbing circles into her back and letting her cry herself out. Finally she sat up, snuffling and hiccupping, patting at the dampness at his chest, wiping at her cheeks and whispering, “I’m a mess!”

“It’s been a long day, Rey. It’s alright. Everything’s going to be alright.”

She turned and nestled into his side again, finally calming; gazing out, watching as the moon rose, dusting everything in gray, white and silver. 

  



	25. Day 163

Rey stood, staring at the cave wall. She brushed her hand lightly over the rows of marks she and Ben had made; nine complete groups of 17 and almost half of a tenth. She blew out a deep breath.

Each day was so like the last that it was easy to lose track, so it was a good thing they were making this record. She had continued to make journal entries as well, but as her notebook was more than half full already, she usually kept them very brief, and the writing very small.

The last few nights had been stormy, and just three days ago they had been cooped up in the cave all day, verbally circling, hissing and batting at each other like a pair of cranky rada-cats, until finally Ben had suggested they get in the hot spring despite the weather. By that time the rain had calmed to a drizzle, and dried up altogether by dusk. 

His nightmares continued, and sometimes the intensity genuinely frightened her. They seemed to be getting worse, but he was never troubled by them, next morning.

When Rey had first met Finn in the group home, they had often huddled together for warmth. That house was drafty; there weren’t enough blankets to go around in the first place, and the older children often commandeered them in the second place. Rey would sometimes crawl into Finn’s bunk after dark and they would shiver together under his sheet, whispering. He was a snuggler, and their friendship had always been free and easy. 

They had kept in touch over the years, participating in the same youth programs and often being enrolled at the same schools. Later, after Finn was adopted by the Storms, Rey had spent hours hanging out in his basement rather than go home to her dingy room at the Amedda’s. They warned her if she got knocked up with his baby they would… anyway.

When Rose first came into the picture, she had a difficult time understanding their relationship and had felt very threatened by it. 

It had all come to a head, one night when Rey had joined them at Finn’s place for pizza and a movie. It was a film Rey and Finn had already seen together when it was first released, and they hooted and called out a running commentary until Rose stood up, furious, and snapped off the screen with the remote. She whirled on them, and accused them of being lovers looking for a kinky third. They had stared at each other in shock for a few seconds, then burst out in hysterics. Rose had stomped off to the kitchen. When they had finally been able to calm their laughter, Finn had talked her down, and she perched angrily on the couch to hear their story. They explained to Rose, they had never been interested in each other romantically or sexually. The thought had never so much as crossed their minds. 

The three of them had been inseparable for many months. But eventually, Rey became the awkward third wheel, as Finn and Rose got serious and decided to get married. Rey was happy for them, of course, but still, it stung. Finn had assured her their relationship wouldn’t change, but how could he keep that promise? She sighed, remembering their wedding day. It was bittersweet.

But if Finn was a snuggler, Ben was an absolute cuddlebug. She couldn’t really pinpoint when it had all started; maybe it had come on gradually, so slowly she hadn’t really noticed, but that boy loved to cuddle. And Rey didn’t mind in the slightest. Unless they were arguing, and sometimes even then, if they were in each other’s sight, he had his arm around her or was extending his hand to take hers, or was rubbing her shoulders. She reciprocated with a shoulder rub occasionally, but he honestly seemed to prefer to give, rather than receive. 

He did her hair for her, almost every day, which task he accomplished efficiently, nimbly and sweetly. “Sweet” was probably the best word she could think of, to describe his behavior toward her; and if she thought about it, which of course she didn’t allow herself to, not at all… she had to admit that she was completely and utterly in love with him. It had been inevitable, really, and she did feel a failure for allowing herself to fall, but there it was. Her new mantras were all about living in and enjoying the present moment. Because she knew eventually, this too would pass.

She peered up again at the rows of scratches. Nine days. She tried to imagine what Finn’s little baby would look like, without success; she hadn’t spent much time around babies. She would be adorable, of course, and whether she more closely resembled her father or her mother, she was sure to have dark hair and eyes, and pinchable, kissable cheeks. 

Rose rolled her eyes, but Rey had insisted on talking, loudly, to Rose’s belly, because she had read that babies in the womb could hear voices outside, and could recognize the people associated with them, after birth. So Auntie Rey read books and carried on conversations, and sang off-key, whenever Rose would allow it. They were going to name her Daisy. Unless of course the sonogram had been incorrect, then _he_ would be named Hondo. Finn insisted upon that name because he said it meant “warrior.” Rose rolled her eyes at that too, and insisted the baby was a girl.

Rey sighed again and held her hand against the stone. 

Ben sauntered in, leaning the staff up against the wall, and crossed to her immediately. He tweaked one of her hair lacings, “you okay?”

“Yeah. I was just thinking about Rose and Finn’s baby.” She looked up at him with big eyes and a little frown. “She’s nine days old and I haven’t been able to squeeze her yet!”

“Babies mostly sleep for the first few days, anyway.”

“How do you know about babies?”

“I have all kinds of random facts at my disposal. It’s the benefit of extensive research for my writing.”

She groaned. “Sometimes it feels like we’ve been here forever. Like we’ll be here forever.”

He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. “It’s only been nine days.” He squeezed her firmly.

She tipped back to appreciate his quirky smile. 

“Supper will be ready soon.” He set her away from himself and took a step back. “Anyway, would ‘forever’ be so bad?” He winked and strode out.

  


* * *

  


“Oh… oh, Ben! Mmm…” She closed her eyes, pressing her fingers to her lips. “Soo… gooood! Ohh!”

She caught him staring at her again, and he quickly recommenced chewing, clearing his throat and directing his gaze at his food.

“Have I got something on my face?” She brushed at her chin.

He shook his head and kept chewing.

For reasons she couldn’t fathom, she got the impression Ben actually derived pleasure from presenting her with new culinary delights and observing her reaction to them. He had outdone himself tonight, and she had no idea how this meal was even possible.

They were little battercakes, slightly on the crumbly side, but sweet and crispy.

“How did you make these?! I can’t even think what ingredients would work! We don’t have any flour, no eggs! These are amazing!”

He bent his head, self-deprecatingly, and admitted, “it took a little trial and error…”

“When did you have time to do that, Ben! You’re amazing! Thank you!”

His lips twitched at one corner.

They were startled to hear a sharp squawk in the palm above them. “D-O!” He swept down closer. Rey broke off a very small piece (she was generous, but only within reason) of her cake and held it out to him. “You heard me raving about Ben’s cooking, right?” D-O trilled at them, cocking his head at Ben, who didn’t move a muscle. He hopped anxiously in his spot and fluffed his feathers. “Come on. If you want some, you have to come to me.”

He swooped to her wrist, keeping one eye trained on Ben. Slowly, he edged toward the treat, raising his foot and finally attaining the precious morsel, then raising it to his beak for a little nibble. If a bird could look ecstatic, that’s exactly how D-O looked: blissed out. He finished his share, and with a little chirp, was gone.

Ben was absolutely floored.

“Well, I told you.”

“Told me what?”

“Your cooking will charm anyone.”

  


* * *

  


“…I’ve even planned out the ending and wrapped up all the loose ends! I wasn’t sure how to close out several of the subplots, but everything has finally come together in my mind. What do you think of _Assassin’s Salvation_ , for a title?”

Rey admired the movement of Ben’s muscular back and the little dimples peeking out at the waist of his swim trunks, as he pulled off his rash guard. “Mmm hmm…”

He passed it over his shoulder to her, and kept talking. She was listening to his commentary, of course she was. But she was perfectly capable of multi-tasking, so she bunched the fabric together in her hands and inhaled deeply, peeking over the top and paying rapt attention as he adjusted his waistband snugly at his hips. She slipped the shirt over her head. Once she got everything all arranged, she held on to the hem with one hand and took Ben’s hand with the other.

He continued to talk, as they walked over to the spring, and stepped in together. “…it’s just a matter of remembering everything long enough to get it all jotted down. The book will almost write itself. It will be such a relief to fulfil that portion of my contract.”

“Will you take the story in a different direction, than you originally planned?” She tucked the shirt’s hem under her hips.

“Yes, definitely. But it will be so much better! I can’t believe how the ideas have flowed, while we’ve been here. You must be a positive influence on me.” He smiled over at her. He was always so respectful of her and never made her feel uncomfortable, or like an object. Of course she recognized her own hypocrisy on that particular point.

“Do I get a preview?”

He smirked. “Only if you ask very nicely.” He draped his arm along the stone ledge.

She scooted closer and leaned in to him. “Pleeeeeeeease!” 

He chuckled and brought his arm around her shoulders.

She offered, “at the end of _Assassin’s Mark_ it seemed like Ganner was going to accept Jaina and Jacen’s offer to join the Assassin’s Brotherhood.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re very perceptive, to pick up on that! You wouldn’t believe how many weird questions I get, at book signings! Most people are more interested in Tahiri.”

“We had a long discussion about it, in the group. Did you see it?”

“I must have missed that.”

“You have a lot of female fans, you know that, right?”

“I guess it hadn’t occurred to me, no.”

“Well, you do. I’m not sure how many of them have actually read your books, or if they’ve only read fanfiction based on your books. Or maybe some of them are just in love with you, and haven’t read any of your books!” He blushed, and she giggled. “But, any which way, many of the discussions turned to the romantic aspects.”

Ben shook his head. “I didn’t realize there was that much to explore, by way of romance; at least not in the _Bound for Sorrow_ series. _Son of Darkness_ , I can see it.”

“By the way, my opinion about Revan and Bastila is definitely _not_ the minority! There is a lot of fanfiction dedicated to them. Do you follow it?”

“The only fanfiction I’ve read, is yours.”

“Really?” It was Rey’s turn to blush. “I’m afraid I didn’t give you a very good introduction to the genre!”

“On the contrary, they were very well-written, I thought. Between the three stories, you had a diverse selection of alternate universes and storylines.”

“Why _did_ you pair Revan with Nomi? I never understood the motivation, from a creative point of view. Bastila is a richer character, overall.”

“Part of it was Snoke’s preference. He said male readers would prefer Nomi, that men are intimidated by strong females.”

She huffed. “And you must agree, because you went along with it.”

“I could have gone to battle over it, but it didn’t seem worth the effort. Mr. Snoke is very… persuasive.”

“He threatened to alter your contract if you didn’t acquiesce.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Exactly. Manipulative clanker. The sooner I can finish out my contract, the better.”

“But you said ‘part of it,’ that must mean you agreed with the decision, in some part.”

“Most men _are_ intimidated by strong females. That’s true. Just ask my father.” He snickered to himself. “And if the real purpose for fiction is to provide… what did you call it? ‘Ego-stroking escapism…?’ Then maybe Snoke is right, and the majority of men secretly desire a beautiful but weak woman at their side.”

“Why do you talk about it in the abstract? You’re a man. Is that your preference?”

“It was my original intent for Revan and Bastila to be together. Although, I must admit, I never planned to describe lovemaking as… creatively as what you depicted.” He puffed out his cheeks and fanned himself, eyeing her playfully. “Hot!”

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?!” She quickly redirected the subject. “But you didn’t answer my question. What is your personal preference?”

“Am I intimidated by strong women? To some degree, probably. Yes. My mother can be fearsome, when she wants to be.”

“Really?! She’s tiny!”

“Physical size has nothing to do with it. Believe me. She is a formidable opponent. Very scary.” 

“And your father would agree, you said. What is he like?”

“Oh.” His gaze became unfocused, staring into the growing shadows. “In a lot of ways, I don’t think of them as separate people; more like… a matched set.”

“And are they well-matched, do you think?”

“I don’t know.” He pondered this further. “They fought a lot when I was a kid. Still do. My father would use that as an excuse to go on extended ‘research expeditions’ for his novels.”

“Meaning…”

“He would leave, for days or weeks at a time. I hated him for it. And my mother always accepted him back, with open arms. And I hated her for that.” He clenched his jaw. “I could never reconcile how such a strong, fierce woman could accept that kind of mistreatment, time after time. How she could be so strong in everything else, but so weak, when it came to him.”

The silence stretched between them. 

“But are they still together?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you think that is?”

He squeezed her shoulders tighter, and pulled his head back to look down at her. “They love each other. There has never been any doubt about that.” He brought his arm from around her, and clasped his hands, leaning forward and resting them on his thighs.

Rey pondered all of this information for a long time. She pulled her knees up sideways, and twisted around to run her fingers through the hair at Ben’s nape. He closed his eyes. “There must be something about the arrangement that she prefers.” He turned to her, startled. “Maybe it helps her feel that she hasn’t lost her autonomy, being alone so much. Or maybe she enjoys the thrill of the drama, the ebb and flow.”

He gaped at her. 

“But I disagree that it’s a weakness. That’s real strength, I think. Fighting through and making something work, even when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else? If you love someone, if it’s real love, what other choice do you have?”

Ben stared at her, brows knit together. 

“It doesn’t mean you have to follow their example. You might choose a more tranquil, steady situation for yourself.” She laughed. “If you prefer to keep your drama confined to the written page.” 

Ben swallowed, searching her face, then opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a purple flash, followed closely by a deep crash. They both cried out, “oh!” and, laughing, scrambled out of the basin, grabbed their things, and ran to the cave.

  


* * *

  


Rey sat on her mat in the dark, slowly pulling the ties from her hair and carefully combing each section before releasing the next. Ben lay on his side, his eyes glinting with the lightning. As she combed through the last piece, she could hear his soft snores.

It was so interesting, what he had said about his parents. She never would have thought, you would never guess it to meet Leia Organa, that her domestic life was so turbulent. But… Rey had learned, from observing many different family dynamics over the years, that you never knew what was going on behind closed doors. The Bonteris had appeared, on the outside, to be a happy and loving couple, and they had treated her well, but they fought like banshees and their divorce had been bitter and ugly. The Valorum’s marriage had dissolved because of infidelity. Mon Mothma had been a widow. The Ameddas were a disaster through and through; how they ever got approved to foster was a mystery. She snorted quietly. The only truly happy marriage she had ever observed firsthand, was Finn’s parents, the Storms. The odds didn’t seem very favorable. She pursed her lips and rested her cheek on her palm, watching Ben sleep. 

The storm outside broke with a crack.

“Kriff! Kriff, NO!”

She sighed. Would it be better to let the nightmares run their course? Maybe her interference only protracted them?

Ben arched painfully against the ground, and his low groan crescendoed into a ragged scream, the disturbing likes of which she had never heard before. She rushed to his side, kneeling. “Ben!” She shook him urgently, pressing at his chest and shoulder. “Ben, wake up!”

“No!” He was sobbing now, “DAD! NO!”

Rey froze. “Ben?”

He screamed again, and shot up, his face inches from hers, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes blind to her. 

Tentatively, she brought her hands up to his jaw, brushing the tears away with her thumbs. “Ben. I’m here.”

He focused on her finally, his face crumpling, a deep howl breaking from his throat; he threw his arms around her and crushed her to him, sobbing, “no, no, no, no…”

She buried her hands in his hair, stroked his neck, gripped and pressed against him however she could, at the awkward angle.

He shuddered and quaked, keening inconsolably. Rey pushed at his shoulders, until he relaxed his grasp enough she could bring her arms down. She brought one hand between them, and threaded the other under his arm, around to his back. She drew him down to lie side by side with her, rubbing his back, his arm, wiping his tears and stroking gently at his jaw. She reached to his nape, threading her fingers in his hair, kneading at his scalp and pulling his head down to her shoulder, murmuring, “shh Ben, shh. I’m here. I’m here. You’re safe. Shh.”

Bit by bit, he calmed, his eyes finally closing in peaceful repose, his arms still around her.

She exhaled slowly, shifting minimally to disentangle herself. He tightened his grip, clinging to her and groaning.

She reached up and grabbed his little pillow, and stuffed it under her head. Fine. She would simply wait for him to fall more deeply into sleep, then she would move, to her own mat. She would wait. 

It was no problem to wait. With her eyes closed. She could wait.

  



	26. Day 164

As Rey woke, she became aware of several incongruent and impossible realities. 

First of all, she wasn’t on the proper side of the cave. In the dim pre-dawn light, she cracked her eye open and peeked over to her side, the side she always slept on. Why wasn’t she there?

Second, she was lying on her side, her head resting on a thick biceps. She blinked down at an upturned, relaxed hand; undoubtedly attached by way of a wrist, forearm and elbow to said biceps, her brain provided helpfully.

Another arm was thrown heavily over her ribcage, with the corresponding hand resting gently against her abdomen. She could feel the owner of these appendages bestirring behind her just as she arrived at full, mortified and flustered consciousness. 

Ben’s arm tightened around her, his fingers digging softly at her belly and drawing her hips back until, oh! She knew he wasn’t yet fully awake, because he bumped and shifted against her bottom, and she could feel a very solid, very prominent, very insistent erection pressing against her backside. Her eyes flew open and she suppressed a little squeak.

She had no idea how she was going to get out of this one. The hand in front of her on the ground convulsed, and she heard his hissing intake of breath. His hand moved from her belly to her hip, pushing her away imperceptibly, while his own hips withdrew quickly from her. 

He rumbled, “Rey?”

She raised her head, and he removed his arm out from under it. She took a deep breath, and, clenching her jaw, flopped to her back to face him.

His head was propped in his palm and his expression was… shock… confusion… bemusement… amusement… incredulity…

She waved her fingers at him. “Hi.”

“Hello Rey.” His gaze swept over her leisurely, head to sandy toes, and back up again. “I feel some sort of explanation is forthcoming.”

She couldn’t tell if he was angry. He didn’t seem particularly upset, only… mystified. She took courage. “Um. I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to. I mean, I meant to return to my side when you fell asleep. But then I fell asleep.” She smiled up at him sheepishly.

“I don’t know… what that means…”

She huffed, and cast about for his pillow, and, finding it, shoved it under her head. She placed her arms straight down at her sides, stiff and awkward. He stretched out with his finger and tapped her on the wrist. She took a deep breath. “You have been having nightmares. Bad ones. Only on the nights when it storms, for some reason.” She glanced over to gauge his mood. His expression was… reserved…? neutral…? But he still didn’t seem angry, so she continued on. “When it has happened before, it seemed to help you if I… talked to you, reassured you. Sometimes I would… usually I would touch you; your face, or brush back your hair, to try to quiet you. I was trying to help!” Her breathing sped up. “I’m hearing what I’m saying and I realize this sounds really creepy, Ben!”

“No, I’m following you so far. Go ahead.”

She took a cleansing breath, and went on, “over time the nightmares have gotten worse. Sometimes you opened your eyes and I was sure you were awake, and saw me, but then you never said anything about it the next morning, so I didn’t know how to bring it up, or how to let you know… I knew it was wrong of me not to say anything, but I honestly didn’t know how…”

She met his eyes, hoping for some sign he wouldn’t hate her for this. He still seemed… fine, impassive. 

“Last night, I thought maybe it was a mistake for me to interfere, so I was just going to leave you alone, but…” her breath caught tremulously, and she cleared her throat and shook her head. She sat up cross-legged, facing him, twisting her hands in her lap. “You were… screaming. I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to comfort you… calm you. But you… you took ahold of me; and I was going to return to my own side when you relaxed or shifted in your sleep, but I… I fell asleep.” She looked down at him. “If you’re angry about this, I won’t blame you.”

He reached over and grabbed the pillow and, rolling onto his back, pushed it under his head, staring up at the cave ceiling. “I’m not angry, Rey.” 

He lifted his hand toward her, and she clasped it earnestly, happy to give him time to collect his thoughts.

He closed his eyes. “I don’t remember anything that you’re describing. But I believe you.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve always had trouble sleeping. But the last few years, it has gotten worse.” He studied her. “Since I’ve been here, I’ve felt better rested than I have in a long time. I had no explanation for it, maybe it’s something in the water; but I wasn’t about to look a gift orbak in the mouth.” He smirked, and blew out a breath. “I usually take trazodone to help me sleep, but of course I don’t have that here.” He sat up and swung around, sitting legs crossed and facing her, their knees touching. “Can I admit something? You might think it’s silly.”

“Anything, Ben.”

“I thought…” A muscle twitched, under his left eye. “I thought it was because of you. That I was sleeping so well. You… your presence is soothing.”

She leaned back, absolutely blown away. “Um. Really?”

“Yes. Is that weird?” He held out his hands to her, palms up.

She touched her fingertips to his. “No. It’s. It’s.” She laughed. “I don’t know what it is. But it’s not ‘weird.’” She bit her lip. “Ben, I have to tell you something.”

He nodded.

“I really have to pee. I’ll be right back.” She could hear his laughter echoing out of the cave, as she ran around the corner.

  


* * *

  


Rey ate the last morsel of the little cake, leftover from the night before, and nosed around for any crumbs. “These are so good! I still don’t understand how you managed them.”

“The flour is a combination of nocoberry and lothtail root, both dried and ground up. And a few other ingredients.”

“I can’t believe you went to the effort to do that! I… it means a lot to me.”

“It means a lot to me, to be appreciated, Rey. So I guess we’re even.”

They ate in companionable silence for several minutes, knee to knee on his sleeping mat.

He cleared his throat. “I hope I didn’t… say anything… or do anything… strange… during these nightmare… episodes.”

She leaned against the cave wall, contentedly. “No. Last night was the first time you did anything but talk. Well, yell.” She considered him carefully. “Usually you just seem really… distraught. And whatever is happening in your dream is physically painful. It has seemed to be the same dream, every time.”

He leaned back, bending one knee, and nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, it would be.”

“Last night was the worst. You had never screamed like that.” Her eyes pricked with tears, and she blinked rapidly. “You called out… for your father. You had never done that before, either.”

Ben closed his eyes, his head bowed, his chest heaving. Finally, he focused on her. Searching her face for… something. He ran his hands through his hair, giving it a yank and blowing out a deep breath. “Something happened. There was… an accident. It was my fault.” He pressed his lips together, his chin trembling. 

She came to her knees at his side, holding his head to her and rubbing his back. “You don’t have to tell me Ben. Only if you want to.”

He leaned into her. “It was about 7 years ago. He was on one of his extended absences, researching for a book. I had spoken with my mother, and she mentioned where he was, so I drove out to confront him. For hurting her. For hurting me. For every harm or slight, real or imagined, that he had inflicted over the years.” He grasped her elbow.

“I tracked him down, at a weapons manufacturing plant. Somehow he had sweet-talked his way into a tour, and I waited by his car, watching for him to come out. I finally saw him, crossing a narrow causeway, and I started yelling and berating him. I rushed out to meet him, stomping, ranting and raving. I allowed rage to overcome me.” He choked.

Rey gripped his nape.

“There was a railing that snapped, and we both fell.” He groaned, shaking his head at the memory, then inhaling roughly, “I thought he was dead. I thought I had killed him!” He shuddered violently, sobbing.

“Ben, Ben…” She squeezed his shoulders, rubbed at his back, rocked and pulled at him until he calmed slightly.

“He… he broke his back.” He covered his mouth with his hand, gasping. “He’s never been able to walk again. Kriff! Kriff!”

She held him, pressing her palm against his neck, his cheek, rocking and squeezing him to her.

He rasped, “I wished I had died.”

  


* * *

  


They walked the circuit together, Rey reaching out for his hand, holding his arm, touching his back. When they rounded to the hot spring, they decided to get in, even though they usually only did so at night. Rey sat close at Ben’s side, her arms around him, her cheek laid against his shoulder, his hand resting against her knee.

“What must you think of me?”

“It was an accident, Ben.” She raised her head and traced her fingertips down a deep and ragged scar, from his collarbone to his pectoral, just above his nipple. He set his hand over hers. She sat up, and withdrawing her hand from under his, she gently stroked a rough, scarred concavity in his shoulder. 

“I haven’t seen or talked with him since.”

She inhaled shakily, then pressed her hand to his cheek, “Ben.” 

He turned to look at her, his lips held tightly together, his eye twitching.

“They reached out to you. They wouldn’t do that if they hated you, Ben. They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t want you in their lives still. If they didn’t still love you.”

He blinked, and a single tear rolled down to her hand. She brushed it away and thrust her fingers into his hair. “There’s still time. Everything can be made right.”

He rested his forehead against her collarbone and gulped hoarsely, snuffling.

  


* * *

  


“We need to do something fun today. Any ideas?” Rey picked at her fish, not wanting to miss a single morsel.

“It’s cooler today, we could hike up to the cistern again.”

“Okay.”

“As soon as the jerky is done?”

“Okay.”

  


* * *

  


Rey scrambled up and over a patch of shale, ignoring the hand Ben extended to her. She stood at his side, arms akimbo and surveyed the landscape. “If there’s something in the water that’s helping you sleep, then maybe there’s something in the water that explains why I haven’t had a period in 5 months! Not that I’m complaining!” She remembered herself, and clamped her mouth shut, abashed.

He chuckled. “Could it be a side-effect of your birth control?”

“My… my WHAT?”

“I mean, don’t most women…” he quickly evaluated the look on her face and wisely stopped speaking.

“Yes, Ben, I’ll just traipse down to the corner pharmacy and pick up some birth control! Want me to grab your sleeping pills while I’m there?! What the hell kind of a thing to…! Why would you assume that?!”

“Kriff! Rey I’m sorr…”

“Don’t you karking apologize, you moof milker, don’t you dare!” 

She looked him up and down, impertinently. “Oh. I know why you would think that.” She sauntered up to him, swinging her hips, and tiptoed her fingers saucily up his chest, then drew her finger down the tendon in his neck, grazing her breasts up against him. “Oh, yes, Mr. Ren, I’m on birth control! Don’t worry about a thing, Mr. Ren!” 

She stomped over to a large boulder and lay down, tossing back at him, “well, enjoy your paternity suit!” She threw her arm over her eyes, muttering, “women will say any stupid thing to…! idiot men…! birth control…! gotta be prepared! any time some sculag gets an urge…!” She chuffed and snorted for several minutes. Then realized how awful she had been, and sat up, blinking. Ben was gone.

She stood up and scanned about. He had continued on, picking his way along the ridge. She followed after him, ashamed and ready to beg forgiveness.

His legs were too long, she couldn’t catch him up. She finally stopped, at the cistern, panting. She leaned over the rim and peered into the water. Dipped her hands in and splashed her face.

She cast about. Where had he gone? She could see his dark head bobbing with his brisk pace, exploring farther along than they had gone before.

Hopefully he would come back this way, instead of rappelling the rock wall in an effort to avoid her. He had the water bottles and their supper, in the pack. She huffed. She found a semi-comfortable spot and determined to meditate. She tipped her face to the sunshine, shut her eyes, and began.

She had run through her mantras four times, when she heard him walk up next to her. She peeped up at him, shading her eyes from the bright sun. “You did tell me I could behave like a cantankerous shrew. I remember that vividly.”

He laughed. “I don’t remember it precisely the same way…” and sat down next to her, resting his hand on his knee, palm up in invitation. She slipped her fingers into his.

“Rey, I shouldn’t have made that assumption. Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. It’s a normal thing to think, or ask about. You’re right… most women do… I think a lot of women always use birth control, even if they’re not in a relationship. It’s just… I don’t.”

“Okay.” He squeezed her fingers and started unpacking the jerky and cold baked tubers they had brought. He set out two jogan, and she dug the knife from her pocket.

“Did you know…”

He paused his movements and waited for her expectantly.

“Kids in foster care are four times more likely to be… sexually abused… than their peers?”

He stilled.

“Unless they’re in a group home. Then it’s 28 times more likely.” She cleared her throat. “The year I turned 15, in the foster-sponsored after school program? there were four girls my age who got pregnant. The community was outraged and demanded that free birth control be made available to any family in the foster program.” She folded her hands together, then popped them apart, resting her fists on her knees. “One of the girls got pregnant on purpose, with her boyfriend, because she thought he would have to marry her and that would solve all her problems.” She pursed her lips. “He convinced her to have an abortion.

“But the other three...? They had all been raped.” She ground her teeth. “But of course birth control was the answer! Because as long as a girl can’t get pregnant, then there’s no problem, right?!” She shook her hands and blew out a heavy breath. “The Ameddas… I didn’t know it at the time, but they… they put me on the pill. They just gave it to me every morning and told me to swallow it. They were… distrustful of my friendship with Finn, and they thought I might… anyway. I escaped from them when I was 18, and my periods were all messed up, for more than a year. I couldn’t figure out why, but one day I saw Rose’s pack of pills and everything clicked into place.” She snorted humorlessly. “Karking bastards. I found out later there was a _financial incentive_ … they got an additional _monthly stipend_ ! every month they participated in the program.” She shook her head incredulously.

“Rey.” 

She met his gaze, eyebrows raised.

“Were you… did anyone ever… were you ever, hurt, in that way?”

“No. I was lucky.”

He slumped slightly, and huffed, relieved to hear it. He brought his arm up, hesitatingly, around her shoulder, drawing her into his embrace. “Thank you for telling me.” He squeezed her tightly, and after a few moments, they both leaned back, smiling shyly.

She tittered, “I guess now we know all of each other’s secrets!” She picked up one of the pieces of jerky, and took a nibble.

“Oh. I might still have one or two.” He winked at her, and started peeling the jogan.

  


* * *

  


Purple light flashed like a strobe as Rey arranged her pillow and set her sandals aside.

“What are you doing?”

“Hmm?”

“What are you doing over there?” 

She swiveled around in a crouch to peer at him. “I’m getting ready for bed. What are you doing, Ben?”

He was sitting up, facing toward her and leaning on one arm. “I’m just wondering how you’re going to help me if I have a nightmare, from over there?”

“Are you?”

“Yes indeed. It seems it would be much simpler to just… sleep over here. To start with.”

“Does it, now?”

“Assuredly. If it would be… agreeable to you, of course.”

“Mmm… ‘agreeable’? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

He smiled lopsidedly at her.

She regarded him for a few moments, then snagged her pillow and stepped to his sleeping mat. She dropped down next to him, and lay facing him, positioning her pillow under her ear. “Hello.”

He stretched out his hand and brushed her hair behind her neck. “Good night, Rey.”

  



	27. Day 220

Ben had his arm around her as usual, his hand resting on her ribs just under her breast, his nose wedged against her nape. 

It was often his firm grinding against her backside that woke her, or his soft muttering against her neck. But she was always aware of the instant he woke, because he would inhale sharply, remove his arm, and roll away from her.

Whether it was by virtue of the unburdening of his conscience by explaining events to her, or sleeping with her in his arms; he hadn’t had any more nightmares, no matter the weather. They never determined to test any hypothesis and were both content with the sleeping arrangements as presently constituted. 

He did sometimes talk in his sleep, however this was generally to humorous effect and was usually a jumbled commentary on something that had happened earlier in the same day. If she ever teased him about this proclivity, he made sure to reciprocate by assuring her she snored like a sand bear.

This morning, she could feel his lips lightly brushing against her skin as he began to stir. She kept her eyes closed and willed herself to relax and savor these few seconds. She tried, she really did try, not to take particular note of the rigid state or impressive size of the equipment nudging against her rump. Play it cool, Niima! Breathe in… breathe out…

A deep breath, a fleeting tremor of his fingers, and he withdrew. Stretching and muffling a groan, he got up silently and stole out into the morning sunshine.

She rolled onto her stomach and grunted into her pillow, “enjoy it while you can, Rey.”

“What did you say?”

“Oi!” She startled, then pushed over to her back and squinted up at him as he hovered over her, “for someone so big, you sure are good at sneaking up on me!”

“Maybe you’re just oblivious, Rey.”

She flopped back over to her stomach. “Urgh.”

* * *

She dragged the sled, swinging the staff and humming as she walked. She mused on these last seven months and thought she must be the luckiest woman to have ever lived. She had jested with Finn, telling him if she died on this trip she would die happy; and while she had been joking at the time, she knew it was now unconditionally and absolutely, 100% unvarnished truth. It was probably more happiness than she deserved. And that’s why she knew it had to end.

Something caught her attention… up ahead. Instead of turning east as she usually did in her rounds, she continued walking, up into the north western point of the little claw that formed the cove. She slowed her pace. “What the Sith?!”

She could see… there was a creature… beached, but still rocked by the waves. She had never seen anything like it and approached with caution, the great red eye fixed upon her. Could it still be alive? She could make out a fin, lustrous red scales, sharp teeth. If it was dead, wouldn’t the eye appear dull and flat?

She dropped the strap, leaving the sled behind her in the sand, and pressed on, gripping the pike tightly and raising her arm to strike if necessary. She grit her teeth, took another step and…

Burst out laughing! It was a… well, she wasn’t sure. She thrust the staff into the sand and stepped into the waves to retrieve the… whatever it was. It reminded her of the paddle boards she had seen at the resort, but this was smaller, with a slightly different shape, coming to a single point at one end and dual points at the other. She lugged it up out of the water and walked around it. It had been cleverly enameled, to resemble a gigantic, scaled channelfish, with sharp fangs and one glossy eye. There was a long tether attached at one end. She untangled this, running it through her fingers. The end of the cord was shredded, the fibers frayed and tattered.

There was something on the other side, preventing the board from lying flat in the sand. She dug her fingers and hefted it over. This side was white and smooth, ridged down the length, with three bright blue fins, each about the length of her forearm, riveted to the board at the same two-pointed end as the tether was attached on the other side. The fins were translucent, made of some kind of plastic or resin. She handled one, and it bent slightly but didn’t feel ready to snap under pressure.

It must be some kind of conveyance, or recreational implement. Maybe Ben would know.

She grappled with the long contraption. It was just heavy enough to be difficult to manage, in addition to being large and ungainly. It fit within the bed of her sled, with a little room to spare, the fins protruding up like little sails on a child’s toy. She tugged it around the cove and completed her chores swiftly, as she was eager to show off her latest acquisition.

* * *

When she got to the cave, Ben wasn’t there. He hadn’t been at the hot spring either; she had tromped into the underbrush and yelled for him, with no reply. He must be at the oven.

She unloaded, stowing all the foodstuffs in their usual places, and flipped the board over, leaning up against the fins. She towed the sled over to the food prep area, quietly, and trying to think of some way to startle him with her baleful find.

She approached the spot from a different direction than the direct path they usually took. Ben’s back was to her; he was sitting next to their improvised table, chopping onions, with a pile of blumfruit at his elbow. 

She opened her mouth to shout to him, but then froze as she saw D-O swoop down and hop to the table. Ben continued his work, without any outward sign of noticing the bird’s arrival. D-O trilled and bobbed his head. Ben slowly took hold of one of the berries, and extended his arm toward D-O, placing the single fruit about midway between them; all the while keeping his attention directed toward his onions. D-O cautiously edged toward the berry, sidling closer, ready at any moment to take wing. He stuck out his foot and… slowly plucked up the berry, then bringing it expeditiously to his hooked bill, he was gone in a flash of green and white. 

Ben turned, observing his departure and… was definitely startled to see Rey standing amongst the ferns. “Frizz, Rey!”

“I’m practicing my sneaking up!” She laughed. “Look, I brought lunch!” She stepped to the side, so he could see the contents of the sled.

He huffed and stood, approaching her. “Well, well, well, it looks like you’ve speared a big one…”

“When I first caught sight of it, from a distance, I could just see the eye! I thought it was a real creature!” She bounced on her toes excitedly. “Do you know what it is?”

He walked around the sled and crouched down, lifting the board slightly to inspect the fins on the bottom. “It’s a surfboard.”

“Oh! I thought it might be some kind of paddle board, but it seemed smaller than the ones at the resort.”

“They are similar in ways, yes.” He smiled up at her. “A paddle board you would generally use on calm, quiet water. With a surfboard, you want waves. Big ones.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “Where did you find it?” He jerked at the attached cord.

“Up at the north west tip of the cove.”

“It’s in excellent condition, except for the leash, here. That must be how it came to us.”

“Hmm?” She drew closer, inspecting the cord.

“This leash originally would have had a cuff attached to it, that would be strapped around the surfer’s ankle or calf.” He glanced at her, “so when you take a spill, you don’t lose your board.” He flopped the shredded cord back and forth. “Unfortunately, this leash has failed to perform its function and now the board belongs to us.” He grinned and stood, taking up the strap and pulling the sled toward their eating area. “I think lunch is almost ready. I’m afraid this one won’t fit in the oven.”

She giggled. “Do you know how to…” she waved her hands in the general direction of the sled.

“I know how to do many things, Rey, you’ll have to be more specific.” He crossed to the oven and pulled out the filets.

“Moof milker! Do you know how to use this, this thing? How to ride it?”

“It’s been a long time, but yes, I know how to surf. Do you want to try?”

“Oh! Oh, no! I’m not a good swimmer… no, I wouldn’t want to… no!”

He smirked and set out their food, waving and indicating she should be seated. 

She sat, and raised her fork, “but would you… would you want to do it? Could you?”

He thought for a few moments, chewing. “I don’t know. It partly depends on the ocean, and the size of the waves on any particular day. Up at the mouth of the cove might be the best place to try. This afternoon, maybe we could go up and see.”

“Okay.” She chewed thoughtfully. “This is really good, Ben, is this new?”

He only showed his dimples. 

“How do you keep coming up with new recipes? I don’t know how you do it.”

“I shall never reveal my culinary secrets.” He reached for a blumfruit and Rey caught notice of his hand.

“What is that?!”

“Oh.”

She grabbed his pinkie and thumb, and pulled his hand closer to inspect it up close. The whole back of his hand was mottled with red, rashy splotches, and right in the middle, there was an angry, raised welt with a red puncture in the center. She hitched up the sleeve of his rash guard, to see the mottling extended well past his wrist. His fingers twitched.

“I hadn’t had a chance yet to get over to the hot spring.”

“That’s a sting.” She scrutinized his chagrined expression. “You used that… that nectar! That’s your secret ingredient!” 

He drew his sleeve down as far as possible, then pulled his hand into his lap and out of her sight.

“I promised I wouldn’t get drunk again!”

His lips curled up at one side. “The alcohol cooks out. I didn’t make you break your promise.”

“Doesn’t that hurt?! I got stung one time at camp, and it swelled up and burned for days!”

“It tingles a little, I’m used to… it…” he took in her appalled bearing. “What?”

“How long…? How many times have you…? _What_ has been going on around here behind my back?!”

He took up his fork. “It’s no big deal, Rey, really.”

“It is too!” She stood. “Let’s go.”

“What?”

“Get up. Now.”

“You’re not done eating…”

“I don’t care. Get up.”

He stood. “Where are we going?”

She took his undamaged hand firmly in hers and dragged him to the hot spring.

* * *

After much deliberation and no small measure of anguish, she had agreed to contrive a bathing suit; layering both pair of briefs, both breast bands, and her tank. She still felt miserably exposed and ridiculous before him. She never would have predicted an actual longing for her blue bikini, with its concealing, padded top and generously cut bottom; but this whole months-long ordeal had been one wild surprise after another. She had wrapped one of the sarongs around her for the walk over to the cove, had held it tightly above her head as Ben assisted her to the large boulder in the middle of the lagoon, and then had wrapped up in it again once she attained the rock’s flat top. The water wasn’t deep here and the sides of the rock were weather-pocked, providing easy finger- and toe-holds.

He had splashed into the water, fetched the surfboard, and paddled out past the mouth of the cove, where the waves looked absolutely terrifying to Rey, but where, he assured her, they were barely adequate for his purpose.

She lounged, soaking in the sun’s rays. She untied the sarong and stretched out on top of it, and pushed up the hem of the tank to expose her belly to the sun, now that Ben wasn’t near. She didn’t often remember to wear her sunglasses, but was glad she had them with her now, because they allowed her to ogle to her heart’s content.

Again and again, he paddled out, ducked under the swells, rolled himself and the board over and back up, paddled some more, hopped upright and rode the waves in; hooting in triumph when he didn’t crash, bellowing with defeat when he did.

Finally he coasted and paddled into the cove and approached the boulder. She yanked the hem of her tank into place and sat up, drawing the sarong around and tying it over her breasts, at the side.

He paddled alongside the rock and sat up on the board, grinning from ear to ear and holding on to one of the hollows in the side of the rock. “Exhilarating!”

“You had fun?”

“Oh, yes! Now it’s your turn!”

“No, Ben!” She brought her legs up to her chest, wrapping the sarong around them and clasping her arms around her knees. “No! I can’t! I don’t want to!”

He chuckled. “Just come sit on the board, I’ll pull you around. We’ll stay here in the shallows.”

She gasped and fretted, but considered the prospect.

“I’ll be very careful.” He held out his hand to her.

She heaved a breath in surrender. “Okay.” She hesitated, then sat up and untied the sarong, pulling it out from under her seat, then wrapping it up into a twisted knot and setting it near the edge of the boulder, with her sunglasses. She crawled to the side.

“Can you climb down?”

She went over the edge, holding to the cracks and feeling around with her toes for openings; descending into the water. When her bottom reached the same level as the board, Ben held it still and, taking her hand, assisted her safe installation. 

“Can you swing your foot over?” He indicated she should swivel toward him, capturing her ankle and facilitating her rotation. He beamed at her, and she bit her lip timidly in return.

“It will be fun!” He placed his hands firmly on the edges of the board, and shifted, moving backwards toward the end. His motion jounced the board, and Rey inhaled sharply through her nose and quickly clutched at the sides. He smirked apologetically and repeated this motion several times until he reached the tail end and swung his legs off the board and dropped into the water. 

He took hold of the leash, trailing off the side, and tied a small loop in the end. He paddled out ahead, loop in hand, and kicking and stroking one-handed, drew the board and its apprehensive occupant smoothly behind him. He glanced back frequently to assure she was copacetic, all the time laughing and smiling at her. 

After one lap around the boulder, she relaxed slightly and smiled skittishly. She swung her legs back and lay down on her belly on the board, as she had seen him do, and paddled experimentally. 

Another lap, and he paused, treading water. She sat up to observe his movements. He untied the loop, and wrapped the cord around his waist instead, knotting it firmly. He regarded her enthusiastically. “Okay?”

She lay down and gave him a thumbs up. 

Between the two of them, it felt to Rey like they were really streaking through the water, and after two laps she was puffing and breathless, but whooping with glee. Ben seemed finally to be slowing down, and popped his head up, turning to regard her and breathing hard. He bobbed in place and trawled her to him, hand over hand along the leash until he clung to the points of the board, dangling in the water and resting his chin in the carved out cleft in the end.

He dragged his hand back through his hair and surveyed her, winded and blown, but pleased to see her merriment.

“That was fun!” She leaned down on her elbows, gripping the sides, and bounced the board in the water joyously.

His gaze dropped to her cleavage and he hastily spun away, attentively pulling at the knots at his waist. “I think I’ve had enough for one day, let’s get your things…” He kicked and paddled, pulling her over to the rock so she could retrieve her scarf and glasses. 

“Thank you, Ben, this was great!” She anchored one hand to a small crater in the rock and reached up, feeling along until she touched her sunglasses. She placed them on her head and stretched up again, patting and tapping, “where is it?”

“Do I need to climb up?”

“No, here it is!” She finally snagged the corner of the scarf and pulled it over the edge, her left leg bumping against the rock and, “OH! Kark it!” She hissed at a sharp pain in her thigh.

“What! What is it?!”

“Something! Something stung me! Oh, _blast!_ Shavit! Shh!” She sucked air between her teeth, grabbing her thigh and flexing painfully.

Ben thrust his foot into an underwater fissure in the rock and pulled the board around, to bring her closer to him so he could investigate.

“Damn it.” He examined her leg closely. There was a cluster of fine, purple spines sticking out from the side of her thigh, right above her knee. He searched the rock wall where the injury had taken place. “Sea urchin got you.” He peered up at her apologetically. “I’ll have to pull them out. I’m sorry, this will hurt…” and he started picking the spines out of her skin, speedily and methodically, but gently. “I’ve been stung too, several times by this particular species. They’re not venomous, but I know it burns like hell.” He brushed the spot with his thumb, and she hissed and tensed up. “I think I removed all the spines. Let’s get you out.” She nodded.

He pulled her hastily to the shore, where she swung her leg over the edge and stepped into the shallows. She shook out the sarong and wrapped it around her chest, tying it securely and limping over to her sandals. Ben hauled the surfboard onto the dry sand, then swept her up into his arms.

“What…!”

“Let’s get you to the hot spring.”

“Ben, I am perfectly capable of walking…”

“Shh.”

She clicked her tongue and wrapped her arm around his neck. She set her sandals in her lap and picked at the scarf, to shift it away from the lesion, where it was rubbing and irritating the skin further. “It’s really not that bad…”

“Shh.”

“Fine.”

* * *

He stepped down with her, into the water, then sat with her in his lap.

After a minute or two, she offered, “it looks worse than it feels.”

“Is it still stinging?”

She considered. “No. It’s only a little tender.” She patted at it with her fingertips. “Really.” 

It looked awful, black and blue, like he had pummeled the spot several times with a stick, or his fist.

He twisted around, moving her off his lap and settling her next to him. “You sure?”

“Yup.”

He pushed off the ledge, into the center of the spring and dunked under repeatedly, scrubbing at his scalp and face, and reemerging, pushing his hair back. He paddled over to her and held to the ledge at her side, peering at her inquisitively, with big eyes and downturned lips.

“Really.”

“You stay there.” He sprang out of the water with a great splash. As she peeked up at him, he stripped off the rash guard, and crouched down at her side, offering it to her. “Put this on. I can take your things and hang them to dry, if you want to rinse the salt water out first. I’ll bring the other scarf for you in a few minutes.” He met her gaze. “Would that be agreeable to you?”

“Um.” 

He twisted around, setting his back to her.

“Okay.” She set the rash guard at the edge of the basin, then untied her sarong, and pulled it out from under her hips. She dashed it into the water several times, then drew it out, twisting it around on itself and wringing the water from it. She leaned back and handed it to Ben. 

He moved away from her, three or four steps, and she could hear water splashing on the rock floor. He stepped backwards to his previous place and crouched down to wait for the next item.

“Okay.” She peeled off her tank, and swished it around in the water, giving just a little extra rub at the underarm areas. She held it up to look for any stains, bunched the fabric in her hands and wrung it out as best she could. She handed this back. As she peeled off one breast band, she heard water plashing on the ground behind her. She continued with her standard laundry procedure, trying to pretend accepting Ben’s help wasn’t both undignified and humiliating. She pursed her lips and handed over the breast band. Peeled off one of the pairs of briefs, scrubbed them out thoroughly, took a deep breath and handed them back. The second breast band. The second set of briefs. She listened to the water splattering behind her, holding the rash guard in front of her breasts.

“I will return in a half hour or so.”

“Okay.” She twisted slightly, to oversee as he gathered everything up, using the scarf to make a bundle, then hopping up and stepping briskly away, into the sandy path.

She exhaled her relief and collapsed against the rock ledge, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the edge. She remembered he would be coming back, and moved quickly to bathe and wash her hair.

* * *

“Ben, this really isn’t necessary!”

“Shh.”

She blew crossly and threw her arms around his neck, but in reality she didn’t mind that much. It only made her feel… infantile.

“Someone can take care of you, for a change!”

She met his eyes, startled, then blinked, and lay her head against his shoulder. He gave her a gentle squeeze, continuing along the path from the oven to the beach. She was still wrapped in the sarong, and nothing else; her underthings hadn’t been quite dry when they checked on them, before supper, and the scarf was adequately opaque.

“You’ve _been_ taking care of me, for the last 7 months, Ben.” She held her lips to his shoulder, bashfully, then rested her cheek against him again. She felt a tremor in his arms. He must be tiring at last, after lugging her around all afternoon. She sighed, “thank you.”

They reached the mini-skimmer, and he released her knees, holding her tightly against his chest. He brought his arm around her waist and slowly lowered her to the ground. She could feel a firm swelling, pressing into her hip. She leaned away and plucked at the edges of the scarf, overlapping and tucking them around her securely.

He set her from him, and walked around to tip the skimmer over; then sat in the sand, leaning up against it and holding his hand out to her in invitation.

She settled against him, his arms around her, to enjoy the sunset. “Ben. Today was really fun. Thank you.”

“How’s your leg?”

She leaned forward and slid the sarong up slightly, to inspect the spot. It just looked like a nasty contusion. She brushed her fingers across the skin. It felt a little prickly. “I think it’s fine. It just looks awful.” She tucked the scarf over it again, concealing the blotch, and leaned against him. “Are you tired?”

“Mmm. I should sleep well tonight.”

“Me too.”

A shooting star blazed across the sky, its tail trailing a brilliant green. He tightened his embrace. “Did you make a wish?”

“Nah. I never get what I wish for.”

“What.”

“I try not to want things.” She faltered, pondering deeply. “I’ve learned it’s futile, completely pointless. I save myself a lot of pain by just accepting…” she broke off her commentary. She could actually hear his teeth grinding, and she squinted over at him curiously.

“Sometimes, the things you say, Rey…” he grasped her shoulder, setting her away from himself, choking a rough inhalation.

“Are you… angry…?” She shook her head, confused at this rapid escalation of his mood.

“Yes, damn it!” He removed his arm from around her, flexing his fingers in his lap.

“Why?”

He vaulted up, with a ferocious growl and paced away from her, then back, roaring, **“if they were here now, I would destroy them all! I would take them apart! Piece, by _kriffing PIECE!”_ ** He stood before her, his hands clenched at his sides, legs braced in the sand, vibrating with barely suppressed rage.

She clenched the front of the sarong, bewildered still. “Who?”

He howled in fury, twisting away from her and casting about for something. He dashed over to a piece of driftwood and seized it in both hands, standing upright and slashing it violently, whistling through the air. He stepped up to a blighted, withered palm and took a powerful swing at it. 

**“Every skrogging stupa…!”** the dead leaves rattled and shook,

 **“Every fragging Sithspawn…!”** the stringy fibers shredded and collapsed,

 **“Every kriffing druk…!”** the trunk exploded in a cloud of dry fragments,

 **“…who ever… hurt you… or snubbed you…”** he beat at the devastated debris, again and again,

 **“…or left you… or watched you go hungry…”** until the branch flew apart with a loud crack. 

He thundered a deep shriek and hurled the shattered remains powerfully toward the waves. He stood, facing away from her, heaving and coughing, fists at his hips, legs apart, feet digging into the sand. Quaking, he brought a hand up to cover his face, blowing and shuddering.

She stood slowly, squaring her shoulders, and tugging at the edge of the sarong, pulling it tightly around herself. She stepped tremulously toward him, reaching out with her other hand, until her fingertips just brushed against his spine.

He shivered, then froze at her touch.

She rested her palm against his quivering muscles. She whispered, “Ben.” She brought her hands around him, pressing her open palms and fingers against his ribs and chest, crushing him to her sturdily, trembling and whispering into his back, “thank you, Ben.”

He snorted dubiously, but covered her hands steadily with his own.

“No one else has ever cared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to see the inspiration for Rey’s sea monster, you can [click here](https://photos.app.goo.gl/xAnKEv5AcjgVcPAT6).


	28. Day 232

Her skin prickled with a thousand hot needles. Her head pounded. Her mouth was dry and she had to pee.

Ben’s arm was a burning weight on her ribs and she rolled and twisted, relieved to be free of the burden. She plucked at her tank, burning her belly, her ribs. She lay on her back, panting.

She opened her eyes and the cave ceiling spun. She squinted one eye shut. Slightly better.

She had to get up but didn’t know if she could. She rolled to her side and curled into a ball. Everything ached, but especially…

She got to her hands and knees and waited for the ground to stop surging. She crawled to the rear of the cave and dragged herself to her feet, with fingerholds on the ledge. She raised her hand to her head and faced the cave opening, so far away. 

Her stomach roiled and she gathered the courage to move her feet, up against the possibility of vomiting with Ben as witness.

She lurched toward the entry, her hands out in front of herself in case she was to fall. She reached the rock entrance and leaned on it heavily, rounding the corner and pausing for breath.

He called to her, “Rey?” but she couldn’t, she couldn’t process. She threw her arm up, to shield her eyes from the sunlight, and shuffled, limping, to the latrine. While she relieved herself, she inspected the foul trauma on her leg.

It hadn’t healed properly, somehow. She had soaked it every day, several times, sneaking away to avoid worrying Ben.

She palpated delicately around the periphery. It was dark, mottled black, purple and blue, yellow and green at the edges. But today it swelled and throbbed, daubed a rancid red over all. The skin below and above was fevered, hard and swollen, streaky.

She held her hand just over the wound, feeling the heat radiating in waves, then set her hand down, barely making excruciating contact, and hissed.

She stood and pulled up her capris, gritting her teeth at the brushing contact with the fabric. She peered down despairingly; the hem no longer concealed all of the affected area. She teetered, nauseated and dizzy, not sure what to do.

She pitched herself to the volcano wall and leaned her cheek against the cool stone. She was so hot, burning and tingling everywhere her clothing made contact with her skin. Her legs trembled and she wasn’t sure she could remain standing for long. Everything hurt, but she forced her feet to obey and transport her to the cave. 

She stumbled in, barely registering Ben’s anxious inhalation at her entry, and foundered, tripping, nose-diving to the mat with a whimper, sideswiping to avoid impact to her poor leg. She moaned miserably. 

“Rey?” He dropped whatever was in his hands and rushed to her side, crouching next to her. “Rey? What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

She nudged her leg toward him. “Everything hurts. It’s so hot…”

“Is it your stomach? Did you throw up?”

“No.” She twitched her arm downward, “it’s my leg.”

“What?”

“I think it’s infected.”

His gaze flew to her leg and he grazed his fingers over the site.

She screamed wretchedly and he recoiled in shock, withdrawing his hand.

She lay gasping, tears squeezing from her eyes. “Please don’t… please don’t...”

“Kriff, Rey!” He inspected her leg, below the hem of her capris, “it’s inflamed! You got stung almost two weeks ago, why didn’t you say anything?!”

She swallowed thickly, “I didn’t want to… worry you.” She shrugged shakily.

“Worry me?! Kriff, Rey!” He crept closer. “I need to see.”

She puffed heavily, and heaved herself over, bending her knee to avoid any impact. She whispered, “it’s… ugly.”

“Let me see. Please.”

She reached awkwardly for the fastenings of her pants, easing the waistband over her hips and out from under her seat. She strained to sit up, but he sprang over her to assist, attentively pulling them off without aggravating the damage. She gulped and wheezed with the effort. She bent her stiff knee, to bring the ulceration closer for his inspection, clenching her fists, moaning and straining her neck.

He whispered, “kriff.” He extended his hand toward her, not touching her flesh, but tracing the damage, choking and blinking. “This is not a secret you should have kept from me, Rey. This looks very bad.”

“I know.” Tears rolled into the hair at her temples, into her ears. “It’s worse today.” She threw her arm over her eyes, to avoid his censure.

He placed his hands cautiously on her thigh and shin, well away from the splotchy patches, gauging her reaction. “Haven’t you been soaking in the hot spring?!”

She snorted feebly. “Two or three times a day.”

“Why didn’t it work? Oh Gods…” His voice gradually increased in resonance and volume, “why did you keep this from me, Rey?! I can’t help if I don’t know!”

She turned away from him, sniffling, her arm falling away from her eyes, her hand catching on the ground in front of her. She curled up and shook; keening, desolate.

“No, no, no! Rey, I’m sorry! Don’t cry! Please!” He tenderly massaged her back, her ribs, brushing her hair off of her face and neck. “I’ll help you.”

She shivered, curving her arms in front of her face and blowing. “It’s too late.”

“No, Rey! No! We’ll figure something out!” He chafed her arm, stroked her hair.

She curled up more tightly, wrapping her arms around her front and closing her eyes tightly, sucking air between her clenched teeth. “It’s so cold…”

He snapped up his pillow, bringing out the two sarongs and tucking them around her.

She quivered, laughing thinly, “finally it’s cold…”

He rested his hand on her side, chest heaving, casting about for what to do, how to help. “Kriff.” He eyed her. “Let’s get you into the hot spring.”

“It won’t help.”

“It will at least warm you up.” He cleared his throat. “I think we should take off your underthings.”

She cackled softly. “At last.”

He smirked nervously, “you wouldn’t take advantage of me in this anxious state.”

She mumbled, “I’ve only been waiting for the right opportunity.” She juddered and snorted, her laughter turning to cries of distress. “I don’t… why is it…?” She gasped shallowly. “Ben…”

“Talk to me, Rey…”

Her eye rolled back at him. “It’s so cold…”

He touched her waist to indicate she should turn to her back, then felt under the sarongs to tug at the waistband of her briefs. She reached down and weakly pushed them off of her bottom, and he removed them, stretching the fabric clear of her injury. He set them aside and reached under the scarves again for the hem of her tank. She wiggled meagerly to assist, and raised her arms so he could pull it over her head, placing it with her briefs. She started to curl up again.

He hopped over to her right side and scooped her up, grasping around her back and around her bent knees to avoid hurting her, with the scarves draped over her. She tucked into his chest, her arms folded under her chin and shaking. “You’re warm.” She snuggled into him.

“You’re burning, Rey.” He stood and jogged with her, trying not to jostle her leg, over to the hot spring. He puffed, “can you…? Can you pull the scarves away?”

She tugged at the sarongs, yanking them out from between them and dropping them on a large fern as he directed her. She stretched her arms up around his neck, crushing her chest to his, whining, “it’s so cold!”

He stepped with her into the water and she sighed. He sat, settling her in his lap and making sure she was immersed up to her chin. He let go of her legs and she stretched them out, resting her head against his shoulder. 

She rasped, “you always smell so good, Ben. You smell like… onions and… wild mint and…” she inhaled deeply “everything I ever wanted…” she shuddered.

“Shh, Rey, shh…” he clasped his hand to her nape, her shoulder, clutching her to him. He looked down at the wound on her thigh and hissed. He brushed at her leg, starting where the red streaks ended and exerting minimal pressure, slowly moving his fingers down until she cried out. 

* * *

She was burning.

She woke, disoriented and woozy.

She blinked, her eyes scratchy and stinging; the cave roof pulsated.

Ben had laid her on her old side of the cave and she mewled. He didn’t want her by him anymore.

Her mouth was so dry! She tipped her head, peering about. Ben was gone. He had left her! She brushed her hand down over her belly and she was… she was bare, shrouded with the sarongs.

She lay back, closing her eyes, her head throbbing. She pawed at the scarves, gasping. Her skin was on fire, it would split with the heat!

She kicked her foot against the scarves and howled. Her leg! Her leg! She hissed and rolled, trying to get free, to no avail. She stilled, exhausted. No! No! He was gone!

She had to have water. She scratched and strained, one arm popping free, and she picked clumsily at the swaths of fabric, bawling.

Ben ran around the corner, skidding and slipping in the sand and rushing to her, “Rey!” He twined his fingers with hers and lay the back of his hand against her cheek. “You’re burning up! Here, I brought water…!” He tore the pack from his back and set it at her head, yanking the top open and pulling out one of the bottles. 

He leaped over to her uninjured side and sat cross-legged, gently drawing her by the shoulders and bringing her torso into his lap, propping her against his leg and arm. 

“I thought you were gone…”

“No, Rey! Never! Here, drink this…”

He pressed the bottle to her lips and she took a sip, turning her head away and wrinkling her nose, but swallowing. 

“It’s from the hot spring! I thought it would… help…”

He persuaded her to take several more sips. 

“It's yucky!”

He took a sip and capped the bottle.

She pushed at his chest. “It’s so hot, Ben!” She panted and arched her back.

He lay her down on the mat, and unwrapped one of the sarongs from her, setting it aside. He unwound the second one, uncovering her damaged leg so the fabric wouldn’t abrade, and tucked the scarf loosely around her torso and hips.

She flung her arms wide, tossing her head, moaning.

He jumped over her to fetch the little shirt, abandoned on his mat, and the leathery shell, lying by their food stores. He poured the remainder of the water from the bottle into the shell, folding up the shirt and dipping it in, then dragging it over her arms, neck and face, and squeezing the water over her legs and toes.

Her toes twitched and she whispered, “that tickles!”

He dipped the shirt again and squeezed out the water, saturating the sarong and wetting her hair.

He set these implements aside and took up the empty water bottle.

He knelt at her side and leaned very close to her ear. “Rey? I will be gone for a few minutes, but I will return. Can you hear me?”

“Mmm hmm…”

“I will return. I promise. Please stay here.”

She nodded her head and closed her eyes, smiling and rumbling, “I’ll be here.”

He patted the wet cloth over her face again, pressed his lips softly to her forehead, then sprinted away.

She stared at the ceiling, seeing patterns in the rock that wriggled and thrashed, telling a story if only she could comprehend the meaning. The figures throbbed and pulsed, looming nearer with each beat, threatening to crush her into the sand. She gawped at the writhing mass, unable to look away or escape, paralyzed with terror, and screeching raggedly.

Ben whipped around the corner, instantly kneeling at her side and extending his hands toward her, “Rey, Rey! I’m here!”

She met his eyes and the horrors retreated. She held out her hand and he seized it, while she murmured, “you saved me, Ben.” She smiled and closed her eyes.

He lay the back of his hand against her neck, her temple, and slicked over her limbs again with the wet cloth.

He took another water bottle from the pack and, pouring some of it into the shell, took up the bottle he had brought back with him and topped off the water with this new liquid. He replaced the caps and shook the bottle with the mixture, then propping her up as before, he took a sip and told her, “here try this.”

She obeyed and whispered, “Ben, are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Does it taste better?”

“Mmm…”

“Here, have some more.”

She mumbled, “Ben, I want to tell you…”

“You can talk later; here, drink.”

She took another sip, “no. I need to tell you now!” She struggled against him until he agreed to listen if she would continue to drink. 

“I’m so lucky, to have you with me, to have you to take care of me…”

He shook his head, “Rey, you can talk later…”

“You promised you would listen!” She waited for his nod of acquiescence, and took another sip. 

“You’ve made me very happy. I’m so happy, Ben!” She threaded her fingers into his hair, stroking down his jaw, her hand falling to the mat, “but maybe it’s too much for me. Maybe I don’t deserve… maybe it has to end.”

“Stop it, Rey, everything is going to be…”

“Shh!” She pressed her fingers to his lips. “No one ever comes back for me. But when I’m gone someone will come back for you.” She nodded her head and closed her eyes, relaxing into his embrace.

He choked, “I will always come back for you, sweetheart.”

She smiled drowsily and gazed up at him, tracing her finger down his ear, “you’re so beautiful…”

She collapsed in his arms, her head lolling back, and he clutched her to him, whispering, “no!”

* * *

Ben lay her down on the mat, intently. Her pulse fluttered in her neck.

He felt her forehead, her cheek; his lips clamped together firmly. He dabbed the cloth over her again, her head flopping to the side, her eyes partly open, only the whites showing.

He vaulted over her and pushed the scarf up to reveal the noxious wound, and studied it closely. He set two fingers against the distended skin. She didn’t move.

He got up, clenching his jaw, and methodically gathered all he would need. 

The wadded poncho, he placed under her knee. Within his reach, he lined up the bottles containing pure water from the hot spring, their caps removed. He fetched the knife from its usual spot on the ledge, withdrew the small blade and cleaned and sharpened it meticulously. He pulled out the fire starter and disinfected the blade.

He sat for a few moments, staring at her face. He took several cleansing breaths and grasped the knife firmly.

He made a long, shallow cut, through the middle of the abscess, releasing a noisome, swirling red and yellow flow that dripped slowly onto the poncho.

“Gods.”

He set the knife down and brought up one of the water bottles, holding the incision open with one hand and irrigating the pocket carefully until the water ran clear.

He removed the scarf from her and, holding her limp form close in his arms, walked to the hot spring.

* * *

His words came to her as if down a long tunnel, or through water; piecemeal and disjointed. She couldn’t open her eyes, she couldn’t move, and she couldn’t follow the train of his thoughts. Perhaps it was a dream. But his voice was rich and mellow, almost melodic; and soothing to her heated brain.

_…kept a secret from you too…_

_…many months…_

_…not very observant…_

_…maybe it’s only that you don’t believe in your own worth…_

_…not something transient…_

_…didn’t happen by accident…_

_…a state I choose…_

_…something that simply is…_

_…I love you…_

_…love you, Rey…_

_…love you…_

His words were like a key turning in a lock, releasing her frozen joints. She gasped, finally pushing against the tight wrappings that bound her, finally opening her eyes, and finally whispering, “Ben.”

He raised his head from her shoulder, searching her face with red, blurry eyes; relaxing his grip as he held her against him, across his lap, pressing his fingers to her face and brushing her wet and sticky hair back from her forehead and neck. 

He gulped and heaved, sputtered and hummed; wet tracks shining on his cheeks in the moonlight.

“Rey.”


	29. Day 248

“Ben, I want to walk the rounds today.” She was seated on the buoy, her arms draped blithely over his thighs, her hands clasping his knees. 

His fingers paused in their work. “I don’t know, Rey…”

“Please?! I feel fine, really! I’m all healed up, and I feel really good! I have lots of energy! I’ll stop and rest if I get tired. I had an idea for something! I’m getting so restless, lying around like a lump while you do everything!” She tipped her head backwards, to view him upside down, her lower lip thrust out in supplication. “Please, Ben!”

He tugged patiently at her hair so she would bring her head upright again. “Okay.”

“Really?! Oh, you won’t regret this! Where are all the gōlēs?”

“What?”

“I need them!” She patted at his knees excitedly.

He chuffed and tied the last knot, then wrapped his arms around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. He hopped up and placed the comb in its designated spot, then reached for the rucksack. “I think the ones you collected ended up in here…” He opened the various pockets, squinting inside; then finding what he was searching for, he grabbed the leather shell, and scooped the gōlēs into it with a clattering sound. He felt around inside the pocket to make sure he had extracted them all, and setting the shell on the ground, went back into one of the pockets he had inspected previously.

He fished out her little doll and set it on the ledge with the rest of her eclectic hoard, raising his eyebrows at her, then reached back in. “I completely forgot!” He pulled out a dark object and offered it to her.

She inspected it carefully. It was a cuff bracelet, made chiefly of silver, badly tarnished; with a large, oval cabochon, bezel set in the center. The opaque stone was a field of deep azure, interrupted at the center with splotches and swirls of viridian, verdigris, and hazy copper. The overall appearance gave the startling effect of a lone island in a vast ocean.

“Where did this come from?”

“I found it, the last time we hiked up to the cistern.” He eyed her wryly. “You were so vexed with me that day, I forgot all about it. I’m sorry, I meant to show it to you earlier.”

“It must have been Padmé’s?”

“She mentioned it in her written account. It had been a gift from Cordé; there is a small quarry of this stone on Skywalker Island, you may have seen it used in jewelry at the gift shop?” He caught her eye, and she nodded to confirm. “It was part of a stone cairn she created in memory of her friend; but she had been unable to retrieve it, in Anakin’s haste to leave the island.”

She brushed her fingers across the stone, admiring the delicate and uncomplicated silver scrollwork. “Is it wrong of us to remove it?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He pondered this soberly. “I had hoped to find it. It absolutely validates Padmé’s account. My mother should have it. Will you keep it until we see her?”

“Of course. I’ll see if I can clean away the tarnish, later.” She stood and set it reverently on the ledge, commanding pride of place in the center of her collection.

  


* * *

  


Rey examined Ben’s handiwork and clicked her tongue. He really was just better at everything, that stinker. In the days she had spent convalescing, he had filled in the etched “help” in the sand with large rocks. She checked both at Arrival Beach and the cove, and huffed. Barring a hurricane, these shouldn’t require any maintenance. It didn’t leave much for her to do. She had already refilled the water bottles.

She trudged to the north east beach, gathering several jogan and nocoberry along the way. Once she finished the project she had in mind, she would be a woman of leisure and bored out of her mind. She scanned the sand, pleased to see hundreds of colorful little cubes jutting up into the sunshine. She would simply have to think of additional improvements and apply herself to whatever came to mind.

  


* * *

  


“Benjamin Seul, you are a magician!” She braced her arms against the table firmly, eyes closed, chewing slowly and savoring the flavors bursting in her mouth.

“Cooking for you is its own reward, sweetheart.”

“It might sound like a stupid cliché, but flavors are richer… colors are strikingly more vivid…” she brushed her fingers along her wrist, “tactile sensations are more intense… since…” 

She met his gaze. “But some things are… just as beautiful as they ever were…” She studied the moles on his neck, around his nose, above his eye. His eyes were clear, a vivid green at the edges bleeding into a deep whiskey at the pupil. Her perusal circled around. Maybe there really was something about his ears. To the scruff at his jaw and mouth, his dimples; his full lips, slightly parted and stretched wide. She leaned back and took in the whole effect. He seemed to be studying her just as thoroughly as she was him, but he had a rather ridiculous smile on his face. She took a breath to tell him as much, but realized her own lips were drawn out in a similar fashion and she must look equally daft. 

Slowly, he brought his hand up and tapped lightly on the back of her hand, breaking the spell. “How did you clean it?”

“Hmm?” She dropped her attention to her hand. “Oh! I remembered Mon Mothma had used toothpaste one time, when company was coming over and she didn’t have any silver polish.” She rubbed her thumb over the thick filigree, the azure and green stone. “I thought you wouldn’t mind if I used your toothbrush for the task.”

He chuckled and took her hand. “What should we do today?”

“Well, first, you have to come see my project! I got it done already!”

“Are you finished eating?”

She examined the remains of her meal. “Yes, I think I’ve extracted every last morsel!”

They stood at the same time, knocking their heads together soundly. 

Rey raised her hand to her forehead, wincing, “oi!”

“Sorry!”

“For someone who made a solemn promise to the contrary, you sure are apologizing a lot.”

He brought his hand up, rubbing his knuckles at her temple, then resting his fingertips at her shoulder, his thumb brushing her earlobe.

“You need to stop. You saved my life, Ben. I think you’re covered from here on out.”

  


* * *

  


“This was just showing off! Now what am I supposed to do, to fill my time?”

They stood side by side, staring down at his rock work. 

“You’re only embarrassed because you didn’t think of it first.”

She squinted up at him and clucked, tapping her toe against the tail end of the _P_. “Am not.”

He grinned knowingly, and they continued north, past the tide pools, swinging their clasped hands between them. She drew him under the palms, along the path to the cold basin, eagerly pulling him along and hooting. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and soon they were loping together cheerily, Ben running circles around her, ribbing her good naturedly for her impatience.

“See!”

“This is quite ingenious, indeed!”

They both planted their feet wide in the sand, panting. He caught his breath, resting his hands on his thighs, scrutinizing her renovations closely.

She had removed the pebbles from the trench, then fashioned a long, v-shaped channel out of gōlēs, and pushed it firmly into the sand; it more cleanly directed the flow of water into the cold pool. 

“I told you they were great for spatial planning, and three-dimensional visualization!”

She snorted, “and also water works engineering!”

  


* * *

  


Ben crashed through the ferns, huffing and puffing and bearing a large leaf piled with blumfruit.

“I could have gone with you!”

He kicked off his shoes and stepped into the spring, settling next to her and placing the berries right at the edge of the basin, behind him and within her reach. She swung her legs over his lap, keeping hold of the bottom of the rash guard and tucking it carefully beneath her; he rested his hands on her knees.

“I don’t mind.”

“I don’t know why I’m so hungry all the time!” She tossed three berries into her mouth and chewed happily. 

“You didn’t eat anything for several days.” 

“Oh.”

She brought a berry to his lips and he opened obediently. She traced the long, ragged scar on his chest. “Is this from your accident? With your father?”

“Yes.” He smoothed the scar on her leg with his calloused fingers, back and forth.

She stroked at the scar in his shoulder. “This one too?”

He twitched slightly, as if pulled away from dark thoughts. “No. That one is a memento from an unfortunate and violent altercation with a boy I knew at school who took exception to my greater height.” He scowled at the memory. “As if I would have wanted to draw attention to it, or hold it over anyone’s head. I hated being so much taller. My mother was constantly harping about my posture.”

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, laying her cheek against him. “I like that you’re so big. It makes me feel… safe.”

He brought his hand up to her elbow, and gripped her firmly. “I almost couldn’t keep you safe… that day.” He clamped his lips together and closed his eyes, exhaling forcefully through his nose.

He rubbed her scar, back and forth.

“I was having hallucinations.” She stared past Ben’s profile, into the verdant growth and let her vision blur. “There were shapes, forms… figures… writhing on the cave ceiling. It was an epic tale, with heroes and villains… but I couldn’t discover the narrative, couldn’t follow the thread of the storyline. I couldn’t comprehend or make sense of it, but I knew it would destroy me. The rock pulsed toward me and I knew I would be crushed. But then you came back for me and it all receded. And I was safe.” She lay her head against him. “You saved me.”

“You saved me first, sweetheart.”

She sighed, the feel of his fingers against her leg lulling, calming, comforting her.

After a long time, he shook himself from his reverie and she sat up, plucking up another four berries for herself, and one for him.

He brought his wet hand up and dragged it through his hair. “I did wonder why you would only get in the hot spring with me after dark, all of a sudden. And why you were wearing your pants every day.” He smirked. “But if I learned anything at all from my father, it is that a wise man never questions a woman’s motives.”

  


* * *

  


They sat together on their sleeping mat, Rey with her back to him as he removed the lacings from her hair.

“Your hair has gotten so long.” He ran his fingers up through it, softly finger combing and weighing the heft of it.

“Yours is too. I’m going to have to start plaiting it for you!” 

He placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed familiarly. “I might just take you up on that.” He lay down on his side, his head propped in his hand.

She spun around, rearranging the sarong tied around her waist and appraising him in the dim light. “I make no guarantees as to my skill as a hairstylist.”

“There’s no one to see me, but you.”

“True! I could look like an idiot…” Her eyes popped wide. “Oh no! Oh, Ben, I left the bracelet at the spring!” She grasped her wrist and wrung at it. “I meant to pick it up!”

“I can go get it for you.”

“No… surely it will be okay until morning.”

“No, I don’t mind. I’ll be right back.” He put on his shoes and strolled out into the night.

The moon was only a sliver tonight. She flopped over to her back and quietly berated herself for carelessly leaving the beautiful piece behind. 

She yawned. She did tire rather more easily than before. But it had felt so good to do something productive today. She closed her eyes and listened for Ben’s return.

She was just starting to worry, when she heard him dash in breathlessly. She opened her eyes and watched him set the bracelet on the ledge. “Is everything okay?” 

He dropped to her side. “Yes! Will you come with me?”

“What?”

“I want you to see something!”

She sat up, bemused. “Really?”

He grabbed her sandals and set them near her feet. “Please.”

She slipped the sandals on, while he stood, bouncing at her side with some secret passion. “Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

“Come on!” He held out his hand and she allowed him to draw her up. He twined his fingers with hers and pulled her out into the gentle breeze, the soughing palms, the twinkling starlight.

It was his enthusiasm that was catching now, and soon she was hastening her steps and giggling, eager see whatever wonder or treasure he had in store.

He stopped at the hot spring, then whirled her around to face him. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do, Ben, you know I do.”

“Close your eyes.”

When she did, he gently negotiated her around again and stepped behind her, one hand tucked around her waist, the other placed delicately in front of her eyes. He nudged at her, indicating she should step forward into the bracken, which she did with only a mild trepidation. She knew that in this direction they would soon be mired in mud and muck, but she moved ahead, confident in him and whatever he had planned. He stopped after several steps; she could still feel the gravel under her feet.

“Okay.” He took away the hand before her eyes. “Open.”

She did as she was told and… the air was filled with tiny glowing lights, flashing a bright chartreuse, swirling and flickering before her like a thousand sparking wires, or bitsy lightning bursts.

Her jaw dropped open, and she stared, not wanting to blink and miss a second of the ethereal display. She stretched out her hands in awe and murmured, “what is it?”

He breathed at her ear, “my mother calls them moon bugs.”

One of the teeny luminosities alighted on the tip of her finger and she gasped, feeling its wee, prickling feet on her skin. Up close she could see it was a little winged beetle, with a glowing tail end. The light went out and reignited repeatedly, in a steady pattern. 

Ben brought his other arm around her and whispered, “the males light up, to attract the females.”

For some reason this tidbit of knowledge tickled her fancy and she tittered softly, startling the bug and causing him to take flight.

The winking flares spiraled and billowed around them, and Rey raised her arms in entreaty, marveling openmouthed at the glimmering performance. She tried to follow one individual’s flight, but with their strobing it was difficult to trace their path. No! That one! She reeled, tracking one moving light; Ben’s arms dropping to his sides as she spun.

It floated and hovered, finally descending into Ben’s hair, to join with many of its brothers, resting in Ben’s wavy tresses, fluorescing their romantic communication. He appeared only slightly discomfited, but beamed at her, gratified by her animated reaction.

How Rey delighted to see this! She tilted toward him, raising her arms again, fluttering her fingers near the bitty blazing smidges. She couldn’t stop herself from humming, “they love your hair too!” at which the moon bugs rose, as one, and flittered away to seek their mates.

In the sudden dark, Ben brought his hands around to her back and, pressing her to him, bent his head and touched his lips to hers. 

She lowered her hands, resting them on his shoulders, and tipped her face up, more awed than before. He drew back slightly, and, afraid he might retreat, she traced her palms up his neck, drawing her fingers behind his ears and into his hair, a soft whimper escaping her parted lips, and leaning into his embrace.

He bent to her again, stopping just shy of contact, and she applied fingertip pressure to his head, going up on her tiptoes to bridge the gap.

His arms tightened around her, his hands at her nape, the small of her back, and lifting her off of her feet entirely, he stumbled forward a step or two, then twisted with her and halted their momentum. Slowly, he lowered her to the ground, pressing her to him still, and taking steps, steadfast and controlled now, away from the marsh. And still he kissed her, thoroughly, firmly, utterly.

He broke from her, panting, and she curled her fingers in his hair, whispering, begging, “more!”

A slow smile spread over his face, and he bit the corner of his lip smugly. He dragged a breath, angled his head, and captured her lips again and again, little gasps sounding that, if she considered fairly, she wasn’t sure were his or hers.

All the while, the swirling, blinking lights flashed around her, making her wobbly and faint, or maybe it was only Ben’s kisses did that.

It could have been an hour, or five minutes, or several days and nights together, she couldn’t be trusted to say. But finally, finally; he raised his head, and she released his hair, sighing and resting her cheek against his chest and curling her arms between them. He tucked her hair behind her ear, drawing his hand down her jaw, over her shoulder and teasing her hand out, clasping her fingers with his own. “We should go back.”

“Mmm hmm.” She drew a shaky breath, and stroked along the curve of his ear and tugged at his earlobe, raising her face to him, beseeching for one more sweet touch of his lips, which was granted.

She met his regard, shyly. “I don’t know what comes next. I mean, I know what _might_ come next…” She peeped up at him, uncertainly.

“Rey.” He closed his eyes, inhaling apprehensively. “I don’t want you to misunderstand me. I want to… I want you… badly.” He smiled down at her, wavering. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist; she brought her hands to his neck, savoring the contact, but was also undeniably and immediately made very aware of the strength of his desire, pressing against her belly. “You can probably feel how much.” Her fingers trembled, caressing the strained tendons in his neck.

He relaxed his hold on her and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’ve wanted you for so long.” He gazed down at her. “Maybe from the first day. But I determined long ago to wait, I wasn’t going to touch you; because I didn’t want you to think that my passion for you was only a matter of convenience. I haven’t minded waiting.” He released her, and she dropped her arms.

“But more importantly, I was reluctant to start anything, assuming it would be agreeable to you of course.” She bit her lip. “Because I knew I might not be able stop.” He pitched away from her. “Maybe this, tonight, was a mistake.”

She stepped to him and wrapped her arms around his middle, pressing her face to his back. “No, Ben.”

“Now more than ever, I am aware… I can’t lose you, Rey, and only two weeks ago I came very close to just that!”

He turned in her arms, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and brushing her hair back as she clung to him.

“If you should become pregnant… Gods! I can’t even think about it! I can’t deliver any babies while we’re here, Rey! One minor surgery was harrowing enough and I won’t endanger you! It’s not safe!” His voice got louder and louder, until he broke off, wheezing.

She threaded her fingers into his hair, “Ben. Ben, it’s okay.” She pursed her lips tentatively, “there are, um… other things we could do…”

He seized her by the shoulders and set her away from him. “No!” He stalked away, then back. “That’s what I’m telling you, I don’t know if I can stop, once we start! I should have stopped myself tonight, but you are so beautiful… so lovely… I couldn’t control myself!” He gripped his fists at his sides, blowing. 

She placed her hands on his chest. “Ben.” She reached up and rested her fingers against his cheeks, his ears. “I hear you. It’s okay. We’ve waited eight months, we can wait.”

He took a deep breath and smirked down at her, “technically, it’s only been two weeks.”

She crooned. “I do like the kissing, though.”

“Do you.”

“Yes. I need more.”

“I can arrange that.”

“Can you? It won’t be… too much?”

“I think I can manage kissing.”

“Oh, good!”

They walked toward the sandy path, back to the cave, each lost in their own thoughts.

All at once he stopped and spun her toward him. “Rey, it hasn’t just been eight months! I’ve been waiting for you for a lifetime, and I won’t kark it up now!” He choked. “Nothing is more important to me, than you!”

She planted her feet in front of his and drew him down to her, kissing him tenderly. “Everything is going to be okay.”

They walked quietly and now she circled around on him abruptly, “do you _like_ children? Do you want any?”

“Yes. I think so.” He glanced at her askance. “If it would be agreeable to you.”

She offered, “you will be an excellent father.”

He raised her hand to his lips and drew her on.

Another thought came to her unexpectedly, and once again she halted their progress. “Does this make me your girlfriend?!”

He peered down at her, eyebrows knit together, clearly perplexed.

“Oh. Or. Okay, no.” Her disappointment and confusion were palpable in the air between them.

“Rey.” He brought his hand to her nape and kissed her, deeply. “You’ve _been_ my girlfriend. For at least… oh… four months, or more.”

She looked up at him, stunned.

“I don’t hold hands with friends.”

Understanding dawned on her and her mouth dropped open in shock. “You tricked me!”

“It wasn’t that hard.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To see examples of the semiprecious stone referenced in this chapter, azurite-malachite, [click here](https://photos.app.goo.gl/yXABCwZsoxrfqgM69).


	30. Day 253

Ben Solo was a cuddlebug, yes it was true, but Rey discovered that he liked kissing even more than cuddling.

He had repeatedly expressed his intention not to make love with her, a decision she thought should have been up for discussion, but he became so agitated when she tried to voice opposing opinions, that she decided to let the topic lie for a time. She let Ben lead in all their amorous activities; she waited for him to initiate any touching or kissing, and tried to avoid inciting him. She found that task was easier intended than accomplished, however, as almost any innocent thing she did seemed to provoke him.

For example, she hadn’t realized, before, how bewitching she was, just sitting on her rock, meditating. Digging up a clump of muddy roots or tubers was shameless flirtation. Combing her hair – beguiling! Dragging her scavenging sled – steamy! She previously had had no notion of just how tempting she was.

He had told her he thought he could manage kissing, but as it turned out, he couldn’t manage it very well at all.

* * *

Four days ago, the morning after they had first kissed, she had awakened to find him leaning on his elbow, staring at her. The moment she opened her eyes, he spoke.

“I’ve been thinking.”

She croaked, “oh?”

“Yes. I think we need to set down some ground rules.”

She closed her eyes. “Okay.”

“We can’t kiss here, on our sleeping mat.”

“Okay.”

“We can’t kiss in the hot spring.”

“Okay.”

“I might have to make up new rules as we go along.”

She opened her eyes and smiled. “Okay.”

“Good morning, by the way. You’re beautiful.”

She snorted. “Thank you. So are you.” She tucked his hair behind his ear. “Want me to try something with your hair today?”

He agreed, and after their breakfast, she had him perched on the keg, while she contemplated his luxuriant locks. She considered several options, but eventually settled on three braided queues, starting at his forehead and ending at his crown. As she focused on this endeavor, she noticed Ben becoming more and more flustered, and she finally realized it was because she was inadvertently bumping up against him as she worked. She tested this theory by pressing her breasts into his shoulder blade as she tightened the lacings one last time.

He had finally reached his limit, “okay! New rule! You cannot rub up against me!”

She cleared her throat. “Okay.”

He exploited every opportunity to take her into his arms and make good on his offer of more kisses. She left it to him to decide how often, and how long each session lasted, and as the day went on, these sessions were closer together and longer-lasting, until he pulled away from her violently, “okay! New rule! We can only kiss…” he eyed her carefully, head to toe, biting at his swollen lips, “…three times a day.”

“Okay.”

Later in the afternoon, they ventured into the hot spring, and sat facing each other from opposite sides. Rey picked up their conversation where they had left off, a few minutes before when they had paused so she could change her clothes. She tucked the rash guard under her hips and started rolling up the sleeves, “…so anyway, Rose had gone shopping, but Finn didn’t realize she had already left, and he got so angry, because…” 

She paused her narrative and took in Ben’s pained expression. “Are you okay?” He was breathing hard, clenching and releasing his fists. He pushed his fingers through his hair.

“No. Okay. New rule. We cannot be here together. I would apologize if I could.” He sucked his lower lip in between his teeth, eyeing her like she was his favorite food, long denied him. “I’ll start on supper.” He sprang out of the water and stalked away, while she stared after him, openmouthed. 

Later, they ate in silence. She offered, “Ben. I think we should talk about this. There are other things we can do, that can’t cause pregnancy. If what we have is a serious relationship,” she studied his face, “and for me, it is; then I don’t see why we can’t…”

He closed his eyes. “Rey. What we have is very serious.” He scanned her features, pausing at her lips, then raising his eyes to hers. “I… if we were to start anything, I… I don’t know if I can be trusted to stop. I can’t put you at risk.” His eyes were soft, pleading. “I must ask you not to bring this up again. I won’t forget your suggestion.” He took several shallow breaths, his hand gripping the edge of the table. “Believe me, I won’t forget it. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”

She huffed. “Okay.”

After dark, they had walked, silently, hand in hand, over to the marsh, to observe the moon bugs again. Ben had told her that the little beatles’ mating season could be up to a month long, but he didn’t know when it had started. They decided to enjoy it as long as they could. 

They stood as before, Ben behind her, with his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her head. 

She watched the bugs’ swirling dance, mesmerized. And a little jealous. When the female moon bugs chose their mates, they didn’t have to worry about what comes next.

* * *

Three days ago, she had been startled awake to find him staring at her again, “crinking…! Ben!” She snorted, then stretched and yawned. “Have you thought up more rules for me today?”

“I think we had better not kiss at all.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. She squeezed her eyes shut and huffed several deep breaths. “Okay.”

Their breakfast was spent in silence. Maybe Ben had been right, when he had wondered if it was a mistake for him to have kissed her. 

As she trudged around the north side of the island, collecting nocoberry and dates, D-O swept down into a squatty palm. He sang her a little song, obviously trying to cheer her up. 

“I’ve got guy problems.”

He squawked at her, bobbing his head.

“I know, you tried to warn me.” She sighed.

He trilled and gurgled, clicked and shrieked, diving and swooping around her as she made her rounds, and by the time she reached the south beach, she did feel much better; whistling back and forth with her little friend, and chortling at his antics.

She decided a quick dip in the hot spring would do her good. She searched around the beach until she found a large shell, and scooped it full of clean, white sand. She brought this with her to the spring, and used it to exfoliate, gently rubbing it into all the skin she could reach. Setting that aside, she scrubbed at her scalp vigorously with her fingertips, then slid around the edge, to where the water poured down from the cliff up above, and rinsed her hair forcefully. She emerged, tingling and energized.

She rubbed herself down and paced around for a few minutes as she air dried; then dressed, retrieved her sled, and continued around to Arrival Beach. She dragged her scavenge up to the boulder, and sat, cross-legged, gazing out to the blue ocean. Thinking about everything that had happened. Wondering what the end of this story would be.

Suddenly she heard a great crashing in the growth behind her, and Ben yelling for her, “Rey?!”

She called back, “Ben?” and stood, moving into the ferns, toward the sound of his approach. “What’s going on…?”

He burst out of the bracken and cast about, wild-eyed.

She drew up sharply, taken aback by his feral and ferocious demeanor. “What’s wrong?!” She stretched her hands out to him, inspecting him cursorily for some injury, and stepping toward him.

He seized her by the arms and crushed her to him, his mouth devouring hers with a savage growl. He bit at her lips, his tongue demanding entry. He released her arms and clutched at the small of her back, the back of her head. He pushed her up against a smooth palm trunk, rutting slowly against her hip and moaning all the while.

Her arms flailed, then fell to his shoulders, her hands moving up his neck, into his hair, and grabbing hold.

She met him beat for beat, hooking her heel around the back of his knee and grinding against him, seeking friction, wheezing and keening whenever they came up for air.

He ripped his lips from hers, gasping, “I’m an idiot, Rey! A complete and utter moron!” 

She clasped him firmly at the base of his skull, yanking his head down to meet the demands of her lips.

He pushed away from her finally, both of them winded and breathing hard.

She licked at her stinging lips, inhaling deeply and squinting at him. “Did you need something?”

“Yes.” He looked her up and down. “Yes, I did.”

He crashed back into the undergrowth and left her, swaying, pressing her hand against a tree for balance.

That night, they returned from their visit with the moon bugs and settled in to sleep. Rey willed herself to relax, to sleep; but sleep wouldn’t come. Ben was strung tight, vibrating behind her, his hand trembling against her ribs. She forced her breathing to slow and closed her eyes.

After a long time, he withdrew his hand, tentatively, feeling for any reaction from her. She forced herself to remain still and unresponsive.

He moved stealthily away and out into the night.

She had just started to wonder if he would not return; but then he was there, slipping his steady hand around her waist, taking a deep breath and snuzzling into her hair. After just a few moments, she could tell he had fallen asleep.

* * *

Two days ago, he had seemed more like his old self: sweet, attentive, considerate, patient. 

In the morning.

But as the day wore on, he became more and more perturbed. His kisses became rough, his hands desperate and clutching. Bumping up against her in passing, with his chest or his hip. Every interaction was fraught with innuendo and double entendre; his eyes and lips gorging, drinking her in and leaving her spent and unbalanced, but deeply unsatisfied, with no relief forthcoming.

In retaliation, she decided it was laundry day, and that, while she waited for her clothes to dry, one sarong would be more than enough, and if he cared to assure that the borders were overlapping satisfactorily, then he could see to it himself.

Her revenge strategy was poorly thought out, however, and the end result was not at all fulfilling – for her. 

He had her wedged between himself and a palm trunk, one arm supporting her haunches, the other around her back; the scarf was pushed behind her, her arms wrapped around his shoulders and neck, her legs wrapped around his hips, with only his swim trunks between them. 

And the moon bugs swirled hypnotically, heedless of the human courtship ritual taking place adjacent to their own.

He consumed her, bumped up against her, ground into her, his eyes squeezed shut, until he grunted against her lips and pulsed for long moments; then pulled back, horrified at his own mindless behavior. He gingerly set her down, tugging at the sarong and firmly wrapping it around her, unwilling to meet her eyes; but in his embarrassment he completely overlooked the fact that she had been only seconds from her own climax, and therefore left her wanting and breathless.

He took her hand, dubiously, and led her back to the cave, appalled.

She dropped down on the mat, pulling the sarong around herself snugly; humiliated and exhausted, but pinging with a flat, demoralized energy. She brought her hand over her face, refusing to look up as he stood over her, wavering.

Without a word, he turned and walked out, and she heaved a sigh. This was a disaster.

He was gone a very long time, and she feigned sleep when he returned. He removed his shoes and lay down next to her pensively, leaving a larger gap than usual between them. 

* * *

His hand soothed up her rib cage, trailing fire, stroking urgently against her fevered skin, and stalling just below her breast. Her fingers tangled in his hair, drawing him closer. She moaned with longing, and tipped her head back, baring her throat to his mouth. He worked his way from the hollow at her collarbone, up to her jaw, licking, nipping, and sucking sweet bruises. His thigh pressed between her legs, and she ground against him, the heat swelling, near bursting. “Uunnnngghhh….”

Yesterday, Rey had shuddered awake and gasped. She lay on her mat panting, praying she hadn’t been moaning aloud. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply, wishing she could go back into that dream, for just a few more seconds. She exhaled slowly and stared at the stone ceiling. She threw her arm over her face and imagined what it would be like, to have him… 

She brought her hands to the edges of the sarong, tucking it around her more firmly, then turned her head and peeked over at him in the pale glow of dawn. He lay on his side, breathing hard, watching her avidly. She closed her eyes.

“Good dream?

“I don’t know. I woke up before the end.”

“It sounded like it was pretty good.” 

She could hear him shifting closer to her. She opened her eyes to look at him. He scooted nearer, resting his head in one hand, raising the other toward her; she was powerless to move, watching his approach, closer, and closer. His thumb brushed over her nipple, straining at the thin killisilk, and she hissed.

In slow motion, he dragged his fingers down to her belly, found the edge of the scarf, and slipped his hand underneath, searching for her skin. His fingertips brushed lightly over her heated flesh.

She brought her hand up and grasped at his wrist, “don’t…” 

His eyes snapped up to hers. 

“Don’t tease.”

He pressed into her more firmly as she loosened her grip and let her hand fall.

He dragged his palm down her hip, to the outside of her leg, plucking at her knee and drawing it up, then his fingers traced to the inside of her thigh, sliding closer and slowing as he went.

She arched against him, then thrust toward his slow hand, spreading her legs the tiniest bit, the scarf falling away from her raised knee; searching his hooded eyes, a breathy moan escaping her parted lips.

His hand trembled, then his fingers met her, brushing up and down, lightly exploring the landscape, slowly becoming more assured as he pressed, rubbed, breached.

She gasped, bringing her hand around his nape, clutching and kneading, her eyes still locked with his.

“You’re wet.”

She cackled, “of course I am, you moof milker! That’s the whole point of foreplay! You’ve been…“ she rasped, “provoking me…” she whined, “for four days…” 

He bit his lip, concentrating; pressed his fingers, withdrawing, then deeper, deeper, rubbing at her with his thumb.

She dragged her hand into his hair, clutching and grasping, her eyes glazing over; buckling and twisting, moving erratically against him, and still he stroked, stroked.

“Uunnnngghhh….” Her cries elevated to a breathy moan and the pleasure burst upon her in thick waves, radiating up, up, up.

She released his hair, letting her hand fall above her head, bringing the other to meet it, squirming and fretting her hips, shivering and arching, and, “mmmm…” as his fingers slid out and up, dragging another pulse from her, resting his palm against her tight curls, his long fingers twitching against her. 

Her eyes focused, and she sighed deeply. His face was right there, hovering above hers, drawing his lips between his teeth, searching her face, closer, closer… but then raising his head minutely.

She brought her hand down between them and brushed her knuckles against the straining front of his trunks. “You seem to be a little… provoked… yourself…”

He drew back suddenly, pushing up against her belly, and was gone, leaving her to wonder what had just happened.

She closed her eyes and stretched, letting the sarong fall where it would, biting her lips. Writhing and enjoying the resonant tingling, the feel of her nipples against the silk. 

She dragged herself up, wobbling. She staggered to the ledge and pressed her palms against it, taking deep breaths, then bending, resting her forehead on her arm, huffing. She straightened and pulled out her toothbrush, the comb. She completed her morning toilette, then, returning from the latrine, she dressed, including her button down shirt, which she hadn’t worn in weeks, tying it firmly at her waist.

She sat at the cave entry on the keg, knees crossed, her foot bouncing.

Should she wait for him, or? Was he coming back? She looked over at their food stash, stood and picked up a nocoberry, settling again on the keg, with the knife, and working at the husk. Her fingers tremored uncertainly. She hadn’t husked a nocoberry in months. 

She paused her movements, resting her hands, closing her eyes, sitting up straight and breathing deeply. She opened her eyes and he stood before her. “For someone so big, you sure are good at sneaking up on me.” She brought her eyes to his. His skin was flushed, his hands twitching at his sides. 

“Hello.”

“Good morning.” 

He gestured toward the nocoberry, and she rose, trading places with him, handing over the large fruit, with the knife. 

“I’ll be right back.” She left him, walking briskly to the blumfruit patch and heaping a leaf with the berries, then returned to the cave to find him just breaking the white flesh into chunks and laying them out on a leaf, on her old sleeping mats. She watched him sit down, stretching his legs, lounging back on his hands, observing her approach. She set the berries down next to him, and fetched two water bottles, returning and dropping down opposite him. 

Tentatively she queried, “what do you want to do today?”

His eyes dragged up the length of her slowly, resting in turn at her breasts, her neck, her lips, and finally meeting her eyes. “Why are you wearing so many clothes?”

She laughed, “oh, did you change your mind about…”

“No.” His eyes burned into hers, and she choked.

He reached down and grasped the edge of the blumfruit leaf, dragging it up to the edge of the mat, then did the same with the nocoberry, the water bottles. He extended his hand to her.

She looked down at his trembling fingers and touched her fingertips to his. He grasped the end of her finger, and drawing her to him, draped her over his chest, as he lay back. He brought his hand to the back of her head, tugging at her, bringing her closer.

“I thought you said we couldn’t kiss on our mat?”

“We’re not on our mat.”

The day turned into a new kind of sweet torture. She lost count of how many times he brought her to release, in the cave; on her meditation rock; lying on the scarf in the sand at the cove. But when she attempted to reciprocate, he would slip away from her, out of the cave, away into the bracken, or back into the lagoon, leaving her panting and boneless but still empty and frustrated.

As they watched the moon bugs, she twined her fingers through his to prevent their wandering, sighing and leaning against him. 

On their mat she curled and snuggled back into his embrace, gripping at his hands to keep them still, yawning. “You’ve worn me out.”

He settled behind her, brushing the hair off her neck and nuzzling into her nape, relaxing and snoring softly after only a few minutes.

* * *

This morning, she had propped her head in her hand, watching his sleep. He opened his eyes, his lips curling up at the corner. He turned on his side toward her. “Hello.”

She smiled. “Hi. I have some projects I want to work on today, would it be okay if we just meet up at lunch?”

His expression became impassive, neutral. She hated it. “Okay.”

Breakfast was another silent, stilted affair, and she hated that too.

She packed up her sled, checking her pocket and the ledge to make sure she was leaving the knife for him, and looked up to find him leaning against the back of the cave, his ankles crossed, his arms folded across his chest, aloof.

She set down the strap and walked toward him, uneasily. She planted her feet outside of his and placed a shaky hand against his strained forearm, looking up into his eyes, pleading.

After long seconds, he relaxed his arms and brought them loosely around her waist, clasping his fingers behind her. His expression broke, crumpling in a way that broke her heart. “Rey. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, Ben!” she rested her hands against his chest, leaning into him, tracing the ridge of the scar she could feel through his rash guard. 

“Are you… angry with me?”

“No! I just need… a little space today. Maybe you do too.” She rubbed up his shoulders, then brought one hand up to his chin, scratching and raking through the scruff at his jaw, resting her fingertips on his cheekbone. He turned his head slightly into her palm, closing his eyes and pressing a soft kiss. 

She dragged her fingers into his hair, behind his ear, and tugged him gently toward her until he bent his head, touching his lips to hers, soft and lingering. She pulled back, smiling. “I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Okay.” He gave her a gentle squeeze and lowered for another kiss. 

She stepped back. “See you in a while.”

Her first main stop was at the thorny briars, where she harvested several of the plump yellow globes and, stripping naked, squished them open and applied the oozy insides to her legs, her underarms, rinsing in the waves at need. It seemed prudent to prepare for anything, the way things were going. 

After she dressed, she went up to the north east beach and collected every gōlē she could find, digging in the sand and stepping barefoot in the waves, feeling around with her toes. There were a lot of them. She quickly collected some muja and jogan, and a few more nocoberry, then made her way to the cold basin. She rinsed all the gōlēs carefully, then stripped again and took a quick bath, rinsing the salt from her skin.

The sun was high, so she made her way to the oven, first leaving most of her provisions at the cave, but bringing the sled with the gōlēs with her.

Ben was just pulling a fillet from the oven, testing with his fork, and glanced up at her, looking relieved. 

She grinned. “How was your morning?”

He pushed the fillet back in and crossed to her quickly, “Fine. I missed you.” 

She laughed, “I missed you too,” realizing as she said it, that it was absolutely true. She raised her face for a kiss, and after, he stepped back to his fish. “I’ll work on my next project here, if that won’t be a problem?”

“Of course not, I was going to make some jerky today.”

After a delicious repast, which included three different compotes and extra fillets, which Rey devoured contentedly; she moved her sled into a patch of shade at the side of their eating area, and sat, legs crossed in the sled, and got to work.

Ben left for a while, but returned with more fish, talking with her about nothing in particular as they both worked. Every so often he would cross to her, kneel at her side and kiss her, sometimes soft and sweet, other times demanding, lingering, harsh, vast. She couldn’t decide which variety she liked better, but then he didn’t ask.

Later in the afternoon, he informed her he was going to the hot spring, and it seemed he would invite her to accompany him. He hesitated but, no. 

“Okay. I should be done with this when you get back, will you come see it?”

He nodded and strode briskly away.

She stood and stretched, walking around for a few moments to get the blood moving again. Then she took up her creations and set them on their table, fitting all the parts together and pressing all the connections firmly.

She had made a short cabinet, wide and deep, with two drawers that slid into it. The smaller drawer was for shells of salt and dried herbs. The larger was for their forks, and Ben’s cooking implements. She was pleased to see that everything fit, with room to spare, and it was just the right size to set at the side of the stone table. 

She was admiring her handiwork when Ben stepped up behind her, bumping his shins against her back. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and she grabbed at them, pulling against him so he would help her up.

“What did you make?”

“See!” she bounced on her toes, excited for his reaction.

He crouched down to inspect, pulling at the little finger holds, looking inside, and pushing the drawers back into place. He stood, turning to her, his expression difficult to read. “This was very…”

“I know, it’s kind of stupid, but I wanted to do something for you and it was all I could th…”

He stopped her mouth with a kiss. “I was going to say…” he looked at her pointedly, “this was very thoughtful of you. It was kind of you to think of me, and an innovative use of the materials we have at hand.”

His praise thrilled her in a way she had seldom experienced, and he seemed to know this on a deep level. He wrapped his arms around her, and continued, “also, I am impressed with your resourcefulness, your imagination, your humor and intelligence.” He considered her carefully. “Your positivity. Your understanding and intuition. I am amazed by you, every day.”

She reached up and brushed at her cheeks, her chin wobbling. “Well. Clearly, I have to keep you near me constantly, for validation and esteem-building.”

“It’s all part of my long-term plan.” He smiled at her lopsidedly and kissed her; at first tenderly, then commandingly.

How he could bring her from sweet affection to ardor so quickly was a mystery to her, but he was very skilled. She tangled her fingers into his damp locks, a pleasant and urgent warmth spreading down from her belly and settling. She could feel his fervor building and pressing against her insistently. 

She brought one hand down to the top of his thigh and dragged her nails up the front of him, up toward his hip. He groaned, biting at her lip as he drew away to grasp her wrist, pulling it up above her and walking her backwards until her back bumped up against a trunk. She reached down, repeating the movement on the other side and he snatched up that hand too, pinning her two hands together above her head, against the rough bark.

“Naughty girls will be disciplined.” He drew back to gauge her reaction to this.

She whined, “I can be very good, if only you’ll let me.”

He brought his other hand around from behind her back and plucked at her tank, sliding his fingers underneath and dragging them up her ribs, until he reached her breast band. He tugged the top down to let her nipple pop out, and gently pinched and twisted at her experimentally.

She squeezed her eyes shut, keening, and he brought his lips to hers again, licking and glutting himself against her, while giving equal attention to each breast. When she ripped her lips away, gasping, he kissed down her jaw and neck, wedging his leg between hers, grasping at her waist and hauling her closer. She brought one leg around him, grinding, her other foot barely touching the ground, the pressure from his thigh keeping her upright. 

She tossed her head against the trunk, back and forth, moaning. He thumped against her again and again until the pressure began to rise, overtaking her, overwhelming her and she gritted out a swelling wail, tensing her calf to keep him still as she wheezed and panted, then opening her eyes timorously, humming.

He straightened his leg, slowly allowing her to stand, and gradually brought her arms down. She brought one hand around his ribs, the other around his neck, raising her lips to him, whispering breathlessly, “I want to be good for you.”

This shook him out of his rapture and he stood to his full height, her hand sliding off his shoulder, down his chest.

He lowered to her for another lazy kiss, once, twice, then he stood; taking her hand and walking with her stoically to the cave, affecting ignorance of her desire for some quid pro quo.

He left her at the entrance and quickly strode away, into the trees. 

“Ben!” She called after him, to no avail. “Damn it!” She flung herself on the sleeping mat. 

This simply couldn’t go on! This wasn’t normal, astute, grown-up behavior. There had to be some other solution, something that would be both mutually satisfying, and conciliatory to Ben’s sensibilities and concerns.

She would just have to be smarter about it, that’s all.

Before dinner, after dinner, that night while they enjoyed the glowing light show, her strategy was the same; and she didn’t like it, in fact she hated it, but it was all for the greater good.

She waited until he initiated contact, waited until she could tell he was in quite a perturbed state, then pulled back, deescalating with kind words and soft sighs about how sweet he was, how considerate, how thoughtful of her feelings and needs.

By the time she feigned sleep, throwing in a soft, fake snore for good measure, he was in an absolute froth, and at the first opportunity, stumbled out into the dark.

Good. A little shift in the power balance would serve him right.


	31. Day 254

She had gotten pretty good at this, if she did say so herself. She tied the last lacing into Ben’s hair, and stepped around between his knees, to admire. She always left the sides free, over his ears, as that seemed to be his preference. She combed her fingers through, then scrabbled her fingers down his jaw.

His eyes had been closed, but he looked up at her now.

“How are you so beautiful? It doesn’t seem a fair share for just one man.”

“You’re the only person to think so.”

She laughed, “I may be the only person to _say_ so, but that’s not the same thing.”

He wrapped his arms around her hips and thighs, resting his cheek against her belly while she rubbed his shoulders for a few moments.

“It’s funny how the floodgates have opened.”

“Hmmm?” He looked up at her with big eyes.

“Just a week ago, I didn’t even think you were attracted to me, I didn’t even think you found me,” she focused on his smoldering eyes, “s-sexually… a-appealing…” her eyes widened.

“Sweetheart, it’s only because you’re oblivious.”

She snorted.

“The way things are going this week, I see it was a good thing I didn’t kiss you months ago, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to.”

“You did?”

He slid his hands up her back, under her tank. “Gods, yes. That day we first went up to the cistern, and you got soaking wet just to tease me?” She humphed. “That night at the beach, do you remember? You looked so beautiful in the moonlight, with the mist swirling around you.” He turned his face into her belly and inhaled. “Every night, sleeping beside you.” He looked up to her again, his eyes soft and clear, “I was telling you every day, but you didn’t hear.”

“Ben. What will happen?”

His muffled “hmmm?” floated up from her abdomen.

“Surely we won’t live out our lives here, someone will come. Jannah said…”

He tipped his face up, leaning his chin against her. 

“Two of our friends hooked up, during the conference, and Jannah was saying that you couldn’t expect a long-term relationship from something like that.”

“This isn’t some meaningless hookup, Rey. Not for me! If I haven’t made myself clear on that, then I have neglected you most egregiously!” His volume increased, his eyes taking on a panicked glint. “I want us to be together.” He looked up at her, now guardedly. “But what do you want?”

She could feel her eyes welling up, her throat thickening. “You do?”

“Most emphatically.”

Tears tracked down her cheeks, “no one has ever wanted to keep me before.”

“Well I do.”

“Oh. Then I want to be… kept.” One of her tears dripped down and splashed on his nose, and she blew out a nervous laugh.

He stood, wrapping his arms around her like a great fortress, a comforting blanket; like home. “It’s decided, then.”

Their morning had been calm and peaceful, and he treated her with care and gentleness, sending her off for her rounds with a squeeze and a kiss to her temple.

But more than one floodgate had been opened, these last days, and as she walked, memories flashed through her mind and she replayed them over and over. Damn but she wanted him. Wanted to see him fall over the edge, just as he had seen her. Wanted to feel him. 

She deviated away from her usual path and stood, contemplating the flowering vines. Surely there was some solution to her quandary involving alcohol? She snorted and backed away cautiously. Ben had said he wasn’t sure she would forgive him if he took advantage of her while she was inebriated; and she wasn’t sure Ben would forgive her if the tables were turned.

What were the chances she could get pregnant, really? She hadn’t had a period for more than eight months. Without ovulation there could be no conception, so she had little fear. The problem was, she didn’t know when ovulation would occur again. That was the problem. But she would not accept things as they had been, she promised herself that. He was going to agree to some other arrangement; she would see to it, and soon.

In fact, now might be a good time to talk. He seemed to be… less… intense… earlier in the day. She unpacked her sled and stood contemplating. Where would he be now? Either at the hot spring or the oven, most likely. Catching him in the spring would not get the reaction she sought, so she determined to find him at the oven or wait there until his arrival.

She wandered over, lost in her thoughts, hoping she could make him understand. How could she present her case in a way he would actually listen to?

She looked up, startled to hear D-O trilling, and stopped in her tracks; peeking out, from behind the ferns, at the scene that unfolded before her.

Ben was standing at the table, his back to her. He had several piles of berries and cut fruit, and D-O was perched on his shoulder, bobbing his head and carrying on quite an animated conversation. Ben whistled, and D-O repeated the notes back, receiving a chunk of fruit in reward. It was possibly the most adorable thing she had ever seen, and she gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth.

They both turned to her, and D-O squawked and flew away.

“That was amazing!” She crossed to him, stupefied.

“I only won him over with food.”

“It’s a good method; one you’ve perfected.” She laughed up at him, and he took her in his arms and kissed her soundly.

“What are you up to now?”

“I wanted to talk.”

“Mmm. When a woman says that, it’s usually a bad thing.”

She grinned. “I want to say some things, and I want you to listen until I’m done. I don’t want you to get upset or leave, until I have finished what I have to say.”

“So, you want me to listen until I agree with you.”

“Well. Yes.”

He chuckled, but sat at his place and pushed the food to the center of the table where it wouldn’t be in the way or a distraction. Well, Rey was always distracted by food, but that was neither here nor there.

She began, “I think it’s safe to say that, you and I have, um…” his eyes got very wide, “a mutual, physical attraction. Would you agree?”

He smiled, “yes.”

“Okay, good. Now. Would you also agree that our main problem here is that we believe someone will find us, but we don’t know when that will be. It could be tomorrow, it could be… oh… 3 years from now. And that complicates things because I’m not on birth control, and you’re unwilling to deliver babies.”

“More ‘unqualified’ than ‘unwilling,’ but yes.”

“Okay. Good, fine. I had been completely unaware of… the ‘mutual’ aspect of our attraction until just a few days ago.”

“You’re oblivious, yes, we’re on the same page there.”

She snorted, “hush! But, now that I _am_ aware, and now that we have embarked on this… new… dimension of our relationship…”

“Physical intimacy, yes.”

“Yes, that’s it, exactly.” She cleared her throat. “I find that I am not satisfied with the state of our shared physical intimacy.”

His expression was perplexed. Just a tad affronted. “I was under the impression that you had been very satisfied. Several times.”

She bit her lip. “I have had several… a considerable number of… a generous helping of, excellent orgasms, yes. That is not the basis of my complaint.” 

“Oh?”

“No. From the phrase ‘shared physical intimacy,’ I would like to focus on one word. ‘Shared.’”

“Ah.”

“Now, before you say anything you’ve already said; may I remind you, that you have promised to listen until you agree with me.” 

He really did have the most beautiful dimples. She stood up and paced for a few seconds. Then sat back down and reached for his hand. “Do you remember, one of the times I freaked out about something or another, that you told me, there would be times when you would have to help me, and there would be times when I would have to help you?”

“Yes…?”

“Well then. The basis of my complaint is this. I am unwilling for our physical intimacy _not_ to be ‘shared.’ If I’m going to allow you to… pleasure me; then it will be reciprocal, or it won’t happen at all.”

“Ah.”

“You can’t just take care of me and not let me take care of you. I don’t want that kind of relationship. Do you?”

“No. You’re right, as usual.”

“Excellent, I feel that this conversation has been very productive already!” She laughed and he grinned good-naturedly at her merriment. “The way I see it, we have three options. I will let you make the final decision, because all three are acceptable to me.” She thought about this for a few moments. “Well… that’s not exactly true. I kind of hate one of the choices, but I’ll offer it to you anyway because I’m willing to go along with whatever you decide.”

He sobered. “I have a feeling that the next few minutes are going to have a disproportionate influence on my happiness for the foreseeable future.”

“Probably. So listen carefully.” She held up one finger. “Okay. Your first choice is, we go back to how things were, before. We hold hands, we snuggle, we are generally friendly, but there’s no kissing, no grinding, no attacking.” She raised her eyebrow at him.

“Well, I hate that option.”

“So do I. Okay.” She held up two fingers. “Your second option is… we do… things.”

He smirked. “’Things?’” 

“Things that aren’t intercourse. There is a wide variety of possibilities, to some of which one or both of us might object. That’s all negotiable. The point is, we will be having orgasms at the same time!”

Ben started to panic at this.

“Well, within reason, of course. What I mean is, it will be in each other’s presence.”

“But Rey, that’s what I keep trying to…”

“I know. That’s why you have a third choice.” She held up three fingers. “If you are worried that we will have sex when we didn’t plan to have sex, then the third option is… we plan to have sex.” She could see his mental receptiveness shutting down. “But in this case, it would be part of the plan… that is, the plan would be for you to… the plan would be for you to… pull out.”

He looked appalled, but she wasn’t sure if it was because she had suggested this at all, or because he didn’t like the option; but she decided to rest her arguments for a moment and allow him to process.

“If you see any other options, tell me.”

Ben thought for a long time, tapping his fingers on the table, while Rey used the time to sample a few of the fruits laid out before her.

“You know that method isn’t… failsafe?”

“Of course. Thanks to _Foundations for Younglings_ , I took part in an exceedingly blunt, painfully frank human sexuality course, with an emphasis on birth control methods, including their proper use and failure rates. Because of this I also know that a woman who isn’t having periods isn’t ovulating, and therefore can’t conceive.”

“Right. But ovulation could happen at any time.”

“Exactly. So I know there is some risk. And that’s why I’m suggesting this.”

He stood, with his palms resting on the table, his head hanging down. He looked up at her slowly. “You would trust me to do that?”

“Ben. I trust you with everything. I thought you knew that.”

“But this is life and death!”

“And you have an excellent track record so far.”

He huffed and collapsed into his seat. “You don’t seem very concerned… you don’t seem to understand the gravity of…”

“You told me we can get through anything together, Ben.”

He stared at her, shell-shocked.

She popped several berries into her mouth and chewed. “You don’t have to decide right now. You can think about it and let me know. Do you want help with this?”

They ate their meal, in silence, then worked side by side, in silence, for another hour or so as Ben made a batch of jerky. Rey thought maybe he needed some solitary time to think, so she arranged to collect some sagittaria tubers for their supper and meet up with him later.

She was just getting undressed to clean up after her muddy foray, when she heard Ben calling to her. She was still wearing her underthings, holding her tank in front of her. “I’m here!”

He charged into the clearing, casting about for her. His eyes fell upon her and he straightened. “Oh. Excuse me.” He turned from her slightly, watching her out of the corner of his eye.

“Do you want to get in?”

“No. I don’t think…” He cleared his throat. “I made… I… I decided.”

“Okay.”

He heaved several deep breaths and started shaking like a leaf.

“Were you going to tell me, or…”

“Right! Yes! I have chosen… number three.”

“Oh really?! That’s what I hoped you’d choose!”

He turned to her slowly, breathless and thoroughly discombobulated. “It is?”

“I didn’t want to influence your decision.” She grinned at him.

He eyed her up and down, gawking and overwrought, and for all the world looking like he was either going to pass out or seize upon her at that very moment and have his way with her. She would have been fine with that.

“When do you think we could… when would you like to…”

“I’m all muddy, so... And are you burning our supper?”

“Supper!” He smiled at her lopsidedly, turned, and stomped into the ferns.

* * *

“This is delicious, Ben! I swear, this is new too, isn’t it?”

“Hmmm?”

“You seem a bit… distracted.”

He grinned at her. “Do I?”

“Mmm.”

“When do you. Want to…? Do you… want to…?”

“Oh, yes, I want to. But there is the matter of romantic ambiance that cannot be wasted.” She winked at him. Finally, she had a good winking opportunity!

“Some would say, one makes one’s own romantic ambiance.”

“No one says that, Ben, you made it up just now!”

“Fine. At least it’s already starting to get dark!”

Rey took some kind of perverse pleasure in dragging Ben over to the marsh to see the moon bugs, in making him wait just a little longer; especially after all the torture he had put her through this week. He stood behind her, with her wrapped in his arms, and she could feel his anticipation, his passion, his desire; and it thrilled her to know that, soon… soon…

She was buzzing with excitement, it was too much stimulation; she closed her eyes. He reached up and let her hair down, running his fingers through, teasing out every knot. He held her hair to the side and kissed her shoulder, her neck, her ear. He wrapped his arm around her, pressing her against him. 

“OH! If you’re going to close your eyes, then let’s go!”

“I was just resting my eyes!” She snickered. “Anyway, we don’t know how long the moon bugs will be here, we have to take advant…”

“Transient little buggers! They’ll be here tomorrow! Let’s go!”

He tugged her away, and as they passed the hot spring, he spun her around, wrapping her up and looking down at her, brushing her hair back from her forehead, “I want to make love to you here. But not tonight.”

“Mmm.” 

She followed him, but. Something he had said… something… There was some memory, just out of her reach. That word he had said, ‘transient,’ she didn’t remember ever hearing it before, but… she had heard it before…

They walked back to the cave, but once they got there, Rey wasn’t sure what to do. Ben seemed not to know, either; he dropped her hand and they stood side by side at the entry, looking in. The moon was just rising. Rey glanced at him and smiled, then walked over and reached for her toothbrush. He chuckled and did the same, then carefully took off his shoes and rash guard, and taking up one of the sarongs, he spread it out on their mat, then lay down, with his head resting in his hand, to wait for her. She combed her hair. Then took off her sandals, capris and tank, and picked up the second sarong, tied it under her arms, crossing it over her chest and behind her neck as was her usual custom. Then she shimmied her underthings out from underneath. And stood there.

“Sweetheart. Will you come to me?”

She took a few steps. A few more, until she was wiggling her toes on the edge of the mat. 

He peered up at her, in the dark. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be.”

She looked down at his face, his pale torso. “You’re not?”

“Oh, I’m terrified.” 

From the sound of his voice, she was 87% sure he wasn’t kidding. She tittered and took several deep breaths.

“Come here to me.” He extended his hand to her, and she took it, allowing him to draw her down, turning her, tucking her into his embrace with her back to his chest, as they always slept. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes. It’s only…”

“Talk to me, Rey.”

“Something you said, earlier. A word.” She shook her head. “Sometimes I have little bits and pieces come back to me, you know, from when I was sick?”

He caressed her hip, then wrapped his arm around her and squeezed. 

“But sometimes the things I remember can’t be real. Like the creatures I told you I saw?” She rolled around to her back, and he tucked her feet between his, brushed her hair from her temple, her neck.

“Mmm hmm.”

“I remember you were… talking to me. Saying some things.” She paused and looked up at him uncertainly. “But I don’t know if it was real. Did you talk to me?”

“Yes, sweetheart, I did.”

“Oh. Well, the word I remember you saying was ‘transient,’ so I don’t know what you could have been talking about…”

“Ah.” He hesitated for a long time, rubbing his palm up and down her arm, brushing down to her fingers and back up. “I was telling you… I said that I had a secret I had kept from you, one you could have discovered if only you were more observant.”

She huffed and tipped her head away from him, trying to see his expression, but failing in the dim light. “That seems like a strange thing to say to someone while they’re unconscious…”

“Shh.” He chided. “I was saying… that this… secret… wasn’t something transient, or something that had happened by accident. It was… it _is_ … something I choose. It is something that simply _is_.” He stroked his hand along her cheek, down her jaw, and back up, brushing her hair back.

“I love you. I love you, Rey. I love you.” 

She raised her hand in supplication, reaching for him, and he lowered to her, and kissed her, softly, sweetly, gently. But full of promise too.

He raised his head, and she ran her fingers through his hair, tucking some stray wisps behind his ear.

“Do you know that I love you, too?”

“Do you?

“I love you, Ben.”

He kissed her, and it felt like nothing else existed, in the whole world, except him. And her.

He pulled back, taking in her features now visible in the moonlight. He reached behind her to pull at the knot in her scarf, and she brought her fingers up to help.

Slowly, slowly, he pulled the silk from her, first one side, then the other, and he gazed at her in awe, leisurely taking in every detail, “…so beautiful…” He brushed his fingers first along one breast, then the other, ending at her nipples. 

She arched toward him and sighed, then brought her fingers up to his chest. “I want to see you, Ben.”

He kissed her, slow and lingering, then drew up, rolling back and removing his shorts, waiting for her appraisal. She turned up on her side to look at him, tentatively brushing her hand down his ribs, to his hip bone. He closed his eyes, hissing, and grabbed her wrist. “I’m not going to last ten seconds.”

She smiled. “I probably won’t, either.”

He smirked. “We’ll see.” He turned to her, pressing her back gently and stroking down her ribs, her belly, her hip, her thigh. Then back up. He brought his fingers close, pressing, rubbing, feeling his way. He lowered his lips to her breast, nipping, licking, sucking, while she mewled and writhed. Then he made to move lower.

She grappled at his shoulder, his hand. “No, Ben, please don’t make me wait any longer!” 

He replaced his fingers, stroking, pressing deeper, assessing, and groaning at what he found, kissing her lips deeply. He seemed unsure, “do you want to…” he tugged gingerly at her elbow.

“No, you come here to me.” She bent her far knee, reaching for him, indicating he should be the one to move.

“I don’t want to crush you.”

“I’m not worried. But you have to stay in control.”

“Ah.”

She raised her lips to him, “I think I’ll prefer it, anyway; you make me feel… uummnn…” he kissed her and…

Attentively he moved into place, resting on his elbows, his hips above hers, not wanting to pinch or smash her limbs. She reached and moved her hair up and out of the way, then brought one arm around his back, the other to his neck, bending her knees and fitting him against her.

Her eyes widened, “ohh!”

He chuckled, then started to push forward, his chuckle rasping into a low moan, “sweetheart…” He nudged into her, with little movements back and forth, to open the way.

She moved with him, tipping and thrusting to get the angle, to get more of him. She closed her eyes, to feel his little pushes. She lay her head back and, “ohhhh…”

He froze, whispering, “am I hurting you?”

“No, Ben! Don’t stop… you feel so good!”

He convulsed, lowering his head to her shoulder, and for a moment she thought he had finished. She smiled up at him, and ran her fingers through his hair. He shifted on his elbows, bent his knee just so, to push against the back of her leg; continued pressing, pressing… and oh! oh!

Fully seated, he rested; kissing her, kissing her while she twitched against him and… “oh, oh, unnngghh…” she shuddered and pulsed around him, arching her back and grasping at his shoulders, his biceps.

So great was his wonderment at her transports, that he almost missed his moment, but no! He pulled from her and emptied on her belly, grumbling through grit teeth.

His arms shook, his head hanging down, and she stretched up her hand and grasped his hair, tugging gently until he looked up, smiling at her shyly. Her own lips curled pleasantly.

He huffed a breath and reached over for his pillow, unfolding the little shirt and wiping at her, awkwardly, muttering, “why does it have to be so messy?”

She whispered, “I like a little mess, now and again.”

He set the rag aside and leaned down to kiss her, uncertainly. He moved to her side and gathered her up, wrapping her in his arms, pulling her against his chest, sighing. “That was…”

“Wonderful? Amazing? Glorious?” She turned her head to peek back at him.

“Brief.”

“It was perfect. I love you, Ben.”

He held her tight, kissing her neck, brushing her hair out of the way. “I thought…”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been dying to know if you…”

She huffed. “What?”

“I wanted to know if you made the same noises, when you make love, as you do when you eat…”

“OH!” She took several breaths, incensed, struggling against his hold. 

He chuckled.

Finally, she settled. “Well.”

“Hmm?”

“And? Do I?”

“There are some similarities, yes.”

* * *

They were both too keyed-up to sleep, so she lay nestled at his side, with her head resting on his chest, their legs twined together, his arm around her, rubbing and petting her back. She traced his ribs and abdomen in the moonlight, discerning he had many more scars than she had originally realized. There was one especially, she didn’t know how she could have missed it before; in his side, above his hip.

“Are these all from your accident?”

“Some are, but no.” He peered down over his chin. “Most of those can be explained by either clumsiness or bad temper.”

“Mmm…” Her explorations led her to something much more interesting, that appeared to be waking up and taking an interest in the proceedings. She ran a single fingertip up the length of him, tracing along ridges, wandering over hollows.

She was gratified to hear the quickened thump of his heartbeat, right under her ear. 

He sounded pained. “Have you ever heard the expression, ‘you break it, you buy it?’”

“Umm hmm.”

“I feel there is some companion phrase, applicable in this situation.”

She grasped experimentally at his girth, just to see if she could circle her fingers around the full circumference. At his rough groan, she looked up at him, her eyes wide and innocent as could be. “Hmm?”

“I’m trying to think of something clever, but,” he sucked a breath between his teeth, “everything I’m thinking right now is too vulgar for consideration.”

She giggled and knelt at his side, carefully inspecting and handling the object being discussed. “How about, ‘you wake it, you take it?’”

He rasped, “that doesn’t even make sense!”

She raised her eyebrows at him, “doesn’t it?”

“No. Your brain is clearly sex-addled, clearly stupefied by…”

As he spoke, she swung her leg over his hip and centered herself over him, settling with a little flourish and a firm press, to ensure maximum contact.

He choked into silence. 

“Still don’t get it?”

“I’m beginning to see your meaning.”

She brushed her fingers down his biceps, his elbows, his wrists, twining her fingers with his and pulling him up to sit beneath her. He threw his arms around her hips, while she brought her arms around his neck. “Only ‘ _beginning_?’”

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re right, this is only the beginning.”

* * *

He woke her, deep in the night, kissing her shoulder, plucking at her nipples, fretting rhythmically at her backside. She flexed and stretched, pushing against him, whispering, “are you awake?”

He stopped his motion. “If you have to ask that, it means…” he inhaled, abashed.

She snickered, thrusting, rubbing, writhing in his arms.

He brushed the hair from her nape, licking, kissing bruises into her skin as she crooned, curling her arms above her head and burying her fingers in his hair, arching against him.

He slotted against her, eliciting from her a sharp cry that morphed into a low whine as he fitted into her, holding her in place with his strong hand, moving. He caressed her at their joining, his sighs and moans blending with hers into a joyous tumult, echoing, caroming around the cave walls and out into the dark.


	32. Day 255

Rey woke to several incongruent and impossible realities; and a satisfied, delighted smile touched her lips. She delicately stretched and flexed her joints and muscles so as not to wake her sleeping partner. She felt pleasantly loose and… mmm… rombly. She closed her eyes and evoked the previous nights’ goings-on, lingering over her favorite details and creating a mental list of those for which she would like to request an encore.

The sun was already high, but who cared? They could do whatever they wanted today. They could lie around naked, eating fruit; they could skinny dip in the cove or in the hot spring… oh! The hot spring! Now there was… an… idea… worth…

What was that?

She struggled to hear; a strange noise she had never heard before, and couldn’t place or imagine what it might be. She strained to sit up against Ben’s hold, but he tightened his grip, stirring and muttering, “don’t worry, sweetheart…”

There it was again!

“Ben!” She hissed, patting his hand. “Ben! Listen!”

He nuzzled into her hair, kneading at her breast and hip, and pressing firmly against her rump.

Her eyes popped open, “oh!” She tapped at his hand again, “Ben!” he wasn’t registering…

“Talk to me, Rey. I’m listening to every word, every little sound… I really like those little sounds…”

She slapped at his thigh. “Ben! Listen!”

Inspired by her rough play, he grabbed her wrists, dragged them above her head, and rumbled, “I am listening to you, sweetheart.”

“No! Don’t listen to _me_! Just listen!” 

There it was again! 

“Did you hear that?!” She felt him freeze, and looked over her shoulder to see if he was hearing the same thing she was.

His expression was a mix of shock, disbelief, elation; with a baffling, dissonant dash of what looked like teenaged panic.

“Oh, _kriff!!_ ”

“What?! What is it?!”

He released her in a flurry and jumped up, dashing and spinning. He found his swim trunks and hopped around, hauling them up, _“it’s Chewie!”_

“What?” She goggled at him, open-mouthed. “ _What?!_ Crinking hell!” 

“They’ve found us!” He knelt down at her side. “I’ll go meet him! You get dressed!” He paused just a moment to really look at her, smiling absurdly and tucking her hair behind her ears; he kissed her, and was gone.

“Poodoo!” She stumbled over to the rack where she had left her things the night before, fumbling into her clothes and dragging the comb through her hair, brushing her teeth with the tiniest smidge of toothpaste she could wring out of the tube. She stood in the middle of the cave, turning. 

She could hear two male voices approaching; Ben was talking very loudly, giving her a heads-up as to the imminence of their arrival. She gave her head a shake, shoved her feet into her sandals, and walked briskly out into the sunny path…

…and gawked stupidly at the tallest, biggest, hairiest man she had ever seen. 

He towered over Ben, by more than a foot, which would have been remarkable enough. But he couldn’t have been considered gawky for his height, by any stretch of the imagination; he was as powerfully muscled as any Gamorrean nerf-throwing champion or Huttball offensive scrum, only drawn to a larger scale.

He was wearing a loose, gray tank top, fraying brown cut-offs, and black flip flops; and was covered in brown body hair so thick it could nearly be termed a pelt. It was impossible to tell where his shaggy mop of hair ended and his beard began, and there was only the thinnest sliver of skin showing on either his cheeks or his forehead. 

His black eyes twinkled down merrily at Rey, however, and she opened her mouth to call out a chipper greeting, but he spoke first. She froze a second time, confounded, because while she recognized that he had indeed spoken, and that it was probably Basic, she had not been able to understand a single word of it. He must be one of the Kashyyykian refugees she had read about!

Ben quickly came to her rescue, reaching for her and tucking her under his arm. “Rey, this is Chewbacca, a great friend of my family. Chewie, this is Rey, my…” He stared at her blankly. “Rey is my…” 

She chuckled uncomfortably, and turned to Chewie, “it’s wonderful to meet you! And especially under these circumstances! Ben has told me all about you!” 

When she said his name, Chewie’s regard turned sharply to Ben, and a bright cheery grin lit up his whole hairy face. 

Rey reached out her hand cordially, but Chewie was having none of it. He yanked her against him in a great hug, one of his palms spanning her whole back, and patted her on the shoulder circumspectly, as only a really big man does; a man who knows his own strength and doesn’t wish to cause harm to any smaller creature.

“My father’s waiting in the anchored boat; he knows we’re here. We’ll show Chewie around and then he’ll help us with anything we want to take back.”

“Okay.”

Ben led them to the cave, Chewie looking around pleasantly, taking in every detail. They stood at the mouth. “We were lucky this cave existed; as you know, the storms in this region can be quite violent.”

Chewie grunted and nodded his concurrence. He also raised his nose and sniffed the air, pointedly looking at Ben and rumbling a resounding, drawn-out comment that seemed to be about… bread? He barked a laugh at some joke and slapped Ben forcefully on the back, causing him to stumble forward; then Chewie stepped back into the sunshine and headed north. Ben’s face was bright red and he looked over at Rey askance. 

She whispered, “can you understand him? What did he say?”

He hemmed and hawed, embarrassed for some reason, “um… I can usually get the gist, from context.” He cleared his throat and made to follow after Chewie, reaching back for her.

She looked down at his hand, pursed her lips and stalked past him, her arms folded over her chest, hissing, “oh that’s rich!”

He stumbled after her, flummoxed. “What?”

She whispered angrily, “I thought I would have at least merited being called a ‘friend,’ if you couldn’t force yourself to choke out ‘girlfriend’!”

“Rey, sweetheart…” he chased after her.

“Don’t you ‘sweetheart’ me! You couldn’t bring yourself to say it, you moof milker, you stuck-up sculag!”

He glanced at Chewie, meandering ahead of them, and grasped her elbow, bringing her to a halt next to him. “You’re right, I couldn’t say it.”

Her jaw dropped. She hadn’t expected he would admit outright, that he wasn’t serious about her! She took a choking breath.

“How can I call you something so ridiculous? How can I utter such a stupid, insipid title that doesn’t begin to express what you mean to me?”

She blinked up at him. “…what…?”

“I could have said you are my ‘dearest’, or my ‘beloved’; my ‘lover’, even. My ‘sweetheart.’ But ‘girlfriend’?!” He screwed up his face with distaste. “Never has any word been more substandard, more insufficient, to adequately describe our relationship or my feelings for you!”

Her chin wobbled. “Oh.”

He grabbed her shoulders and kissed her cheeks, her neck, then wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. 

Chewie howled at them to get a move on.

He kissed her once more on the cheek, then took her hand and pulled her on. “You have a love bite, by the way.”

“Oh!” She brought her hand up to her neck and huffed. “Where?”

He looked at her throat and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.” He glanced up at her, then back down at her neck, smirking. “It’s barely noticeable.”

“Poodoo!” 

He swung around and took her two hands, walking backwards and dragging her onward. She inspected his neck in turn and, “um… you have one, too.”

His eyes got very wide and she bit the inside of her cheek. “Don’t worry. It’s barely noticeable.”

He draped his arm across her shoulders and they walked briskly to catch up. Sudden realization dawned on his face. “That _was_ a hickey, that one time! How did… how did that happen…?”

“I’ll have to tell you later.” She jogged a few steps to pull up alongside Chewie, while Ben shook his head and trotted up behind them.

They walked around the whole island, showing Chewie the main features and pointing out all the attractions of note. He especially liked the nectar. Rey trailed behind, as the two men chatted and conversed comfortably. 

When they got to the hot spring, Ben held back as Chewie turned to observe them cheerfully, then ambled away into the ferns.

Ben took her in his arms. “He’s going to tow the mini-skimmer back to the boat; and the surf board. We can pack up anything we want to take with us, into your rucksack. Other things, like the traffic pylon, can be left in the cave and Luke can handle it later.”

She looked up at him, distressed. It was all starting to feel real. 

“Are you okay?”

She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to go.”

“I know, sweetheart. I don’t either.” He held her tight, resting his chin on her head. “I really did want to make love to you here. Do you think we have time, before Chewie gets back?”

She choked a laugh and smacked his chest. “Moof milker!”

He brushed her cheeks with his thumbs. “Everything’s going to be alright. I promise.” He kissed her fondly, tenderly, sweetly.

So why was she so worried?

* * *

They brought the gōlē cabinet into the cave, deciding it was too breakable to survive the move. But Rey stowed the carved utensils in her pack while Ben’s back was turned. She threw in the last few ration bars. She wrapped all her sea glass, her shells, and the silver bracelet, securely in the sarongs. She placed her wallet, notebook and the hygiene kit carefully inside. She took special care, wrapping the sand dollar in the leggings. She should have rinsed that shirt out… She wadded it up and stuffed it in too, with her poncho.

At the back of the cave, they piled everything into the sled that they would leave behind; the keg and the buoy, with some of the other bits and bobs she had picked up, as well as all the wrappers and other trash she had kept aside. Luke could decide what to do with it all.

They cut up what was left of their fruit and Ben cracked open one last nocoberry, for a late breakfast. He lined up the four or five that remained, along the ledge.

She carefully cleaned the knife, and slipped it into one of her pack’s pockets. All the mats were heaped up at the back wall as well. They decided to leave the cold bath and the smoking oven as they were. 

Ben took the digging shell and went to cover over the latrine. 

Rey stood in the middle of the cave with her pack at her feet, looking around. In her hand, she held the pieces of coral and Padmé’s knife.

Ben came back and set the shell on top of the pile, then came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “All set?”

“Yeah. All except one thing.” She held up the coral. “We forgot to make a mark last night. And should we make one for today?”

Together, they made the last two scratches, side by side, and stood staring at the wall, at the marks, and all they represented. As one, they set the coral on the ledge and stepped away.

She turned to him and held out the shell knife, which he took, then he stepped to her pack and hefted it onto his shoulder. “Shall we?”

She nodded, took a deep breath, and stepped out into the bright noon sun.

* * *

They wandered down toward Arrival Beach. Without warning, green feathers flashed before their eyes as D-O dove into the path before them, swooping up and alighting in a squatty palm. 

He seized a palm frond, bobbing his head and trilling, posturing and whistling with his wings spread, until Rey laughed and stepped nearer, her hand extended toward him. “Who’s such a good boy? Who’s such a pretty boy?”

In a shimmering green burst he was gone, his curling black and white tail feathers trailing behind him on the breeze.

* * *

Chewie was just beaching the little motor boat as they arrived, hopping into the waves and dragging it securely into the sand. He grabbed a small piece of electronic equipment from inside the boat, and brought it over to show Ben. The two exchanged a few words, and Chewie strode away briskly on his long legs, inland.

“He’s going to leave a transponder in the cave. We’re hoping it will allow us to find the island later. He recorded the GPS coordinates as well, and asked my father to snap some photos.”

Ben swung the pack into the little boat, helped Rey board, then waited, standing in the waves, looking out to the larger boat, anchored past the breakers. Rey could see someone at the railing, the face a blur at this distance; gray hair riffling in the breeze, and as she watched, a hand raised in solitary greeting. Ben signaled back.

He met her eyes and inhaled deeply. She took his hand, smiling reassuringly.

Chewie splashed down into the waves, and together he and Ben pushed the boat out into the water. Ben held it steady, waist-deep, while Chewie hopped in and started the motor. Ben leaped in and they swerved about, with Rey watching over her shoulder as the island sank slowly into the distance.

Ben scooted closer and put his arm around her, yelling over the roar of the engine. “Chewie retired to Skywalker Island several years ago. He runs a small boat tour company.”

They rounded to the back of the larger boat: the “Millennium Falcon” according to the blue metallic-fleck paint on the stern. Chewie lashed the motor boat to a small platform, and busied himself securing the smaller craft next to the mini-skimmer, while Ben gave Rey a hand over. She climbed up a short stepladder, and he handed up her pack and directed her to walk along a narrow rampway leading to the captain’s deck, and the helm. They passed by a partially enclosed, transparaplast cabin where Rey could see rows of benches, and standing binoc viewers bolted to the deck, at regular intervals, near the railing on the far side.

She passed a small, open door that lead to some dark recess of the ship, and continued toward the bow; but she could hear that Ben had halted behind her. She looked back. He waved her on, but then turned to face the doorway.

She heard a rumbly, grating voice, “hey, kid.”

Ben worked his jaw, clenching his teeth, and grit out, “dad,” then dropped to his knees, his shoulders crumpling, falling through the doorway, into the lap of someone seated just beyond.

Rey backed away and around the corner, to the captain’s deck. She wandered toward the front railing and looked out over the ocean, to Crab Claw Island. Her island.

After a few moments, Chewie stomped out, bringing a tray of wrapped sandwiches and a bucket of bottled drinks on ice, and she took his snarly grunt to mean she should help herself. The bread was just a little soggy, just a little smashed. But she sat on the padded bench and savored every bite. How she had missed bread! Then she cracked open a fizzy orange drink, undoubtedly meant for younglings, and relished every drop. 

She closed her eyes. The events of the day swirled around in her mind, and she started to hyperventilate. What would happen once they reached the resort? The mainland? She started to panic and through sheer force of will, reigned in her thoughts. One thing at a time, Niima!

She let out a soft burp and opened her eyes, just as a handsome, if somewhat grumpy-looking, older gentleman in a sleek wheelchair rolled up in front of her. He wore faded navy blue chinos, black shoes, and a white linen shirt with the sleeves pushed up past his elbows. Ben followed right behind. She wiped at her mouth self-consciously.

“Rey, this is my father, Han Solo. Dad, this is Rey, my favorite person in the whole world.” He raised his eyebrows, grinning down at her. She spared him a grin and a snort, but then her attention was all reserved for the senior Mr. Solo.

She squealed, and his eyebrows fluttered in shock. “It is such a thrill to meet you, I can’t even tell you! _Binary Moon_ is one of my all-time favorite novels! _Son of the Galaxy_?! I must have read that twenty times, at least!”

Han chomped his lips and rolled his eyes up at Ben, grumbling, “I come here to get away from this.” He rolled around, nearer the helm. “Chewie and me were just out for a little sightseeing, isn’t that right, Chewie?” Rey grinned.

Chewie barked the order for all to be battened down, and the engine roared to life. Ben took Rey’s hand, and they walked to a break in the cushions, where they could stand securely next to the railing, looking back over the starboard walkway. They watched the island recede smaller and smaller, but in an instant, it was just… gone. The horizon was simply empty, where the island had been only seconds before. They both jolted and took a shocked breath.

At the same moment, a bellow went up from Han, and Chewie slowed the engine to an idle. Han shouted that the transponder signal had… vanished. Chewie came about and they backtracked in the direction of their wake, but the island didn’t reappear and the signal remained flat, no matter how far they motored or how widely they circled.

* * *

Han had radioed ahead while he waited for them that morning, so there was a crowd waiting to greet them at the dock. And at the front of the throng…

**“REY!!”**

Rey snatched up her pack and tumbled over the side of the boat, into Finn’s arms. 

“Finn?! How are you here?”

The crowd enveloped them, bumping them around and shifting them, the unwanted elements, toward the back. Finn yelled into her ear, “it’s been an absolute circus around here! Once the local press picked up the story, _‘Kylo Ren Lost at Sea!’_ all the news outlets sent teams. Luke thought he’d died and gone to heaven!”

“You met Luke Skywalker?! I never got the chance!”

He snatched her pack from her grasp, throwing it over his shoulder, and then throwing his arms around her. “Rey, Rey! I’m so glad you’re safe!”

She turned back to look for Ben, who was being assailed on every side by reporters, their microphones shoved up in his face, camera shutters clicking right and left. He swatted away mics, hands, cameras, looking for her among all the bodies, searching for her across the pier. She waved to him, then pointed to Finn at her side, and animatedly mouthed, “THIS IS FINN!” He gave her a thumbs up, shook his head and shrugged disbelievingly, and was swallowed up again by the sea of people.

“Let’s get you inside! You can clean up in my room, and you’ll want some food?”

“Of course!” 

“Wow, Peanut, you look rough.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. I didn’t remember your hair being so long.” He shrugged. “Nothing a five-course meal and a tepid shower won’t solve, am I right?!

She giggled, feeling a little lightheaded, bringing her hand to her forehead and blowing forcefully. He put his arm around her waist, supporting her as they walked down the stairs, toward the main resort building.

“How are you here, Finn?” She gasped, “and how’s Rose?! Are they here? Where’s the baby?!”

He chuckled. “Rose is staying with Paige. And Daisy is… wonderful!” He beamed.

“Proud papa! I’m desperate to see her!”

“Skywalker offered to pay my way to come help with the search.”

She squeezed his shoulders, “It’s so good to see you, Finn, you have no idea.” She started to tear up, but cleared her throat and sniffed.

They stepped through the door, into the cool side entry, and Rey stopped in her tracks, closing her eyes. “Oh! That feels so good!”

“What?”

“Air conditioning!”

He laughed at her, shaking his head. “Come on, I’m this way.”

“Do you have my luggage?”

He stopped and turned to her, “oh, no! They put everything in a storage unit. We’ll have to request it be released to you.”

“I can help with that.”

They turned to see a short, scruffy-looking man, with clear blue eyes, sandy gray hair and a full grizzled beard, wearing a short-sleeved linen button down, baggy cargo shorts, and espadrilles, all in various shades of ecru.

“Luke!” Finn jumped up and down, grabbing Rey’s elbow and dragging her nearer. “This is Rey!”

“You gave us a lot of worry, young lady.”

“Oh. I. I didn’t mean to…”

“We want you to go to the med center to be evaluated overnight; we’re lucky to have such a modern facility right here on the island. You’re welcome to order anything you’d like to eat, I’ve alerted our chef to expect you. You can take that in the dining hall or Finn’s room, whichever you prefer.”

He examined her head to toe. “I’ll also let the clerk in the gift shop know you can pick out some new clothes,” he looked at her feet, “and a new pair of sandals; any cost, anything you want. In fact, I’ll walk over there with you right now.”

The next two hours were a whirlwind. 

She chose an outfit and new sandals at the gift shop, not forgetting a lacy breast band and matching hipsters from a rack in the corner. She almost asked if she could choose some replacement sarongs, too, but then she looked at the price tag on the blouse she had chosen, and choked. 

She took a shower in Finn’s room, which she noted was significantly larger than hers had been. She washed her hair three or four times, just to enjoy the bubbles. As she dressed, she peered down at the shreds of her old clothes on the bathroom floor, practically disintegrating as she watched. 

They laughed and giggled all the way over to the dining hall, where Rey went through the buffet line twice; once while they were waiting for their delicious, gourmet meal, and once more after they had finished their desserts.

Luke had told her he would have a driver ready out front, whenever she was ready to go to the med center, and that he would have her luggage delivered to her room after she checked in. He also said he had office staff busily making flight arrangements for her and Finn, and as long as she was cleared by the medic, they would be able to leave in the morning. She choked at his, but he promised her that the resort wanted to make arrangements with her for an all-expenses-paid return trip, at her convenience. The paperwork would all be slipped into her baggage.

She had mooned over Finn’s photos of sweet little Daisy, while they ate. They roved back to his room so he could pack his things, as he planned to stay with her at the med center. They had assured her this would be no problem, as even the smallest patient rooms had accommodations for fathers to stay when babies were born; so Finn could take advantage of this feature.

While Finn gathered his things and made a quick call to Rose, Rey wandered down the hall toward the lobby, hoping to see Ben. Suddenly, she was toe to toe with Phasma and Bazine! “Oh, hello, I didn’t know Be… K-Kylo’s friends were still here…”

Phasma smiled down at her magnanimously, “yes, dear, we’ve been helping with the search effort. We’re so glad both of you were found safe and sound! But we’ll all be getting back to real life now.”

Bazine sneered down her nose at her, “yes indeed. We’re too thrilled you’re back.”

Rey smiled at her kindly, “I imagine it’s been an unexpected treat for you, to be able to spend extra time with Mitaka. Kylo told me how devoted he is to you.” She squeezed past the two tall, beautiful women, her new sandals sliding along the waxed marble floor. “Will you excuse me, please?”

Phasma called after her, “I’m so glad Kylo was finally able to meet you, dear.” She prattled on to Bazine, as they continued down the hall, “…never stopped talking about her, poor boy.”

While Bazine, for her part, was lost in thought, mumbling, “Mitaka? Dopheld? Whatever was she talking about…? Mitaka? Gwen, do you know…?”

Phasma laughed and rolled her eyes, and the two women turned the corner and moved out of her sight.

She snickered, murmuring, “oblivious…” and spun on her heel, heading for the front desk. She hoped to see Artie or Seymour, before she left.

There were several groups of people milling noisily about the lobby, drinking all the complimentary caf and overflowing the trash receptacles. They must be support crew for the news teams swarming the property.

There was a tall, blonde woman standing at the front desk, eyeing the groups and muttering under her breath at them, as if they had already given her no small amount of trouble. Rey squinted at her nametag. “Hi, Elle, are Seymour or Artie on duty today?”

“Sorry, hon, they both have the day off. Can I help you?”

“Oh. Yes. Luke… Mr. Skywalker, told me he would have a car waiting for me.”

“Sure, hon, that’s Kato, out front.”

Rey looked through the front windows, at a black car waiting at the curb, with a very tall, lanky driver leaning up casually against it, nodding and conversing raucously with everyone who passed.

“Thank you.” She turned back to Elle. “Would it be possible to leave a message for a guest?”

“Sure, hon, you want to write something, I’ll deliver it myself.”

Rey took up a pad of the resort’s paper and wrote a quick note to Ben. 

She folded it in half and wrote “Kylo Ren” on the outside flap. 

“What room is he in, hon?”

“Oh. What room…? I don’t know his room number.”

“Don’t worry, hon, I’ll see it gets to the right place.”

“Thank you!”

Rey turned and wandered back to find Finn, looking down every hall and up every stairwell she passed, wishing she could catch sight of Ben.

As Rey turned the corner down a dark hallway, Elle took up her note, rolled her eyes, and tossed it in the trash.

* * *

“Had quite an adventure, you did. Yeesssss.”

Rey and Finn were trying their hardest not to laugh at the smallest, oldest man they had ever seen. His wrinkly head was bald, and there were tufts of white hair either growing out of his giant ears, or out from behind them; Rey wasn’t quite sure.

“Drink plenty of fluids you must, hmmmmm.” He paced slowly back and forth beside her bed, tapping his pencil on her chart. “And out of the ocean, you must stay! Ooh, hee hee!”

The wizened old doctor hung her chart at the end of her bed, waddled over to her and grasped her wrist, timing her pulse. Satisfied, he nodded his head, took up his walking cane, and doddered out, muttering and laughing to himself.

“Thank you, Dr. Yoda!” Rey called after him.

She and Finn looked at each other, wide-eyed, and couldn’t stop themselves from giggling. Rey snatched one of the pillows and shoved it over her face to muffle her laughter. She wouldn’t insult the kindly old gentleman for all the world.

She leaned back against the elevated head of the bed, gasping and coughing. “Oh my!”

Finn folded out the tiny hide-a-bed in the corner and smoothed the sheets and blankets over the stiff mattress. “I can tell you one thing. This isn’t going to be a more comfortable bed than I had at the resort. That’s for damn sure!”

Rey snorted. “Well, this one will certainly be more comfortable than sleeping on the ground!” But… she sighed. It hadn’t been so bad. No, not so bad at all. 

There was a curt knock at her door, and an orderly popped his head in. “The resort sent your luggage.”

Finn thanked the young man and brought her suitcase in, setting it on the foot of her bed. She stood, unzipping and throwing back the lid. 

The resort had had all her laundry done, and neatly packed all her things. She pulled out her ditty bag and fished around for her brush, then ran it through her hair in bliss.

There was a large envelope, which proved to contain their itinerary for tomorrow, as well as a promissory voucher for her return at a later date. Her phone with the cracked screen, the battery completely dead. There was also a handwritten list made for her by her friends, Jannah, Zorii and Beaumont, including their digital addresses and phone numbers. Maybe Finn would let her send them all a text, later.

She rifled through all the papers. Nothing from Ben.

She set this envelope aside and… oh! Peeking out of the zippered pocket in the top of her suitcase, were two beautiful killisilk sarongs, and she reached in to extract a gorgeous pocketknife. All three were of the highest quality, top of the line; at least one grade above the items she had originally purchased. She stood, holding them with her mouth open in shock.

“Whatcha got there, Peanut?”

She turned to him, in a daze. “These are for you.”

“Thank you!” He bounded over to his bed, and flopped down to pull out the various tools and carefully inspect the latest addition to his extensive collection. “This is really nice!” He popped the firestarter out of its casing, then pushed it back in quickly, to avoid setting off the fire alarm. “How can you afford this?” He chattered away, happily.

She peered into the pocket, hoping there was a note, or… anything. All she could see was a black void, but slid her hand down into the depths, feeling along the bottom edge, just in case… ah! She pulled out a velvet jewelry box. She held it, stared at it, afraid it would disappear if she opened it. 

She pried the lid open and… nestled inside was a handsome pair of earrings, made from the same beautiful, blue and green stone as Padmé’s bracelet; but as she inspected them more closely, she thought the delicate filigree settings and earwire loops weren’t fashioned of silver, but white gold. She held them up to the light, studying the markings in the perfectly paired stone cabochons. The natural pattern was one Ben had chosen deliberately: a deep cobalt field, interrupted only in the center with verdigris and copper whorls, giving the impression of a solitary isle in an azure sea.

She turned and collapsed to the edge of her bed, contemplating the costly baubles; and burst into tears.

* * *

Rey sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed, brushing her hair absentmindedly, only half paying attention to Finn’s stories about the search parties he had participated in.

She interrupted, again. “You’ll let me know, if he sends a message, won’t you?”

He huffed. “Rey. I already told you. Of course I will.”

She pulled elastics out of her bag, arranging her hair by feel, as Finn continued his story. He stopped talking, abruptly, and she glanced over at him, hoping he had been distracted by an incoming message. Instead, he was staring at her, disapprovingly. 

“What?”

“Well, that’s… interesting.”

“What is?”

“I’ll bet it’s all the rage in Coruscant, right?” He snickered, shaking his head. When she still didn’t catch his drift, he indicated her hair, condescendingly.

She reached her hand up… she had twisted it into the three-bun style Ben favored, without thinking.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, embarrassed. She clicked her tongue and stretched her hands up, to pull out the elastics.

He stood and rushed over to her, “Rey!”

Startled, she looked up again, to see what had upset him this time. He stood at her side, inspecting her neck. Oh. She brought up her hand, to cover her throat.

“Peanut…” He snorted disdainfully. “You always jump in too fast, Rey.” He wandered back to his bed, shaking his head incredulously. “You’d think by now you would have learned. You’re always the one that gets hurt.”

She blinked rapidly, trying to prevent any tears from falling; and held her breath for a few seconds. 

She stared at the blinds, drawn over the darkening window. There was nothing she could say, that he would even begin to believe.

* * *

Finn had left her with his phone, while he ran down to the cafeteria, looking for a spot of dinner. Rey’s meal sat on a tray to the side of her bed, and nothing had ever looked more unappetizing.

She clicked the icon on the screen and waited… it was ringing!

_“Skywalker Resort and Spa, Ninian speaking, how may I help you?”_

“Hello! Good evening! I’m trying to reach a guest there!”

_“Room number, please.”_

“No, I don’t know the room number! Please, I need to reach Kylo Ren!”

_“Ma’am, I cannot connect you unless you know the room number. Resort policy.”_

“I was just there, earlier today! I really need to speak with him! Please! This is Rey Niima, the girl who was lost? I’m at the med center now, but I was a guest there. Please!”

_“Very well, let me check our records…”_

“Thank you!” She chewed on her fingernails, waiting.

_“I am sorry miss, but the phone number I am seeing on this call does not match up with our records.”_

“Oh! It’s because my phone isn’t working! I’m calling from a friend’s phone!”

_“Apologies, miss. I am afraid there is nothing I can do.”_

“What about a message, could I leave a…”

With a click, the line went dead.

* * *

She glowered up through the darkling water, her hair floating above her like seaweed, the yellow moonlight filtering down as she sank, deeper and deeper into the green abyss. And still he called for her, again and again, his voice distorted, blurred, garbled. “Rey! REY!!”

She clawed, scrabbled, slogged, finally breaking the murky surface and…

…gasped awake in the dark. “Ah!”

Finn woke at the same moment, disoriented, “what the…?”

There was an uproar, a disturbance, at the nurses’ station, just outside her door. There was the sound of loud grunting, blows landing painfully in soft bellies; chairs scuffing across the floor and bashing into tables.

“Sir! Get down on the floor! Now!”

Another loud scuffle, more chairs crashing. Now a stiff blow, a deep howl of pain, a thump. It sounded as if several security agents had finally overcome a single malefactor, and the racket moved down the hall, the angry voices and scuffing feet fading away.

Rey and Finn stared at each other, more than a little disconcerted.

“I’ll just… go see…” Finn slipped out the door.

A few minutes later, he came back in, “nurse wouldn’t tell me a thing, but the orderly said it was some poor sap, tryna see his baby mama, wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” He snickered. “Too bad her husband was already in the room with her.” He shook his head, straightening the bedclothes and settling back in, grumbling. “Flight’s gonna come early enough, with all this ruckus…”

Rey lay on her back, listening to Finn’s mumbled complaints, then turned to her side, toward the wall, and sobbed into her pillow, so Finn wouldn’t hear.


	33. Five Weeks After

Rey stood outside the glass doors, taking deep breaths and waiting for her heart rate to settle. She had made sure to leave Finn and Rose’s place plenty early, so she wouldn’t have to walk fast and get sweaty for her first day. She had worn the beautiful outfit she had gotten at Skywalker Resort, hopefully it would bring her good luck. She was wearing the fancy underthings too, but no one but her would know that.

Luckily it was only a 10 minute walk for her, to downtown Alderaan. She was going to love working here, right in the heart of the city! Finally, things were going her way! She blew out a slow breath. Don’t jinx it, Niima!

She tugged at the flowing skirt, made sure the blouse was tucked neatly in front, hitched up her rucksack, and with a deep breath, opened the door, and walked in.

She stepped up to the reception desk, and smiled at the young woman there, an adorable girl who looked to be about Rey’s own age, with wavy light brown hair and brown eyes.

“Good morning! I’m Rey Niima, today is my first day!”

“Oh, yes! Great to have you with us! I can show you to your office. You’re on the schedule, but she had something come up, an early morning meeting. I expect she’ll be out any moment, and then you can meet with her as planned.” She stood. “It’s right this way…”

They shared a friendly smile as they walked the few steps across the bright vaulted lobby. “Did you walk in to work?”

“Yes. I’m living in Kijimi right now, with friends.”

“Perfect! So convenient!” She waved Rey through the door ahead of her, into a tiny, bright corner office, all jade glass and white duraplast, with a little L-shaped seating nook, in dove gray velvet. “This office is small, but it’s a great location! You’ll get plenty of sunshine in the morning and it’s not too hot in the afternoon. But if you need to adjust the temperature, the controls are there…” She stood in the middle of the little room and gestured. 

“You can rearrange the furniture if you want, but I’d suggest leaving everything the way it is for a few days, live with it first. You will occasionally be meeting with clients, so I highly recommend keeping things tidy. It was a problem for the last occupant.” She pressed her tongue into her cheek. “What else? Oh, if you want to personalize, put up any decor, you’re welcome to do so, I can show you where we have some hanging hardware that won’t mar the walls.” 

“Hmmm…” She paced around, in a little circle. “There’s a caf machine in the break room, but don’t leave your mug in there, you’ll never see it again. You can leave food in the fridge, but only if you don’t actually want to eat it yourself.” She giggled merrily. “I’ll take you on a complete tour, after your orientation meeting. Restrooms are just there….” She indicated doors at the other side of the airy foyer. She craned her neck to look out at the large double doors, still closed, and tapped her toe, “I wonder how much longer she will be?” She muttered to herself, “getting behind schedule first thing on a Monday, messes me up for the rest of the week…”

She shook herself and turned back to Rey. “Well. You go ahead, make yourself at home. Let me know if you need anything, and I’m sure she’ll be out any minute.” She smiled warmly, extending her hand. “I’m Kaydel Connix, by the way. You can call me Kay. Welcome to _Organa Publishing_!”

Rey smiled broadly, “thank you! I’m so excited!”

Kay stepped out, around the corner to her desk, and Rey grinned, looking around at her new space. This was… amazing! She pulled the chair out from behind the high desk, and hung her rucksack on a metal hook underneath, by her knee. She perched on the chair and adjusted it so her feet would reach the little rest. She opened the flap of her pack and pulled out her mug of pens, mechanical pencils and colorful highlighters, and set it next to the oversized computer monitor. The setup looked brand new, or near enough. Much nicer than her own.

She studied the blank wall behind her chair, and opposite her, the wall with the door; and thought she might even tack up her two worn killisilk sarongs. The fabric was still remarkably sound, and the splash of color might be just the thing. She knew they would be soothing. She took a deep breath. She would have to bring them in tomorrow and see what could be done.

She reached into her pack and brought out a little box. Opened it and carefully removed the white sand dollar, reverently brushing her fingers over it and leaning it up against the base of the monitor. She sighed. This first meeting had to go well. Everything was riding on it. She closed the lid down over the silver bracelet. She had spent a fortune to have it professionally cleaned and the setting adjusted. Hopefully her first paycheck would be transferred before her next credit card payment was due.

She pulled out a blank notebook, selected a mechanical pencil with a clean eraser, and set them neatly with the box, waiting for Ms. Organa to conclude her meeting.

She felt a little queasy. She hadn’t eaten much for breakfast, only a few crackers. She didn’t want her nerves to get the better of her. Her lips felt dry… she fished around in her pack for some lip balm. She closed her eyes and took deep, cleansing breaths, tugging gently at her earrings. Nocoberry flavor. Mmmm…

She patted absentmindedly at her hair. She had twisted it up into the three buns again, but this time with the aid of a mirror. It made her feel calmer… grounded somehow. Finn hated the style, but what did he know? She huffed. She wished she could send him a quick text, but she still hadn’t reactivated her phone. Hierarchy of wants versus needs, and all that.

Suddenly, there was an odd rumbling, and the wall outside Rey’s office door began to shake. A loud, persistent clunking emanated from the foyer, accompanied by a rising frustrated howl; and she heard Kay hoot in surprise. Rey craned to see what was happening: Ms. Organa’s office doors were shaking violently on their hinges, then burst inward, slamming open with a noisy bang. The air in the lobby rushed toward the imploding doors, causing the huge central light fixture to swing precariously from its chain. She could hear Leia’s voice, raised in dismay. Mild dismay, which seemed incongruent with the ferocity of the disturbance so far. 

An eerie silence dragged out for a second, two, then a deep voice boomed: **“WHERE IS SHE?!”**

Ben!

She paled, and gripped the sides of her desk, frozen in panic.

A hand, clad in smart white linen with immaculately manicured nails, extended through the doorway, gesturing in her direction.

She sat up straight, and wheezed.

He burst into the lobby, his thick soled oxfords sliding on the glossy floor, twisting, seeking, hunting; and finally catching sight of her, he stormed her office in a fury. 

In her rapture she had a wild vision he wouldn’t fit through the door, but would ram through with his broad shoulders, sending shattered wood and glass flying in every direction.

He charged in and skidded to a halt, just inside, heaving and panting, clenching his fists at his sides. 

“REY!”

She gaped at him, her mouth opening and closing like a channelfish out of water. She shook her head minutely, glancing nervously behind him at Leia, standing hands-on-hips in the doorway; at Kay’s shocked face peeking around the doorjamb.

“Ben…” She blinked, finally taking a deep breath and really looking at him, in his charcoal slacks and fitted sweater, his hair wild and tossed about his face, his lips parted, waiting for her to say… anything… “Ben, I… right now isn’t a convenient time… I… it’s my first day. I’m supposed to meet with…” her eyes darted back to Leia, not sure what to say, what to do.

 **“CONVENIENT?!”** He drew up to his full, terrifying height; thundering: **“I’ll _kriffing_ MAKE IT _convenient_!!”**

She cleared her throat, sat up and spoke vigorously, “Ben… today is my first day, and I… I have to make a good first impression…”

**“I don’t give _two nerf ticks_ about your first impression!!”**

She reared up, incensed. **“Well, I do, _Benjamin_!”** Her eyes flared and she pounded her fist on the desk, rattling the floor, snorting like an angry bull rancor. **“I NEED this job, bantha brain, and you’re NOT going to kark it up for me!”**

He hunched over, clenching his jaw and working his lips, tensing to do… something.

Leia and Kaydel both took a step back, eyeing him nervously. 

He spun around, pushed past the women, and stalked out the front doors with a crash.

The two ladies stared at Rey, agog.

Leia took a step into her office. “Rey. If you have things… if you and my son have concerns you need to address…”

Rey shook herself and breathed deeply, pressing her fingers against her lips. “No! I need this job! I can’t mess up this opportunity…” she shuddered.

“Honey, your job isn’t in jeopardy. We can meet tomorrow. Kaydel, check my schedule, clear a meeting if you have to, but…”

Rey sobbed, looking up at Leia, “oh no! What did I do?! No! Should I go after him…? I have to go after him!” She reached down to snatch up her pack, when she was interrupted by a reverberating clangor, and Kaydel backed up, wide-eyed, against the wall just outside her office. Leia pressed closer to the wall, too; both of them nervously eyeballing… someone… who was stumping determinedly toward her door.

He swept through the doorway, furious, his clenched hand raised, pointing at her.

 **“NO! You listen to me, you moof milker!”** He worked his jaw. **“I _promised you_ I would always come back for you, and I’m here!”** He stood, roiling like a dark sea. **“Scream at me, hit me, kiss me, but _talk to me, Rey!_ Come out from behind that damned desk!”**

He would brook no refusal. She peeped back at Leia, at Kaydel’s pale face, and squared her shoulders. Slid off her chair and stood. She pressed her fingers against her lips, swallowing. Stepped around the corner of her desk, breathing shallowly, ticking her head, blinking rapidly, two tears pooling and spilling over, running down her cheeks. 

In a sudden flurry of movement, she bent and snatched the tiny wastebasket up to her face, and savagely retched up her breakfast.

She spit, clamped her lips, and lowered the little bin, holding it in front of herself like a shield. 

Leia leaned back and whispered something to Kaydel, who scurried away.

“I’m not sick.” Rey’s eyes darted between Leia and Ben, horrified. “After I throw up, I feel fine.”

Leia’s face lit up, just as Kay scooted back through the doorway, handing a chilled bottle of water to Leia and backing out again, her eyes wide, her lips pursed, fading around the corner and out of Rey’s sight.

Leia stepped up to Ben’s side and thunked the bottle into his chest, holding it there until he slowly brought his hand up, in a daze, to take it.

“You two kids take as much time as you need.” She pointed to Ben, then to Rey, humming with barely suppressed glee.

She stepped out of the office, pulling the door shut behind her. Just before it snapped closed, Rey heard a little squeal. Leia’s voice carried through the door, as she clicked briskly across the polished floor, hollering excitedly, “Poe Dameron! Stop gossiping and get Han on the phone! I’ll take it in my office! NOW!”

* * *

Ben sat on Rey’s little office loveseat, with her in his lap. He cracked open the waterbottle and handed it to her, locking his hands around her waist and settling back more comfortably.

She took a couple swigs, swishing out her mouth, and swallowing. Wiping her lips. Looking at him askance.

“I don’t understand… what just happened…”

She cleared her throat. “You remember you told me you’d never had a woman tell you her period is late?”

“Yeah…?”

“Ben. My period is late.”

His hands trembled against her hip. He shook his head, his eyebrows knitting together frantically, his mouth dropping open. “What?”

“I’m pregnant.”

He carped and huffed, “Rey, I…” He chuffed and grumbled, “Rey! If we were still on the island…!”

“If we were still on the island, I would have already given birth. I could be pregnant again!” She grinned.

“Are you _joking_ about this?! This isn’t funny!” He grabbed at her biceps, kneaded at her hip. “How long have you known?”

“I did a test this morning. I’ve been getting sick in the mornings, for a few days now.”

 _“How did this happen?!”_ He blustered and ranted for a few moments, then looked up at her, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re not on the island anymore, so I guess apologizing is allowed. But it’s not necessary. It came as quite a shock to me, too.” She traced her fingers along his clean-shaven jaw and up into his neatly trimmed hair. “But as to _how_ it happened, I think I know. Beyond the obvious, of course.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Remember you told me that Padmé indicated she wasn’t having normal periods, while she was on the island?”

“Yes…”

“Do you remember how many periods she said she had?”

“I think she said three.”

“Right. And how long was she on the island?”

“It was over four years…!”

“No. I mean, in real time, how long was she on the island?”

“It was… it was… oh no! It was three months!”

“Right. I had my period a few days after I arrived on the island, and ovulation generally happens two weeks after the period starts.”

“Kriff. In real time, we were on the island for two weeks.”

“Yup. We couldn’t have timed it better if we’d tried.”

He chuckled, then froze. “Wait.” He started shaking. “Wait!” He grabbed her hip and her knee, yanking her more securely into his lap. “All that time! All those months! We could have been making love that whole time and you wouldn’t have gotten pregnant?!”

Her jaw dropped. “ _That’s_ your takeaway?!” 

“Yes! That is the salient point here! All those months I wanted you, all those days and weeks I denied myself, we could have been…”

She leaned back, eyeing him. “Oh really?”

“Well, we could have.” He stuck out his lip, sulking. “Eight-and-a-half months I waited!”

“Technically, it was only two weeks, Ben.”

He wrapped his arms tightly around her. “Two weeks! Eight months! Time is all confused! The last five weeks have been torture, Rey! It felt like twenty months, and I can’t do that again!” His voice got louder and louder, his face reddening. He closed his eyes and took several breaths through his nose. “Could we leave? Could your first day be tomorrow?”

“Your mother did offer to meet with me tomorrow… anyway, I doubt she‘s going to be a stickler about it, since she knows I’m carrying her grandchild.”

“You told her?!”

“I didn’t tell her, Ben. But she knows.”

* * *

Ben took the rucksack from Rey’s hands, “you’re still hauling this old thing around?” and hefted it up onto his shoulder. “I hope you added a sewing kit.”

She tossed her head. “It is still perfectly serviceable! Anyway, I don’t have money for luxuries. I wasn’t kidding when I said I need this job.” She picked up the jewelry box and took Ben’s hand.

As they walked over to Leia’s office, they could hear her talking boisterously through the partially open door:

_“I don’t care!” –_

_“You get back to town right away, Han! Things are happening and you’re not going to ditch out on us again, do you hear me!” –_

_“You make it happen, or so help me…!” –_

Ben knocked at the door.

_“I mean it!” –_

_“I love you too, laser brain!” –_

She called out, “come in!”

Ben pushed the door open and let Rey enter before him. 

“Ms. Organa?”

“Please, call me Leia.”

“Okay, um… Leia. I am sensible of what a great opportunity this job is for me. But, I… I wonder if you would mind terribly if I start tomorrow?”

“Of course not, dear. Kaydel already rescheduled our meeting: same time tomorrow.”

“Thank you!” She bit her lip. “I am quite relieved about one thing. I was prepared to spend a considerable amount of time today, begging you to give me your son’s phone number!”

Ben whipped his head around, “what?!”

Leia chuffed. “Well then things worked out for the best, because I can’t tolerate groveling. Isn’t that right, Ben?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “We’re leaving now. But we have something for you…”

“Oh?”

Rey took her pack, and handed the box to Ben. He went and knelt by his mother’s knee, and pulled back the lid.

Her eyes and mouth opened wide, and she stared in disbelief, taking the box into her hands. “How did you… where did you…?”

Ben chuckled and stood. “We’ll talk soon, mother.”

* * *

Rey swung her legs into the passenger side of Ben’s car and brushed her hand along the black leather upholstery, while he closed the door and got in on the driver’s side, starting the ignition.

“This is really nice!”

“It’s my one indulgence.”

She studied him. “It’s so strange to see you…” she waved her hands, indicating him, his car, everything, “doing things… wearing clothes…”

He eyed her baldly, head to toe, in a way that made her want to adjust the temperature controls.

“Where are we going?”

“My place?”

Her breath hitched. “Okay.”

“By way of the grocers. If I want to win you over, I’ll need food in the house.”

“Is it far?”

“No, only about twenty minutes. Where have you been living?” 

“I’ve been staying with Finn and Rose, and the baby, in Kijimi.”

“Oh. That’s convenient to the office.”

“Yes, I walked to work today, it only took about ten minutes.”

He split his attention between the traffic and her, smiling shyly. “You are so beautiful.”

She swooned, “I nearly passed out, when you burst into the lobby! You looked so wild and handsome!”

He reached over and took her hand, twining their fingers together. “I love your hair like that.”

She snickered, “I can’t do it as well as you, even after practicing all these weeks!”

“What else have you been up to?”

“Besides re-learning how to style my own hair?” She hummed. “Applying for jobs, and… trying to contact you.”

“You have?”

“Oh, yes! I think every secretary, receptionist and clerk at _First Order Publishing_ has blacklisted me and blocked Finn’s phone; I can’t get through at all, any more. I tried several times, just clicking randomly through the phone system. I think I actually spoke to Mr. Snoke himself, once! You’ll be glad to know that they take privacy very seriously at _First Order_ , and none of them were willing to give out your contact information, or even transfer me to a voice mail. Apparently I am not the first rabid fan of yours to try to get through to you.

“I also called every literary agent on the holonet with a last name that starts with an ‘A’ because that was all I could remember of what you told me of yours. You’ll also be glad to know that none of them gave out your contact information, or even claimed you as a client.”

Ben chuckled. “I’m not sure if I should be pleased or offended.”

“On a positive note, I have several leads for an agent. Including one sports agent, because I got a little loopy while making phone calls.” She shifted her rucksack, at her feet. “But didn’t you get my note, Ben?”

“Where did you leave a note?”

“At the resort. I was expecting you to call Finn’s number. He wanted to throttle me, I kept asking him.”

He parked outside the grocers, turned off the car, and twisted in his seat. “No, sweetheart, I didn’t get a message. There were so many reporters harassing me, it could have just gotten lost in the jumble.” He wiped his hand down his face. “What a joke that was!”

She snickered. “You didn’t believe me, but I know about your fans! They’re crazy!”

* * *

Ben pushed a wheeled cart around the store, walking briskly and throwing in anything he thought might please her. Heavy on the baked goods. “I looked for you, too.”

She beamed, “you did?”

“Yes. My efforts included a night in jail.”

“Um. What?”

“Things got a little… sketchy… at the med center.”

She froze, staring, then stumbled after him when he continued down the aisle. “That was you? I had a dream you were calling for me, and when I woke up we could hear a scuffle at the nurses’ station. I didn’t know it was you…” 

“I met Plutt.”

“You did?”

“I thought I might have better luck intimidating him in person.”

She laughed. “Plutt doesn’t give anything to anyone, without money trading hands.”

“That is the method I employed, though I did consider others. The number he gave me was not in service.”

“Oh. It could actually be the right number, Plutt would have no compunction either way. I haven’t had the money to reactivate my phone.”

“I wanted to kill him.”

She laughed, but then she caught a glimpse of his expression, and realized he wasn’t kidding. Not at all. “Why?”

“I found myself face to face with someone from your past. Someone that mistreated you. I would have felt no remorse.”

She tucked her hand around his elbow.

He offered her a choice of two cracknut butters, smooth or chunky. Smooth, of course. She picked up a jar of her favorite brand of brula jelly and dropped that in, too.

Ben chose a bottle of white wine. 

“I can’t drink that. You did hear me mention something about that, right?”

He winked. “It’s for cooking.”

As they made their way to the fresh produce, she queried, “have you been able to start work on your book?”

“No. I haven’t been sleeping well. I can’t focus on anything.”

She threaded her fingers up into the back of his hair, and he closed his eyes and shivered. 

He worked his way around the various stands, picking out a couple of plump shuura, a bunch of tender jandarra spears, and a clump of bright balka greens; as well as several other interesting fruits and vegetables she had never tried before. “I went back to the island.” 

She choked. “You did?”

“Yes, with Luke.”

“And? How was it?”

“Terrible. I saw you everywhere, heard your voice, your laughter in every echo. The nights were torture. He is a horrible travel companion; but I knew that before. Luckily we only stayed four days.”

“Really? How did that work?”

“We learned that you can leave any time, as long as you have a mode of transportation. It’s only the entry window that is limited. The transponder signal registers for about 3 hours. It was the damnedest thing. We got to the island in the morning, spent four days and three nights, and got back to the resort in the afternoon of the day we left.”

“Did he hire you as a consultant?”

“Of sorts. He is exploring the viability of creating a couple’s retreat there. He may be interested in your input as well. It’s just beginning stages now.”

“Does that mean we will get to test out the facilities as they are created?!”

“That isn’t what I discussed with him, but now you mention it… good idea!”

They transferred the bags from the cart to his car.

“I’d love to go back with you, Ben.”

He closed the trunk with a firm ‘whump’. “We have unfinished business there. So you can count on it, sweetheart.”

* * *

He pulled up in front of a dark bungalow, with thick vines growing over the small porch. The yard was tiny but impeccably tended. 

They brought all the groceries up to the entry, and Ben fumbled with his keys. She looked out at the other homes on the street. “This looks like a nice, quiet neighborhood.”

“Yes, it’s been ideal for writing. Most of my neighbors are retirees.” He opened the door and stood aside to let her enter.

The interior was dark rubbed wood, burnished steel and raw linen. He flipped on lights as he moved toward the kitchen, but Rey gaped at the first thing that caught her eye. Her sea monster was installed on dark pegs, behind the black leather couch. Ben took the groceries from her wrists, puffing a laugh into her hair as he observed her fascination. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving! As always!” 

His voice echoed from the next room. “Just give me a minute.”

She set her pack at the side of the couch, and was startled to see that Ben had retrieved their keg, and had it made into a side table, by adding a thick plate of glass to the top. She crouched down to study it more closely, then twisted around to sit on the sofa. 

Looking back at the front wall now, she stood in wonder, and took a step closer, then another; raising her hand toward...

He walked into the room, setting something on the coffee table and stepping up closely behind her.

“These are… this is… how did you…?” She took another step, and almost touched…

It was Padmé’s scratches, the stone cut out in a single slab and secured to the wall.

“Luke agreed it should be preserved, since renovations to the cave would most likely damage or obfuscate the stone.”

She turned toward him, dumbfounded. Just beyond him, she noticed now, on the same wall as the surf board, he had used the leathery shell to have a light fixture made. She pointed, “that’s… that’s the…”

He turned to see what she was looking at, “yes, the gampassa shell.”

“Oh, is that what it’s called?” She snickered. “You have been busy!” 

“I found I didn’t want to let anything go.” 

Rey didn’t mention her order at the framers, waiting for her to pick it up. She had requested the serving forks be mounted in a shadow box. The finished product might look right at home in this room, as a matter of fact…

She looked down at the coffee table and hopped excitedly over to the couch. “Ben!”

He had made her two cracknut butter and brula jelly sandwiches, on white bread, with the crusts neatly cut away. She picked up a plate and took a large bite, closing her eyes to fully experience the flavor. “Well, this is better than mine. And that’s the best recipe in my arsenal, so…”

He chuckled and sat next to her, taking up the other plate and joining her. 

She finished her sandwiches and drank whatever he had offered her; it was mildly sweet and delicious.

“Did you only remove Padmé’s marks?”

“No. Ours are in the… other room.”

“Mmm.” Now that she wasn’t hungry, the reality of being here, with Ben, hit her like a ton of bricks, and her heart started to race. 

He took her glass and set it on the table. “Do you want to see?” He stood, and offered her his hand.

She set her trembling fingers in his and let him draw her up. He didn’t move back from her as she rose, and he stood very close, gazing into her eyes. He looked almost as nervous as she felt.

After a few moments, he turned and led her down a short hall, to his bedroom. He flipped the light switches and let her enter first. The dark curtains were drawn. This room was decorated similarly to the rest of the house, in dark fabrics, rough linen, burnished metals and rubbed wood. He had a compact writing area set up in one corner, with a comfortable looking, over-stuffed armchair, the companion to the couch in the front room.

She didn’t allow her regard to settle on the large bed, only registering that it didn’t look as if it had been slept in, recently. There was a full glass of water and a bottle of prescription pills on the nightstand.

She stepped farther in and turned, searching; and there, on the wall with the door… their marks. Carved from the cave and transported here in one piece. 

She studied it a very long time. At first transfixed and lost in thought, but as the moments ticked by she became more and more aware of the man standing behind her, and her pounding heart.

She heard him step closer. He tentatively grasped her upper arms, drawing her back into his chest, bringing his nose to her neck and breathing. She could feel his smile stretching against her skin.

“You smell wrong.”

She snorted and leaned her head softly against his. “Mmm. I’ve been using soap, Ben.”

He rubbed his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply. “It’s still there. If I concentrate.”

She turned her head slightly, trying to catch his eye. “What is?”

“Nocoberry… muja… earth, and sunshine.”

He rubbed his palms up and down her arms, smoothing the soft silk of her blouse against her skin. She closed her eyes to savor the sensation.

He whispered into her ear, “I used to hate laundry day.” She huffed a breathy laugh. “Because I knew you were bare beneath those scarves.” 

He reached up and tugged at her hair, removing the lowest elastic, separating and combing through that section gently with his fingers.

“The noises you would make when you ate!” She clicked her tongue. “I used to crave them, and dread them…” He stepped closer to her, pressing up against her rump and giving her some clue as to the nature of his discomfiture. 

He removed the second elastic, ruffling her hair in a cascade, sweeping it back behind her shoulders. His fingers brushed her earlobes and he made a little humming sound as he noticed she was wearing the earrings he had given her.

He set his large hand against her abdomen, pressing her back against him, the heat from his palm radiating through the light fabric of her blouse and skirt. 

“That day we went surfing! I could see right through your clothes!” She blew, indignantly. “My only worry was how I was going to get you into the water, so I could see your nipples pressing against the wet fabric!” He chuffed. “Every time I wiped out, it was because I would catch a glimpse of you, half naked in the sun!”

He removed the last elastic and draped her hair to one side, then the other, out of his way, brushing his fingers below her ears and plucking at the neckline of her blouse. He pressed his lips at the juncture between her shoulder and her neck, making a rumbling, humming sound that vibrated and tingled down her spine.

“Your freckles! That day walking back from the cistern! I wanted to throw you to the ground and lick every…” he touched his tongue to her skin, “single…” he reached around, popping open the top button of her shirt and dragging the fabric away from her collarbone, pressing his lips to the freckles he revealed, “one.”

Her head lolled over, allowing him greater access. He brought his hand up again and slowly released the next button, skimming his fingers inside, reaching the lacy edge of her breast band and sliding beneath, circling her firm nipple. She whined.

He dragged his fingers out, to her displeasure, but brought up his other hand and gave similar treatment to the other breast. “That night you were drunk! Gods, Rey! I knew I could have you!” She gasped as he softly pinched her nipple. “Every time you set your legs over mine, my shirt barely covering you, in the hot spring! Only the slightest movement, and I could have touched you, could have made you come.”

She moaned, bringing her hand up, burying her fingers in his hair. He brought his hands to her hips, first pulling her against him, then, pushing at her gently, turning her.

Facing her, he suddenly seemed to remember himself, embarrassed. “Is this okay?”

She smiled, dragging one hand into his hair, bringing the other to grapple at the waist of his slacks. “You can’t bully me into anything I don’t want, Benjamin. Now stop talking and get your clothes off.”

He drew his lower lip between his teeth. “If I’d known I was going to see you today, I would have cleaned up the place. Sorry about the mess.”

“I don’t see any mess.” She grinned. “But I’d be happy to help you make one.”

He set his hand at the back of her skull and angled his face to her, touching his lips to hers hesitantly at first, but quickly gaining momentum and confidence at her enthusiastic reaction. She scraped her fingernails down his ear, then up the back of his head, her other hand slipping under his sweater, kneading at his back, then down and squeezing the curve of his backside. 

He leaned back and together they worked at her buttons, the scrap of silk floating to the floor. He gasped at the sight of her, brushing his fingers along the creamy lace, slipping his fingers under the straps and sliding them off her shoulders, kissing her collarbones, her shoulders, her throat. Tugging her breasts free and plucking at her nipples.

She reached behind and unsnapped the clasp, dropping the lacy snip without another thought. She scraped her fingers along his belly, pulling up the hem of his sweater. He grasped at the neck, dragging it off, and she brought her palms to his chest, rubbing at his nipples with her thumbs.

He brought his hands around her back, crushing her to him, her arm curled around his head, their kisses a turmoil of tongues, teeth, lips.

She worked at his slacks, unable to riddle out the fastening, urging, “I need you, Ben!”

His fingers made quick work of the clasp, pushing the dark fabric down, leaving him in his black trunks. She grasped at the waistband, shoving them down, palming at him, gripping with a little tug and a twist, as he grunted and toed off his shoes, kicking everything aside. He snatched at her wrists, bringing her hands above her head and grasping them in one hand together. 

He brought his other hand behind her back, kissing her and drawing her toward the bed, the back of his knees bumping against the mattress. 

He fumbled with the closure of her skirt; it finally popped free and she kicked off her flats as he pushed the fabric over her hips, releasing her hands and bringing his own to her waist, dragging his fingers along the lace covering her bottom, up and down, farther along the scalloped edges with each pass. Then sliding his fingers under the elastic and tugging down. She brought her hands down to assist, shimmying slightly until the lacy slip fell to the floor. 

She threw her arms around him, kneading at his back, his buttocks, bringing her hand around to grip him again, but before she could get a hold he tore his lips from hers, seized her around the knees and shoulders, and lifted her, twisting, and tossed her onto the bed. 

She sprawled out in a most undignified manner, panting, wheezing and licking at her stinging lips, her knees falling wide, open to his burning regard.

He pulled off his socks, then crawled toward her, slowly, teasing, provoking; nudging her knees farther apart, pausing to kiss at her breasts, but finally resting above her, his weight on his elbows. Licking and kissing up her throat as she writhed beneath him, whining and moaning. 

She reached between them, uncertainly stroking, detecting her own readiness and, satisfied with what she found, gently bumped him into place.

He brought one hand to her nape, leaning to one hip and bending his knee under her thigh, kissing her, groaning into her mouth as he pushed forward.

She turned her head, gasping, humming, her hand at his hip, pulling him to her, her heel pressing against his flexing muscles.

Fully seated, he rested and they both fought for breath. He raised his head to look at her, brushed her hair back from her neck, his lips following, kissing her at her throbbing pulse, her jaw, her lips. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she opened her mouth to him, intoning breathily and arching her back, begging for movement.

He withdrew, then slowly pressed forward, again and again, gradually gaining speed and force until she dug her heels against the backs of his thighs, gripping his back, his hip, a low sob catching in her throat. She seized at him, pulsing around him, arching her neck and shuddering, twitching, her cries swallowed up with his as he brought his lips to hers, devouring, consuming, glutting himself on her sweetness. 

Finally he shivered, rearing up with a low howl, grunting, shaking and pulsating with her, quivering and vibrating; trembling and slowly lowering his head to her shoulder, resting his weight on his elbows and hips, his arms around her; he collapsed in an organized heap, trying not to smash her.

They both inhaled roughly, catching their breath. She ran her fingers through his hair, brushing the sticky strands from his neck, back from his ears, as he snuzzled his nose into her. 

“Am I squashing you?”

“Just a little.”

He shifted up, pulling from her and eliciting one last shiver and moan. He lay at her side, tucking her into his chest.

“I’ll be right back.” She pulled away reluctantly, and darted into his bathroom, cleaning up a little and smelling his soap, his shaving cream. Upon her return, she hesitated by the light switches, and at his nod she flipped them all down, then snuck back into his embrace where he wrapped his arms around her, shifting her this way and that until he was satisfied with her placement; and after only two or three minutes he snored softly, finally content and at peace with her in his arms.

* * *

She lay in the darkened room, staring up at the ceiling, listening to Ben’s slow breathing. She would be thrilled to stay right there, indefinitely; forever. But… she was hungry again. 

She slid quietly off of the mattress, feeling around on the floor and coming up with Ben’s sweater. She stepped out into the hall and pulled the door almost closed, then bunched the soft fabric at her nose and inhaled. He didn’t smell like onions anymore, but she could still catch the scent of wild mint.

She drew it over her head, pushed the sleeves up over her elbows, and padded into the kitchen. 

This room was dissimilar from the rest of the house, as if it was the last on a list, still waiting to be renovated. The appliances, the counter, the deep enamel sink, were all white. A vintage chrome table with an opalescent top and two red chairs sat under a white-curtained window. She couldn’t imagine Ben purchasing the set; it must have been donated by a friend or been left in the house.

She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of juice Ben had offered her earlier, then opened cupboard doors until she found a glass, and poured herself a generous portion. Then she rummaged through the various packages on the counter to find the blossom bread she had been craving since she saw Ben add it to the cart earlier. She pulled out one soft, sticky bun and bit into it, in ecstasy. 

She wandered over to inspect the table more closely. The set was in pristine condition. Hmm. Maybe she didn’t know everything about Ben Solo, quite yet. She swallowed the last bite of her pastry and curled her sticky fingers.

There was a large moving box, taking up half of the table. She leaned up against the table’s edge and went up on her tiptoes, to fold down one box flap and peer inside.

She had just recognized the faded green paint of the buoy and a riot of multicolored plastic bricks, when to her utter surprise a warm body pressed up against her rump, and she squeaked. She brought her hand to her chest. “Oi! You’re always sneaking up on me!”

His hand snaked around her waist and he pressed more firmly against her. “Snooping, are we?”

“You brought back the gōlēs after all!”

“Mmm hmm.” He swept her hair to the side and kissed behind her ear

“I was just getting a snack.” She held up her sticky fingers for his appraisal and he took her by the wrist and brought her fingers to his mouth, gently licking each one clean.

“I could use a snack.” He pressed his hand lower, drawing her against him.

“Oh? I saved you some blossom bread.”

He leaned back from her slightly and tugged the back of his sweater up, over her bottom, and ground up against her. “I think I’ll just stick with what I’ve got right here. It looks delicious.”

He bunched up the fabric in front and brought his hands underneath, to her breasts. She arched her back and tossed her hair to the side, then curved her arms over her shoulders, tangling her fingers in his hair, as he kissed and sucked at her neck.

He gently tweaked at her nipples and moved one hand lower, using his long fingers to best advantage.

She planted her palms firmly against the table top; he planted his palms firmly at her hips. 

And the curtains quaked and shivered in a steady rhythm.

* * *

She guessed it was mid-afternoon, but there was no clock and the curtains kept the room quite dark. He murmured to her to make sure she was awake, then reached over and turned on the lamp on his side, and sat up a bit against the pillows, reaching for her. She leaned up against his chest, stroking his ribs, his arms, any scars within her reach, and sighed.

He rubbed her back, her shoulders, stroking at her hair and resting his chin against the top of her head. “You will marry me, won’t you?”

She chortled, “I thought you’d never ask!”

“Can we go get your things? I can’t face another night without you, Rey.”

She clucked, “Finn and Rose are sure to disapprove.” She looked up at him, “I’m not sure how to explain it, are you?”

“Mmm. I don’t care. We should get married this weekend… today! I want everyone to know that I am yours, and you are mine!”

Her chin wobbled. “I’ve never belonged to anyone.”

“You belong with me. We belong together. Rey, I want you with me always. Please.” He brushed the tears from her cheeks.

She smiled up at him with watery eyes. “As long as the ‘cantankerous shrew’ clause is still on the table, I’m in.”

He chuckled and twined his fingers with hers, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing the inside of her wrist.

She settled against him, blissfully satisfied. “Were you discussing a contract with your mother today?”

“Hmm?”

“Is that why you were there?”

“Oh. No. I will still have to fulfill my contract with _First Order_ , before I can even consider… no. That’s not why I was there.”

“Oh. Well I’m glad, your relationship with them seems to be improved.”

“Yes. I’ve met with them several times, for caf, or for lunch. They haven’t understood why I’ve been so… troubled… anxious… overwrought. It’s always been my nature to navigate things alone. If I had said something, she would have told me that you were going through the process of gaining employment with _Organa_ , and I could have connected with you sooner.

“That’s what happened today. It became clear to my mother that I was… extremely serious about… someone… and as she pressed me about it… I finally explained that I hadn’t been able to find you, and she told me she was supposed to be meeting with you at that very moment, that she was certain you were already in the building, waiting to meet with her!”

She snickered. “And then all hell broke loose!”

“Mmm.”

She wrapped her arms around him, shaking with laughter. “Well, I’m glad you finally brought it up with her, then.”

“There was no way to get around it.”

“Oh?”

“No. I had asked her to meet with me, because she had offered me my grandmother’s ring. Padmé’s wedding ring. She had told me I could have it, when I had someone to give it to.”

She choked and coughed, pulling back from him and looking at him with wide eyes. “Is that so?”

“Yes. I had decided that I wanted to be prepared. When I found you.”

She brushed her fingers under her eyes, sniffing, sitting up cross-legged, facing him, and clutching the sheet to her chest. “It usually pays to be prepared.”

He chuckled. “Yes. I learned that from you, sweetheart.” He flopped over slantwise, reaching to the floor, grunting and stretching for his pants, which he finally snagged with a huff. She scrabbled her fingernails over his pale buttock, which action he protested with a yelp. He clambered quickly back up to the bed and sat, eyeing her charily; feeling through the pockets and drawing out a small antique jewelry box. He smirked, somewhat apologetically. “Should we do this now? Or would you rather have clothes on?”

She tittered. “We’ll have to agree on an official story to tell everyone else. Including our children.” She winked. “And your parents. But…” she bounced and grinned happily, “now is good!”

He smiled, soaking in her delight, sitting up taller and bunching the sheet over his hips. He opened the black velvet box, tipping it toward her in the low light, revealing a large, round cut garnet in a knurly, gold bezel setting.

“If you don’t like it, we could have it reset…”

“Oh! I love it! It’s beautiful, Ben!”

He set the box aside, then slipped the ring on her finger. It was just a little loose.

“Perfect! When my fingers get swollen, I’ll still be able to wear it!”

He shook his head, laughing and taking a lunge at her, grabbing her by the shoulders and dragging her over sideways, twisting under and rolling, bringing her to rest against him. She lay her hand against his chest, admiring the ring and leveling her hand this way and that to catch the light; red glints and flares sparking and flashing.

“I love it, Ben. And I love you.”

“It’s just us, now.”

“And together we will…” She blinked. “Well, I don’t know, exactly.”

He brushed her hair back from her temples, ran his thumb along her lower lip. “So long as we’re together, we’re on the right path.”


	34. Epilogue

Rey leaned forward, reaching behind, plumping up the pillows behind her and scooching back a little, to get into a more comfortable position. She switched the datapad off, set it on the nightstand, and sighed, closing her eyes. A little foot was wedged right under her rib, kicking, kicking. She whispered, “you know, you’ll be much more comfortable once you join us on the outside.” She pressed her fingers against her swollen belly, and the little foot shifted slightly. 

She was two days past her due date. 

Ben swept in briskly, holding a glass of her favorite juice, and a cracknut butter and brula jelly sandwich, which he set on the nightstand.

“How are you feeling?” He knelt at her side, resting one hand on her belly, the other grasping her fingers and bringing them to his lips. 

She closed her eyes and hummed. There was no point in complaining, he already knew she was miserable and ready to have this little one make his appearance. 

He brushed his hand down to her calf, pulling up the hem of her long dress slightly to assess the situation. “Your poor ankles!” He rubbed at her legs and feet, soothing the skin and flexing her toes.

She pulled away slightly, embarrassed. “I haven’t been able to shave my legs for more than two weeks!”

He looked down at her legs. “You know I don’t care either way, sweetheart.” He bent and kissed her toes, brushing his fingers lightly up her shin. “Brings back happy memories.”

She giggled softly. “Moof milker!” She buried her fingers in his hair. 

“What did Dr. Kalonia say?”

“I’m dilated to a 3, but contractions haven’t gotten going yet. She recommended induction, if I don’t go into labor by tomorrow morning.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. “She gave me some recommendations for you, to get things moving.”

“For me?”

“Umm hmm.” She bit her lip. “Nipple stimulation. Orgasms. Semen is supposed to help soften the cervix.”

His eyes widened as she spoke. “Ah. Sounds intriguing.” He dragged his hand up past her knee and squeezed gently. “Whatever I can do to help.” He kissed her collarbone. 

She heaved a breath and shifted uncomfortably. “He’s been kicking me all morning!”

Ben brought his lips near her belly and started to sing.

_Ma keela, ma freykaa._

_Pika, nio gesu feen eskaa'lia._

_Ma keela, ma freykaa._

_Eswok ri na kag, ya hiko._

_Kaa'lia._

Rey pressed on her stomach, breathing deeply, her eyes closed in relief. “I don’t know how you do that. Works every time.”

He chuckled, kissing her bump and massaging gently.

There was a stirring in the bed to her side, and suddenly a dark, sleep-mussed head popped up.

“Daddy!”

She leaned her little hands heavily on Rey’s tummy, standing and bouncing excitedly. Rey grunted.

Ben stood and snatched her up, smoothing her fine, wavy hair. “Hi Shorty! Were you good for Mommy today?”

She squeezed him around the neck, kissing him again and again. 

It was possibly the most adorable thing Rey had ever seen, and she gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth.

“Come on Mémé, let’s go brush your hair, then I’ve got a sandwich for you too. Let’s let Mommy eat in peace.”

“I don’ yike cwust, Daddy!”

“Daddy knows we don’t like crust, Padmé. Eat your lunch, sweetie. Gammi and Grumpy will be here soon to get you.”

Ben swung around, looking at Rey. “Is her bag ready, or do I need to gather anything?”

“It’s all set, by the front door. She’ll just need her shoes.”

He walked back to Rey, and bent for a lingering kiss.

Padmé hooted, pounding on his shoulder.

He chuckled, “alright! Lunchtime for my girls!”

* * *

She set her datapad aside again, when she heard Han’s grumbly voice at the door. She listened to their banter in the next room; Leia and Ben, Han and Padmé. 

Funny, Han wasn’t as enthusiastic about his ‘research expeditions’ these last three years. He wheeled slowly up to the bedroom doorway, peeking around the corner. 

“Come in!”

He pushed up next to the loveseat where Rey was ensconced, with Padmé snuggled up on his knees. “Talk to your mother.”

She crawled over to Rey’s lap, though there wasn’t much left to deserve the name, and stood on the cushion by her leg, hugging her around the neck. 

“I’ll see you soon, Mémé. Grumpy and Gammi will bring you to see the baby, hopefully tomorrow.”

She leaped back into Han’s arms, and he settled her, then rolled out to the hall. 

“I don’ yike babies, Gwumpy.”

“Me neither, kid. Me neither.”

* * *

She paced around the little seating nook, tapping her finger against the datapad. This chapter just wasn’t flowing, and she was running out of time! She huffed. It might have to wait a few weeks. Ben was already a chapter ahead, that stinker! She clicked her tongue and carried on with her pacing.

The ink wasn’t dry on her contract with _Organa_ , and Ben was set to finalize his agreement in probably two weeks, after things had settled with the baby.

Their first project would be a collaboration, a series, and they’d already been working on it for months, brainstorming ideas, plotlines, character arcs; but this chapter! 

She saved her work and closed the file, setting the datapad into her little suitcase, while the baby stretched and bumped into her liver. Ugh!

Ben swept around the doorway and suddenly howled, hopping around, “frizz! Damn gōlēs!”

She laughed, “but the eye-hand coordination! The spatial planning, Ben!”

He picked up the little brick and tossed it into the coiled rope toy basket by the dresser. “The only planning I want to do right now is to figure out how to get you into a compromising position.” He walked up to her and grasped her by the upper arms, embracing her and kissing her, with a little more warmth than Rey thought was suitable, given the situation. 

He kissed her lips, her jaw, her throat, then nipped at her earlobe.

Rey closed her eyes to savor the experience. They wouldn’t be able to make love again for several weeks. She ran her knuckles up and down the shells of his ears, kneaded at his shoulders. She laughed, “you smell like onions!”

He chuckled, coming up for air, “I know how much you like it so I rub one behind my ear every morning.”

“Mmm. You always smell so good. So delicious…”

He pinched gently at her peaked nipples and she moaned.

Fine. If he was serious, she could get serious, too.

* * *

She fastened the tie on her surplice maxi dress and combed through her damp hair. Ben stepped up behind her and plaited it, into a loose braid at her nape. He kissed her, just behind her ear.

“Did you work the phones today?”

“Yes, they were a little short-staffed again, so I logged on so they could transfer calls over for about an hour or so.”

“You did tell them you wouldn’t be able to help out for a few weeks, didn’t you?”

She tittered, “they know today was my last availability for a while! But it’s so fun! People are always so confused about the cost! They can’t figure out why a 2-night stay with an Island Rider is so expensive! And of course I can’t actually _say_ ‘space time continuum’ or ‘time vortex,’ but word of mouth is really a miraculous thing!” She snorted. “We were not very shrewd, when we negotiated with Luke, were we?”

He wrapped his arms around her belly, looking at her over her shoulder, in the mirror. “He’s certainly not losing money on the deal. He agreed to allow us to roll over our day from this year, to combine with next year’s.”

“That will be perfect. We can go right after the baby’s weaned.” She turned in his arms and went up on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Oh, that reminds me, Rose mentioned Finn has been having issues with the transponders again. Was he able to reach you?”

“Were they here today?”

“Mmm hmm, she came over so Daisy could play with Padmé, while I went in for my appointment.”

He nodded. “Yes, I spoke with him. Those new batteries should be in next week. Hopefully they’ll hold up better. In the meantime, I told him he will probably have to change it out every day.”

“Rose told me they’re expecting again.”

He kissed her jaw, gave her a squeeze, and sauntered out to the bedroom, calling back as he walked, “did you pack for me too? Do we have everything we need?”

“You know I’m always prepared! We’re all packed and ready to go!” 

Without warning, there was a forceful splash at her feet, and she whooped with surprise.

Ben popped his head around the corner, gripping the doorjamb to see what was to do, and met her wide stare with shocked eyes of his own.

“Ben! It’s time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note:
> 
> Thank you to everyone who came along for this ride! Your kudos and comments are a thrill every time!
> 
> I’ve thought of making this into a series, including a companion piece, from Ben’s POV. (Prolly not as wordy as the original, tho. lol) I’m not sure I understand men well enough to do this justice, but let me know if you’re interested. I’ve also got ideas for some supplementary one-shots in this universe.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and may the Force be with you, always!


End file.
